Your words don't match up with your actions. Your sunglasses have been at my house for a month now. Please come get them; it only makes me sad to see them. Because I think of you, us, me, & now just me & then you & then me. Over & over. Every day. I'm afraid to put them up because I don't want to lose them.
I've been thinking of the message to send you for the past 3 days. It turns my stomach, because I'm putting it all on the line. I'm in way over my head. I have so many feels for you so early. I've never felt this way about someone before & I don't fucking like it. You blew me off, short notice after I asked. I knew what to think. You disappeared for 2 weeks. I knew what to think. You sent me a message. And then I thought everything changed. But then you ignored my response, and now I have no idea what to think. You'll get a message tomorrow. But I have no idea what to say. I want to tell you exactly how I feel, even though it's so stupid. I don't know why I care about you so much, but I do.
Right now I think you are the worst kind of bitch. It's funny that when I think of you fondly I say bitch, but when I think of you as someone I never see again. I always say girl. I miss you. I hate you. I want you. You confuse me so much. You are the biggest mindfuck & it's not cool. But I can't help it. I hate that your best friend likes Beach House. Now when I listen to them to make me feel better, I just think of you. Never again will I talk about Beach House in front of a girl.
Everything I say tomorrow will probably come out wrong, because I over-analyse everything I say to you. When we went to your favourite place & you asked me how my week was, I sounded like a moron because I literally couldn't think of anything that happened to me. I couldn't even think of what day it was. You do that to me. Usually I'm very judgemental. I notice people's shoes, what they wear, their hairstyle. And I can't even tell you what colour your eyes are. Not because I don't care, but because when I'm with you, I can't focus on anything besides talking to you. It's so stupid & I feel like such a dumbass for feeling this way. I hate it so much. I just want to cry. And it's stupid. I wish you would be more direct.
Tomorrow I'm getting my answer. And I'm so fucking worried. You fuck with me so much & don't even realise it. Goddammit. I just want to hear from you & tell you everything. But it's stupid & I have absolutely no idea how to continue. This is the most serious relationship I've ever been in, because things. And I hardly know you. I didn't do anything wrong. This is so stupid. I just want to tell you everything, how my heart races, my mind blanks, I can't focus on anything, I can't tell you anything about your body except you have brown hair, what your fase looks like & you're shorter than I am, because I only focus on talking to you. We always laugh. This post is stupid.
The first time we hung out you & your best friend encouraged me to get drunk at the club, and I did. I regret it so much, because I missed spending time with you, because I was drunk, so it doesn't count. I regret it each day. I always do that. It's so stupid. It's why I hurt myself last week, because of how I always do it to everyone. This is so stupid. You probably don't even want to see me anymore. Just get your sunglasses, please.