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☮ Social ☮ PD Umph: Hearts Rainbows and Butterflies Social

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rainbowspew.gif


This would make a good avatar :)
 
^ Nice. A rainbow pukeing out a rainbow :D

Indeed, some things have learning curves.

I tried dissolving my diazepam in 40% vodka but it wouldn't go. I had to use 100% alcohol; I'm sure 95 will work fine.

It really is the best way. I just have a 10mg/mL vial and a 1cc slip-tip syringe without a needle. I just put a little bit of water in a glass, suck up 0.5cc for a 5mg dose, throw it in the water and slug it down.

I am going to get away from the diazepam dosing though. It gets me in a cycle of "needing" it to feel normal. If I take diazepam the night before, I hope there isn't anything going on the next day because I won't be at my best. I'm going to stick with kava as the more frequently used GABAergic. I love kava, such wonderful stuff. :)

This AMT is so awesome. Can you call me a lightweight? 3mg and I'm semi-tripping. :D

I took it 7 hours ago and it's only really starting to get going now. I'll definitely have to cut the dose down to lower than 3mg for anti-depressant use. Yesterday was really bad; I took 5mg thinking it would be mild and I was a total mess when I was at work. Xanax saved the day.

Again; learning curve ;)
 
I like trees

"For me, trees have always been the most penetrating preachers. I revere them when they live in tribes and families, in forests and groves. And even more I revere them when they stand alone. They are like lonely persons. Not like hermits who have stolen away out of some weakness, but like great, solitary men, like Beethoven and Nietzsche. In their highest boughs the world rustles, their roots rest in infinity; but they do not lose themselves there, they struggle with all the force of their lives for one thing only: to fulfil themselves according to their own laws, to build up their own form, to represent themselves. Nothing is holier, nothing is more exemplary than a beautiful, strong tree. When a tree is cut down and reveals its naked death-wound to the sun, one can read its whole history in the luminous, inscribed disk of its trunk: in the rings of its years, its scars, all the struggle, all the suffering, all the sickness, all the happiness and prosperity stand truly written, the narrow years and the luxurious years, the attacks withstood, the storms endured. And every young farmboy knows that the hardest and noblest wood has the narrowest rings, that high on the mountains and in continuing danger the most indestructible, the strongest, the ideal trees grow.

Trees are sanctuaries. Whoever knows how to speak to them, whoever knows how to listen to them, can learn the truth. They do not preach learning and precepts, they preach, undeterred by particulars, the ancient law of life.

A tree says: A kernel is hidden in me, a spark, a thought, I am life from eternal life. The attempt and the risk that the eternal mother took with me is unique, unique the form and veins of my skin, unique the smallest play of leaves in my branches and the smallest scar on my bark. I was made to form and reveal the eternal in my smallest special detail.

A tree says: My strength is trust. I know nothing about my fathers, I know nothing about the thousand children that every year spring out of me. I live out the secret of my seed to the very end, and I care for nothing else. I trust that God is in me. I trust that my labor is holy. Out of this trust I live.

When we are stricken and cannot bear our lives any longer, then a tree has something to say to us: Be still! Be still! Look at me! Life is not easy, life is not difficult. Those are childish thoughts. Let God speak within you, and your thoughts will grow silent. You are anxious because your path leads away from mother and home. But every step and every day lead you back again to the mother. Home is neither here nor there. Home is within you, or home is nowhere at all.

A longing to wander tears my heart when I hear trees rustling in the wind at evening. If one listens to them silently for a long time, this longing reveals its kernel, its meaning. It is not so much a matter of escaping from one's suffering, though it may seem to be so. It is a longing for home, for a memory of the mother, for new metaphors for life. It leads home. Every path leads homeward, every step is birth, every step is death, every grave is mother.

So the tree rustles in the evening, when we stand uneasy before our own childish thoughts: Trees have long thoughts, long-breathing and restful, just as they have longer lives than ours. They are wiser than we are, as long as we do not listen to them. But when we have learned how to listen to trees, then the brevity and the quickness and the childlike hastiness of our thoughts achieve an incomparable joy. Whoever has learned how to listen to trees no longer wants to be a tree. He wants to be nothing except what he is. That is home. That is happiness."
— Hermann Hesse
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hangovered day.
listening to tool's 'schism'. chatting with girlfriend/soulmate and male soulmate. both far away.
thinking about what the fuck has happened in my life and what I have to do with it. old times. recent times.
"I know the pieces fit cause I watched them fall away..."

struggling hard to find the love and the light again. it is there. I just can't see it...
disappointment, doubts, depression. fuck you!

-

snorted 5mg of zolipdem. kinda like it from time to time... :)



€: that hesse quote is wonderful. went through most of his oeuvre during the summer.(couldn't (under)stand him when i was younger...or immature...)
 
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I <3 trees.

I love the forest so much. The feeling of starring at a 200 year old oak, the massive roots penetrating deep into the ground, a trunk 5 feet in diameter, you can feel the energy running through it. So much life force <3

You can feel it's consciousness. It is very much alive. <3

Thanks very much for that post. I feel it to the millionth degree <3

edit: I'm going to take a picture of that particular oak tree next time I'm out there and post it here. I have a real connection with it.

I can't wait to transplant trees to our field in the spring. :)
 
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I am way too stimulated for it to be a slow day in the social. ;)

AMT has a pretty apparent dopamine/norepi component. I'd really like to give AET a sample.

The kava I just took should slow me down a tad :)
 
Haha, good call NJ. I think I do dose some kind of substance every day. I have been lately that's for sure. It's either a benzo, opie, upper, psych. My drug doses are always on the low side though. And by "upper" I include caffeine in that category. I include phenibut in the "benzo-ish" category. That kind of stuff.

But you're right. I haven't had a day of absolute sobriety in a while.
 
I'm not trying to criticize you in any way by the way, if it came off that way. I was just curious haha.

I'm making a mandala in photoshop right now, source images include:

Tibetan Buddah statue
Parrot
Various Lotus flowers
Amanita Muscaria
Seashell
Folded Paper thing

EDIT: Checkitouuttt
http://i245.photobucket.com/albums/gg52/psilolovesfluffy/lotusmandala.jpg
 
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I'm going to a zen center in da city tomorrow morning :) Instructional thing on zazen sitting mediation, sitting session, and then tea and social time :)

Then after that me n my best friend are going to the gun range XD
 
adrian89987 said:
I like your mandala immensely Nearjat
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!!

I don't really like shooting a gun... okay as an experience but thats it.

Today I'm really taking a step back and reviewing a bit while tripping on some acid which I havent done in a while, like months <3
Damn this stuff has gained quite some bodyload... on another note, does the piracetam make a difference? hmm dont know, either way i only took half a gram.

Enjoying some mu-ziq and thinking about doing DMT again as well which I havent done in a great while either.
I can probably really really use some soul healing omg. it requires some mental preparation though. Respect. Ritual. omg. Its impossibly sacred isnt it.
 
Insanity 8o Unimaginably intense..............

jesus fucking christ

decided to smoke the DMT moments after crying with happiness

haha the body movements!
 
B9 said:
I might indulge myself - the weather is foul and suited to passing the time away indoors - or I could be the ultimate escapist & read a book.
Click to expand...

do so!

It's freezing here in Chicago :\

Man, i've never gotten nausea before from mushrooms, but right now the nausea is horrible :!
 
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