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☮ Social ☮ PD Social Thread: Trans-dimensional Hyperspace Cocktail Bar - Fractals Apply Within

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Xorkoth said:
Okay I will do that I think. I did end up having some today, drinking the poppy tea now. I wanted to stay away from lope for a few days before potentially trying to use it lightly at the worst times because I've been using it almost every day for quite a while. I have heard fantastic things about suboxone when used correctly though, and tapered properly. I am such a little bitch when it comes to opiate withdrawal. It's like I just can't stand the pain. It makes me feel all that's wrong with the world, really acutely, and anything is better than that. I start welling up all the time. Not to mention the extreme discomfort but if it was just that I think I could deal.

I have my cravings much more under control, I don't think about opiates all the time. I feel much healthier mentally but my addiction is clinging on for dear life. I think I have to do something about it. Years upon years of this, all while resolving to quit nearly every single day, proves to me that maybe I can't do it by myself.
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I used suboxone for about a week after I gave up on the opiates about a month ago like I was mentioning earlier. All it does for me is help with the physical stuff. None of the mental stuff. Tearing up over stupid shit for no reason, for example, a TV show I'm watching ends, without any kind of sad ending or anything, yet my eyes start getting watery. I hate it, I don't know how long it takes to get out of this PAWS phase, I never really ever gave myself a chance to stay clean long enough to know how long it takes. I was always able to trick myself again, well I'm not *sick* anymore and I can trick myself into thinking I feel good and subsequently tricking myself into getting high just this one time, which turns into 3 days. Then I'll take 3 days off and feel like I'm in the clear because I didn't get sick, so I'll do that again. And repeat.
 
The physical is really bad for me, it's like, I can only handle one or the other. I actually slightly like the super sensitive tearing up phase, when it's not accompanied by feeling like I am jumping out of my own skin. That may sound a bit at odds with my last post but it's not... I guess I am not clear on which part of it I hate the worst, it comes at me from multiple angles and the combined total is horrible. I don't hate anybody, but even if I did, I wouldn't wish this on them. What a fucking stupid situation to get myself into. That's the real mindfuck of addiction, is that you did it to yourself ultimately, and we as humans have willpower. If I had a strong enough will I could just stop right now forever and deal with what will happen and in a few weeks I'd feel great. I did it once a few years ago, I quit for a year from an every single day poppy tea habit (much worse thasn my habit now). Cold turkey. It took 2 weeks to be able to reliably sleep and stop feeling like jumping out of my skin and a few weeks longer to feel really "normal", it was SO HARD to do. I don't think I could do it right now, it's so easy for me to feel crushingly depressed with what's going on in my life.

Your pattern sounds awfully similar to mine.
 
I think rectal K is actually a lot worse than nasal, but it's been many years since I've seen figures, so don't take my word for it!


That's fucking awful to read, Xork. IDK what else to say, but we both like cats, so like... IDK?
 
Happy birthday Bob! I don't think 22 is that old yet, don't take it too hard. Relax, have some fun celebrating. :)


Xammy have you seen that film "reindeer spotting: escape from Santaland" ? for some reason both quite interesting to see and a sad story.


Shit man Xork that sounds very difficult, must hurt loads. Just please remember to take it really easy numbing yourself now, or go for the sustainable stuff rather than the hard stuff. Probably best not to go overboard with psychedelics either but I guess you have figured out how to use them about now (then again you haven't been in this situation, at least I really hope not), but when you feel you can handle it have some spiritual healing. Only realize that you cannot blast past this super quickly, even if psychedelic therapy does help. <3


By the way I'm really happy some alumni are back, this place is buzzing!!
 
Xorkoth said:
The physical is really bad for me, it's like, I can only handle one or the other. I actually slightly like the super sensitive tearing up phase, when it's not accompanied by feeling like I am jumping out of my own skin. That may sound a bit at odds with my last post but it's not... I guess I am not clear on which part of it I hate the worst, it comes at me from multiple angles and the combined total is horrible. I don't hate anybody, but even if I did, I wouldn't wish this on them. What a fucking stupid situation to get myself into. That's the real mindfuck of addiction, is that you did it to yourself ultimately, and we as humans have willpower. If I had a strong enough will I could just stop right now forever and deal with what will happen and in a few weeks I'd feel great. I did it once a few years ago, I quit for a year from an every single day poppy tea habit (much worse thasn my habit now). Cold turkey. It took 2 weeks to be able to reliably sleep and stop feeling like jumping out of my skin and a few weeks longer to feel really "normal", it was SO HARD to do. I don't think I could do it right now, it's so easy for me to feel crushingly depressed with what's going on in my life.

Your pattern sounds awfully similar to mine.
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The fact that you say it takes a few weeks before you feel better gives me some amount of hope. My issue is I can't tell whether certain depressing feelings are from opiate wds or tapering on klonopin. I'm constantly feeling like I'm jumping out of my skin. Can't keep a steady hand for the life of me and I often twitch. Then to top I have these awful migraines. This last round of migraines has been a good 5 straight months. The only time I felt relief was on opiates a little bit or when I smoked DMT. About a week ago I took 7mgs of 4-aco-DMT and I had relief from the migraines for about 3 days. I thought it would last longer, I was crushed when I woke up with killer pains tugging on my eye ball strings and this very strange split second purple flash I get across my entire field of vision when I shift my eyes. That flash happens about 15-20 times per day and actually seems to be increasing. Another thing that I just can't figure out if it's benzo taper related or if it's a serious issue.
 
Thanks guys. I'll be fine, I just like to vent here. It's pretty awful though, cutting ties with someone you have loved very much and felt a spiritual connection to for 12 years is horribly painful, regardless of individual circumstances.

I won't go overboard on psychedelics but I am going to have one soon. Not sure which yet, probably 4-HO-MET though. Or LSZ.
 
Laika said:
The fact that you say it takes a few weeks before you feel better gives me some amount of hope. My issue is I can't tell whether certain depressing feelings are from opiate wds or tapering on klonopin. I'm constantly feeling like I'm jumping out of my skin. Can't keep a steady hand for the life of me and I often twitch. Then to top I have these awful migraines. This last round of migraines has been a good 5 straight months. The only time I felt relief was on opiates a little bit or when I smoked DMT. About a week ago I took 7mgs of 4-aco-DMT and I had relief from the migraines for about 3 days. I thought it would last longer, I was crushed when I woke up with killer pains tugging on my eye ball strings and this very strange split second purple flash I get across my entire field of vision when I shift my eyes. That flash happens about 15-20 times per day and actually seems to be increasing. Another thing that I just can't figure out if it's benzo taper related or if it's a serious issue.
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Ugh, opiates and benzos? I don't envy you. As I understand it, benzo tapering (basically constant minor benzo withdrawal for a long time) causes a huge array of depressed and anxious symptoms. I believe willow recently said that back in the day when he had been diagnosed with all sorts of psychiatric conditions, it turned out to be just because he was tapering benzos. Once he cleared them, everything got better.

Stay strong. <3

I used to have more posts than all of you all, but taking a few years off will change that. I still have a lot though.
 
Xammy have you seen that film "reindeer spotting: escape from Santaland" ? for some reason both quite interesting to see and a sad story.
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Yes I have, the main character called Jani died a few years ago in Cambodia. He was found dead by hanging. They dont know if it was a suicide or if he was killed there. He had lost a lot of weight even he was already skinny guy so I think he was doing huge amounts of opium in his last years there and maybe got killed because ran out of money or something and maybe he got a loan to get some more. Maybe he sold his passport to get high and finally, had no other way out. No one really knows. Sad story yeah.

That film takes place in very northern Finland, in city called Rovaniemi. I find that place kinda sad, its most of the time pretty cold and dark there. I think many people still abuse a lot of Subutex there.
 
Xorkoth said:
Ugh, opiates and benzos? I don't envy you. As I understand it, benzo tapering (basically constant minor benzo withdrawal for a long time) causes a huge array of depressed and anxious symptoms. I believe willow recently said that back in the day when he had been diagnosed with all sorts of psychiatric conditions, it turned out to be just because he was tapering benzos. Once he cleared them, everything got better.

Stay strong. <3

I used to have more posts than all of you all, but taking a few years off will change that. I still have a lot though.
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It can be really hard to convince myself that it will all end when the drugs end though. But I have to put faith in the fact that it's just the "depression" fucking with me.
 
Does someone have a link to that hilrious meme "Born too late to explore the earth, Born to early to explore the galaxy, Born just in time to buy psychedelics off the internet"? I think xammy posted it a while back. Not having any luck with google or clicking through this thread... :(
 
Laika said:
1896932_765525340153783_191604318_n.jpg
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Here you go ;)
 
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