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☮ Social ☮ PD Social Thread: Trans-dimensional Hyperspace Cocktail Bar - Fractals Apply Within

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^Oh, thanks for posting the doc.

SONN said:
I think of it as just the idea that there is definitely no perfect system and we need to be constantly searching for the one that works best for where we are now, and until we do more experimentation and discovery were just going to be stuck to the same old traditions that will eventually be completely irrelevant due to advances in technolog
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I can vibe with you to an extent, but your phraseology suggests you advocate some ambitious reforms...

Over the last 4 years or so I've been perceptibly drifting towards the right. C consider that experimenting on a national level means using over 300 million human beings as lab rats. Probably more applicable to state-level, but that is an esoteric subject, and doesn't get a cool figure to go with it. In the Golden State, we have our bussiness taxes and regulations, made with the wonderful intention of creating a more responsible and ecologically friendly economy, and then we have a substantial chunk of our bread-and-butter aerospace and entertainment industries packing up and moving shop. May be correlated to our 50/50 rank in the 'ease of doing business by state' thing some bluechip magazine puts out, and we've been holding onto that last place for 7 years straight. Yeeeeeeah.
 
^^^ In reality I am an independent libertarian but in practice I am always going to vote for the rethuglicans. I was a proud card carying member until last big game when they lost me...losing two world series in a row to a team like *that* is just sad...I can't back them anymore but like I said in practice I am still gonna vote for them. They offend me far less than the team that calls themselves the 'democratic party' now. They aren't the same democratic party of JFK that much is clear.
 
the thing about democrats is that when they get into office they act like republicans

i'm pretty much apolitical, i think they're all wankers tbph
 
Heh, I think it is the other way around...the rethugs act like democrats...happy to take money from taxpayers and spend, spend, spend..not living up to their claim of a party of small government. If the democratic party acted like what republicans are supposed to be, the country would not be in the shape it is in. I think this proves they are all wankers as you say. On the other hand, the republicans are the party of Lincoln and the democrats are the party that gave us the KKK.

We should totally not talk about politics, and play by gentleman's' rules...leaving out religion too. I am fine if we talk about sexy time.
 
neil tyson is no carl sagan imho, but its a pretty good show and i respect that they're trying to educate the public about basic science. and they do a pretty good job of making it interesting and accessible but still accurate.

in unrelated news, i'm feeling pretty weird right nao. pretty spun and pretty drunk and pretty high all at the same time. i feel hyper-focused, uninhibited, and somewhat retarded all at the same time.
 
yeah for sure, should be in the next few hours. i been amping and drinking and smoking since friday evening with a couple of 4 hour sleep sessions thrown in there.

i feel like its so obvious when i'm on amps, i was at the store earlier and i could just tell that the store clerk knew i was on something. amps always give it away, its impossible to do them and not act like a crackhead. its in the subtle way it changes your mannerisms or something
 
I really enjoy aderall when I can get those orange 30mg IR's. But they are so rare these days, almost completely replaced by those ER capsules with beads, which aren't nearly as good, last way too long, have more side effects and not as euphoric.

As for the conversation about higher education, I'm one of those terrible stories you hear about. I have over 20k in loans which I can never see myself paying off. I never did graduate, I'm also a felon (got caught with a pound if weed when I was 21) so finding a job with reasonable pay is very hard, i just work dead end jobs. I'm hoping to one day get a job at a brewery here, they don't seem to care too much about non violent drug offenders. I couldn't even get a job as a cable guy because of my felony.
I try not to let it bother me too much, it's not like they're knocking down my door for the money but I know it's there hanging over my head.
 
I went about a month without adderall last march right after the ibogaine. I did it mostly to see what would happen, since the last time I went any time without it was when I graduated college and went on a month long camping/traveling excursion in Western USA. And that month was good, but I truly found it difficult to focus on writing, and even just every day things like keeping the house clean, and I definitely found it to almost be a drag to deal with recording and mixing music so after that month went by, I got another script and have been on it since.

I know a lot of people doubt the existence of 'ADHD' and I feel most comfortable saying I can't take a side. I do know stimulant drugs are over prescribed just like antidepressant drugs are...that is a factor of a lazy psychiatric community combined with lazy parenting....and has no bearing on whether ADD/ADHD is 'real' or not.

In my own case, I was the class clown in elementary school...the kid no one forgot because class was interrupted on a daily basis to deal with me. I was the kid who was made to take his desk, and face the wall in the back of the class away from the other kids and no amount of punitive discipline would work....apparently as I have little memory of this and recount it based on the word of family and my friend who was in my class growing up with me.

I (apparently) was so bad that one memory I have was in 2nd grade, I brought my prized and precious Odie stuffed animal to school and by the 2nd hour the principle had seized it from me and put it high on a shelf in her office so I would see it as I walked by every day. Only by behaving for a couple weeks every day could I earn it back. I never did earn it back, it was returned to me on the last day of class. That was a traumatic experience.

So my point is, I had some serious difficulties falling into line and doing what was expected of every child in my class...even when having precious personal items taken from me with good behavior being the only way to earn it back....I could not fall into line. I was not put on ADD meds until high school, and by that time I was very interested in drugs and when i got the bottle filled my first instinct (which I followed) was to snort 4 or 5 of them...that was my first stimulant experience and I stayed up all night, blasted out of my mind, reading the PDR. So yeah, by that point it was too late....I soon was snorting my ritalin every day in fact I didn't even take them in class, I snorted them after school and would make music all night.

Jeez, I was a fucked up kid. I never graduated high school, because of the fact I flunked freshman year and was going to flunk my 4th year in high school, I ended up dropping out and got my GED...and started college in the fall. By then I was on dexedrine and by then I had met Erica and she brought focus into my life, we got an apartment together and I started to take education seriously.
 
i don't really open up too much about my personal life, but yeah

i was a fuck up in grade school, high school and early college too. but then i managed to find direction for a while, mostly as a result of an extremely powerful acid trip, and i ended up doing alright in college just by the grace of the gods and lots of adderall.

nowadays i'm pretty much a lost soul though, i have stuff i'm working on and making progress with, but my personal/emotional life is such a trainwreck. i just feel so lost. most days i wake up wishing i was dead. :| i can't stop drinking either, when i don't drink the gravity of my situation plays on my mind so extraordinarily that i'm basically paralyzed by the weight of it all.

it sounds totally frivolous and stupid, but ever since the love of my life left me a little over a year ago, i've just been dead inside. i'm the type of person that deeply values close relationships, and that was an enormous loss to me. i don't know.... i just don't understand any of it.

very sad times imho
 
In my own case, I didn't get over my two breakups (to Erica and WV) until I met other people/started dating again. That is the best medicine. I too value close relationships but sometimes just getting some mindless flesh is the best medicine. I'm sure I am not the first to recommend this but I want to hammer home the idea.

Especially the first breakup...which is what brought me to daily opiate use...I never in a million years thought I would get over her...so bad that I wanted to die, and decided instead to become a drug addict ...but meeting WV and having her take an interest in me was what it took to realize life goes on...of course by that time I was hopeless addicted to poppy tea and so I started a wonderful relationship in a completely dysfunctional state of mind but we spent 7 years together and addiction issues aside, it was more good than bad and I have nothing but the fondest memories.

Yeah kinda weird since I know she is gonna read this at some point but I make no secret of the fact that I am still very fond of her. :) By the grace of God she still talks to me and I am blessed for that. Also this year, I stated talking to Erica again and I am glad we are friends. If someone is good enough to love for 9 years, and 7 years with WV, then they should be good enough to love forever and I am glad both are still in my life.

Life isn't over for you Roger. You just need to have a distraction...be it a new sig other, or just a bootie call...don't give up unless you really know there is no reason to keep going.
 
thanks for the kind words, mgs

i do have a few "bootie call" type arrangements that are invaluable to me nowadays. but that long-term friendship/companionship just seems impossible to replace. i was with this girl for 7-8 years, we were pretty much inseparable.

but yeah, i haven't given up though. and i don't plan on giving up, just dark times. i'm not a bad looking guy, and i have an alright head on my shoulders, but i've just been so fucked up by things that have gone down.

i'm trying to react to it all maturely though, and not let the circumstances of my life dictate the way i live. i find music helps a lot, it can really teach you a lot about how to approach life skillfully and with style. i just hope someday i can find somebody to live my life with, where unconditional love is actually just that. maybe a pipe-dream, but i won't stop wishing.
 
I never graduated high school either. I grew up in Los Angeles but when I was 16 my parents moved us to Brooklyn. That move at that age fucked me up. I dropped out of high school shortly afterwards and got my GED (fun fact: my first day of high school in NY was 9/11/01. School was canceled during 2 period and when I came outside it was raining ash.)
At 18 I met my first love, at 19 my parents decided to move back to LA but I stayed in the north east because of my gf at that time. That relationship did not work out but she is still one of my best friends. Then at 22 I met and fell in love with Love*Lite and we have been living together forn 7 years now.
Life is surely not a smooth sailing. I work for nearly minimum wage and have all that school debt and a felony and the list of complaints can go on. But I really think we should look on the bright side. Despite some of my failures I feel very loved by my friends and family and I appreciate that and recipricate it.
And I agree with MGS about getting out there and trying to get intimate with someone. It really is great for mood and self esteem.
I love you guys and I'm sorry to hear about the tough times that some of us are encountering but i think its best we try to remember that the turbulence in life is normal and to be expected. Life isn't a smooth ride, it's a fucking roller coaster.
 
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