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  • AADD Moderators: swilow | Vagabond696

Relationships

onetwothreefour said:
i used to like the relationship idea. definitely a past tense there.

now, i advocate (but can never achieve) casual sex. it's an unfortunate position. however, i'm not totally averse to having a r/ship, it's just the fact that i'm so fussy, and really doubt that i'll find anyone that i could properly connect with.

*sigh* :(
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Ahhh man, I know how you feel. I once thought exactly the same way... But, life has since proven me wrong. I'm sure it'll prove you wrong too. Also, I'm convinced it's not healthy to be living your life thinking it's unlikely you'll ever come across anyone you'll properly connect with, because if you predispose yourself to that conclusion you'll probably overlook possibilities, or dismiss them without proper investigation into what the chicka is really like... Turning it into a sort of self-fulfilling prophecy :(

The odds might be 1 in 1 million that you'll ever come across someone you really truly connect with, and there's nothing you can do about that. Two things though - it's important not to think they'll never come along (because then you wont be on the look out), and considering the odds, if you ever come across someone you really connect with, hold on tight.
 
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im married now... but when i was single, i varied between single hookups, two week flings, and relationships lasting no longer than 6 months. i never had casual sex because i didnt want to make love to someone unless i was totally and completely in love. i found someone i loved and they were my first and only, and we've been married almost two years :D so to answer your question... yes, that special someone does exist. dont settle for anything less!
 
^^ aww good stuff :):)

and you've shattered many a dream by telling us you're married ;)
 
i think the human race would save a lot of stress by being asexual(in the animal terms, meaning you can make love to yourself and reproduce that way)
 
i think that there is a time and a place for both in my life.

When my frist serious relationship fell apart, and when we finally stopped sleeping together (months later) i kind of went a little nutty. I never used to think that i could do the unattached sex thing, but it surprised me just how easy it can be. I had a few one nighters before finally meeting my current man, and this definately feels long term to me.

I think it's just a matter of what you are up for at the time... sometimes all you reallywant is to blow off some steam and have it out with someone, and that is fine if that is what both parties want. SOmetimes the comfort of that warm body sleeping beside you is worth more to you than that, and when it is worth me, that is when it's time to settle down into a relationship.
 
Relationships for me.

When I interact with another person more or less often I need progress in our relationship (friends or lovers), I couldn't just come over to girls house and fuck her and then "make converstation" about nothing. I want to share myself, my feelings and as time goes by I want to progress and get deeper and deeper with that person. I get sick of constantly having meaningless casual chat with girls. I get bored of it and I want to hang up the phone. It's like kicking a dead horse day after day. What's the point?
 
Well I too need to feel a connection with someone before i actualyl go into a relationship, and I'm not afraid to say I do enjoy casual when I want it. It isnt emotionally satisfying like with a loved partner but then again I dont have casual for that reason so it is fun and more often than not leaves me smiling. =D

Right now though I am in a really independant phase of my life and I couldn't be happier! I think it's a time for growing and what not. Mind you I only just realised that life is so short that I should always be happy! :)

I dunno about marriage - I mean, my parents are married and havent killed each other... yet. But I dont think I could actually find someone that I could put up with for the rest of my life. I dunno, obviously now is not the time to consider marriage for me.

But i have been faced with the thing of friends liking me, and only one or two I have liked back but i always thought that friends were freinds and nothing else. That brings me to question if I maybe have the wrong idea about that because when you get to know someone then you sorta know if you can be together or not.

I'm reluctant to hook up with friends though only because I'm scared that the excitement of finding out abt the other person will be gone (dumb reason now that I think about it I guess) and more importantly that if it doesnt work out, a friend will no doubt be lost...
 
This question is not related to anyone in particular here on BL, or to any one post made above, it is more an open question that has stemed from posts already made, and to generate more discussion:


Is it not possible to be happy and independant IN a relationship??

I've heard a few people say they feel independant while single, and sure, thats true, but why should you lose your independance IN a relationship?? Maybe these people haven't found their independance yet. What is independance?? When do you know you have it?? When do you know if you need more??

Also a few people have said how when single they can go out and have wild fun and do what they want....again, if you weren't getting that from a relationship, then obviously something was missing.

I'd like to think that the perfect relationship is somewhere in between being single and being together. A compromise. I hope to find that again one day. :)

DJC*
 
One thing that I can say about my relationships is that because I am generally upfront and honest about how I feel I've stayed friends with all of my ex's.
 
^^ yeah I try to, but for some reason it never ends up happening for some reason - probably cause of me :\
 
Is it not possible to be happy and independant IN a relationship??
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it is possible to be happy and independant in a relationship. but if you're like me i wrap myself up in my 'relationship' with a guy so much that i lose my indepedance and identity and the only way i find it again is to cut myself out of the relationship...
 
DJC* said:
This question is not related to anyone in particular here on BL, or to any one post made above, it is more an open question that has stemed from posts already made, and to generate more discussion:


Is it not possible to be happy and independant IN a relationship??

I've heard a few people say they feel independant while single, and sure, thats true, but why should you lose your independance IN a relationship?? Maybe these people haven't found their independance yet. What is independance?? When do you know you have it?? When do you know if you need more??

Also a few people have said how when single they can go out and have wild fun and do what they want....again, if you weren't getting that from a relationship, then obviously something was missing.

I'd like to think that the perfect relationship is somewhere in between being single and being together. A compromise. I hope to find that again one day. :)

DJC*
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like startfalls when i am in a relationship i also tend to wrap myself in it but i don't exactly loose my independance (bar one relationship with a guy who i can call nothing but a kunt :p) hehehe anyway...in all my relationships that i have had i still have gone out and partied and got jiggy with it and yada yada yada because we both enjoyed going out and having fun etc. I don't think i could be in a relationship with someone who was not as sociable as me actually and didn't want to spend his free time doing the things i wanted to do (and of course if the interest were not the same i would go out and do the things he wanted to do)

What i mean when i say that when i'm single i am free to do what i want etc i'm basically saying that i do no have another person to consider into my plans (in the case of doing "his" stuff vs "my stuff" (although that did happen with one boy but i was under a complete infactuation spell...hehe) I was just happy to be around him and didn't care what we did as long as he was by my side ...awww how soppy 8)
 
I'd like to think that the perfect relationship is somewhere in between being single and being together. A compromise. I hope to find that again one day.
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Although I wouldn’t call it so much of a compromise, in a way I think you've hit the nail on the head DJC* and I'm sure you will find your optimum again. Most relationships start off being so overwhelming (at least the magick ones) that one often willingly submits to the power of the other. Co-dependency becomes inevitable and imposed partner restrictions often result. Success of a relationship can often depend on how quickly the couple can move on from this, or perhaps how long they can endure until they do. Some lucky people seem to have this from the beginning. Providing it's saturated in honesty, it can provide the basis for a great lifelong companionship.

It was a bit too long for us - me mostly being the clutchy one - but we hung on through a possessive rough patch until eventually it became realised it was each others expression that we both most loved and wanted to encourage.

It meant we again looked forward to, and enjoyed seeing each other between our individual pursuits and interests. Common ground – there’s much - but we both have our specialties which have expanded and changed over time. I was once the "expert" in electronic equipment. Spesh has left me in the dust in this area, and I love nothing more than to ask a silly question and have her raise an eyebrow before answering in exquisite detail. A complete role reversal in this regard.

Comparing the way our relationship is now, to say 10-12 years ago (we didn't sleep apart for the first 5 + years) these changes have not made us grow apart, but have enabled a wonderful strength and appreciation for each other to develop. Although dynamic, it's also more centered, and we have a rule that whenever possible we'll never go to sleep on an argument.

Don't know if that's a formula for everyone
 
Different rules apply for everyone. I live for my wife. I'm independant because of her, happy because of her and like who I've become because of her. That's why I married her. Reading a lot of your posts I realise how lucky I am, but I'm only living according to my relationship standards and rules. I reckon that's why people are getting married and starting families later these days, because they need time to work it all out. Good luck with it! :)
 
I reckon that's why people are getting married and starting families later these days, because they need time to work it all out.
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I thought it was because age makes you less attractive while the accompanying experience make you more selective ;)
 
The key to being independant while in a relationship is communication i think. You must talk to each other about what you both what out of it and find some balance between your lifestyles and personalities. Also if there are insecurity issues with either partner it's bound to fail...
 
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