Wow... I've never taken more than 3-4 mg at once... and that knocked me out.
I hope that whatever is going on in your life that got you to that point alleviates soon. If your therapist gives you a hard time, get at the issues that made the idea of taking that much Xanax in the first place. Was it any one thing in particular, or was it an overall feeling of despondency/worthlessness/pain?
My experience with mental health professionals differs from lilc's in that psychiatrists (with one standout exception) just met with me for 15 minutes a month to write me my scripts and ask me if I had thought of harming myself or others. The therapist I most recently saw, and will be returning to, questioned me in a nonjudgmental manner and taught me some coping skills to deal with depressed or anxious thoughts, which I've used with varying degrees of success. I know I will be more successful if I try harder.
I urge you not to try to take your own life again with OC in the future. It is possible to recover from just about anything; humans are resilient like that. We have a natural drive to want to live. Some of us, though, respond to stress, anger, fear and other negative emotions by turning hostility inward, which of course is not adaptive.
I see this is one of your first posts on Bluelight and in TDS... welcome, you've come to the right place. There are loads of people in our community who have been through similar situations and have a true desire to help even complete strangers. It's a special place, and I hope you stick around to help and be helped.
In answer to your original question - yes, it is harder to kill yourself with high doses of benzodiazepines than you might realize. Thankfully so. Please report back with how you are doing. I imagine you're very tired and feeling a little bit of "survivor's guilt" right now.
Tobala - OMG

How long were you asleep?!