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RIP junctionalfunkie :(
- Thread starter n3ophy7e
- Start date
panic in paradise
Bluelighter
- Joined
- May 3, 2000
- Messages
- 18,867
it does make me feel angry.
and damn sad, i understand though.
.....
it makes me appreciative, of every conversation we had, and more appreciative of every conversation we all will have, in any context...
we all may not know each other in person, and we didn't all know him, but it still hurts though, a lot, tragic.
maybe we need to say anything we have always wanted to some one, for our sake and theirs.
sometimes its just that extra surprise show of compassion in any size, that can turn that light on inside, and the knowledge of giving such hope can do the same.
i love you all dearly(until i have a reason not to ;p), and your presence touches many.
nobody wants any of us to suffer, pain and suffering may be guaranteed for life, as it is in mine, but so is the promise of hope, and good or better days.
channeling and expressing that energy, pain/fear, and hope to others, rather then letting it envelope you is a great unique achievement.
one we need more of.
let this bring us closer, thats my hope for now.
Life Love & Laughter!
and damn sad, i understand though.
.....
it makes me appreciative, of every conversation we had, and more appreciative of every conversation we all will have, in any context...
we all may not know each other in person, and we didn't all know him, but it still hurts though, a lot, tragic.
maybe we need to say anything we have always wanted to some one, for our sake and theirs.
sometimes its just that extra surprise show of compassion in any size, that can turn that light on inside, and the knowledge of giving such hope can do the same.
i love you all dearly(until i have a reason not to ;p), and your presence touches many.
nobody wants any of us to suffer, pain and suffering may be guaranteed for life, as it is in mine, but so is the promise of hope, and good or better days.
channeling and expressing that energy, pain/fear, and hope to others, rather then letting it envelope you is a great unique achievement.
one we need more of.
let this bring us closer, thats my hope for now.
Life Love & Laughter!
Bojangles69
Bluelighter
- Joined
- May 20, 2009
- Messages
- 1,758
Yeh I just read that myself pip thats rather deep man. I do agree theres always been times where I've felt like I was at my edge and a genuine remark of kindness would knock me out of my funk for a bit. I think the most important thing I can personally take from what you wrote is is that its far more important to be kind/accepting towards people during our short time here rather then resentful/unaccepting.
Its situations like this that really bring me back to focus and make me realize on a certain core level we are ALL fighting through this thing called life together, not alone. We can't ever undo the past, but if the past truely bothers us, the best we can do it use it as evidence to rewrite the future. I remember giving JF a shit of a time a while back in his thread when he wanted to get clean by a certain date. And its now I look back at something like that and truely wonder how he read it. Although you tell yourself its ok to be angry with people cause you think its showing them you care, you really have no right in the world to assume you know wtf people are feeling at any given moment. And in retrospect, its a rather careless way to treat people. The concept of being human I think implies just as much weakness as strength. And to demean people for their weakness is to actually diminish the reality of being human. It almost depletes the existence of your own life.
Its situations like this that really bring me back to focus and make me realize on a certain core level we are ALL fighting through this thing called life together, not alone. We can't ever undo the past, but if the past truely bothers us, the best we can do it use it as evidence to rewrite the future. I remember giving JF a shit of a time a while back in his thread when he wanted to get clean by a certain date. And its now I look back at something like that and truely wonder how he read it. Although you tell yourself its ok to be angry with people cause you think its showing them you care, you really have no right in the world to assume you know wtf people are feeling at any given moment. And in retrospect, its a rather careless way to treat people. The concept of being human I think implies just as much weakness as strength. And to demean people for their weakness is to actually diminish the reality of being human. It almost depletes the existence of your own life.
panic in paradise
Bluelighter
- Joined
- May 3, 2000
- Messages
- 18,867
im glad you understand.
i kept repeating how this doesnt make any sense... sometimes though, its easier to understand that we don't have to understand everything, and only accepting is the answer to a lot of our most difficult thoughts, feelings, circumstances, and decisions.
Life Love & Laughter!
i kept repeating how this doesnt make any sense... sometimes though, its easier to understand that we don't have to understand everything, and only accepting is the answer to a lot of our most difficult thoughts, feelings, circumstances, and decisions.
Life Love & Laughter!
HighonLife
Bluelighter
- Joined
- May 3, 2009
- Messages
- 7,873
He seemed like such a kool person
always thought he woulda been a cool TX BL'er to meet up with but never said ne thing, didnt really know him but this is very sad
always thought he woulda been a cool TX BL'er to meet up with but never said ne thing, didnt really know him but this is very sad
Bojangles69
Bluelighter
- Joined
- May 20, 2009
- Messages
- 1,758
I remember discussing suicide with my pscyhotherapist a while ago (not that I was contemplating doing it, was more of a philogical discussion on it) and he told me the reason people commit suicide is not because they don't wanna live any longer.
He said people commit suicide BECAUSE they WANT to live that much, more than the avg person. They sit around in their beds alone at night thinking someone should be by their side, they are always examining their own life and questioning how it could be better/different/more of a "real" life in general.
I sometimes look back at some of those pictures FJ posted in the pic thread, when he was alone at night under his sheets, and he would humorously crack jokes about being a loner or w/e. I look back and realize FJ really had an intense need to belong in this world. Being around other people validated his own meaning in this life.
I put myself in that hotel room that night and almost can't stop obsessing about it. No human being should EVER EVER need to go out like that. Its like he was so ashamed to ask for help, w/out realizing how much PEOPLE REALLY WANT to help. I would have broke through the walls of his hotel and told him everything was going to be alright, life is never as bad as it we think it is. Sometimes all you need is a friend by yourside who KNOWS the pains you suffer, the grief you hold, the intense despair you feel when your alone... and all you really need is for that one friend to accept you.
It makes me question what FJ chose to reveal to his closest friends. Did any of them know anything further then him having an "incurable disease"? Did they have any real perspective to the problems he was going through? Or was FJ always minimizing them so he didn't appear like a flawed individual?
It never has to go that way. If only his friends had knocked a little bit sooner on that door, and caught him in the act, they could have known that FJ needed a bit more than some friends to go out with at night. He needed friends who knew and accepted him 100% as a human being. Looking at the facts of this case and his life almost makes it seem inevitable in a way. He had a history of trying to run from his problems. He had issues with drugs, he was a smart guy who was perhaps a little too smart for his own emotional health. Like a lot of people on this forum.
And I guess alll I can really say is if ANYONE, I mean anyone on this forum is ever thinking about taking their lives, don't EVER be ashamed to ask for help before you do it. I would give anything to have been outside that room around the time he was trying this, cause I would have knocked that door off its hinges and grabbed his face, and told him it was gonna be alright. I would have learned what he was suffering from, and accepted him completely as a person, and I think that could have made him feel much more accepted in general in this world.
rip FJ
He said people commit suicide BECAUSE they WANT to live that much, more than the avg person. They sit around in their beds alone at night thinking someone should be by their side, they are always examining their own life and questioning how it could be better/different/more of a "real" life in general.
I sometimes look back at some of those pictures FJ posted in the pic thread, when he was alone at night under his sheets, and he would humorously crack jokes about being a loner or w/e. I look back and realize FJ really had an intense need to belong in this world. Being around other people validated his own meaning in this life.
I put myself in that hotel room that night and almost can't stop obsessing about it. No human being should EVER EVER need to go out like that. Its like he was so ashamed to ask for help, w/out realizing how much PEOPLE REALLY WANT to help. I would have broke through the walls of his hotel and told him everything was going to be alright, life is never as bad as it we think it is. Sometimes all you need is a friend by yourside who KNOWS the pains you suffer, the grief you hold, the intense despair you feel when your alone... and all you really need is for that one friend to accept you.
It makes me question what FJ chose to reveal to his closest friends. Did any of them know anything further then him having an "incurable disease"? Did they have any real perspective to the problems he was going through? Or was FJ always minimizing them so he didn't appear like a flawed individual?
It never has to go that way. If only his friends had knocked a little bit sooner on that door, and caught him in the act, they could have known that FJ needed a bit more than some friends to go out with at night. He needed friends who knew and accepted him 100% as a human being. Looking at the facts of this case and his life almost makes it seem inevitable in a way. He had a history of trying to run from his problems. He had issues with drugs, he was a smart guy who was perhaps a little too smart for his own emotional health. Like a lot of people on this forum.
And I guess alll I can really say is if ANYONE, I mean anyone on this forum is ever thinking about taking their lives, don't EVER be ashamed to ask for help before you do it. I would give anything to have been outside that room around the time he was trying this, cause I would have knocked that door off its hinges and grabbed his face, and told him it was gonna be alright. I would have learned what he was suffering from, and accepted him completely as a person, and I think that could have made him feel much more accepted in general in this world.
rip FJ
PhrostByte
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Feb 4, 2007
- Messages
- 240
Good post bo, I agree. Poor guy needed more social/emotional integration than he was able to get. 
Asclepius
Bluelight Crew
- Joined
- Aug 30, 2010
- Messages
- 8,706
^^That is a heartwarming post Bo
This is so important, life can be so difficult especially for pple like us on TDS, having problems doesnt mean your defective as a human being, it means you have problems, we often internalise so much and some of us get so emotionally knotted that we dont know how to express it healthily anymore(even to ourselves).
This is so important, life can be so difficult especially for pple like us on TDS, having problems doesnt mean your defective as a human being, it means you have problems, we often internalise so much and some of us get so emotionally knotted that we dont know how to express it healthily anymore(even to ourselves).
...And he did but maybe didnt believe/realize it.
Thick_as_a_Planck
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Oct 6, 2006
- Messages
- 366
Jesus Christ... that's horrible. I never really had too many direct talks with JF but he seemed like a really cool guy. I'll miss his posts.
User Name Here
Bluelight Crew
- Joined
- Mar 9, 2010
- Messages
- 1,363
This is just fucking tragic. I have been reading over his posts and recalling what a genuine fellow he appeared to be.
