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Hopeless Rented a motel room for a week.. got some gatorade, energy drinks and peanuts... Time to kick fentanyl round 900

OpiateKiller

OpiateKiller

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Joined
Feb 14, 2019
Messages
2,370
Well guys I went back to the dope and been on it for about a month, add a few more overdoses, lost paychecks, fights with family members, etc....

I've decided I need to kick and the only way to do it is cold turkey in a shitty motel.

I've been through so much shit I just keep putting one foot in front of the other and hope for the best. I still have the most amazing girl by my side and she gives me some of the motivation I fail to find.

It's funny I got hit with the "Don't you want more in life, and, don't you want to be successful"?

And I couldnt help but half laugh and half cry at the same time.

No one wants to live the life of a junkie. Sure maybe you can honestly think you can say you do and drugs are amazing and you'll take them till you die... etc

It takes someone on a very low level of consciousness to truly believe any human being actually wants to be strung out on heroin and is enjoying themselves..

So wish me luck guys it's been a real fucked up year.
 
You did a 90 day professional rehab, correct? And then when you got out you did a suboxone program but tapered off right? Just trying to remember stuff from your past posts.

Since you have been struggling to stay off street drugs for quite awhile, is it because the subs didn't work for you? Ever considered methadone? I only ask because I know you struggle a lot with your sobriety and always have to suffer so much when you detox.

Glad your girl is supporting you. I know you love her very much. Stay hopeful, man. Good luck with the hotel room. What are your plans when the week is up?
 
OpiateKiller said:
No one wants to live the life of a junkie.
Click to expand...
I literally said this exact thing to my partner last night when discussing my friend who can't get off heroin. Nobody actually WANTS to be a junkie.

You've gotten clean before, so you know you can do it again. It's gonna be hard and it's gonna suck, but always remember that the bad symptoms and feelings will not last forever, and remember how worth it this is. You WANT to be clean! You want this!

Would love to hear an update when you get a chance. We're all behind you <3
 
OpiateKiller said:
And I couldnt help but half laugh and half cry at the same time.
Click to expand...
Sounds like you may be on your way to a freedom. If ya make use of the opportunity it'll pay off.
FWIW... I do this laugh/cry "thing" all the time my life is this always:
O5BJ11P.png

It is in fact a drama that I do not remember signing up for and totally fuckin lost still after all these years.
But that monkey "opioid" not riding on my back does help with what I do want to focus on... which is always something transient and ethereal it would seem.
Not sure what to say I see ya going through this since way back and do hope and pray ya can put this shit behind you... it has caused a lot of BS for you and would love to see at least this come to an end once and for all.
Love
 
OpiateKiller said:
Well guys I went back to the dope and been on it for about a month, add a few more overdoses, lost paychecks, fights with family members, etc....

I've decided I need to kick and the only way to do it is cold turkey in a shitty motel.

I've been through so much shit I just keep putting one foot in front of the other and hope for the best. I still have the most amazing girl by my side and she gives me some of the motivation I fail to find.

It's funny I got hit with the "Don't you want more in life, and, don't you want to be successful"?

And I couldnt help but half laugh and half cry at the same time.

No one wants to live the life of a junkie. Sure maybe you can honestly think you can say you do and drugs are amazing and you'll take them till you die... etc

It takes someone on a very low level of consciousness to truly believe any human being actually wants to be strung out on heroin and is enjoying themselves..

So wish me luck guys it's been a real fucked up year.
Click to expand...
Were there for you 110%. I'm sure we'd even take the withdrawals if we could spread them out across all of us, Godspeed!
 
OpiateKiller said:
I’m just scared and afraid and I’m in tears I can’t do this anymore
Click to expand...
There is nothing to be afraid or scared of, my friend. This is not the end... only the end of a heavy chain wrapped about your neck. We been through this several times and know what to expect. It is a super fucked up place to be in I do not envy your position.
What are the tears from? Fear? Pain? The unknown? Frustration?
 
OpiateKiller said:
Well guys I went back to the dope and been on it for about a month, add a few more overdoses, lost paychecks, fights with family members, etc....

I've decided I need to kick and the only way to do it is cold turkey in a shitty motel.

I've been through so much shit I just keep putting one foot in front of the other and hope for the best. I still have the most amazing girl by my side and she gives me some of the motivation I fail to find.

It's funny I got hit with the "Don't you want more in life, and, don't you want to be successful"?

And I couldnt help but half laugh and half cry at the same time.

No one wants to live the life of a junkie. Sure maybe you can honestly think you can say you do and drugs are amazing and you'll take them till you die... etc

It takes someone on a very low level of consciousness to truly believe any human being actually wants to be strung out on heroin and is enjoying themselves..

So wish me luck guys it's been a real fucked up year.
Click to expand...
Was thinking about you last night I'm going to post music for you @OpiateKiller then I fell asleep thinking probably he's not wanting to listen to music just yet but then I remembered reading about how Burroughs kicked a morphine syrette habit listening to Louis Armstrong records for 5 days straight or something crazy like that ... them back in the OLD days though when people were made of stronger fibre.

But WAIT didn't opiate killer spend his last potential drug money on a hotel room!? Was this not the purest indication of his WILL for FREEDOM and RELEASE from the bondage of slavery? These are the thoughts that go through my head is I'm struggling to fall asleep, also is he only going to eat peanuts...!??
 
Going to be a great day today. I feel it. People getting clean! I felt compelled to Boof less kratom and feel better for it! And I know that 6 a.m. well it has to have been at least two weeks since he last
Polish_20211021_170418159.jpg


Polish_20210512_013125413.jpg
 
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