Chris Timothy
Bluelighter
I looked into the rear window mirror of the car today, and a face with red spots on it stared back. I was already feeling like shit, as if I'm subtly but semi-permanently hungover. I should take inflammatory markers as a red flag, shouldn't I.
I've been wondering past week anyway whether it's time to try out ibogaine. I don't need addictions killed by flood doses, I feel in control enough (and it's not as if I could arrange such thing anyway, I need to somewhat consciously regulate urination, I can't be out of it for three days). But I'm just not in a good place when sober, and could use some help, and small daily doses of ibogaine do look promising for a number of reasons. Though yeah.. the cardiac thing..
Alternatively I could give the dissociatives one more shot. Because, hear me out, MXE has always been relatively disaster-free, at least compared to O-PCE and the goddamn blight on psychopharmacology that's 3-HO-PCP.. and I haven't explored DMXE very much. Because if the problem with MXE was that it felt a bit too good for sufficient self-regulation to take place, then the somewhat neutral-feeling DMXE could be seen as an improvement on that. And even if I'm wrong, the alternative of alcohol seems to be eating away at my face. If I'm indeed reaching a general health limit, I might as well put my leather bladder to some use again, and limit chemical taxation to the kidneys.
Or, third option, try a stable DMXE regime, applying every trick I ever learned, and keep ibogaine stored away as a failsafe for when, shocking I know, use derails again.
I was planning deepening my relation with acid too. But summertime isn't arriving soon enough, and tripping in the winter cold hasn't been doing it. I had a couple of experiments with Memantine in mind too, but again, I need to shift gears because as of now I seem to be mentally and physically disintegrating.
I've been wondering past week anyway whether it's time to try out ibogaine. I don't need addictions killed by flood doses, I feel in control enough (and it's not as if I could arrange such thing anyway, I need to somewhat consciously regulate urination, I can't be out of it for three days). But I'm just not in a good place when sober, and could use some help, and small daily doses of ibogaine do look promising for a number of reasons. Though yeah.. the cardiac thing..
Alternatively I could give the dissociatives one more shot. Because, hear me out, MXE has always been relatively disaster-free, at least compared to O-PCE and the goddamn blight on psychopharmacology that's 3-HO-PCP.. and I haven't explored DMXE very much. Because if the problem with MXE was that it felt a bit too good for sufficient self-regulation to take place, then the somewhat neutral-feeling DMXE could be seen as an improvement on that. And even if I'm wrong, the alternative of alcohol seems to be eating away at my face. If I'm indeed reaching a general health limit, I might as well put my leather bladder to some use again, and limit chemical taxation to the kidneys.
Or, third option, try a stable DMXE regime, applying every trick I ever learned, and keep ibogaine stored away as a failsafe for when, shocking I know, use derails again.
I was planning deepening my relation with acid too. But summertime isn't arriving soon enough, and tripping in the winter cold hasn't been doing it. I had a couple of experiments with Memantine in mind too, but again, I need to shift gears because as of now I seem to be mentally and physically disintegrating.