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Say something you can't say to their face

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I am failing to see what I can bring to your table. We are very different people. At first I thought I could help you; now I am not so sure.
You seem competitive where there is no competition. You seem to want to be followed around. I do not follow.
My energy is genuine and golden; I am protective of this
wishing you well, hoping you keep it real and don't get too wrapped up in the ol rat race but I feel my time in your life has come to a close
 
Years ago, I had a crush on you, in limerence. I was inexperienced with women. Now, I realize that you are only an object for sexual pleasure and the only reason I started back talking to you is to bang you in the mouth and pussy.
 
I love you. I will probably always love you. I've never ever met anyone who just gets me on every single level. No one has ever loved me the way you have, and I will always be thankful that you showed me how to love myself.
At the same time I hate you, I hate you for being so selfish and shitting on my dreams. I hate you for leaving our son to grow up without a father.
At the same time it's almost a relief that you're in jail. It was the wake-up call you and I both needed.
You've loved me like no one ever will again, but you've hurt me like no one ever will again. I guess that's just the way it goes.

*Christ, it feels good to get that off my chest*
 
what are we, where is this going?

our friendship has always had undertones. we both know that. but the last couple of months has seen it go to an entirely new level. i was always the one who pursued you, now it's you pursuing me. our last visit made me more confused than ever, especially wqhen you were all over her in front of me...until i sat and examined my own actions. i've been such an asshole lately. im too wrapped up in my depression and burgeoning speed addiction--only the former which you know about--to really put myself in your shoes. i was cold to you, was disconnected from everyone and moody. and when im at my worst, you're the one i want to hurt--even though you're also the last person i want to hurt. but you always forgive me. i know, and feel, how much you're in love with me...it's different now. are you waiting on me to do something? or have you made up your mind that it's Time For Things To Change? is that why you are visiting me by yourself in a month? did she approve? or has the relationship been opened? i'm so scared now that i feel what i've always wanted is...right here. i feel im even working hard to sabotage it by treating you like shit, because do i deserve happiness? but yet you let me do it, right now it's pretty much my whims always....do you even know what you're walking into, my dear? i seem nice and innocent, but i am a shitbag that has done a lot of shitbag things NO ONE knows about, for my addiction. i was always an addict deep down, but only in the last year did i actually develop one. you should stay with her. i will suck the life out of you. then again, can i do it more than she already has? you won't tell me but i know your darkness runs as deep as my own. perhaps we are so alike and meant for each other after all. but what will we do to each other--save or destroy? im so scared...sometimes i think that means i've never wanted you after all. but then i remember i cant possibly see myself with anyone else, you are definitely the One. i only wish youd do drugs with me, experience these alternate realities with me, but then i remember that's a part of you that will save me. being addicts together will definitely destroy me. you're cautious because both of your parents are alcoholics. i don't really need drugs around you anyway. yes, i actually do love you more than i love speed. you are my perfect drug. and i think you've finally realized that i'm yours
 
im so glad I don't have to lie about how great your dick is anymore. its big, but you're a lost cause in bed.
 
I love you. And I fucking hate you.

“How far have you walked for men who’ve never held your feet in their laps? How often have you bartered with bone, only to sell yourself short? Why do you find the unavailable so alluring? Where did it begin? What went wrong? And who made you feel so worthless? If they wanted you, wouldn’t they have chosen you? All this time, you were begging for love silently, thinking they couldn’t hear you, but they smelled it on you, you must have known that they could taste the desperate on your skin? And what about the others that would do anything for you, why did you make them love you until you could not stand it? How are you both of these women, both flighty and needful? Where did you learn this, to want what does not want you? Where did you learn this, to leave those that want to stay?” ― Warsan Shire”
 
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Blah blah blah
Enough of the conspiracy theories already.
Why must you bang on about the same old shit every single time you've had a drink ?
Do you really not know that you've said it all before ?
You like to think youre a Renaissance man but you're an ignorant fuck wit who's only ever read one book.

Offering your son beer and weed was a new low for you.
The only reason we are still friends is because you are the only one I have but as time goes on it seems more and more like hard work
 
a threesome? part of me wants to do it for you because I really like making you happy (and you know that)

but fucking hell, the thought of you touching another woman in front of me... I wish I could be cool about it, but I don't know if I could. I'd probably want to knock her out tbh
 
many a tarnished thing said of hurtful intentions and daily dues strayed upon your brow. Now you want forgiveness and forgiveness has been offered but forgetting is another realm all together. I cannot forget and because of the hurt you have caused to those I hold dear, (though they are no longer with us due to your 'other' sides) I will never completely trust or love you ever again and how I wish this were not so.
I needed a Mother and I got multiple personalities, a jeckle/hyde scenario never knowing who I was going to get coming through the door and the things you'd do. I use to pray I'd grow big enough on time to get out from your roof and I did; it was difficult to leave you because you also have allot of wonderful traits and I nourish those fond memories.

I realize your just a big kid trying to make way through a World that was tough on you too and I get this, I do. It is why I still talk to you at all.
But and there are always 'but's', things you have done make me wonder if you even have a heart. Things you are capable of, shudder my soul and frightens me that I came through you and this makes me feel like an asshole because all I ever wanted was to love you, protect you and hold you like any child needs to be held dear; but forgetting all the monstrous things you have done with cold expression and heartless intent, well, I just can't let that go
But I am your child and will always be protective of you in your moments of need and when you are old, I will take care of you the best way I can
I'm sorry Mom.. Sorry to badge you on this thing bouncing my words in cyber space mode. but I cannot share what you have done with anyone but strangers and I needed to share, needed to.
I hope one day to love you truly again and these are things I will not say to your face....
 
You're a self-righteous psychotic little bitch and you need Lithium or EST stat. Quit pretending you're some kind of victim and take responsibility for your own actions instead of playing the blame game. Stop the pity parties and grow the fuck up. I don't know what made you think you're so perfect that you can sit on your thrown and hand down judgements but you couldn't be more wrong. Just because we share the same parents does NOT mean that you have some sort of entitlement to my life.
Time after time you have proven to be childish and the ONLY person you care about is yourself.
I truly believe that you are a sociopath. This isn't a session in name-calling. You need help..and until you can show me a shred of remorse or some sort of emotion you will not be a part of mine or my son's life. You say I'm dead to you. I'm sorry I responded in a cool manner and didn't take the bait and act crazy. I'm not a teenager anymore and don't have the time or energy for this nonsense. Consider me dead all you want because we haven't been sisters in a very long time. I have tried again and again to be there for you and to be a good person to you but all you do is shit on my offers. You win. I'm done.
So fucking done.
 
That shit wasn't even necessary. Ugh, you're so lame, and I'm so lame for buying your bullshit line. Also, don't talk to me like I'm some dumb suburban white chick. You have no IDEA what I've been through and what I've done. I probably know more about the streets than you do.

PS - I didn't cum - I faked it.
 
Remember that time you got paranoid that I was was going out to score when I went out to the bakery at 7am, where you said that rationally you knew I wasn't but you couldn't stop thinking and worrying about it? I'm having one of those moments now. Rationally I trust you, but I can't help but get anxious about you going away this weekend, if you're going to go and fuck one of your old friends in some moment of thoughtlessness. I don't even care about anything physical, I just hate having these paranoid doubts and I guess I need some reassurance.

[posting this here in the hope it gives me the confidence to go say it to her in person shortly]
 
Yes you have a small cock...very small. After 4 years of a 2 min man with a small cock yes I'm craving a little bigger cock Hell even a girl can bring me new pleasure.
 
Jeez son, your coming here today....your moms a scandalous bitch. :(

And once again proven correct. She wont let me see him...only the other family members.
 
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My back is to the wall. I'm so fucking stressed yet you keep going on like nothing. I tell you I'm stressed multiple times and you say or nothing. Every time you say you're going to do something you don't. Makes me question your word and makes me even more stressed. I really thought we were gonna fight to create a life together yet you're content doing absolutely nothing. Doing the same shit that got us into this mess.

Yet again I'm lost and my beacon of hope just stares blankly back and says "meh".
 
I am very angry that you have cheated on me 3 fucking times within a year. after every time you say that it will never happen again. i am not angry at you more or less disappointed in you for treating me so well while lying right to my face. i loved you so much. we took each others virginity. After that moment i felt such a connection to you, i never wanted to leave your side. We used to cuddle for hours and fall asleep in each others arms. i miss when we were such a cute couple.:( I loved you so much and i still do. I Could never hurt you in this way ever. you have broken my heart so much in the past year it has literally brought me to tears every night for the past month. I'm sorry Maddie but im breaking up with you.
 
Tom I fucking miss you. I need you. I need to be able to tell you how happy I've been lately and that I've finally quit fucking heroin and that you've taught me so much and that you should have been happier and you deserved a better life. I need to tell you that I've met the man of my life and that I'm more in love than ever and I'm engaged. I need to share that with you. It kills me that I can't. I'm listening to brendan's death song and I finally understand why that song tore you up so much after what happen with aaron. Why. I can't stop asking myself. You deserved a better life. 'Time heals all wounds' is fucking bullshit, it doesn't. When it hurts it hurts just as fucking bad as the second I learned. I miss you. I miss you so much.
 
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