• Bluelight
    Shrine




    A memorial
    to Bluelighters
    who have passed away

RIP ektamine

That is such a incredible dream, Sepher. I didn't know your Dad died when you were so young; that must have been terrible for quite a few years at a very vulnerable time for a child, especially a son. I used to beg my Grandmother to come into my dreams after she died. I would look at her picture at night before I went to sleep and concentrate my mind on her hoping I could influence my dreams but it never worked. Then, years later she reached out from behind a doorway and grasped my hand as I was walking down the hall of some dream house. It was magic! Never happened again. I agree, I think it is a very rare gift indeed.

Caleb and I used to argue about whether it is true that when you die you see people you were close to that have died before you. I argued that whatever made that happen, it was a pretty universal experience reported by people that had near-death experiences. He argued that it was just the physical mind deconstructing and that since those people represented comfort, that it was the mind's last ditch effort to grab onto some comforting idea to hang onto. I don't care if it is me conjuring it up or whether it is something much bigger and too complex to understand, I just want to experience it.
 
herbavore said:
Caleb and I used to argue about whether it is true that when you die you see people you were close to that have died before you. I argued that whatever made that happen, it was a pretty universal experience reported by people that had near-death experiences. He argued that it was just the physical mind deconstructing and that since those people represented comfort, that it was the mind's last ditch effort to grab onto some comforting idea to hang onto. I don't care if it is me conjuring it up or whether it is something much bigger and too complex to understand, I just want to experience it.
Click to expand...

i have long held that there are questions in life that whatever the answer is, it doesn't really matter.
 
herbavore said:
Caleb and I used to argue about whether it is true that when you die you see people you were close to that have died before you. I argued that whatever made that happen, it was a pretty universal experience reported by people that had near-death experiences. He argued that it was just the physical mind deconstructing and that since those people represented comfort, that it was the mind's last ditch effort to grab onto some comforting idea to hang onto. I don't care if it is me conjuring it up or whether it is something much bigger and too complex to understand, I just want to experience it.
Click to expand...

I've died before for roughly five minutes due to an overdose. I didn't see anyone I was close to or anything remotely close to that, no light at the end of the tunnel.
 
It is as if you have now turned and are walking away from us. What is happening? Why does this image come to stab at me every day? Tonight on my walk, I said out loud: why are you just now leaving? Each stage of this grief wears a new face. I find one getting familiar and then I wake up and there is a new one. Each one of these hangs another transparent veil in front of you. Slowly, slowly your outline softens and begins to blur. Today it is as if I am able to hold all the veils to the side. You are as sharp and clear and familiar as ever. But you are turned away and you are walking. Everything about this picture is bleached and barren. You do not look back.

This is a hard one. I don't like the face of this one one bit.
 
We had to put Jeeves down tonight. Tomorrow we will bury him with Herbie. We wanted them to live forever because they were your rabbits, because they were you, because we all loved them together. Your Dad cried so hard.
 
wiggi said:
I've died before for roughly five minutes due to an overdose. I didn't see anyone I was close to or anything remotely close to that, no light at the end of the tunnel.
Click to expand...

But then again you didn't actually die... What happens between the time you fall asleep and begin REM sleep? 5 minutes is not enough time IMO.


:( I'm so sad Mr. Jeeves is gone :(. I love you Jan <3 :(

Bumping your post buddy, since I wasn't here when you posted it in NMI. I agree <3.

ektamine said:
Random Thought from ektamine:

I wish humans cared more about these things:

RYyAZ.jpg


Then this stuff:

fxvas.jpg
Click to expand...
 
How you all doing today Jan? Sounds like a really rough day or two you've had, must have been heartbreaking saying bye to Jeeves with all he represented. More than just a rabbit with the physical and emotional connection to Caleb, huh? Maybe more like a little store of memories and associations in wise old rabbit form? It must have been a real wrench for you and Mr Herb to have to let that go. Timing not exactly great in the light of your earlier post either. So sorry you had to go through that. Understand it's in no way a trivial loss. Hope you're both feeling better today. (((hugs))) <3
 
I never spoke to Caleb one on one. The other day I started reading all the PV threads in order after being intrigued by all the John McAffe nonsense.

I would laugh at Caleb's posts or agree with some point he made, and I must have read a couple hundred of his posts. - at least. Then I come to #7, find out he is gone, and felt shocked and saddened.

It is incredible how words and thoughts from someone who is gone can linger on through time.

I hope he is at peace - he seemed like he had a good heart.
 
Tonight I met H. at the lighthouse to give her a box of your stuff. There wasn't a lot. You were not a material guy. I gave her all the saved tickets and fliers from raves and concerts, the hookah, the keyboard and all the sundry little pieces of shells and rocks, your two lava lavas from Samoa and the Bob Marley flag. I gave her the notebook from that first class you took in college, your ethics class. I read your notes and cried to see how clear and thorough they were. I gave her the sheet music from the composing class. She was such a good friend to you. I know that she will know how to find a good home for all the little pieces of your life with all those that loved you.

She couldn't spin her fire poi because someone stole hers but I took a picture of this guy for you and when I got home and uploaded it I saw that it looks so much like your profile. I thought about how you felt the last couple of years walking around with such grace when you felt that your head was in a sea of fire. On the way home I stopped on Beach Hill in front of your apartment and thought I would just cry it out there. It's almost a full moon and there was a light fog. All the neon signs looked soft and beautiful and I could hear the waves breaking from inside my car. I thought about how someday soon this funky old building will be gone. Tonight I feel like it remembers you. I feel old and half-way gone myself. Remember how we laughed at the El View Inn sign? I miss you so much. There's no stopping the tears tonight. We just had another earthquake. That's two small ones in a month. Tonight I just wish it would rip right open.<3



 
^Those are awesome costumes. :) Thanks for sharing, herby and thank you for joining us here. Caleb would have been so proud of you. <3
 
Hahaha the face he's pulling in the first just completely makes it! Just bang on in character with the face and pose just perfect for the outfit. That's great. Second one, is he, well, is he wearing a skirt? It looks like he's wearing a skirt. He really was going all out for the cheerleading squad huh? Pfffft! How were his star jumps and walkovers? ;)
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top