Regional Heroin Discussion v14: What's the point?

[endlessnameless]

Apologies - Mainly Self Absorbed Rubbish (no more rants from me - swear)

Hello friends, I hope you are well.

@Ructions: I hope all is well with you my dear friend - so lovely to see you folks once again recently and I will be in touch very soon. Many thanks for your recent messages and contact - both you and Mr Ructions are genuinely lovely folk and I consider ours a very treasured friendship that I should hopefully have the physical and psychological faculties to invest more time into come the very recent future due.

NSFW:

Lately I've been extremely (and uncharacteristically - at least of my present incarnation over the passed 18-24 months) reckless and this morning was the absolute last and - as I've grown to fear - only straw left. I shot up again; .1(bash) to begin with, followed by .2 (bash) after 1hr 30mins had passed. I had 2 days of WD's under my belt and got an offer I wouldnt refuse. All needles that were available for either mine or my friends use have been destroyed and disposed of as carefully as possible and the plan is to get at least 50mls (ideally hoping 100mls) of methadone when I get paid on friday with which I'm using to taper. In fact, I dont at all want to be planning on putting at most any opioids into my system - however as tonight has proven, going cold turkey these days is only leading me to inevitable relapse. I'd usually get through the WD's via the use of a short codeine taper supplemented with Valium for the insomnia (the worst for me, really - save for this unbearable depression which, as always, definitely awaits me when I'm clean), however since Valium simply cannot be obtained (not from any legitimate, law-friendly fashion either) then sleeping is out of the question, and as I don't have the want to fucking use (what would be small amounts ie 4-6 lines of) heroin as a sleeping aid; methadone appears to be the answer to the equation.

I hope I haven't bothered anyone with my rant - you folks are the only ones who will understand and appreciate the 'predicament'; the 'problem'; the current state of affairs.

I am extremely fortunate for my life to have not been ripped apart from the grip of gear, and much is to be achieved following my release. I'm not naieve enough to assume I'll never touch heroin again, but I am intelligent enough to realise when the party must come to a close, and when the work needs to be done. It cant be all play and no work no more than it can be all work and no play. Balance is an imperative when one wants to strike a harmony; at least I find is the case with me. I've only turned 25 - I still have a long length of road to travel, so much to learn and absorb. Free of any dependencies my journey along it should be spent headed in a clear, defined direction over maps as foreign from my current terrain as at all possible. No course can be set in stone and the wind certainly will as it tends to, change without a moments notice, but at least my voyage will not be spent wandering so brazenly aimlessly as it has been since putting college on hiatus in 2008.

Pardon my crap. Few folks were asking how I was and rather than reply individually I presumed that to be the prudent pursuit. Looking over my posts, I rant a lot; must be annoying I'd imagine, so I'll keep them to elsewhere in future. I've been running my own forum for seven years now, if anyone's interested in the link then please PM we as we adore new minds amongst us and most of the posters in this thread are welcome as members. Our theme is non-specific, we talk about it all. Again, pardon me. Dont bash me too hard - but this thread is particular therapeutic for me, and catharsis is very well welcomed, presently.

^^I wouldnt bother.

Heroin availability is such that my main who I was scoring consistent quality for (but for cash only) now has two types of gear in at pattern-less points in time: one that is, as a couple of the 'fortunate(?) few' of us around at this stage know, is above the average bash - the other, which is oh so very far below the standard bash about Dublin Inner City. He wont tell when he has the dirty stuff in because he knows I wont buy it (but his girlfriend will sometimes, but I don't want him finding relevant texts and getting some kind of 'impression' or misconception into his head as that could likely spell liabilities to my life) - so what the fuck is the point. The one head who can get hold of decent only has it 70% of the time (the other 30% its muck, though he does always have something) and seeing as he claims he can't tell the difference (utter BS as he shoots; he fuckin knows the score), those odds I cannot afford.

I shouldnt be broke 24/7 and living at home at 25. I'm now down to one pair of socks and three pairs of boxers in active rotation...I've shot up .3 tonight and I'm still lying awake in bed wrecking your heads with my rant...I'm done with it. I will never conquer my depression with anything other than sheer perseverance; constantly examining and attacking every negative feeling with positive affirmations and, over all, an adequate arsenal of tools. I did it before therefore I can do it again; I must once again become that solider; that warrior battling against those odds that never appeared to be there to beat, but incidentally were, indeed for those with eyes to see.

Digression once again.

Letter to kat in progress. Keeps me sane during WD's actually and I know our support will aid maintain hers on the inside. A woman of strength. Trying to keep 'I' and as many references to my 'self' out of it as much as possible, too - fuck knows I never shut the fuck up about myself on here as it is.

Stay safe friends...
Endless x

 

[strungout2010]

@ Ructions

I Really think you should put you H obsession to good use and enter master mind.....
Your specialist subject bein the Great heroin drought from 2010 to present day.
I recon you'd have a right good chance of winning.

 

[Cornishman]

so a gram of bash is quality and a 1/2gram of pure is not?

I see duality of meaning has our wires crossed!

Quantity isn't quality. Quality is quantity. (either or either). 8(

I know you know the score Mister Blondin so I needn't go further. %)

 

[ructions]

@ Ructions

I Really think you should put you H obsession to good use and enter master mind.....
Your specialist subject bein the Great heroin drought from 2010 to present day.
I recon you'd have a right good chance of winning.

Hahahahaha!!! Yeah Strungout i think your right! I have learned a lot about heroin in the last 18 months! Before the drought i just used it, now i read read read it!!! I'm REALLY gonna try & not score for a while! I'm so sick of it! I find the gear that others find good to be rubbish! I'm so surprised at how people have become used to the bash over here 8( either that or they were scoring bash before the drought started!!! You can't get a good quality bash, there is no such thing!! Its all useless rubbish!!!

If there was good gear out there i would have found it, god knows i've scored in enough different places looking for it!!! The heroin scene has totally changed in Dublin, all of the older users have stopped using & they are sticking to their methadone, its only younger people using gear over here now & luckily they don't need to go on methadone coz the gear is so weak that they can go for 2 or 3 days without using!!! That just shows how bad the gear is!!! So i'm gonna try stay clean for a while & save a few bob!!!

NEWS ON KAT!!!!
----------------

Kat Mum & one of Kats mates has got letters from Kat. Kat says that she is keeping her head down & things are not to bad for her. She has been getting her medication, so thats good news!!! She said that she is missing her tobacco & chocolate the most! Kats Mum said she will fill us in on more news later!

So at least Kat seems ok! Kat also said that she hopes to be out in 12 months!!! Fingers & toes crossed!!!

 

[SteveSircull]

NEWS ON KAT!!!!
----------------

Kat Mum & one of Kats mates has got letters from Kat. Kat says that she is keeping her head down & things are not to bad for her. She has been getting her medication, so thats good news!!! She said that she is missing her tobacco & chocolate the most! Kats Mum said she will fill us in on more news later!

So at least Kat seems ok! Kat also said that she hopes to be out in 12 months!!! Fingers & toes crossed!!!

Oh good stuff - I'd say the uncertainty of the situation must have been very frightening for her in the run up to her conviction and, as unfortunate as the result was, at least she can get settled down and start putting some perspective on it all. As long as she behaves, which im sure she will, I'd say 12 months and a tag sounds quite realistic - an old friend and colleague of mine was convicted in 2002 of supplying class A drugs (a total miscarriage of justice if i ever saw one - he was done for giving A SINGLE ECSTASY tablet to his common law wife - im not going to bore you all with the sad story now) - he was jailed for 3 years but it soon became apparant that he wasnt scarface or anythreat to the public whatsoever, he only spent 4 months on a normal wing, followed by a further 9 months in a open jail. He served just over 12 months of his sentance and 3 months following that on a tag and curfew.

Good to hear shes getting her meds - i wonder if they will be prepared to maintain her on all her current stuff untill she settles in properly or if they will force a rapid reduction on her (one of her biggest fears from what i can gather)

 

[blondin]

Im pretty sure they cant force a rapid detox on you - goes back to the human rights stuff again, purposely inflicting cruel and unreasonable acts resulting in pain and discomfort. TPTB shit themselves that they are gonna be sued

 

[endlessnameless]

Oh for fuck sake. I cant get a hold of my friend who has all the numbers for people selling methadone. We were supposed to be going half on 100mls just to get us over the few days of sickness (usually about 5 for me), but I cant get a hold of him. Hes not in his house and his phone is off, which isnt like him at all; he calls me everyday. Ugh what to do what to do...

I woke up in shits creek this morning. Yesterday went quite surprisingly well - no heroin at all and we both walked into town, to the cemetery and back home - all the time with money in our pockets with which we could have bought heroin, but decided to buy Zimmovane and cider with instead. Apparently Zimmovane have always worked wonders for him on a kick, but then again he's never done a proper kick without methadone. I have a few times and let me tell you it is NOT something I want to do now.

I get paid at 2:30pm, its now 1:30 and if I cant get methadone between now and then, I'll be buying a bag - but - I'll spend the rest of the day and all weekend looking for the green. Even if it means - which it likely will - that I'll have to hit the streets for it.

Done with the shit - I dont want this bag but I'm not doing CT.

Edit: Have to wait until tomorrow for the 'done. Main with the decent has nothing there, few dodgy heads about with stuff but no idea what its like...

 

[ructions]

Oh for fuck sake. I cant get a hold of my friend who has all the numbers for people selling methadone. We were supposed to be going half on 100mls just to get us over the few days of sickness (usually about 5 for me), but I cant get a hold of him. Hes not in his house and his phone is off, which isnt like him at all; he calls me everyday. Ugh what to do what to do...

Hi Endless Hows you?! If i was you i wouldn't bother with Methadone coz you don't need it, methadone is not to be messed with! Its not like the crappy gear thats been sold around Dublin, if you take methadone for enough days you''l be hooked, end of story & end if freedom! So if you do buy methadone buy very little & use for no more then 3 days, you don't need anymore.

I met you only the other day & you had gone more then 2 days without gear & you were fairly ok, your lucky that with the gear been so weak in Dublin & with the fact that you don't use more then a €20 bag a day, you have managed to escape getting a bad habit. I know you said that you felt bad the other day & you couldn't sleep, but it could be so SO much worse! Trust me!!! If i went for two days without methadone or without proper heroin i'd be curled up in a ball crying, i wouldn't be able to leave the house or hold a conversation, withdrawals are hell on earth, that is no exaggeration!!! You just wouldn't be able to function.

After the 2days you said that you felt sick, but you were in good form & you were really chatty, you were also able to get out & about, so your really lucky Endless coz the gear hasn't taken your body over completely yet, but if you start messing around with methadone to often then you won't be so lucky. Try give up the gear without methadone, see how you get on, you've always been fine before. If you feel bad maybe take 15mls of methadone the first day, then 10mls the next day & then 5 mls, thats all you would need. But be careful that you don't take a large dose of methadone coz you have no tolerance & you could so easily go over, please be careful mate!!! I know more people who have died from methadone then have died from heroin....

You've never needed methadone before so you should be ok now, only a few weeks ago you went a full 5 days without heroin & you said that you felt fine!!! so don't take it if you don't need it, its not worth it. Most people on here are on methadone & they will tell you what a horrible drug it is to be addicted to! Yuk! Horrible stuff!! The heroin that is around Dublin these days is fairly ok to mess around with, there is so little heroin in it! But methadone is a whole different story! Once hooked you can't go for more then 24 hours without it, its such a tie down, you don't get to take days off. Look after yourself! I'm trying not to score for a while, its just not worth it! I really REALLY hope that i don't give into cravings!!! They normally get me every time!!! I'm gonna keep reminding myself of all the money i have wasted. Anyway talk to you soon & take care!

 

[blondin]

Oh for fuck sake. I cant get a hold of my friend who has all the numbers for people selling methadone. We were supposed to be going half on 100mls just to get us over the few days of sickness (usually about 5 for me), but I cant get a hold of him. Hes not in his house and his phone is off, which isnt like him at all; he calls me everyday. Ugh what to do what to do...

I woke up in shits creek this morning. Yesterday went quite surprisingly well - no heroin at all and we both walked into town, to the cemetery and back home - all the time with money in our pockets with which we could have bought heroin, but decided to buy Zimmovane and cider with instead. Apparently Zimmovane have always worked wonders for him on a kick, but then again he's never done a proper kick without methadone. I have a few times and let me tell you it is NOT something I want to do now.

I get paid at 2:30pm, its now 1:30 and if I cant get methadone between now and then, I'll be buying a bag - but - I'll spend the rest of the day and all weekend looking for the green. Even if it means - which it likely will - that I'll have to hit the streets for it.

Done with the shit - I dont want this bag but I'm not doing CT.

Edit: Have to wait until tomorrow for the 'done. Main with the decent has nothing there, few dodgy heads about with stuff but no idea what its like...

I dont really understand where your coming from, from what Ructions was saying you dont have a habit cos if u did you would puking ,sweating,shitting yerself after a day without gear so why do u need 'done? sounds like its all in yer head. If you start fucking about with methadone in just gonna get yerself in to problems for no reason.

 

[endlessnameless]

@Ructions: Thanks for the lengthy reply miss. The plan was for me to buy 50mls and do a fast detox over 3/4 days so that I could avoid the insomnia and withdrawals, which would have been perfect only everyone who said they'd have methadone today weren't answering their phones because called too late in the day as I slept 13hours last night into this morning. I suspect the lengthy slumber was due to me having stayed up all night two nights ago, then walked into the city center, looped the damn place about 4 times and then walked to the cemetery and home - all under the influence of sleeping tablets.

I'm amazed you thought I seemed ok that day - I felt like shit and looked it too. I was barely able to concentrate on what was going on at all and my anxiety was through the roof - I though you guys would have reckoned me a right miserable cunt after we met. Thats amazing.

I just want to do a quick and relatively easy detox off this stuff, 3/4 days on meth should do it. That's generally the way people do it around here, rather than going through a clinic and all the rigmarole that goes with it. I need to get my life together; I cant even afford a pair of socks these days...well, I can - but then its like...if I keep this 5r that I'm going to spend on socks, then all I need is another 10r and I can likely get a 15bag from a very certain someone and I wont have to go though these wretched withdrawals for at least another day.

I had to buy a bag (of fucking crap) not long ago because I couldn't get the meth or sleeping pills - so if I cant get the 10r for the 50mls over the next couple of days (not that anyone's going to have any after today) then I'll have no choice but to push through with the WD's anyway as I already owe a bill of 80euros for Monday and its looking like I'm going to be 20 short on that as it is.

@Blondin: Only once (possibly twice) have I had all of the withdrawal symptoms such as those you've described, and that was quite a while ago - when the gear was good. Even at that time, in the height of my addiction - I always had enough to fund my addiction and only ever had to go a maximum of 2/3 days into withdrawals before I would either pawn something, borrow a twenty or get a bag layed on for a day or two until pay-day. Not everyone's combination of symptoms of withdrawal are the same. Similar of course, but ultimately unique.

Can anyone shed any light on the claim "Withdrawals get tougher every time you put your body through them"?

 

[ructions]

@Ructions: Thanks for the lengthy reply miss. The plan was for me to buy 50mls and do a fast detox over 3/4 days so that I could avoid the insomnia and withdrawals, which would have been perfect only everyone who said they'd have methadone today weren't answering their phones because called too late in the day as I slept 13hours last night into this morning. I suspect the lengthy slumber was due to me having stayed up all night two nights ago, then walked into the city center, looped the damn place about 4 times and then walked to the cemetery and home - all under the influence of sleeping tablets.

I'm amazed you thought I seemed ok that day - I felt like shit and looked it too. I was barely able to concentrate on what was going on at all and my anxiety was through the roof - I though you guys would have reckoned me a right miserable cunt after we met. Thats amazing.

I just want to do a quick and relatively easy detox off this stuff, 3/4 days on meth should do it. That's generally the way people do it around here, rather than going through a clinic and all the rigmarole that goes with it. I need to get my life together; I cant even afford a pair of socks these days...well, I can - but then its like...if I keep this 5r that I'm going to spend on socks, then all I need is another 10r and I can likely get a 15bag from a very certain someone and I wont have to go though these wretched withdrawals for at least another day.

[/I]"?

Hi Endless... Yeah 50mls & a 4 or 5 day detox should be plenty, you don't need to go to a clinic, you only go to a clinic when your that bad that you can't go 12 hours without using. If you went to a clinic & started a methadone maintenance course you'd end up in a world of shit! Why put your self through all that when you don't need to! So yeah 50mls of methadone dropping the dose over 4 or 5 days makes a lot more sense!

Yeah Endless you really were ok the other day compared to how i'd be if i'd gone over 2 days without heroin or methadone! Blondin summed it up perfectly, that is really how bad it is! You were pale looking, but you were ok, trust me you could have been a lot worse! I remember back when i was first using, i'd been using every day for about 10 months & then one day no one had gear to sell, i went from 3pm one day to 5pm the next day with out anything! The next day at 5pm my mate picked me up in her car, i crawled into the car & lay down on the back seat shaking & sweating, i couldn't even talk to her! She went in & scored coz i was so bad that i couldn't get out of the car! Ugh! That was an awful day, the day i realized what a mess i was in!

Your very lucky to have got away with it so far! This thread is running a year & a half & you have been using all the time that the thread has been running, if the heroin in Dublin was proper heroin then you would be 100% strung out by this stage. Its a head wreck that the gear is so weak, but its good that people are not getting strung out anymore, at least something good came out of the drought!

Yeah i have heard that W.D's get worse every time you put your body through it, but i don't know if its true? I've managed to avoid W.D's for the last few years with my Methadone. But maybe people feel it gets worse coz they are getting older, maybe they are not as healthy & strong as they were when they first started using heroin, maybe thats why its worse? My body was stronger 10 years ago so i suppose that i probably could have handle W.D's better then then i can now, maybe thats why people think it gets worse? W.D's are just a nightmare full stop! Your body shuts down & you can't function, i shiver at the memories.....

 

[hooks]

I'm not even in the country and I'm checking out this thread! I hear that there's meant to be summat good floating about but I believe that as much as ever (as in, I don't).

Ridiculous situation. Maybe here will be better. It can't be no worse, let's face it.

 

[strungout2010]

So after abstaining from my fellas stamped on once decent gear for a week or so now , iv ignored all his (IV GOT THE BOMB GEAR SON ) text. I dipped me toe in thursday And got a teenth.
Me and the mrs were both smashed. Head in the lap time ,bent up tubes and crumpled foil, went back Friday for a Q and it's the same one, light cloured powdery smells strong inthe bag.
He says there's a loads of it and while they keep it like this I can't/ won't complain. And the silly money thing has amazingly stopped because so had most his custom.
So I'm finally happy to report some half decent news.
Long may it continue.

I got kats letter off ,and im made up she seems fine ( for now ) going to get me mrs to show me this E - mail thing , but I'm not to computer savvy.

 

[cazamac]

a go threw W.Ds really hard and it kicks in really quick,it starts of with the runny eyes then it all kicks in,am like you ructions a a cant move a laughed when a read your comment.spread out in the back of the car thats the way a go, iv heard that females rattle more quicker than males dont know if this is true but most lassies a know are just like me when the W.Ds come knocking am so glad for the done cause a know a would be ball deep in the h scene a cant do cold turkey a take my hat off to peeps who can.

what about these peeps who can sleep threw W.Ds ffs hows that possable am in so much pain and so sick my arse is bouncing off the walls and am wired to the moon with my andy pandy head on sleep my god a good nights sleep is months down the line for me.

endless am with blondin and ructions on that a year n half of usein is defo heavy W.Ds your to comfortable the gear your usein must be really shit,dont get me wrong good on you if you can do what your doing and still have a easy 5 day detox

 

[blondin]

@Blondin: Only once (possibly twice) have I had all of the withdrawal symptoms such as those you've described, and that was quite a while ago - when the gear was good. Even at that time, in the height of my addiction - I always had enough to fund my addiction and only ever had to go a maximum of 2/3 days into withdrawals before I would either pawn something, borrow a twenty or get a bag layed on for a day or two until pay-day. Not everyone's combination of symptoms of withdrawal are the same. Similar of course, but ultimately unique.

Can anyone shed any light on the claim "Withdrawals get tougher every time you put your body through them"?[/QUOTE

Actually everyones WD's are more or less the same i.e. you will shit, ouke, get back ache, restlless legs, insomnia, sweats, chills etc. And allthough i use to think that each rattle gets worse i think its actually just because you know exactly what your gonna go through so its more in your head - I swore that i would never go thro WD's again and unless im in a situation where i dont have acces to my 'done I wont .....oh and for me it made no difference whether i was shooting or smoking.

 

[charlie clean]

I think it was Burroughs who wrote " doesn't matter if you shoot it, snort it or stick it up your ass.."

I used to throw any unwanted narcotics, from codeine pills to dried poppy heads, into a cupboard as a kind of insurance policy against withdrawals. Kicking is like nothing on earth and, if you've suffered the experience, you just can't leave anyone else to go through it if you can help. If someone turned up claiming to be 'clucking', I'd offer a brew of poppy tea. If the caller was genuine, they'd be inordinately grateful; if they turned up their nose, I could throw them out as frauds in good conscience. Closest I've come myself in recent years was when my flight back from the Canary Islands was cancelled. But even on a Spanish bank holiday, the local hospital quickly fixed me up with fentanyl patches and morphine pills, the travelling junkie has never had it so good.

My printer's on the blink and I'm out of the practice of writing handwritten letters but finally got one off to Kat, hope she's ok and not finding the gaolhouse as bad as she feared.

 

[Crankinit]

I'm not sure if they get harder every time, but it's definitely easier to end up dependent the longer you've been using. When I first started with opiates I could binge for a month or more and have nothing more than a mild runny nose and an edgy feeling when I ran out, by the end even 3 or 4 days of use would have me in bed feeling like shit for a few days.

 

[SteveSircull]

My w/d symptoms have felt no worse as my life has gone on, if anything im finding it easier to manage them at the moment than ever (obviously i cant be managing them perfectly else i would be clean ) through what i would say is a combination of weaker than usual gear, experience and the fact that im rarely stuck without money or access to the drugs. I just went around 30 hours since my last boot, i have the weekend off work, i have plenty of weed so ive been fairly comfortable and I managed to wait until i was quite poorly before i went out. I got 6 bags, ive smoked one to keep the sick off a bit and I'll have another in a bit (just while the ball is rolling to see how stong it actually is) but theres no point in burning through it all to try and get stoned as its all shit by me at the moment - ill chill till tommorrow afternoon when im due back at work and ill probably be a bit rattley rattley by then so another bag to keep the sick off and its off to work. One thing i do feel has happened to me over the years is that every time i relapse into physical dependancy, its taking less and less time before I start to experience w/d symptoms - the first time i slipped into real heroin addiction it took about 3 - 4 months to really dig in - now - if i have no tolerance to opiates, I start to get w/d symptoms after 4- 5 days of continuous use.

@hooks where you at dude? all shite by me again that stuff the other week was a flash in the pan. Im on my 3rd different flavour of bollocks now this week - i havnt checked this guy in a while and its slightly less bollocks than the other 2 - as i said i was fairly hungry for it by the time i got it and i did get that kick of nausea as it started to work and im reasonably monged out a bit now but i doubt itll change my world this afternoon. All the powders going round are well varied in appearance, both before and after melting, and generally do nothing more than keep w/d's off for 9 - 12 hours in my case and will generate a vaugue high if you lick through 4 in a row. The bags are fairly good size as well id say all the ones this morning were point 2 but of course whats the point in a point if its all bollocks any way.

 

[BecomingJulie]

Withdrawals are caused by your body under-doing production of endorphins, due to having been fooled by exogenous μ-receptor agonists (i.e., opioid drugs). It just takes some time to catch up.

Imagine a 1 kW space heater. It would take a very long time to heat a room back up if you opened all the windows and doors and let the heat out, because it can only put out 1000 Joules of heat in a second. But once the room is up to temperature, the thermostat would be "off" most of the time as the heater only has to make up for the rate at which heat is being lost from the room.

It's the same with your body's endorphin production: your pituitary gland can't produce enough at a sustained rate to satisfy every screaming μ-receptor. Depending on the individual, this results in a greater or lesser nightmare until endorphin production levels off at the normal rate.

Unfortunately, the only thing that will restart the pituitary is to discontinue ingesting opioids altogether and allow the levels of μ-agonists in your body to drop below a triggering threshhold for long enough. Knowing the drill does not help much, either; because the thought that "another one little bag will make it all better" is never far away from your mind. Trouble is, that one bag may well be enough to stop your endorphin production again -- and if you take enough to feel high, it already must have.

 

[hooks]

Yo Steve, I'm in Florida mate. Nice.......

Met a couple of sound folks here too if u know what I mean!