• The Dark Side 💕 Welcome Guest 💕
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules
    Notable Threads Urgent Hotlines
    Bereavement Mindfulness
    Suicide Support Anger Management
  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | Eligiu | deficiT | paranoid android

Hopeless Rented a motel room for a week.. got some gatorade, energy drinks and peanuts... Time to kick fentanyl round 900

Hey killer @OpiateKiller .. close to ten years no opiates no benzodiazepines. Jumped at 80mgpd methadone, 260 mgpd roxy and 4 mgpd Xanax and that’s just what I was prescribed. There is a much better world out there just takes some time and the intelligence to find it. Already know you have the intelligence and for damn sure you have the time. What you staying planted in hell 4?❤️
 
Man.......you have to come back and at least tell us you made it out of the hotel room alive . I'm sure you did and you are just back busy irl but a lot of us want to know that you are doing okay. Check in when you get a sec or I'm gonna be mad at ya. @OpiateKiller :watpepe:
 
I am also wondering how you made out @OpiateKiller ? Hopefully you are doing good. I'm still clean but i am using methadone while i work on my coping skills so i don't go back to Fentanyl or pills. Don't beat yourself up if you relapsed, most of us do. Just don't quit quitting and use methadone or suboxone if it gets to bad. I didn't want to go back on methadone but it's better then 6ft under.

I hope you are doing well
 
Last time I got a motel room was to use propylheXedrine to spend some time with me and pixeleyezd females on my.laptop screen lol on a little island between two major cities here roommate was worried about me did not tell him bad relapse dude gross vibes type solo bender as was usual then

Avoid motels is all I can say
 
Jennn said:
I am also wondering how you made out @OpiateKiller ? Hopefully you are doing good. I'm still clean but i am using methadone while i work on my coping skills so i don't go back to Fentanyl or pills. Don't beat yourself up if you relapsed, most of us do. Just don't quit quitting and use methadone or suboxone if it gets to bad. I didn't want to go back on methadone but it's better then 6ft under.

I hope you are doing well
Click to expand...
True words I second that please feel better and better might require some efforts in maintaining I can tell you I choose getting stoned over putting in taking a toll wish you good luck my friend
 
Listen, I am not making light of OpiateKiller's situation. I am metaphorically in the same leaky ass boat. I've strung together 15 days of clean time for the FIRST TIME IN 8 YEARS!!!! Yes, I am starting to feel a bit better. Hate the fucking no energy thing. Yes, I could masturbate all day, but I'm too fucking tired! Still have this strange pit in my stomach. Must be receptors hanging out in there. Point being,
if someone like me, at age 55, who's been shooting/snorting dope for almost 20 years can dip her toes in clean livin', I don't know anyone who cannot. It just gets harder and harder to maintain a habit and the wear and tear, the older you get...gets OLD. Withdrawals are only easy THE FIRST TIME. Fuck if I just didn't stop waaaaay back then. Never thought I would still be trapped. But I just came across
someone's qoute: addiction is a self-mechanism against trauma. And I knew this, but for some reason at 4am today, it really fucking resonated.

OpiateKiller there is no shame if you went back out. I just hope you are alive. My boyfriend/soulmate of 20 years OD'd almost 6 years ago. In a fucking library. In my arms. Fun times. Peace Dude. Be just a little kind to yourself. The decent you is still in there, you've just been temporarily hijacked.
 
Addiction is trauma it’s self. It’s takes a little bit to feel normal and good. @lovemissile66 my acute withdrawals lasted over two months and my paws lasted a year and a quarter and then my brain chemistry stabilized and in five seconds it was completely gone. I still remember where I was when it happened.
 
neversickanymore said:
Addiction is trauma it’s self. It’s takes a little bit to feel normal and good. @lovemissile66 my acute withdrawals lasted over two months and my paws lasted a year and a quarter and then my brain chemistry stabilized and in five seconds it was completely gone. I still remember where I was when it happened.
Click to expand...
Yes, you are right about the addiction being trauma, in and of itself. That is my MO. Has been since I was a little girl. Couldn't articulate back then what had happened, and have since had scattered bits and pieces of the memory. My brain is protecting itself. Because I kinda know who did this and if I accept it, I might fucking go crazy. In the meantime, my entire life has been one self-destructive move after another. Just reliving that pain. Over and over and over. I tried therapy. I'm on antidepressants. I'm now in the midst of trying to wean off fucking 1mg a day of xanax, which is fucking worse to me
than the heroin withdrawals. I get tired of talking about the past. What I really need are the tools to deal with the anxiety and stress of everyday living in this depressing (to me) world. I'm not suicidal.
I'm indifferent. And I'm not sure that is better. Thank you for reaching out!
 
Last edited:
neversickanymore said:
If your addiction is trauma based you likely could benefit from reading this https://www.amazon.com/Trauma-Memor...ocphy=9021716&hvtargid=pla-453838270765&psc=1 and seeing a trauma specialist and undergoing emdr to fix fractures caused by traumatic events

Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing - Wikipedia

en.m.wikipedia.org en.m.wikipedia.org


My addiction was not caused by trauma. I also have a sneaking suspicion it won’t be end all cure for you. But positive progress is where it’s at.
Click to expand...
:unsure:
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top