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☮ Social ☮ PD Social Thread: N-Dimensional Funhouse of Possibilities

dstr8427 said:
Happy birthday dude! PLEASE, from all of us here at BL, try to be a liiiittle safe(r)?

I know I haven't been on here the past few days, I really miss you guys. I've had a death in the family, all of my posts would be morbid if I had been on here lately. Trust me, you guys would rather not here from me when things happen. There's a reason I use drugs, reality's hard :P

Oh,I will say though, I've been offered before and turned down without hesitation, but finally tried smoking opium the other day. It was while I was already on 4 10 mg ER Opanas, and let me tell you, I haven't been that high off of anything since like middle school. I know this isn't OD, but I thought I'd throw it in there since this is just. Anyone know how long these last? I gotta go to my brother's birthday dinner in a few hours, I figured I could take some ritalin and straighten up. Love you guys, have a good day, and just remember, if you're spinning in circles, walk in a straight line! :)
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Hey man, I'm sorry to hear about your loss. <3 Good to see you here.

synthetix said:
hopefully i'll make it through my 20's! hell I've had a hell of a joinery to get here as it is. been clean now for what feels like forever, feel like drugs are going to be a defining chapter in this party of my story (psychedelics) i believe. ah well. pretty sparkles. opiates destroyed me for a few years but I've got that devil off my shoulder for the time being. winter is when it normally hits me hardest though, so not looking forward to that.

mmmm... im struggling with that monkey. not sure what is and what isn't working if I'm completely honest. well, got a while to test things out eh? :D

@dstr8 nice to see you again dude, missed ya and was wondering where yard gone! sorry to hear about the passing, I'm sending my condolences. ha, safety is my middle name! 8( i think I'm the definition of self-loathing, indulgence and madness. id prefer to be unsafe with my life than bored as hell all the time. like i've said many a times, sobriety for me is the most dangerous drug!

i'm always spinning in circles bro. been doing it my whole life. straight just isn't an option.
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Yeah psychedelics are definitely a part of my journey right now too... they have been for a long time now but at the moment they are serving a greater role than they were. I've been using them to help me get an objective perspective on what's going on in my life, and to help me get past emotional blocks. It's working really well so far.

Oh, and in reality sobriety is not the worst thing for you, trust me. It's great you're sober from opiates, and I truly hope you stay that way because they only lead to ruin if you're an addictive person with them. Boredom is what gets me too. But solving boredom with drugs is one of the worst possible ways to solve boredom, truly. You should find some other interests and do those. Get involved in something, go outside. This summer I've been hanging out with friends, exploring the mountains, and going to live music, it keeps the boredom away most of the time, and it makes my life so much better and more fulfilling. Seriously, it's really important. If you sit around at home with nothing to do, you'll be bored, and you'll probably get self-destructive. It's pretty easy to fix that though, the hardest part is trying not to overthink it and just DO it.
 
synthetix said:
thanks guys :)

finally hit the big 2 1

things get better or worse from here? dang.
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Belated happy birthday synthetix! Hope you had a good one.

For me early 20s were ok, until mid to late 20s things got heavy. My worst days of addiction, principally ketamine and opiates, were in my twenties. But it's taking me ages to learn a hard lesson!!! Now 31 and concerned about my benzo use. Realise how often I have been taking etizolam and or flubro for the last few months, often to come down of long acting psychedelics or various stims but also much more generally. Only in the evening and with a day or two here and there (hopefully three, can't really be sure) but warning alarm is definitely sounding. Trouble is, I can't stop them when I have the around, and I have a few left.

Ayahuasca (first time) in a week or so, hoping that can help me break this cycle and help me move forward.

I have to say that even though I have these problems and concerns, at this point in my life I also have more experience, knowledge and perspective to help me through them. But I guess we are all different in terms of our life phases. Synthetix, sounds like you have deeper self-knowledge than I did when I was 21, and you are at least seriously questioning certain behaviour patterns. Can only be a good thing :-)
 
^^ @X true story, I find that drugs don't control my life as long as I get my real satisfaction from the good & honest things I do in life, like creating stuff.

My neck / upper back has been killing me since wednesday last week, I've been trying to remedy it with oxy but no such luck. MXE is alright for it though, but right now it seems even that is not really helping. Good thing I'm not working again til thursday instead of tomorrow.

The woman I'm in touch with, ohhh my we're one of a kind in a lot of ways, not all of them - that would not be the best idea... but we couldn't see each other again before our vacations, nooo.. !!
Oh well, it's very teasy that I can't see her until later. :D

Made another two cartoons recently, only got to scan them, and I might translate one of em into English (only if the humor works out of course)..

Damn dude Folley,:( that is so sad that you were witness to that guy ODing on 25i... I hope he's alright.. :\ I've been more or less anti-NBX for a while now, and yeah I find it mighty suspicious. Perhaps the incidence of ODs is not super frequent, but the therapeutic index is quite narrow when there is a dangerous OD. I'm not sure how we could link together the fatality cases. Perhaps polymorphism plays a role, just like it does with sensitivity to say nicotine addiction. Anyway not trying to build another case here...

and my condoleances @dstr
 
thanks for ur post niceenough.

&good luck with the benzos.

Yeah you gain a lot by going through all these different phases ha

it is crazy how fast time goes. and with drug-use it can go faster. i remeber I used to think 30 was old but pretty much same age as me.


also wathcing my friend go through meth psychosis was bad enough, had to take him to hospital in the end. but can't imagine a 25i overdose.


[edit] things get better from 21 but you are going to go through a lot of shit befoore you get there. i am still not there yet, but soon.
 
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Xorkoth said:
Hey man, I'm sorry to hear about your loss. <3 Good to see you here.



Yeah psychedelics are definitely a part of my journey right now too... they have been for a long time now but at the moment they are serving a greater role than they were. I've been using them to help me get an objective perspective on what's going on in my life, and to help me get past emotional blocks. It's working really well so far.

Oh, and in reality sobriety is not the worst thing for you, trust me. It's great you're sober from opiates, and I truly hope you stay that way because they only lead to ruin if you're an addictive person with them. Boredom is what gets me too. But solving boredom with drugs is one of the worst possible ways to solve boredom, truly. You should find some other interests and do those. Get involved in something, go outside. This summer I've been hanging out with friends, exploring the mountains, and going to live music, it keeps the boredom away most of the time, and it makes my life so much better and more fulfilling. Seriously, it's really important. If you sit around at home with nothing to do, you'll be bored, and you'll probably get self-destructive. It's pretty easy to fix that though, the hardest part is trying not to overthink it and just DO it.
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firstly thanks everyone for the happy birthdays! and sorry for the long post inc:

@ tnw liking that song!

aye xorth. i'm hoping and preying the opiate days are over but i can't see the future. can't say ill be clean forever, nearly had a slip the other day when i was getting a bit manic from MXP and a certain someone bringing up old posts from other forums but don't wanna bring that here... the drug was more to blame. thought it was a-pvp when i first snorted it, lucky old me got stuck with my worst nightmare, mxp. yeah sitting at home being sober is starting to get to me slowly. acting out on a lot of impulses related to my adhd don't help, but I'm keeping it together at the moment. seriously considering getting some MDMA but i know i need the money for some aMT tomorrow. hopefully the clock will keep ticking, ill get tired, and fall asleep. despite it being my birthday I've actually had a pretty sweet day chilling with my mum and sister, watched cast away - had a right laugh at a lot of it, but all in all a very good film too.

helll yeah, i need to just do it. I've already done it. fuck yeah!

opiate phase seemed to be from 15-20 for me. again fingers crossed its over. - i definitely used them to escape the reality that my father had died at 15, and i seriously felt so alone in this world. its only recently that I've come to realise i'm far from alone, we all need one another to depend on to care and look after each other. i loathe the internet, phones etc. i think face to face communication is vital to building up true emotions and character yet here i sit typing away. fuck. i have serious attachment issues too. fantasy disorder as well. damn the psychiatrists would have a field day with my head.

struggling with emotions quite a lot too. i seriously wonder if I'm bipolar, or if its substance induced bipolar. i really go through MANIC phases and seriously depressive phases. when i was coming down off LSZ i even proclaimed to a friend of mine that i didn't really understand why i was feeling emotion because i never really do and it was actually quite painful to admit, i felt quite stupid and pathetic in some way. (same one i held hand through whilst od'ing on speed).

eh @niceenough i sometimes wonder if I'm a bit too smart for my own good in some ways. don't mean that in a proud or childish manner, just seems like i have a lot of knowledge with gaps not filled here and there that i need to fill somehow but it all gets too much sometimes. i think i use drugs quite often to just dumb it down because it gets a lot to handle sometimes. i sometimes wish i was as stupid as i portray because then life would actually be so much damn easier imo.

as always stuck on the benzos. really wonder if i'll ever be clean off them tbh. i can't foresee a day where I'm not taking my stupid valium at night which does nothing to do nothing. but if i don't take it i go apeshit. who knows... can only wait and see, time tells all stories, heals all wounds etc. but time for me seems to be an issue - i'm not quite understanding the concept, it seems to speed up only to slow down. i've bought too many tickets for this ride to end it feels like. freak out, i'm already beaten and bloody on the floor. can't get much worse now can it?

@ zzz1 christ the shit i've been through. should write a damn book of the stage of reaching 21. we all have our troubles and past, but it seems like I've already lived a hundred lifetimes.
 
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I think people just always go through shit, life isn't supposed to be easy, and the bad times help us to appreciate the good ones and grow and become stronger. When you're addicted to drugs, it's usually because it's become your coping mechanism, rather than actually dealing with things and progressing. That's extremely dangerous and destructive to yourself in a very deep way, that isn't easy to see until you see it from experience. It robs you of your natural ability to grow and become better and stronger, and so you're stuck in a perpetually less evolved state and it gets harder and harder the more time you lose out on. I mean I quit opiates after 10 years just under 4 months ago, and the amount of growth and change I have experienced since then is incredible. I feel SO much better being sober most of the time, and I still get high or trip plenty often. I just keep it for appropriate occasions and am sober for the vast majority of my time. I don't even smoke anymore until after work, and not every day at all anymore either.

Synthetix: I actually felt the same way until recently, from 18 to probably 29, that I wished I was less smart because everything wouldn't seem so overwhelming. I think part of it is just that, in some ways, it is hard to be smart, especially when you're going through your tumultuous younger years. But now I don't feel that way, I'm very thankful to be smart and it enriches my life, I hardly ever feel like it makes things more difficult for me now, it just makes me so much more aware and able to understand and appreciate life. And being aware - of yourself, of others, of what's going on - is one of the most important things to foster. If you can maintain awareness of your own internal processes, you can prevent them from affecting you negatively. For example, there may be certain situations or whatever that produce a cascade of neurons firing and emotions activating that causes you to feel like acting in a certain way that is detrimental to your life. It may be that you always feel that, that it's an ingrained neurochemical response to something (or at least until you can gradually train that away through awareness), but as long as you're aware of it, and put it in its place before you actually act, you can let that sensation wash over and through you. If you're not aware of what's happening then you're a slave to your animal brain. We're animals but we're gifted with the ability to be conscious on a high level, and thus, able to overcome the base-level impulses we feel, with reason.

The benzos are likely making things worse for you too, and giving you a lot of anxiety (because benzos always end up producing more anxiety once dependence sets in, they become counterproductive). They also flatten emotions. When I was addicted to opiates, I eventually felt like the only emotions I could feel were despair and pain. Getting out of addiction has brought it all back and it's wonderful. :) Do you take prescribed benzos or do you do it on your own? You should maybe talk to your doctor (if you have one for it) about wanting to get off and you can start to taper. Benzos are harder to get off than opiates though in many ways, it will probably take quite a while and it will suck at times. But it will be worth it in the end. If you're feeling fragile right now you can wait a bit for it but I'd recommend starting to think about getting off them because my guess is the effect they're having on you is more dramatic than you realize.
 
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Oh shit man... that's so terrible. I'm sorry. <3

Another 25i death... :\ I don't like that there are such deadly psychedelics out there now (and that they're so popular). It's going to do nothing but hold back the easing up of prohibitional policies. Used to be that psychedelic deaths were exceedingly uncommon. Even when the T-7 deaths happened, they were a drop in the bucket compared to this. And were the result of dangerous combinations mostly.
 
zzz101 said:
thanks for ur post niceenough.

&good luck with the benzos.

Yeah you gain a lot by going through all these different phases ha

it is crazy how fast time goes. and with drug-use it can go faster. i remeber I used to think 30 was old but pretty much same age as me.


also wathcing my friend go through meth psychosis was bad enough, had to take him to hospital in the end. but can't imagine a 25i overdose.


[edit] things get better from 21 but you are going to go through a lot of shit befoore you get there. i am still not there yet, but soon.
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I feel like things have definitely sped up due to my at times almost unbelievably consistent and often irresponsible drug use. I am not sure it is because we have more experiences, or because the experence we have are more varied, diverse, often inspiring and for sure, a lot weirder (particularly when it comes to psychedelics and dissociatives but others too). I have to say I struggle to relate to people who haven't done at least a few, and am most comfortable with folk who had done loads. I try to relate to them, but I feel the gulf is often too large. Must of my friends like to indulge, from full-on psychedelic voyagers to occasional party heads. All the rest are Buddhist or deeply spiritual. But I am happy this way, don't get me wrong. It feels like the right place for me to be right now. Just bombed 100mg (rough) of 5-Meo-DALT. Fancied a mellow night, but with a short tryptamine element and the subsequent afterglow and benefits. Building up to my ayahuasca experience, getting ready to dump a load of my favs in the run up to the that.
 
NiceEnough said:
I feel like things have definitely sped up due to my at times almost unbelievably consistent and often irresponsible drug use. I am not sure it is because we have more experiences, or because the experence we have are more varied, diverse, often inspiring and for sure, a lot weirder (particularly when it comes to psychedelics and dissociatives but others too). I have to say I struggle to relate to people who haven't done at least a few, and am most comfortable with folk who had done loads. I try to relate to them, but I feel the gulf is often too large. Must of my friends like to indulge, from full-on psychedelic voyagers to occasional party heads. All the rest are Buddhist or deeply spiritual. But I am happy this way, don't get me wrong. It feels like the right place for me to be right now. Just bombed 100mg (rough) of 5-Meo-DALT. Fancied a mellow night, but with a short tryptamine element and the subsequent afterglow and benefits. Building up to my ayahuasca experience, getting ready to dump a load of my favs in the run up to the that.
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I would refrain from taking any psychedelics for a week at least before the ayahuasca, otherwise you'll have tolerance.

Synthetix: you don't have to worry about clogging up the social thread, that's what it's for, discussing anything. :)
 
Folley said:
It was stolen... so it's gone for good. I'll never be touching another 25x compound though, that's for sure.
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good decision man. screw those things.

hah, thanks xorth. maybe was getting a little bit much for my head to deal with too. think its damn bipolar but not entirely sure.
 
god all rational thought is kinda going out the window and perhaps some fantasy again. gonna meet up tomorrow with a girl i met on tinder who is a bit of a nutter, going on an aMT trip to the science museum and the park hopefully it doesn't rain and she is who she says she is. perhaps a bit of paranoia of mine going on but never done this kinda thing before!

peoples advices?

could be a complete train wreck disaster or one of the best days of my life. hurmmmmm....
 
I went on a date from Tinder once. She was a nice girl but I wasn't attracted to her at all... it was more of just a friendly thing, we hung out, smoked, talked about psychedelics. It was a fun afternoon. Go for it man, just see what's up with her. It's likely she is who she says she is, and if she's not, then you'll know.
 
yeah don't think I'm attracted to her, just want some social contact and i know she loves the aMT too. i think it will be a good afternoon. we did chat about sex and stuff though so who knows where it could lead :sus: be my first time getting laid in a long long time since i broke up with my ex. lol.

guess i've already bought the ticket.

im a pretty big chap versed in a lot of boxing self defense etc. so if shit hits the fan.... the fan will be broken before the shit hits it.
 
Xorkoth said:
I would refrain from taking any psychedelics for a week at least before the ayahuasca, otherwise you'll have tolerance.

Synthetix: you don't have to worry about clogging up the social thread, that's what it's for, discussing anything. :)
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Thanks for that man. I am aiming for that, with the exception of the odd dissociative (although I don't have any at the mo but principally a little MXE). No more tryptamines though, other than the 5-MEO-DALT I have taken tonight. 100mg. Lovely, relaxed and enjoying some old school psychedelia. With a little red wine. Hope you are all good and happy :-) clearly we have all been through regular shit or are still going for it, but I think this thread in particular offers a great source of informed advice, support and friendship. All very important and valuable for the kind of journey we have taken and continue to take. Very much appreciated :-)
 
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