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Say something you can't say to their face

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I need to know what happened.
I know you'd been going through some horrible things this year but I thought you were doing better. You were so ridiculously strong, I thought you'd manage to pull through this as you always did. I really thought one day you'd manage to get the good life you deserved and have been cheated out of.
I should have come to visit you in Milan a few weeks ago, you can't imagine how much I regret not doing it. Our few days together were some of the best of my life and it would bring a smile to my face every time we managed to speak since. I'm so grateful I had the opportunity to meet you and I wish I could've gotten to know you even better.
You mean so much to me Tom, I can't believe you're gone. I just can't.
I've been looking through your pictures sobbing for the past half-hour. I wish I'd had the chance to tell you just how much you meant to me; just how special a person you were.

Rest in peace Tom, I really hope you're happier now. You're going to be incredibly missed.
 
Pagey said:
I need to know what happened.
I know you'd been going through some horrible things this year but I thought you were doing better. You were so ridiculously strong, I thought you'd manage to pull through this as you always did. I really thought one day you'd manage to get the good life you deserved and have been cheated out of.
I should have come to visit you in Milan a few weeks ago, you can't imagine how much I regret not doing it. Our few days together were some of the best of my life and it would bring a smile to my face every time we managed to speak since. I'm so grateful I had the opportunity to meet you and I wish I could've gotten to know you even better.
You mean so much to me Tom, I can't believe you're gone. I just can't.
I've been looking through your pictures sobbing for the past half-hour. I wish I'd had the chance to tell you just how much you meant to me; just how special a person you were.

Rest in peace Tom, I really hope you're happier now. You're going to be incredibly missed.
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<3 & condolences!...
 
Shut the fuck up and give me my pills bitch!!!!

You taunt me with them after taking my money and being a complete fucking bitch to me from the second I got in your car. Then you had me drive me home in ylur car while yo u continued to belittle me and talk shit to me.

I'm sick of you fucking with me being a bitch to me over nothing.
What you are stressed? Fiending? Numb with some fuvked up rage?
Doesnt mean ylu can rip me limb from limb every time your down. Dont you think.I'm ever down? You'd sure notice if acted liie yl u. But I don't because I'm an adult and your fuckin nuts.

You ruin our plans and blame me every time. Will you ever catch on.

With the way you last talked to me ylu will be lucky if I ever speak to you again.

Oh surprise you kept my pills.

Cas+malt liquoer= :| / :?
 
We all want the sweet, fleshy part, but no one wants the pits.

I am so sorry. You can't make me love you any more than I can make you NOT love me.


I am so sorry.
 
I miss you, I care about you, I just want to spend time with you I know I've done some fucked up shit but all I want is my little sister back. why can't we sit on the couch and watch MTV reality shows and get high like we used to? I've never been happier than on that damn couch with you dude...
 
I love you more than any girl I've ever met. Every fucking day I'm blown away with your beauty. I can't believe that you love me. I can't believe the universe/god/whatever would bless me with this time together. After years of pain and suffering it's as if everything I ever wanted was thrown in my lap. I want to marry you, I wanna have kids. I want you to be a part of my life forever.

And you don't know I'm writing this as we sit next to each other but I'm pretty sure you feel the same way. Fuck this is scary. Don't let me fuck this up please. It's hard not to be insecure with someone as amazing as you....fuck I'm silly stupid shaking my head, can't believe it, every moment is better than the last in love with you Emily.
 
Boupstarnm said:
I love you more than any girl I've ever met. Every fucking day I'm blown away with your beauty. I can't believe that you love me. I can't believe the universe/god/whatever would bless me with this time together. After years of pain and suffering it's as if everything I ever wanted was thrown in my lap. I want to marry you, I wanna have kids. I want you to be a part of my life forever.

And you don't know I'm writing this as we sit next to each other but I'm pretty sure you feel the same way. Fuck this is scary. Don't let me fuck this up please. It's hard not to be insecure with someone as amazing as you....fuck I'm silly stupid shaking my head, can't believe it, every moment is better than the last in love with you Emily.
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That's so lovely, why don't you let her read this?? Awwwww mushy :)
 
(I turn to this thread often it seems)
um, plain and simple, i'm seriously worried I have ruined your life and it's just a matter of time. you know that fulfilling your wants, desires, curiosities, dreams, etc. is all I ever want to do and it makes me really happy to do it. i'm sure you knew that if you asked enough times I would take you to my meth smoker friend's house so you could try it. that might mean you are somewhat accountable but you know me, I will always blame myself if this ends up causing serious problems for you, or worse. it doesn't help that you have been steadily distancing yourself from me to the point that I don't feel like family I don't feel like anything. I know we had problems, most of which were the result of our goddamn meth binges and the way I react to lack of sleep or coming down. was it that? if I try to talk about what happened to us you insist everythings fine and that i'm being weird but fuck you we used to be together in person or talking in some way from wake up to fall sleep and now I literally never hear from you unless it's about LEMME GUESS... yeah, meth, or something you just need an answer for. it's like you're my sister you're my blood until this new recreational activity began we were the same person sweetheart, we knew all the same things had all the same thoughts because we told each other everything and spend at least 90% of our free time together. and ok, I thought it too sometimes and we had been told by people multiple times that maybe we spent more time together than boy/girl siblings of our age should. I could believe that's true but I've seen you once in three weeks and gotten MAYBE a couple dozen texts, most of which were just from a two hour period, in the same three weeks. and of course, when I saw you it was by shear coincidence that we were both at, NOWAY, my meth smoking friend's house spending the night. I know that a month or so ago I really stopped being able to handle myself I was a complete wreck in many ways most of which had no reason to be bothering me. you gave me advice, I took it, it helped and so have other things, and people. I'm miles ahead of where I was mentally, emotionally back then even though I have a long way to go. I feel like I can treat you closer to how I used to. no random lashing out, crying fits, non sense, as you so lovingly called it to your friends, "emo bullshit". I feel like I've made enough progress to not alienate you or upset you more but I feel like you want nothing to do with me and since you won't reply to my calls, texts, etc. how am I supposed to tell you that I'm feeling so much better.

I love you and care about you more than anything, i'm afraid I hurt your future, you disappeared, I got my shit together somewhat but at this point I think that what I did in the past or anything specific doesn't matter to you anymore. it just plain feels like you'd rather I have absolutely no part in your life other than the parts I have to play. you do this to your (insignificantly) older brother and best friend, blood, the guy who didn't judge you when you fucked up and just calmly figured out exactly how to go about getting an appt. at the nearest abortion clinic. thank god we didn't have to follow through. point is, you treat someone whom you mean the world to, and currently feels terrible about things his done and just wants to make it right, like they don't exist. i'll be honest, unless im channeling these thoughts through typing it here or talking to someone about it, it makes me wish I was dead. for various reasons. like my last post here says I just wanna chill and talk and have fun which is what I thought you wanted and for a bit I couldn't do it but I feel like I can now I just need the chance. bye.
 
Seriously, with all the effort I'm putting in to this, trying so hard to getting better, trying so hard to solve our relationship problems, if it's all for nothing and if it's not even being recognised, why the fuck should I even bother??? Seriously give me one good reason why I should even bother trying anymore.
 
I'm sorry that I'm not trying hard enough to quit drinking. I know you're scared for me. And I'm even more scared because I think I may lose you before I really have the strength to stay sober. I'm trying. 4 days, then I give in and deal with the intense guilt, and repeat the process. To you, I'm sure I just look like I don't care enough or that I'm weak. But you've never been an addict. I don't think you will ever understand.
 
I didn't realize that I had never forgiven you.

If I felt you had changed, then I would not have been as angry at you for taking my affections for granted.

You are going to hurt someone very badly again.

I am just glad it is not going to be me.
 
I got arrested. I want your advice. I love you so much, Dad. I honestly never thought I would feel this way, but I miss everyone on your side of the family. Grandmommy, Grandaddy, Kane, Becky, Marty, Jennifer, Christine, Elle, Elizabeth, John, Patrick, Max. I'm so fucking alone up here. I spend my days off drinking life away (which I'm doing now) and rotting. I can't fucking stand it. I hate this city I hate everyone in it I hate it I hate it I hate it. Goddammit :(
 
Back to this thread. Maybe the 10th time, all about you.

I feel like I say so much nice stuff about you that you cant believe me. But every day is a dream with you. Thanks for putting up with my nonsense. If I get to hold you in my arms till the new year my mind will melt.

If we make a year together, I'll make an ass of myself and try to marry you.

I really am not sure but fairly certain I died when I OD'ed on phenazepam. This is all my mind's creation because there is no way I deserve something this good. You're perfect for me in every way possible. I know say it at least twice a week but how do you live your life when everything you ever wanted falls into your undeserving lap?

You're my dream girl in every way possible. Now what? Where do I go from here? I know you love me. You're my dreams come true. What do you do when your dreams come true but you know you don't deserve it?
 
I still haven't had a blowjob from you; I wonder if you are any good at giving them. I think next time we make love I will offer to go down on you and perhaps go 69er style
 
n3ophy7e said:
Seriously, with all the effort I'm putting in to this, trying so hard to getting better, trying so hard to solve our relationship problems, if it's all for nothing and if it's not even being recognised, why the fuck should I even bother??? Seriously give me one good reason why I should even bother trying anymore.
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Follow your heart.
 
I'm sorry I dated your friend instead of you. I did it out of guilt, I felt bad and regret it. Even though I got a lot from the relationship, like the courage to go to rehab and get sober, I still believe if I would have just followed my heart I would have never ended up shooting up heroin. You encourage me to do what I'm afraid of doing (like further treatment, while giving me words to hang on to while I'm gone), you're beautiful, smart, strong, and I'm so happy we're still friends. I consider you my best friend and I love you. You're everything I've ever wanted and you make me happy. I hope I make you happy too. You're the best. You deserve nothing but happiness and a great life, I work hard and use that as a goal to stay sober and do better because I would love to continue to be a part of your life (friend, love, etc). You're the best. Don't ever doubt it. I've always seen it and I hope you see it too.

And sorry I'm too afraid to confront my feelings. You did 1.5 years ago when you told me you liked me and I ended up with my now ex, I just wish and hope that maybe you still do because just the idea of it being possible makes me smile :)
 
Why I am sitting here doing something we always used to do together, that I never woulda done if it wasn't for you? Why aren't you here by my side both physically and emotionally? Why can I tell you're awake yet I'm afraid to say a word to you because not getting a reply hurts more than you not saying something to me first? Why am I asking any of this when you told me we would always be as close as we were? Why am I clogging up this thread full of other people when I should feel comfortable saying I need you to your face?
 
You said you resent me because I moved out. well, i resent you because I even HAD to move out. Maybe if you didn't act like an overgrown irresponsible teenager all the time, I wouldn't have moved out. Maybe if you put me first just one stinking time, I wouldn't have moved out. Im tired of you not taking responsibility for your own actions. Your life is just one cop-out after another. Its always someone else's fault, never yours. Before I die, I would love to see you held accountable for SOMETHING.
 
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