-
H&R Moderators: streaM Freak
Septsober - The September gettn and stayn sober thread
- Thread starter ad lib
- Start date
- Status
EDIT: So an old friend OD.. pills and booze.. alone in a hotel room. Was a little shaken up last night and this post was a mess. I'm doing better today. But i worry that this is going to get allot more common here for awhile. But its the only one for a feew years.. the last one was fuzzy I think.. finally had gotten clean of the benzos, meht and booze.. his brother found him dead on the couch and we all thought that he had relapsed.. but when they did the autopsy he was totally clean.. to many years of hard living.. just a real shame to see someone finally done with the benzo tapper and really really happy.. then they are gone.. live every day like its your last as someday it will be.
Last edited:
caseface99
Bluelight Crew
It's a disease of the mind - Using drugs has pretty much nothing to do with the problem other than being a symptom and/or coping mechanism for the underlying issue concerning the way you think, feel, and view the world.
spork
Bluelight Crew
I've been having a difficult time lately. I can't sleep at night and I wake up a couple times every hour. Every day has been the same and I have no transportation to go explore my new surroundings or get out and do shit. I try to keep myself busy with cleaning, but there's only so much I can do and I really haven't had that much energy. I know that I need to get out and take walks and find other things I can do to keep myself busy (there's a million things I actually want to do), but I can't seem to make myself do anything. The idea of breaking my sobriety is tempting. I've been doing really good with this and I don't think I'd actually do it, but it's frustrating to constantly have the thoughts of using.
manboychef
Bluelighter
^^^^are you interested in art or music? Try writing out your thoughts.
As for me...the job hunt continues. Serving is okay, but I am much better at cresting delicious dishes. It is difficult to want to strive for more whenever I make money and most goes to my ex. I just have to practice the right of praying that she has everything she needs and try to let go of all the anger I feel about the situation. Its hard not to be angry but I know I shouldn't get too angry or bitter. Fortunately I have a plan as to how I will get some of my rights back. It hurts not to have a hand in how my son is raised but I believe this is my higher power teaching me to be patient in my recovery. Easy does it I guess.
Anyways to everyone out there in sober land you are in my prayers.
As for me...the job hunt continues. Serving is okay, but I am much better at cresting delicious dishes. It is difficult to want to strive for more whenever I make money and most goes to my ex. I just have to practice the right of praying that she has everything she needs and try to let go of all the anger I feel about the situation. Its hard not to be angry but I know I shouldn't get too angry or bitter. Fortunately I have a plan as to how I will get some of my rights back. It hurts not to have a hand in how my son is raised but I believe this is my higher power teaching me to be patient in my recovery. Easy does it I guess.
Anyways to everyone out there in sober land you are in my prayers.
stardust.hero
Bluelight Crew
Day 34 for me 
Keep it going strong guys 
!
Keep it going strong guys !ilikestims
Bluelighter
Right now your brain is simultaneously manipulating you and warning you. You must pay heed and add something new, some variety, some routine, some healthful, mindful activity (ies) or you are in increasing danger of using. You want to do something about it now rather than wait until you are too weak to resist the urge to use.
Your brain doesn't care about whether or not you judge something as good or bad. Keep thinking about it and, to your brain, you're telling it you want to make it a reality. So even if you're consistently thinking negative things about meth -- "I won't use, I won't use, I won't use" -- in reality you're actually getting closer and closer to using.
Around Day 50 for me. Gonna go on a juice fast this week and get back on track with my exercise routines.
caseface99
Bluelight Crew
I've been having a lot of using dreams lately, which is strange. Started right around when I got 4 months, didn't have any before that. First I had like 4 dreams in a week about smoking crack, whihc I never did much of so it was weird. Then last night I had a dream about heroin.
The ironic part is that even in my dream, the majority of time was spent calling, waiting and looking for a dealer.
Using dreams fuck with my head. I gotta hit extra meetings this week I think
The ironic part is that even in my dream, the majority of time was spent calling, waiting and looking for a dealer.
Using dreams fuck with my head. I gotta hit extra meetings this week I think
ilikestims
Bluelighter
I am definitely on the edge between using. I have an offer to use tonight. No idea if I will or not.
Hang strong case.. tell your support what's going on if you haven't already.
Pagey
Bluelight Crew
Thought I'd join this thread as I've decided to prove to myself that I can stay 100% clean for at least the next 3 months, hopefully longer...7 days off stims and psychs and 10 off opiates so far
Black Rabbit of Inle
Bluelight Crew
That sounds like the most mundane dream ever
But it's better than a dream where you only recall the 'good' (I use that term loosely) side of using. Good luck Pagey
Are you abstaining from absolutely everything (alcohol too)?ilikestims
Bluelighter
Decided not to.
And I mean that. All of a sudden meth fell into my lap.
But thinking about what I've been through... how I'd have to start from Day 1 all over again...
And, just as importantly, the fact that there's nothing to do on it anyway. No available pussy, at least not til the weekend. What would I do for 12 hours? Feel great for 6 hours and then, for the next 24 hours, wish I never did it. Write about what I need to do to change my life. Meditate. Read.
If anything I'll just smoke weed, although that's not particularly compelling either. Chances are I'll do nothing and get back on track in the next day or two.
I'm getting too old for this shit. These drugs just aren't me, man. Partaking in them is like trying desperately to hold onto my childhood. Gotta grow up, man.
Whew. Close call.
And I mean that. All of a sudden meth fell into my lap.
But thinking about what I've been through... how I'd have to start from Day 1 all over again...
And, just as importantly, the fact that there's nothing to do on it anyway. No available pussy, at least not til the weekend. What would I do for 12 hours? Feel great for 6 hours and then, for the next 24 hours, wish I never did it. Write about what I need to do to change my life. Meditate. Read.
If anything I'll just smoke weed, although that's not particularly compelling either. Chances are I'll do nothing and get back on track in the next day or two.
I'm getting too old for this shit. These drugs just aren't me, man. Partaking in them is like trying desperately to hold onto my childhood. Gotta grow up, man.
Whew. Close call.
Last edited:
Good Morning
Pagey
Bluelight Crew
Good luck Pagey
Thanks
yeah, I've never had an issue with alcohol but I really need to prove to myself I'm capable of not relying on any drugs for any length of time.
WranglerPants
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Sep 10, 2013
- Messages
- 21
Well spoken & thumbs up!
manboychef
Bluelighter
Too all those traveling the good path to sobriety...life is beautiful, or is as beautiful as you make it. I had a realization last night. I am stronger now than ever. I may be a bit sad because of circumstances out of my control, but whenever that feeling arises I don't reach for a drug to cover it with numbness. I think I have finally broken the cycle!! I'm working on short stories that chronicle my life as a womanising drug addicted chef. Having a new project is amazingly refreshing. I cannot wait to really flex my creative muscle after so long.
stardust.hero
Bluelight Crew
Day 35
ad lib
Ex-Bluelighter
- Joined
- Feb 9, 2013
- Messages
- 4,317
- Status