That foursome last night was great. You gave me the best oral sex ever! And you're an amazing kisser! Wish your wife would be more comfortable w us. I can only tell you this stuff if we get drunk again....mmmmmhmmm you are so damn yummy!
You. My place. Now. Bring drugs.

I Love you... But I got to let you go... And move on
I hate having sex with you, I feel disgusted every time. You need to learn how to fuck.

talk about an epic mind fuck. the last person in the world i'd ever think that'd be.
are you a good guy or a bad guy? your silence sure isn't helping your case, and i guess it's clear that you can't bother to give a shit and make things right with me. i thought we'd always be friends if nothing else--you proved that we probably never were. was i always just a piece of ass to you? that's sure what it feels like, even if we never had sex or got physical in any way. however, there are things you have done for me that were so loving, so selfless...so selfless i never even knew until way after the fact, from other people. you did those things out of love, not for brownie points.
but fuck you for this war in my head. fuck you for making me feel more loved than anyone has, only to walk out of my life. fuck you for not just being indifferent so i could just move on. and while you're gone you're not really gone or at least it doesn't feel that way; it's so hard for me to explain and i've never gone through something remotely like this in my thirty years. it doesn't help you've basically admitted you still keep tabs on me, and apparently always have, which ngl is a little weird. why the hell would you do that if you didn't give a shit and wanted me out of your life? but fuck you for being too much of a coward to make a real clean break, if that's what our "relationship" needed. fuck my gut for screaming over and over how much you do love and care while you continue to keep your distance. fuck myself for being too scared to cross the distance after being pushed back once. fuck this whole fucking situation.
but really, fuck you.
I don't care if my phone dies when I'm with you & that's probably the sweetest thing I know how to say
You asked me to come home.
You offered to pick up the pieces.
You wanted to help me get my life back.
You offered me everything I have ever wanted.
Yet I said 'no'.
Because I love you.
I am not worth your pain, and that is all you would feel if I came home. The man you loved is long gone, but the man who loved you is still right here. I never stopped loving you. I never will.
I can only hope you find someone perfect enough for you, and I can only dream that they love you even half as much as I do.
I don't think I have much time left, but that does not hurt half as much knowing I had the chance to become your husband, but only ever became your 'fiancé'.
I apologise for all my mistakes, and I forgive you for yours.
I'll always love you, and I will always be watching over you, I will always be yours.
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