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☮ Social ☮ PD Social Thread: Trans-dimensional Hyperspace Cocktail Bar - Fractals Apply Within

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my earliest memory is watching my father commit domestic violence / the day my mom left my dad for the first time. i remember being huddled into her car in the middle of the night and we drove off to my grandparents' place. i was around 1 year old.
 
a blessing and a curse
Very true. People often comment on how amazing my memory is and how badly they wish theirs was like that but I always tell them a simple truth about memory and how it can be a terribly double edged sword. As people often forgot that while good memories are easily implanted in the mind, the terrible ones are those that truly stick and never really leave. It's quite a burden to be able to relive the depravity, violence, and abuse that comes with living upon a seconds reflection....

Truly awesome find HT!
 
my earliest memory is watching my father commit domestic violence / the day my mom left my dad for the first time. i remember being huddled into her car in the middle of the night and we drove off to my grandparents' place. i was around 1 year old.

I'm truely sorry, I don't remember any violence against my mother, just my father disciplining my brothers and I with violence.
 
phenethylo j did you ever end up doin that 4-aco-DET?
still waiting to do that DXM although I doubt 180mg is going to do much. The semester is starting off nicely, my gf is living with me so thats nice :D

I really miss tripping, my last real trip was in late december and I did so much K I blacked out for the best parts of the trip 8o

I took (what I hope was) some shitty methylone over the weekend and my god what an awful comedown to such a mild experience. I even took a shit ton of antioxidants to try and make it less harmful for my brain but maybe that somehow backfired? its been about 2 months since my last roll too :/

now I have to wait a few weeks or something for a proper serotonergic experience. I miss those amazing afterglows of just being inspired for weeks on end.

xanax has played too big of a role in my life this winter, something about the cold and being on break from school made tranquilizing myself multiple times a week seem okay. the stuff turns me into such a dumbass :o

I still don't feel dependency but I know its just around the corner if I keep going the way I am.

so far I've been able to feel myself getting addicted to drugs as its happening and avoid it (at least, after my crazy ritalin habit). Even when cocaine was around all the time and people were doing it at my place in front of me every other day I still maintained myself and only partied with it every once in a while. Dissociatives have never felt incredibly addicting but I did find myself using them biweekly or more for a while.

how about you guys? do you guys feel the habit forming?
 
again -- make sure to drink a beer or take a shot with that 180mg of DXM. and smoke a bowl if you have some. you should have at least a few hours of bliss from it. :)

and lately i've been having a hard time not dipping into this gram of 3-meo-pcp at every opportunity

such a wonderful antidepressant though.

maybe its actually not that bad for me to take a dab here and there? hm.... :)
 
I think I've stumbled onto something great.

3 days ago I started a once a day 750mg Aniracetam - 500mg CDP-Choline - 15mg Noopept stack. That day I'd taken my 30mg Vyvanse, and that night remembered reading somewhere that Noopept could be vaporized. So, I put 15mg in the bottom quarter of a bowl of top notch stuff. I hit it like I would DMT, and finished the bowl. Next thing I knew I was fucking wired with an amazing electric energy light body high (sounds ridiculous, but I've never in 4 years felt this from weed) and so aware. Awareness is the part that is psychedelic-esque. I am completely in the moment and aware of my every surrounding, hearing everything. For a while after I finished the bowl, I was hearing slightly melodic white noise in my ears. Then my body. Then both the noise and bodily effects started to rise in intensity until I had an overwhelming urge to close my eyes. I did as I felt I should, and was greeted with the best visuals I've ever seen smoking. Mind you I have no tolerance, and this was maybe .05g of bud.

EDIT: Oh and I repeated tonight without Vyvanse to the same result.

DOUBLE EDIT: I experienced a decent amount of anxiety towards the end of the experience, including muscle twitches and some weird shit. I'm thinking it's not a good idea for me to do this on top of a daily stack.
 
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yeah, wow, i never thought of that before

"i'm anxious because i might be hooked on anti-anxiety medication. i better take more anti-anxiety medication to fix my anxiety."

what a downward spiral / catch-22.... stay strong bud.
 
^Part of why I enthusiastically agreed to stop the benzos and try some other anxiolytics. The lack of recreational effects left me untempted to use more than prescribed, but who knows what could have happened over time.

It turns out both my psych meds are a miss due to unacceptable side-effects. Oh well, I know it can take a while to find the right ones. And, apropos to nothing, while I had read amp tolerance could lead to small doses causing sleepiness, I assumed it took considerable effort to get to that point. Now I know better.
 
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^Part of why I enthusiastically agreed to stop the benzos and try some other anxiolytics.

which anxiolytics are you using now? apologies if you've already told us. i've heard people have mixed reactions to Buspar, but since its a serotonin agonist maybe it would treat us PDers better than the average person. zero abuse potential with it, too.
 
Yeah, I was given buspar, but it was totally f-ing up my stomach and I hadn't even built up to lower-end therapeutic doses. And lamictal was giving me crazy insomnia. Made it easy to use the meth a bit too frequently as I was already experiencing the principal negative effects. Also, one or the other made me lose all ability to focus, and I've been even more unmotivated than usual, so yeah...I've been self-medicating and I know that's counter-productive. (Still, way way less than I did with any downers, but I think noticeable tolerance in less than month is a bad sign)
 
Yeah, I was given buspar, but it was totally f-ing up my stomach and I hadn't even built up to lower-end therapeutic doses. And lamictal was giving me crazy insomnia. Made it easy to use the meth a bit too frequently as I was already experiencing the principal negative effects. Also, one or the other made me lose all ability to focus, and I've been even more unmotivated than usual, so yeah...I've been self-medicating and I know that's counter-productive. (Still, way way less than I did with any downers, but I think noticeable tolerance in less than month is a bad sign)

Those two psych meds have just about the most benign side effect profiles of all of 'em. You sure the meth didn't have anything to do with the insomnia, poor focus, and low motivation? Not saying those were the right meds for you. Just sayin'...

I imagine I'd be depressed and useless for a week after meth given how I react to Adderall.
 
i just scraped the skin on my pinky at the store when i was bending over to pick up a case of water. the scrape went the whole length from my first knuckle to my second knuckle. there was a small amount of blood, but not a lot. now, 15 minutes later at home.... the scrape is totally healed. wtf. am i wolverine?
 
dondante said:
Those two psych meds have just about the most benign side effect profiles of all of 'em. You sure the meth didn't have anything to do with the insomnia, poor focus, and low motivation? Not saying those were the right meds for you. Just sayin'...

edit: After some additional thought, yeah I ought to double check that. Also, it occurs to me that getting off three months of daily benzo use might have had something to do with it. That grapefruit thing really freaked me out too.

I imagine I'd be depressed and useless for a week

I described things poorly. While it might fit the clinical definition, it's unlike my experience of depression. It's more like a mild version of the complaints I've heard about the neuroleptic-headspace. I'm not sure whether or not it was preferable to anxiety.
 
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^ you'll never get the full beneficial effects of youre using meh amphetamine with an anti-convulsant such as lamortragine. Youre completely nullifying the positive effects of he compound, you might as well take a placebo.
If you are dedicated to gettin better why are you still using meth? It has absolutely 0 physical withdrawal symptoms. It sounds as I you need the motivation to quit more than trying a different medication.
 
^I don't know what working-vs-not working is supposed to feel like. It's just that one day I went from normal (my normal that is) to suicidal over the course of two hours, and would've ended up with a knife in my neck if not for technical difficulties (couldn't get music on my new ipod, and I have to die to a specific Gershwin piece, so it was a no go. Don't ask.). When I regained my senses I was horrified at how quickly it all happened, and I sought help. Not really a dedication thing, besides being dedicated to continue with it.

why are you still using meth?

Because my brain is full of crazy. Obviously. And A Scanner Darkly isn't quite a 1:1 representation of my life yet, though I have been making steady progress~ OMG I've been repressing my sarcasm for so long.

I'll take a couple weeks off, step my meds back up and see how things go, since PD tells me it's the thing to do. If I ignored all the advice y'all give me, there'd be no point to my keeping you up-to-date with my activities, right? Besides, I started gettin' signs of colon inflammation today, so yeah.
 
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