Share Something Interesting About Yourself

[mikedog]

Fuck that was totally a response to the wrong thread. Hahahaha.


Thank you for your welcome

 

[spacejunk]

Hehe, it happens

 

[mister]

I know exactly what happened to Flight MH370. (actually knew all details 3 days before the incident)

So, what happened?

 

[Insomniax]

I'm an avid marijuana smoker and see nothing wrong with that but felt it is necessary to mention so you understand my entire mindset. For about 5-6 years i was seriously addicted to Oxycodone, Cocaine and Xanax. Started off most nights by chewing up a 20mg Oxy or 20mg of Percocet or Vicodin, mixing it with 1.5-3 mg of Xanax and popping a couple ecstasy (MDMA), or doing a half gram of Cocaine and then going out drinking with friends and smoking large quantities of high grade medical grade cannabis (weed) .
It got to the point after about 3 years where I was doing at least a gram and a half of coke a day-- sometimes doing as much as 2.6 grams in 12 hours. So some days i was doing over 5 grams of cocaine. I also would take oxycodone whether it was Percocet 30 mg or the Oxycontin 40 mg pills-- sometimes taking as much as 100+ mg daily. I can't be for sure i didn't take more some days as i blacked out a lot. Mainly because i would also take between 3 and 10 Xanax bars (2mg pills) a day. One weekend i consumed 90 Xanax Bars-- equalling 180mg of Xanax-- over the course of 3 1/2 days. I shouldn't be alive but somehow I am so i feel like it's my duty to spread this message..
I was down a horrible path. I would take the pills, snort the pills, snort the coke, freebase the coke, mix all three into a "drug salad" powder and snort them together. I was a mess. Below is what helped me through it. But through help from friends and family and medical professionals i got through it and am able to use my painkillers (for my legitimate back pain and nerve damage) and my xanax (for my extreme anxiety) without abusing them through the newfound discipline I found by stopping only thinking of myself and not trying to expand my mind and hiding behind physical, spiritual and emotional pain with drugs. I haven't had one relapse into being intoxicated off my pills since i got clean. (i'm not going to be specific in this report about my age when this happened or how long i've been clean because of legal ramifications that might occur but i thought this report would help someone in need of help with addiction).
I never went to a rehab. I did this through love and support of family and determination/discipline. Rehabs are all scams with a cult-like feel to them-- some are even owned by the people like the family of Mitt Romney to push a religious agenda and horrible drugs like lithium, seroquel, and abilify that change your entire personality.
Some rehabs are good i'm sure but most of so called "recovery and rehabilitation" is them prescribing you worse drugs than the stuff you were addicted to; like giving heroin addicts addicted to methadone so the government profits. Or anti-depressant companies that lobby for Recovery doctors to use their anti-depressant and anti-psychotic pills on patients like guinea pigs because they don't have enough info on the efficacy of these new drugs yet.
Below is how i got through it. I hope it will help someone in need.


MY PERSONAL 12 STEPS:
KEYS TO MODERATION:
MY KIND OF SOBRIETY
1. Truly assess your life and the level of drugs/alcohol you consume and how, if at all, it is adversely effecting your life. You must accept your responsibility for your own actions and be truly sorry. If you are too immature or angry you might have trouble with this first step; especially if you think you have done nothing wrong, despite evidence from your family, trouble with the law, and overdoses. This step is about ACCEPTANCE and TRUTHFUL ANALYSIS OF YOUR BEHAVIOR.
2. Through use of Psychedelic substances (LSD, P. Cubensis (Magic) Mushrooms (Psilocybin), Ayahuasca/DMT, Mescaline, Caffeine, Tobacco or Marijuana), Meditation, and actively seeking a path of enlightenment you truly learn to value your life and your place in the universe. This step is about SHEDDING YOUR EGO and gaining a NEW PERSPECTIVE.
3. Whatever substance, drug, or alcohol that you are having the most trouble with (addicted) is identified as the main problem even if other substances, drugs, or alcohol is part of the destructive behavior patterns. Because once you recognize what is truly the reason you have changed for the worse you can address it head on. This step is about HONESTY WITH YOURSELF. *you can’t lie to yourself*
4. Ween yourself of whatever your addicted to slowly as possible to allow your body to adjust. Everyone is different and has a different path to their own recovery process. Especially if alcohol or benzodiazepines since the withdrawal is life-threatening. This step emphasizes that THERE’S NO RUSH TO RECOVERY.
5. During this withdrawal process learn to forgive yourself and allow yourself time to heal spiritual, physically, and emotionally. It takes time. And you can’t forgive others who’ve wronged you or get over negative past experiences until you first forgive yourself. This step is about FORGIVING YOURSELF.
6. Address why you use substances, drugs, alcohol. Figure out if you’re trying to fill a void, cover up depression/anxiety, or avoid guilt or negative memories from your past; Especially things you did Under the Influence. Because even though you have accepted your responsibility for these transgressions, you are not really you when you’re intoxicated/blacked out (even though it’s no excuse for harming others). This step is about ANALYZING YOUR BEHAVIOR and DISCARDING THE NEGATIVE.
7. Use responsible, medical dosages of anti-anxiety medications, kratom, ibogaine, painkillers, tobacco, beer/wine and marijuana to ease withdrawal symptoms. Do not buy into Alcoholic Anonymous/ Narcotics Anonymous propaganda or pressure keep you from using drugs/medications/herbs you need to use for legitimately getting through pain, suffering, anxiety/depression, withdrawal sickness. This step emphasizes MODERATION IS THE KEY.
8. Once the problem addiction is under control figure out what drugs/meds you need and stop doing anything on the level of Cocaine, Heroin, Methamphetamine, PCP, Crack or any drug that has no medical benefit, the negatives outweigh the positives, and it will be the death of you. But don’t just deny yourself medicines you legitimately need just because you think you’ll relapse. If you’re that weak you’ll never get clean. For instance, if you had a problem with benzodiazepines—like you were addicted to Xanax—but you still legitimately have GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder) or Seizures and you need to take benzodiazepines like Xanax, Klonipin, Lorazepam,or Valium. Just take the one you didn’t abuse. Like if you abused Xanax ask your Doctor for Lorazepam or Valium or a different dosage than the dosage of pill you associate with getting intoxicated so you don’t think of your medication as something to party with or take to get intoxicated. Like if you took 40 mg Oxycontin pills to get high maybe never go higher than 10-20 mg pills so you don’t have any destructive partying memories associated with it. The lesson from this step emphasizes SELF-DISCIPLINE.
9. Once you have healed spiritually, physically, and emotionally and have matured enough to do so, make amends to all those you hurt while on drugs unless it would make it worse and/or the relationship is irreparable. The key to this step is HUMILITY and STANDING UP AS A MAN TO ATTONE.
10. Be brutally honest. Drug addicts and alcoholics LIE!All of us with this affliction of addiction are, were or are currently liars. Be honest with yourself (like I said before in Step 3: *you can’t lie to yourself ). Be honest with your family and those closest to you. Let them know your triggers for relapsing, reach out to them for help, and be totally honest with them. This way they can be aware that when the addict bug starts itching inside— you making you irrational and all of a sudden your only goal is getting more drugs/alcohol— that you will be deceitful and dishonest and if they are aware of that then you can’t “pull the wool over their eyes.” A strong network of loved ones is essential. Addicts often think of themselves as a burden and believe their families would be better off without them. This is a common symptom of the sickness of addiction. This step is about HONESTY WITH OTHERS and TRUSTING THAT PEOPLE CARE ABOUT YOU AND WANT WHAT’S BEST FOR YOU.
11. Occupy your time creatively or through your work and family. Make positive changes once you see how grateful you will be once you compare the desperation of drug addiction with healthy living. Even though getting high is fun; so many bad things go along with addiction that it is nothing compared to waking up every morning feeling refreshed and ready to start your day. Also use this new-found positivity and perspective to help other troubled addicts through their recovery process by sharing what worked for you without pressuring them. This step is about BECOMING A CONTRIBUTING MEMBER OF SOCIETY and GIVING BACK BY BEING A SOBER GUIDE TO OTHER ADDICTS TO HELP THEM ACHIEVE RECOVERY AS WELL.
12. Through this new pattern of positive behavior and generation of good karma spread the love in your heart to the rest of humanity and live every day like it might be your last. Live life to the fullest. Understand and appreciate the beauty of the Universe, our planet, and our fellow man. The key the final step is BE GRATEFUL and APPRECIATE LIFE.

 

[Crankinit]

Thanks for the supportive messages spacejunk, SixBuckets, Lil Snickette and Piscesgirl81 they mean a lot. I plan to start spending more time actively posting on Bluelight again, now that the "trigger effect" isn't so much of an issue. I've been around this place for a long time now and although I don't post a whole lot I still feel like AusDD is a home away from home - without it and the support of the Bluelight community, I doubt that I would be here typing this.

I just wanted to add to my original post that I am now around 16 months abstinent from intravenous drugs! That means no illegal drugs at all, by any ROA.

Also, I just celebrated on 1st July 2016: 12 months since I last consumed an alcoholic drink, after drinking for 15 years.

I am still on opioid maintenance therapy: Suboxone 4mg. I am still prescribed a benzo for anxiety: Lorazepam 1mg b.i.d. But for the first time I am taking both of these medications as per the prescribed dosage and route of administration, and I've been rewarded with both medications working very well for me. The buprenorphine is keeping me from being sick and supressing any cravings and is so subtle in its effect that I'm not nodding off during the day as I would be on methadone. The lorazepam again seems to work reasonably well as an anxiolytic without much sedation or inhibition. Being completely honest with my GP and doing the "right" thing ended up really paid off, we have formed a great rapport and at each appointment its obvious how proud he is that I have accomplished what I have. As he will tell you, we have a huge problem with mental health and drug abuse in my region and it is rarer than you would think that he has witnessed genuine successful recovery stories. Finding a decent GP in the first place is the challenge. By complete chance (fate) I finally found a genuine doctor that was willing to work with me, without judgement, open to my ideas and didn't expect me to jump through ridiculous hoops to retain my Suboxone prescription. In saying that, 80% of the battle was being completely honest (something I wasn't used to being with doctors, for obvious reasons ) in asking for help and showing him that I was willing to put in the effort. But by far the majority of GPs, and more specifically psychiatrists that I have met have been shockingly bad. I remember walking out of my most recent adventure with a psychiatrist before the session was over after he suggested that I start taking Naltrexone for my drinking, proceeded to write out a prescription, all the while telling him that I was taking Suboxone daily and had been for years and was pretty sure that would be contraindicated and that I would suffer precipitated withdrawal to which he said "No, no that's not the way it works at all." and this little beauty when I asked for a script of Valium to help deal with ceasing drinking: "Oh, no I can't do that - Valium isn't prescribed any more. Its considered an old and "dirty" drug. How about we try <insert obscure *new* experimental anti anxiety drug instead?" Umm, how about no?! I worry for all the poor people afflicted with mental distress that end up blindly trusting some of these quack medical practitioners.

I do intend to conquer my opioid habit and stop taking benzodiazepines - but I'm taking it one step at a time. Patience really is a virtue.

I used to mix up my 8mg Suboxone strips towards the end of my IV usage and was having multiple 4mg shots daily of the vulgar smelling goopy orange liquid. Reusing old fits, way many more times than I would ever admit - and doing a half assed job of filtering the solution with a cotton (instead of picking up free micron filters at the exchange 10 minutes away). Just generally not giving a fuck.

I still had a raging opioid habit and had just found out that the girl that I had been engaged to for 7 years was sleeping with someone else. I had lost everything, and was living back at Mum & Dad's house, sleeping on the couch, broke, nearing 30 years old. I was at my lowest low. I started getting chest pains on account of whacking up bupe films, for the first time my veins started collapsing, I could feel my heart beating in my ears whenever my heart rate would raise slightly, I was having difficulty breathing and I pretty much felt like I was rapidly killing myself.

After pushing the limits with these substances (mainly heroin and methamphetamine intravenously), drinking spirits heavily off and on since 15 years old, recklessly abusing alprazolam to such a ridiculous extent that at one point I was taking 20 odd 2mg tablets twice daily, to stave off withdrawal, I suffered around 10 tonic clonic seizures (or grand mal seizures) as a result of the shock of detoxing from such a high dose of Xanax when we couldn't get any or enough..

To be perfectly honest, after everything that I've been through I am so so very surprised that I am actually alive. I never thought that I could or would ever be free from heroin and its malignant, festering, desirous appetite for self destruction that chips away at your soul until there is nothing left. I feel like if I can do it, then anybody can do it. I know just how clichéd that sounds, but I really truly mean it!

To anyone out there who is trapped in the perpetual, undignified, soul destroying, sadistically addictive Adults Only merry-go-round, that we call smack. Please don't let that flicker of hope that I know you cling to deep inside, ever become snuffed out by the monotony and misery of your present situation.. There is an out. There is an alternative. I never believed that to be true. But it is. I am here as proof of concept.

A.

Awesome stuff Ashley, glad to hear you pulled through and are doing well

You're right about the doctors, I've lost track of how many crappy ones I went through, but I'm working with a great one at the moment and it's made a huge difference, having a medical professional who's willing to listen to my input, work together instead of dictate to me and not pass judgement when I fuck up on occasion. Like you I'm on subs and scripted benzos, hopefully will finish the sub taper by the end of the year (5.5mg, down from 24). Of course I'll have to taper the benzos eventually as well, but I'll worry about that when it comes to it.

 

[Alpha1234]

Im south African born but Australian raised... im mad keen into MMA and love good MDMA and shard :D

 

[andyturbo]

So, what happened?

It didn't crash.

 

[smokedup]

It didn't crash.

Are you a diego garcia believer? or some other theory?

 

[andyturbo]

Are you a diego garcia believer? or some other theory?

If you read my first post, theory is irrelevant to my 'interesting fact' about me as tittle asks &#55357;&#56842;

 

[salvadorianstud]

I was | | close to living the dream and becoming a professional gamer but then I got on opiates, got addicted and then the game didn't matter to me anymore

 

[andyturbo]

I was | | close to living the dream and becoming a professional gamer but then I got on opiates, got addicted and then the game didn't matter to me anymore

That's cool, I'm interested is that meaning electronic gaming like PC/Xbox/PS ect or Casino/Card gaming?

A.T

 

[salvadorianstud]

That's cool, I'm interested is that meaning electronic gaming like PC/Xbox/PS ect or Casino/Card gaming?

A.T

PC Gaming. It was a game called Counter Strike 1.6. Now a new version came out called CS Global Offensive. The PC Gaming community is WAAAAAY bigger than any console. So there's way more money in it too. I've won a couple tens of thousands over the years from LAN tournaments. Those were some of the best years of my life.

 

[andyturbo]

Haha counter strike rocks. For years I was spending all day on cs. 1.6 was mad update. They still using steam servers? That's cool as man.
Lans were the bomb. And clan wars haha

 

[lostNfound]

I know exactly what happened to Flight MH370. (actually knew all details 3 days before the incident)

 

[crackbaby]

A meth pipe would be more appropriate rather than a mic. Great call though ha.

 

[andyturbo]

Haha &#55357;&#56835; I'm guessing my interesting fact wasn't very interesting too &#55357;&#56842; I thought it was worth mentioning considering 99.95% (I'm guessing that percentage btw) of people two years later are wondering what happens. I apologise , I knew I should have mentioned what night of the week Bin night is in my suburb. Damn and blast!
In all seriousness I would do anything to be in the opposite position. Its actually Extreamly mentally challenging and has lead to very deep depression (more so the first 6 or so months) when every news paper or news article about it reminded me and the anger/frustration of what took place is just as bad as being helpless to have stopped it, or get the truth out. When I see the family's of some of the relatives in tears because they want answer I have to leave the room straight away.. It really is fucked. And those family's deserve too know the truth...

 

[Crankinit]

It's not that it's not interesting, but without any way of verifying it, or at least a cool story which would be interesting even if we don't necessarily believe it, it's a pretty meaningless statement. I could say "I know whether Courtney Love killed Kurt Cobain," and it could be true, but without evidence or a hypothesis people would just assume I'm making it up, because, you know, internet.

 

[andyturbo]

It's not that it's not interesting, but without any way of verifying it, or at least a cool story which would be interesting even if we don't necessarily believe it, it's a pretty meaningless statement. I could say "I know whether Courtney Love killed Kurt Cobain," and it could be true, but without evidence or a hypothesis people would just assume I'm making it up, because, you know, internet.

I agree 100%! The tittle of the thread was to name something interesting about yourself, which I did. It doesn't bother me personly who on bl believes it or not lol. If the thread however was however aimed for discussions then I wouldn't have posted. Its sweet if its a meaningless statement too anyone who reads it but to me I did as the op said &#55357;&#56842;

And personly I wish I could go into details. Think logically though, if one was simply lie (besides the wanker factor) I would personly expect from an outsiders view to for them to as u said, at least give false or made up semi believable reasons or what not. Rather than simply stating something quite significant and not saying anything more. Food for thought. But I'm in no way offended iwasnt expecting anyone to believe it as to the size of the issue and the tiny ammount of people who have legit first hand knowledge is so small. Methbong time yay &#55357;&#56842;
A.T

 

[Crankinit]

Haha, fair enough. But nobody would complain if you posted a "hypothetical anecdote"

 

[zephyr]

I was conceived on a train in Newfoundland, Canada. Not a suburbian train, an overnighter.