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Harm Reduction Progress Mega Thread

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^^AA and NA groups are not all the same and the few I went too didn't mention religion or god at all. They did refer to a "Higher Power" which can be defined on an individual basis. Basically it's for people who haven't been able to quit by themselves after trying most everything they know and failing. For some... the higer power is the group itself and the support from members and a sponsor. It didn't work for me but I know a lot of people [over the last 30+yrs] who are sober and they give credit [at least partial] to the support they received at their meetings.... along with the relationships.

I think one of their slogans is [paraphrased] if you don't like one group, keep looking till you find one that you fit into. If that doesn't happen... at least you know one thing that doesn't work for you and can move on. No harm no foul. I see nothing wrong with religion or religious people as long as they don't try and shove it down your throat or hypocratically claim it is their source for all good things that happen in their lives.... "faith" or confidence in anything that works for you, seems like a good thing to me.... basically faith essentially a confident belief in the truth, value, or trustworthiness of a person, idea, or thing.... I think loyality is also a component.
 
I watched a part of a documentary about that monastery in Thailand run by Buddhist monks where they take people from all over the world to rehab from drugs and alcohol. Apparently once you're clean and leave, you're not allowed to come back. I remember one scene with topless young men and boys standing in line and given a weird drink and a big bucket to puke in. They also take women and all kinds of people i guess no matter what race, color. One hell of an experience of course but i'm not sure how they apply their Buddhism ideologies but i know they believe that physical withdrawals are only one part of the whole journey to recovery, they teach you meditation and other ways to be able to cope with your sober self; The right way indeed.

I have always thought that NA will never be the key to my sobriety, this black or white world that took away some old friends (I'm happy for them as it was for their own good) but running into an old buddy and not saying hello because the NA people said so was a little too much. Plus, i never believed that a beer or 2 or even a joint or 2 are enough to take me back to the addiction demons, but again that's just me.

What happened in my case was an awakening of all my senses after being "sober" for a few months for the 1st time in my life, and i loved it. It was my progress fuel, seeing how far i'v come after living that miserable dark life for years was what pushed me forward. Meanwhile, i was back in touch with myself, my hobbies, my enjoyment and most importantly MY LIFE. I feel so grateful about the person i am today, and what a life lesson that was. I believe that everything happens for a reason and one should learn from his past to be able to move forward. Sadly, NA and AA keep their graduates living with the notion that "i'm an ex-addict" or "i will be living all my life with this disease" while i'm not denying that i'm an ex-addict at all, all i wanted to do was turn the page (It's a huge book, so turning a page takes some time) and become that person i was before the monkey slipped on his banana and fell off the tree and landed on my shoulders and i think i'm doing a good job in achieving this. While sometimes turning the page needs a little extra effort, i just wet my finger and keep the turning and keep moving forward.


I hope everybody is doing well, spring is around and enjoying the great outdoors is just A-mazing. Freedom festival was Marijuana March last weekend in TO. Surrounded by 30 or 40 thousands stoners lighting up at 420 was sort of a religious experience :) Peace
 
Im roughly 100 days clean from everything and it took complete chemical cessation, where as the last time I did this I still smoked herb and took benzos. Yes, I get cravings, but at this point I consider them to be mental obsessions. I call using dreams freebies. Its a life issue.
 
Well I called the place I am going to rehab (run by a real hospital, not bunch off lunatics using their own invented theories in practice or try to brainwash you in to a cult or something like that as I heard happen in states as they have all kinds of privately run "rehab" centers) and had a good chat with the secretary of the place. She was extremely kind while answering all the questions I had in mind although it seems that they deal with people in a lot worse sosioeconomic and psychological situations with a lot of harder substance abuse than me as at first she told me what was the schedule of first day. She explained me that I would be provided clean clothes (I do change my clothes daily if not often) after I were done having a bath (I do have a shower at morning and spend some time in yacuzzi and sauna in the evening) and I could shave my beard after that (I shave daily) and get a haircut (I have quite short and stylish hair which I make stood up with wax and hairspray). After that I could get a proper food (I do eat healthy). After that they would told me how to use a washing machine if I would like to use my own clothes when they have dried (well come to think that I havent washed my own clothes for a five years because we moved in our own apartment at that time with my better half and she wants do the laundry as she wants to be the lady in the house so I might have forgot how to do it).

I think it is going to be a mentally rough time in there because since after being in Afghanistan I can count the times I havent slept the night without of my loved one and our cats and dog and no visits are allowed except once or twice a week and this not a free time but instead part of therapy or meetings with doctor talking about the treatment.

I hafe unreal fear that being away for a month of my better one would make her break up from me. I know that not going in there would in the long run be a more obvious reason for her leaving me and I know that having studied as a nurse and even having worked at the same rehab center I am going to she will understand that. But I still think she will have a rough time without me being around as she needs to take care of the household and our animals and me no being there hugging her whenever she feels sad or giving massages when muscles feel tight and buying flowers etc. normal things people do in relationship. And after even five years we both feel the rush of felling in love which some people lost after time passes.

We are still trying to have a child so the worst situation would be that she becames pregnant on next ovulation and would have to deal with the morning sickness etc. related to the early stage of pregnancy without me being on her side.

I asked also if I can have a cellphone with me or Ipad and they said that no communication devices are allowed because it would harm the program but they have phones I could use under supervision but not allowed to hang in the phone all the day. They also have computers which I could use in situation when I really need that like using netbank to pay my bills or sending emails to government part that handles the sickness payments but I dont think bluelighting is not one of the things considered suitable. But we are allowed to change our facebook status twice a week and respond to personal messages on facebook so that we wont look to have died and also check our emails and respond them if they dont involve buying or using drugs unless its something that is actually harm reduction like telling your friend to get into a rehab when he tries to ask you for drugs.

Also we are allowed to write and send letters and be able to receive letters but they are checked that they dont contain any drugs.

Our belongings abd clothes are checked while we are being naked while showering. Cant bring anything unsealed food, beverage or candy. Even opened cigarette packs will be taken for hold during the stay. No own shampoo or conditioner unless they are sealed abd same applies for hair wax. No own razorblades wont be allowed as you could harm yourself or others with them. And I have a problem with my beard, it is so strong that I need to use Gillette with trible blade. Even the +200 euros worth of electronic shaving machines wont cut it properly and I bet theirs are the cheapest one time used one bladed shavers like Bic's models.

Not even an mp3 players are allowed because they dont have knowledge if it is suitable for messaging like iPod touch so they did total ban for them year ago because some had iPod touch and used it for making up arrangements for dealing drugs as his friend had parked a car near the wards wall and had device that makes an wifi network that connects to internet through a sim card.

We can get to a shop twice a week and buy more cigarettes, sweets, nonalcoholic beverages etc. Of course under supervision and after second week we are thought how to shop easily doable healthy food and then we are thought to do our own food.

At the first day we have urine and blood test to see what kind of drugs we have taken recently and which drugs affects us when signing in. Then we have meeting with the doctors who we are supposed to show the records of our current medical conditions and on what drugs we are legally on and what drugs we are taking illegally and history of recent use and at what levels and how often. Then they decide which drugs are tapered down, which are substituted with another one, which are completely stopped and which are added. And this is done in co-operatively with psychiatrist, neurologist and in my case with pain management Dr and ortopedist along with psychologist, physiotherapist, nutrionalistic and a nurse.

My main fear about that meeting is that they will try to tell me that they want to change my OxyContin 20mg taken three times a day into some equivalent amount of suboxone because oxycodone is more easily abused and I could for example hide one in my mouth and hide it in my room until i get enough of them to get a recreational dose. But I get not enough pain relief of a dose of subuxone that should analgesically be equivalent to oxycodone and even the 3% of naloxene absorbed sublingually causes me migraine. Therefore I must prepare my speech for being on OxyContin very well and show my epicrisis that suggest atleast oxycodone the only sufficient treatment my pain coupled with lyrica.

Also I am concerned for them tapering the Lyrica down which does wonders for my pain, anxiety and depression. Taking Lyrica away with the change from OxyContin to Subone would be as worse as burning in hell.

For the benzos they can decide whatever they want as I am no longer in need of them at the moment that might still change when being isolated from the world outside but most importantly from my better half. But I think they have knowledge to decide what benzo(s) would be even though I like the combination of diazepam (for general anxiety) and alprazolam (for panic attacks). And I would not want them giving me largeish amount of diazepam only as I have just week ago quitted it.

I would not also want them to tamper with the meds for bipolar. Abilify is the best thing that I have tried for preventing mania and it does not cause any side-effects for me. Also the venlafaxine does great when trying to combat depression. But if they want to change it, I would like to have Wellbutrin as I could at the same rehab session quit smoking.

And the best thing is that if I get fed up with the rehab I can sign out anytime and all I need to get out from there is to see Dr who checks that I am not dangerous for myself or others.

It might become the best month I have had besides honeymoon or the worst thing after the bootcamp of army.

And the nice thing is that it is totally free and they even pay me for going there as I get sickness vacation money as addiction is considered as sickness here. And the sum equals the same as my benefits I get normally for studying which is roughly 3000 euros per month.

Also we get week money for cola, sweets, cigarettes etc. as you cant bring your own money there because some addicts tend to stole everything.

And only thing that happens if I quit the rehab program is that I cant participate to subuxone maintenance progran when after surgery I will stop continue using oxycodone. And they wont prescribe anything that affects to a central nervous system from public healthcare unless supervised inpatient unless I try again to participate the program again and pass it.

The daily routine there consists of two hour cognitive behavioral therapy divided in two sessions. Talk therapy with nurses for an hour or more. Visits to a financial councilor if needed. Physiotherapy for me while others weight lifts etc. Walking in the park. Freetime while watching tv. Presentations of drugs and their longtime effects. Learning how to plan your daily routines when back to outside world. Helping to make job applications and career counseling.

I think I am going to ask my better half to marry me before going there. Any romantical suggestions for how to do it? I already bought a ring with three diamonds as we want three children and here amounts of diamonds means how many children the couples want to have. Luckily have a brother who owns a jewelry shop. I got it as that price what she pays when he makes someone do them. It cost 1400 euros which is a lot here to spend for a ring.
 
We should all feel proud and positive about our progress. I welcome all you guys to this wonderful thread that took me away almost completely from The Mega Bupe thread where i used to live for some time :)
I really like seeing new members on here. Keep it up everyone and remember well: it only keeps getting better and talking about your recovery/progress on here or anywhere else of course really is therapeutic. Maybe i need that more than others as in my case i never really got psychiatric help, after almost 8 years of Heroin, i had to relocate. of course met my witch Doc once and got Subutex (several refills later) but that's it. So, i'm probably considering Bluelight some sort of a therapist :)
Life is there to be lived and enjoyed and addictions simply screw up with that very basic notion...It becomes the center or source of all the "fake" enjoyment. Never again! Man, i need to chill....Taking a few green puffs :)

Peace
 
Found Codeine lately with 2 different friends who have prx (Hydrocodone and Tylenol 3) and thought about taking some just for the hell of it since i have been clean for a few months now, but then remembered that i probably wont really feel any since it is a weak opiate, and of course since i'm on Subutex.

0.5 mg here and the weather is getting better and better.

Hope everyone is doing well
 
Hello all,

I can't really remember if I wrote this in my earlier post or not. (my memory is failing on me more than usual)
Anyway I am now on Methadone instead of Suboxone and I feel like a new man!
The difference is so great, Buprenorphine made me pessimistic, anti-social and just very unmotivated in & about life.

While on Methadone I have regained all of those lost pieces.
I go in with a open mindset into this MMT program, im so new still so well see how long I feel this good. Hopefully I won't loose the grip on my life totally.

Im on 60mg of Methadone, 1ml = 1mg so 60ml of this chemically tasting fruit drink. heh. And yeah it got alcohol in it to so I guess I "relapsed" on alcohol the day i took my first dose. :|

What I wanted to say was that I am going forward in a pace I have never ever done in my addiction and it both scares me and makes me euphoric about life!
Soon I will get "take home" bottles of Methadone so I don't have to show up at the clinic each day. And in a couple of days I get a raise in my dose with 10mg so Ill be on 70mg and well take it from there!

Cheers everybody and have a great weekend!
 
Captain.Heroin said:
That's great DeLee! I remember reading your posts back in the day. I'm happy you feel like a brand new person on MMT. :)
Click to expand...

Thank you mate, I hope everything is and goes well for you too!

Yes Methadone was really the right choice for me (though its very early to really say) but this far its just been great with great results.

I am in No way hating on Buprenorphine, the way I wrote things I might have come off hating Bupe.
But like I said, im not and it is helping a lot of people get their lives stablilized and making it possible to have a "normal" social life.
 
Captain.Heroin said:
Agreed. I have gone through a seemingly endless amount of excruciatingly severe pain this year but am still not craving opiates or using them other than buprenorphine. I plan on continuing to taper when I have the chance to.
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Glad you're feeling well about yourself and staying in control even with your surgery. Hats off for you Cap', keep it up.


Was at Burger King and went down to the bathrooms and i could see the feet of 2 guys inside the cubicle behind the door, thought they must be shooting or something, left without seeing their faces and went to eat. Again, 15 minutes later, went to wash my hands and to my surprise 2 18/19 yrs old boys were making lines next to the sink. Told them it's ok, and washed my hands carefully so i don't wet the powder as they were really close with only 1 sink. Of course one huge question mark was spinning in my head and i couldn't help it and said: "Is that heroin?" It didn't look like a coke scene to me, so the bigger and more experienced replied: "It's Camidine" Later i thought of Cimetidine but i really doubt the're doing an OTC, I even made him repeat it twice and had to ask what it was, and he said it's a downer or a sedative, can't remember the term he used and with a shine in his eyes that i know very well, he said: "It's way better than heroin." Meaning i have if you want!
As i was about to leave i saw bottles next to the lines and honestly only stopped myself because i had and still have no clue what it was/is, and at this age when that happens with me, i try to learn first before regretting wasting my energy and money.
Said good luck and left and automatically thought of Bluelight where i can find out about that drug i don't know, or at least what he meant . Oh those little kiddos =D


Im still at 0.5 and started to jog and swim again, you gotta love this kind of weather. Peace and Light
 
I'm glad you are exercising again man! :) That's great. I got to the gym the other day and it was fantastic for myself. My legs, arms, abs and chest are still slightly sore, but especially my legs and abs were very sore yesterday.

It's a great feeling when you get home from the gym after working out a lot. %)
 
Starting on Methadone tomorrow!

I believe this should be the correct location for something like this.

But hi everybody.
I just wanted to announce that I will finally be trying to live a normal and sober life; I will be starting my dosing at a local Methadone clinic tomorrow. I cannot wait. I'm not resorting to the MMT as a way to get a legal high or anything, as I've heard that this clinic is fairly strict on their policies. I just want to get right, and Suboxone sure as shit wasn't my forte last time around.When I have the ability to choose when I want to take my meds, then if there was any dope or good opiates came my way, I would obviously not take my Sub, and choose the better opiates.
However, I know I wasn't doing the Suboxone correctly, and was still talking with a crowd of not so great people, but this time around is different. I live in a city in the middle of nowhere in Michigan and although theirs plenty of dope around here, Idk where to get it, nor can I afford it.

With all the rambling out of the way, have any of you also been like me, in the case of Suboxone not working exactly for you, and Methadone did? Inspire me and give me some ideas/tips on what helped you the most with Methadone. This is basically an all or nothing scenario for me, so I really need to stick it out. My family is tired of paying for my rehab, and also I have completely totaled two vehicles since November of 2010, and SHOULD have died both times. I don't know how I didn't, slamming into guardrails at highway speeds, from nodding out on xanax and dope. But on a better note, god must obviously want me to live, so I'm going for the 'done.
 
Congrats for taking the step man. Its nice to see you realizing your problem and making an effort to break free from it.
Im in the same boat, i got on MMT just 4 weeks ago and before that I was in the Suboxone program for about 7months.

The Suboxone didn't help for the psychological cravings which are my main concern and this is were Methadone comes in the picture,
I don't regret for a second switching over to Meth from Bupe.

Right now im on 70mg of Methadone per day, I will up my dose to 80mg maybe this Friday or next week well se but im stoked!
 
Thank you, thank you. I know, I can't do it anymore. I have a wonderful girlfriend of almost 4 years, and I must REALLY be something special (NOT, lol) cause she's stuck with me through all of this. I'm really doing it for us, and to have a life.
But, the psychological cravings are my problem as well, and Suboxone did absolutely nothing for me. It did the very first day I took it, but that's it.
Do you find that you still get a "buzz" from methadone? I'm not looking to get high, but having that little crave-killing buzz really helps. What was your first starting dose and how rapidly was it increased (mg/days)?
 
Captain.Heroin said:
I'm glad you are exercising again man! :) That's great. I got to the gym the other day and it was fantastic for myself. My legs, arms, abs and chest are still slightly sore, but especially my legs and abs were very sore yesterday.

It's a great feeling when you get home from the gym after working out a lot. %)
Click to expand...
Man oh man I use to love the gym when I was in college... this particular chain had excellent equip... but what I really liked is they had a pool area with a steam room and scandinavin dip as an option when you came out sweating from steam. They also had a sparate eucalytus room to use which cleared up my sinuses and head before studying.... opps i mean partying. I've heard now they include the steam & eucalyp together. It had a mint with vicks vapo type effect.

The fee was cheap too... I think it was called Holiday Health spas. Never seen anything close that kind of facility in midwest areas I've lived. I'm sure they have them like that but probably at astronomical cost.
 
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DrapedUpDopedOut said:
Thank you, thank you. I know, I can't do it anymore. I have a wonderful girlfriend of almost 4 years, and I must REALLY be something special (NOT, lol) cause she's stuck with me through all of this. I'm really doing it for us, and to have a life.
But, the psychological cravings are my problem as well, and Suboxone did absolutely nothing for me. It did the very first day I took it, but that's it.
Do you find that you still get a "buzz" from methadone? I'm not looking to get high, but having that little crave-killing buzz really helps. What was your first starting dose and how rapidly was it increased (mg/days)?
Click to expand...

Well, there is a subtle "buzz" to it sure. Mostly though its a sence of relief, the feeling of being in peace and alright.
Its a lot different from Suboxone. Right now I can't even believe I spent all those months on Suboxone - but who knows maybe ill change my mind in a couple of months but right now methadone seems like the logical choice - it gives me peace in mind with the cravings, etc.

I do still have cravings though but I am still searching for MY correct dose and its better than it was with Sub so..
I believe we are looking for the same thing here, I know what you mean by that "buzz" I kind of look for that too. But all in all I need to quite dope and stay clear of those people.

My starting dose was 30mgs in inpatient and there they upped me with 10mg every 5 days but I only stayed there for aprox 2 weeks so I got out and had a dose of 50mg.
Then they only upped me with 5mg every 5 days because I left the inpatient.

But at 60mg I got to start upping with 10mg every 5 days again and here I am 70mg and hoping for 80 on friday.

Feel free to PM or write in your thread and I will answer the best I can!
GL Mate!
 
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Hi DrapedUpDopedOut,

Congratulations on starting up with the MMT and I wish you luck on your endeavors.

Unfortunately Other Drugs is more of a technical harm reduction forum and we can't afford to give everyone their own recovery thread. We do however have the Progress Mega Thread which I will merge your thread into now. You can read the first post to get a better idea of what it is but basically a support group of people trying to get sober consisting of people who want an Other Drugs type crowd. Other options for this type of material would be in your Bluelight Blog, if you plan on making daily updates, or in The Dark Side where you can get lots of support but have to be a bit more careful about triggering material and there is a more of an emotional and addiction as a disease based attitude. Feel free to PM me if you have any questions or concerns about this.

Good Luck!

p.s. In depth discussion on methadone can be taken to the appropriate methadone megathread (check out the OD Directory in my signature) if you think it is to detailed for here.
 
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