It seems to me that he needs a high level of tension to get excited, which is a common by-product of having lots of extreme sex, or masturbating to extreme porn. In fact, it is going to be the next big sexual hang up, I think, because internet porn allows males to virtually experience any sexual fantasy they can think of to a degree not possible before (we are very visual, so seeing it while masturbating is a lot like doing it, at least at first). It is a sliding slope, as you seek something a little more different, then a little more, then a little more....
In the old days, before computers, men got this out of their system by cheating. But that is not even necessary. While I think spiritually that monogamy is a limiting factor, like wearing blinders, some people can have happy lives wearing blinders the whole time. Because while blinders limit your vision in one direction, they make you focus even more on other directions. You get creative with what you have to work with.
What it boils down to is this: Men crave NEWNESS. This is the instinct that has perhaps been most responsible for humanity's ascent in the animal kingdom (assuming you view our position as being superior to other animals, not sure about that myself). This causes us to find new continents and take crazy risks. And it causes death, but also some amazing treasures are found, skills are learned.
The craving for newness is not just in sex, but it does affect sexual relationships. If a female wants a truly healthy relationship with a male, she must simply try to insert something new into the relationship. (I said insert, lol.) It can be anything from saying, "Tonight, let's have sex but we can only touch each other with leather and genitals, so we can get some straps and gloves and see what that is like." or ask him call you by a different name.
I know, you can say in some way each sexual encounter is new because it is original, it has not happened before. But we need the newness FIRST because it is part of the TURN ON phase. So just complaining, "Well, I think every time my man and I make love, we do it a little different and it is new," is not enough.
You don't have to do this every time, it's not like all the weight falls on your shoulders. Once a woman shows she understands and appreciates the delight of newness, the man will naturally feel more comfortable letting out his own ideas for what he thinks would be good and new. He will begin to take charge. Which may in turn surprise and please you (the female).
The cure for internet-port-related-attention-deficit-disorder-making-him-impotent-or-otherwise-hurting-our-sex-live is to realize that a real human "doll" who can THINK of new things to do with a man will beat the hell out of any porn movie you can think of. But woman who kind of lays there and does not invent new stuff to do, who does not add a lot to the mix, who makes the guy feel insecure about suggesting new kinky stuff, is creating a dead end of repetition that will turn him off, wilt him, and cause him to look in another direction for sexual satisfaction and newness.
I myself have gone through this to some degree, have seen what combining drugs, internet porn, masturbation, and sex toys can lead to and it can be mind-blowingly fun, and then going back to some girl who just kind of lays there and wants to hump seems pretty uninspiring, and I have found my mind drifting unintentionally, lost interest in sex with a significant other, etc. But now that my wife and I are back to trying presenting one another with new ideas, it has been magical for us, (actually more so for the love between us than the sex, too).
Oh, since I reveal the secret male drive for newness, which may freak out women who are insecure about their guy dumping them for some one else, you should also be aware that men have a strong drive to ROOT. To settle down and build a safe place for fun and family and creativity. How do you root and explore newness at the same time? Well, how do you not? Look at any blade of grass, tree, any shrub...whatever the shape, life both likes to root and spread seeking newness WITHOUT losing the connection to the root. Whether you are a shrub, tree or vine, there is some of both the rooting and seeking newness.
If you combing these two ideas, root and new, you get....Newt.
As in "eye of newt," which witches brew for lascivious and sensual play and fun. Because even centuries ago, there were people who realized these truths and wanted to give them a name.
What is a newt? We are newts. Men are newts.
~psychoblast~
