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Harm Reduction Progress Mega Thread

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I think I stick with current dosage and drop it next monday. I have noticed that dropping the dose has had an positive effect to my cognitive abilities specifically my memory. While typing in for example bank transfers on my work training I can remember the 10 digits of reference number instead of the 5 numbers before which has lead to faster work pace as I dont have to check up the papers all the time.

Anxiety levels on the other hand has been on a rise but still at the levels that I can deal with it with the methods I have learned on my therapy. I think that the therapy actually starts working better as now I have to confront them and ddeal with them instead of putting them away with benzos. And atleast according to my therapist the more often I deal with my fears the more automatically it becames and at one point they will be mostly gone as then I have rerouted my brains to react differently to the reasons that cause my fears and anxiety.
 
^I agree, IMO the mental fog is one of the worst things about benzos, and when it lifts it is really amazing!
 
Mental fog, huh! I'm sure everybody here will agree with me that Opiates also have their own fog, a very dark one! I remember the 1st time to get on Subs and it was also the 1st time in 7 years to be off H for 24 days. After 1 week, i started to realize that my brain was actually functioning. Just like that comment up there about memorizing numbers, i had the same clarity and was loving it. I was missing the "thinking" part so much that as soon as i was back from my trip, i called my dealer from the airport and went back to Heroin as if nothing happened!!! Man!

Just by looking at those dark days, i realize that it's definitely not enjoyable to be constantly living in such a daze, Opiates and/or Benzos. Life is there to be lived and enjoyed and not to hide from by depending on a substance(s)

We live and learn, just like what Alanis Morissette says :)


Hope all is progressing well....life keeps getting better
 
^^ Mental fog indeed. Especially with opiates but honestly; All drugs in general. No matter what you're abusing, it comes with some level of detachment from reality.

Anyway, I'm doing pretty decent myself. I know i haven't been very active around here but I work full time now and i spend my days off at the beach and the park and shit instead of sitting inside. Been off suboxone a few months now, still have issues with my arms and upper body in terms of skin crawling/tingling/feeling hot but i can deal with it. All i need to do to sleep through it is smoke a bunch of weed which is harmless enough, compared to shooting coke and heroin i think im doing pretty damn well. Other than smoking pot i still use oxy once or twice a month, but i have no cravings and no issues keeping the use down to that minimum. I can't afford to do it more often anyway right now because my girl still hasn't found a job since we moved to frisco.

Either way, I'm kindof drunk and very stoned so im going to end this post before i start rambling. Just wanted to check in and let you guys know im doing good and being responsible (for the most part... lol..)

Night.. Hope everybody else is doing well.


(And FML I had to work the 12-9 shift on 4/20; But I did get to see Alec Baldwin/almost make him a sandwich since he apparently shops at my safeway. lol.)
 
Posting on this thread sometimes reminds me of Kenan Thompson's SNL sketch "What up with that" Mental fog baby......what up with that? :)

Usually a word i read psychologically triggers thoughts which translates into therapeutic writing; and i love it. So.....mental fog baby, ooohhh, yeeaahhhh, what up with that?

It's very true about detaching from reality, i just remembered now that before depending on H, i was very much into Flunitrazepam (Rohypnol ) and i loved it. Also Clonazepam, Somaril and Broncholase then Codeine, and man what a mental vacation those days were. Going to University one morning to find out it's a Sunday and having sex with a girl that i couldn't remember her name or how we met even with spending 2 long days with her! I mean Zombitoze for real!!
I'm very glad i didn't fall from a bridge while driving (R.I.P buddy) or....well, one could go on and on about ways i could have really hurt myself those days. Once again, i'm very thankful i'm alive and healthy.

Back to 0.5 Subutex, and occasionally upping my dose a little. Gf is starting to enjoy those tiny lines on the weekends :) I see her itch and nod and be like: MAN...I WANT I WANT!!!!

Happy Easter everyone and hope you're having a great weekend
 
No benzos for two days as I stopped caffeine usage of over 1gram per day. Been extremely sleepy and the benzos would not help it all. No withdrawals from benzos yet. Only took one OxyContin 20mg today.
 
The last few days has been pretty rough. I have been fiending bad! And my Suboxone does nothing for my cravings..
I constantly think about Heroin and Benzos and find myself browsing specifik websites from where you can get these things. When I realise what I am doing I exit the site and get very anxious.

Man.. And now on wednesday I go into a inpatient place where I will be put on Methadone and spend a couple of weeks there.
Im trying to hold it togheter.
 
i have been straight for 16 days......no dope.........

but i have gone back to other things, i never seem to truly be fully sober.......
 
Dee Lee, how much suboxone are you taking? Sometimes it doesn't do a thing for my cravings, as stated in my last desperate post... don't be shy about upping the dose a bit, unless you have one of those ridiculous doctors that has you on a pointlessly high dose... thats what i do when the cravings hit, and i usually take a xanax, which is prescribed but going to have to be dealt with soon too. First things first though, and they help. A lot. Whats the in patient thing?
 
DeLee said:
The last few days has been pretty rough. I have been fiending bad! And my Suboxone does nothing for my cravings..
I constantly think about Heroin and Benzos and find myself browsing specifik websites from where you can get these things. When I realise what I am doing I exit the site and get very anxious.

Man.. And now on wednesday I go into a inpatient place where I will be put on Methadone and spend a couple of weeks there.
Im trying to hold it togheter.
Click to expand...

I also was in-patient... but I was switched from MMT to BMT. It was pretty smooth I slept thru about 3 days and then they induced me on bupe. I woke up with RLS once and called the nurse who quickly releived me of that. This was a VA hosp.
 
DeLee said:
The last few days has been pretty rough. I have been fiending bad! And my Suboxone does nothing for my cravings..
I constantly think about Heroin and Benzos and find myself browsing specifik websites from where you can get these things. When I realise what I am doing I exit the site and get very anxious.

Man.. And now on wednesday I go into a inpatient place where I will be put on Methadone and spend a couple of weeks there.
Im trying to hold it togheter.
Click to expand...

Dont worry bro, you can hold it together and I wish you luck with the MMT because i am in the exact same boat as you. Suboxone does nothing for my cravings even at high doses. I have taken methadone before and it worked better than the subs, so i finally got tired of spending all my hard earned money on dope, crack, and weed and finally signed myself up for MMT today. Filled out all the paperwork today and get my first dose tomorrow. I really hope this goes well for me because i really need it.
 
I have sticked to 5mg diazepam and no alprazolam at all. No WDs and I feel like my whole life has changed. I now have my emotions back and can feel joy and happiness instead guilty and sadness as before. I have had recalls or flashbacks from years ago that had made me laugh and I enjoy the company of others and feel empassionate for others again instead simply sticking in my shell made of benzos. Even the sight of this springs first butterfly brought me smiling. Everything is fine and I want to hug every Bluelighter and rest of the world also.

Thanks for all the info and support.

Now I only need to take care myself and not let this joy lead into a mania. Maybe add a little more aripiprazole.
 
MrRoot said:
I have sticked to 5mg diazepam and no alprazolam at all. No WDs and I feel like my whole life has changed. I now have my emotions back and can feel joy and happiness instead guilty and sadness as before. I have had recalls or flashbacks from years ago that had made me laugh and I enjoy the company of others and feel empassionate for others again instead simply sticking in my shell made of benzos. Even the sight of this springs first butterfly brought me smiling. Everything is fine and I want to hug every Bluelighter and rest of the world also.

Thanks for all the info and support.

Now I only need to take care myself and not let this joy lead into a mania. Maybe add a little more aripiprazole.
Click to expand...



Good job, also try to think about living life without always getting medical aid
 
No diazepam this week at all and doing well. Thank you all for support. I think I should attend to some meetings but is it so that NA groups are religious? Atleast that is what I have heard from people and I am atheist myself and dont want to hear stories about Jesus saving from drugs as O believe that one has to really want to change ones habits themselves with the help of others instead of some kind of miracle healings.

I am for example so tired of seeing someone praising god when their relative recovers from example heart attack. Instead they should be thanking the doctors, nurses and other staff at the hospital.

Btw. I like you fellow Bluelighters. You have been a great source of compassion knowledge and are also ready to kick my ass back to reality when I am trying to do something stupid. And also thanks for the moderators, you are doing your job well.
 
Mr Root - I find that AA/ NA are really similar to any community group. I do not consider myself religious at all. Maybe a deist, probably agnostic.

I had way more luck hanging out with Buddhist teachers and practitioners since they don't necessarily care about "god" just more the interconnected nature of everything. They teach moderation in all pursuits, which I have found WAY more helpful than the message of abstinence that AA teaches.

Also, they lay full responsibility on one's life with oneself, including all the bad and good that happens, which makes you realize you are fucking up when you are fucking up and rewards you intrinsically when you do well - I find that especially with Christian groups, there is a strong emphasis on man's perversion of "the truth" and one ends up getting blamed for everything that has gone wrong while god or the jesus gets all the credit for good shit.

It's a personal thing, though. I don't think there are any Buddhist schools/ temples/ retreats that are dedicated solely to substance abuse, but practically ANY true Buddhist that I talk to has more insight than an entire group of AA members.
 
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