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RIP junctionalfunkie :(

n3ophy7e said:
It is with terrible sadness that I must notify you all of junctionalfunkie's passing. He took his own life on Wednesday evening.

Here is his Shrine thread: http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/showthread.php?t=533294

He was an active member here in TDS and was loved and respected by a lot of you. I know that he struggled through various stages of his life, yet despite this he was a warm, loving, generous man. I sincerely hope he has found the peace he was looking for.
He will be sorely missed.

RIP jf <3
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very sad indeed.
I have read some of his stuff and since hearing about his death yesterday i cant seem to get him out of my head even though i didnt even know the guy...
 
Bojangles69 said:
I remember discussing suicide with my pscyhotherapist a while ago (not that I was contemplating doing it, was more of a philogical discussion on it) and he told me the reason people commit suicide is not because they don't wanna live any longer.

He said people commit suicide BECAUSE they WANT to live that much, more than the avg person. They sit around in their beds alone at night thinking someone should be by their side, they are always examining their own life and questioning how it could be better/different/more of a "real" life in general.

I sometimes look back at some of those pictures FJ posted in the pic thread, when he was alone at night under his sheets, and he would humorously crack jokes about being a loner or w/e. I look back and realize FJ really had an intense need to belong in this world. Being around other people validated his own meaning in this life.

I put myself in that hotel room that night and almost can't stop obsessing about it. No human being should EVER EVER need to go out like that. Its like he was so ashamed to ask for help, w/out realizing how much PEOPLE REALLY WANT to help. I would have broke through the walls of his hotel and told him everything was going to be alright, life is never as bad as it we think it is. Sometimes all you need is a friend by yourside who KNOWS the pains you suffer, the grief you hold, the intense despair you feel when your alone... and all you really need is for that one friend to accept you.

It makes me question what FJ chose to reveal to his closest friends. Did any of them know anything further then him having an "incurable disease"? Did they have any real perspective to the problems he was going through? Or was FJ always minimizing them so he didn't appear like a flawed individual?
It never has to go that way. If only his friends had knocked a little bit sooner on that door, and caught him in the act, they could have known that FJ needed a bit more than some friends to go out with at night. He needed friends who knew and accepted him 100% as a human being. Looking at the facts of this case and his life almost makes it seem inevitable in a way. He had a history of trying to run from his problems. He had issues with drugs, he was a smart guy who was perhaps a little too smart for his own emotional health. Like a lot of people on this forum.

And I guess alll I can really say is if ANYONE, I mean anyone on this forum is ever thinking about taking their lives, don't EVER be ashamed to ask for help before you do it. I would give anything to have been outside that room around the time he was trying this, cause I would have knocked that door off its hinges and grabbed his face, and told him it was gonna be alright. I would have learned what he was suffering from, and accepted him completely as a person, and I think that could have made him feel much more accepted in general in this world.

rip FJ
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i must say with much embarassment that i to live like a hermit and think of suicide alot ,not everyday but quite abit as i have no body no freinds nuthin just me in my little appartment living on the couch,
I swore i would never try it again when i did try it when i was young like 18 ithink.
I should have died,dont know why i didnt,but i woke up feeling better than i had in years and thought what a dumbass i was and made my promiss which ive held for years.
My problem is everytime i try and talk to my shrink about wanting to die ,she just sluffs it off and sais nor does anything..i find that kinda erasponsible no??
 
slowpoke1967 said:
i must say with much embarassment that i to live like a hermit and think of suicide alot ,not everyday but quite abit as i have no body no freinds nuthin just me in my little appartment living on the couch,
I swore i would never try it again when i did try it when i was young like 18 ithink.
I should have died,dont know why i didnt,but i woke up feeling better than i had in years and thought what a dumbass i was and made my promiss which ive held for years.
My problem is everytime i try and talk to my shrink about wanting to die ,she just sluffs it off and sais nor does anything..i find that kinda erasponsible no??
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time to find a new shrink, that's beyond irresponsible of him/her. And you have nothing to be ashamed of bro, life isn't a science or we would've figured it all out by now - reality we all have problems , whether or not we get the help to cope is ultimately all that remains in these type of situations. It's much better to look for help and be burned once or twice than to remain silent. My 2cents.
 
R.I.P., Junctional. I always enjoyed your insight and openness (and your clever screen name). I hope it's nice where you are.

Suicide is such a tragedy, an unnecessary act that hurts so many people and solves nothing. Prayers and positive vibes for his family and friends.
 
Thats too bad. I will miss the guy. Sick->high->sick->high is such a hard way to live life.
 
JF, i never got to tell you, but i joined BL because of you. Your poignant posts thoughtfully sharing wisdom so obviously gained through your life experiences showed me BL is so much more than just a collection of forums...it is a community!

You are one of the souls who made Bluelight shine. You live on in the lives you touched. May your peace be everlasting.
 
this is horribly sad. he was a frequent poster and always had positive good things to add to threads.

just to think how lonely he must've felt in his final moments.....
 
i doubt he felt alone, one can only assume, but i dont believe thats where, or how he remains.
he knows he is loved, and what it is to struggle, and see people you care for struggle. in my heart, he was scared, overwhelmed, confused, closing in on a point where there may finally be order, and the chance for him to be himself while helping others.

then discovering what he did, these things may be out of site, because of something you actually can not control, or feel you cant.... it is devastating, for yourself and loved ones.


i believe he felt he was doing the right thing, and wanted to stop the sick, permanent, heart-ache and pain,,, as soon as possible.
you know? he knew doing this would hurt a lot of people, until any peace that can be made comes, but the pain to come from these new circumstances, would of always been there.
to specific extents, and just too much.

keep the memories made with/of him, the wonderful person he always was and wanted to be, thats how he seemed to want to remain. not the person he felt was inevitable to become.


its beautiful, seeing all the people on this website alone share all this love and admiration for him.

<3rest in peace, or ride the spirit zone brother<3
 
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I have such mixed emotions about this. Of course I feel horrible that JF did this. I keep thinking about the thread where he spoke of his father and wondered if he should still go to Thailand given what his dad was going through. He mentioned siblings that were around. He spoke of his mom and seeing her on a trip where she took him for a pedicure and he got his toes painted that awful green :)

I think he loved his parents! I think he loved lots of people and knew he was loved by many.

On another site where his death notice was and also a news article it said he was married and said he had a terminal illness. I recall a photo or two where he was with a beautiful woman but never recall a wife or terminal illness. I just wonder with all he did share why he wouldn't mention that. I suppose I wonder if the article was true or not. And then I have to wonder if the investigation was accurate or a quick closed case of an American...

I don't see JF taking his life. We all get down but he wasn't really down and even if he wasn't doing great with his classes, so what! One journey ends and another begins.

I think I am so saddened because he posted so many photos which made him more real than when reading words without a face.
 
Ah man, for fuxake WHY? WHY? WHY? Dude I didn't know you, just saw your name here from time to time & you seemed like a cool guy. I've thought about suicide since I was 12 at least. Still, no matter how bad life sucks at times, somehow I hang on. It makes me sad that you couldn't have contacted a BLer you knew well on here to help you if it was really that bad. Here I am crying cause why are so many BLers dropping like flies? OD's mostly it seems & suicides. What the fuck happened? There seems to be BLers here that knew you well & would of helped or tried had they known. I'm sorry man. I tend to wonder often, I'm 46 & have been a user 27 years, will my name be up here next or sometime real soon? I can only hope you find peace and healing. RIP.
 
I wanted to share with you all something that I posted in JF's Shrine thread yesterday:


For some reason, a post that JF made in a thread in Second Opinion came to me this morning and it made me smile.
The thread is entitled "Bumping in to those who walk abreast" and is about whether or not you move aside for people who are walking towards you. This was JF's post:
junctionalfunkie said:
This has got to be one of the oldest social conundrums of civilizations. People worldwide have probably been struggling for as long as there have been walkways.

I generally step aside onto the grass or whatever. If you're such an asshole/solipsist that you can't make six inches of room for a passing stranger, you are precisely what is wrong with this world. I can't be bothered with such trifles; I have important matters on my mind, dammit! :D

Sometimes, I'll even go so far to make a grandiose flourish-and-bow, with a sort of "after you" gesture with my arms, and make sure the asshole/solipsist sees it.
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Made me smile at the time that I first read it, and it makes me smile now, because that was the type of awesome person he was. Cheeky, clever, funny, full of life.

I miss you JF <3
 
Very sad. :(

I didnt know JF but I loved reading his posts and responding to his threads.

RIP

I came across this post of his in words, I thought it was a beautiful snapshot

NSFW:
Junctionalfunkie said:
Death & Breakfast

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It’s 8:20 a.m. and I’m sitting in a coffee shop, waiting for my French Toast. Rod Stewart’s “Tonight’s the Night” is blaring from a radio in the kitchen. It’s actually oddly appropriate, as I expect to be asleep within the hour, if possible. I got a total of 3 restless hours of sleep on my own floor last night, awoke at 4:30 and drove Ashli to the airport at 6:30.

And it’s going to be a beautiful day…. I should try not to waste it all sleeping. But everyone else in here, sparsely populated though it is, is on their way up, off, into the day. Excelsior!

I, however, only seek to complete some errands, then blissful breezy sanctuary in bed. 4 mg of Xanax and a cup of chamomile tea are comrades-in-arms, allying themselves to take my Central Nervous System down like the proverbial sack of potatoes.

Shakespeare said “Sleep is the Brother of Death….” As sleep and I have what could most accurately be called a passing acquaintance, and Death and I have danced more than one dark night, does that make me a friend of the family?
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