Four years ago I was hit by a truck crossing the street and I had damage to my brain. I also had my heart stop a year and a half ago and from that my bladder and feet were nerve damaged. On top of all of that I had gastric bypass at 19 and lost 260 pounds. I just want to tell my dad who think I'm just lazy and that I don't work for him for free because I'm a bad person. I just want to explain to him yea my doctor's think it's brain damage, yea most of the stuff won't worry me will be forever no chance to get better. Yea I get 4 norcos a day for my pain yea I take them every day! But for fucks sake I'm not happy about it! Doing meth and ox while homeless is not the same as taking 20 pills every morning just to be able to get by on life. I've been seriously telling my self to kill my self. I can't stop the thoughts but I'm not someone to give up. But my parents think I'm somehow guiltily or that I'm super happy to take norcos every day. I am. I do love my norcos. But I wish I could explain how sad they make me. I'm not a drug addict anymore, I quit meth, I recovered from death I spent months in the hospital. But I don't say anything. I just try to enjoy my parents while they are still alive and I just except that when one of them does die or bolth ill be all alone. My brother and sister still do drugs. So I'll be all alone and I just won't go back to meth. It's weird I think words can charge anything? I just wish words would help. But they won't. I just wish they new I wish I had died. That getting sober isn't amazing I don't deserve rewards. Fuck. My brother acts like getting sober will take him years.. It's so stupid. Just do it.