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☮ Social ☮ PD Social Talk Thread: Firly Swolks Discussing Mitillating Tatters Fithout Wilters

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swilow said:
Xammy! :D

Dude, be safe. <3
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No mania :)D) , I am close to graduating. My bachelor's thesis about drug addictions is pretty clear. Its theoretical framework is the Self-Determination Theory by Ryan & Deci (SDT) & motivational interviewing :) I'd post the blueprint of it but it's in Finnish. It should be finished by April.

I recommend https://selfdeterminationtheory.org/

My idea for master's thesis is pretty clear too, but that will have to wait for about 2-3 years. It's gonna be hopefully about arylcyclohexylamines, but I study social psychology so maybe I will change major in the future or then I will do it from social psychological viewpoint.

There's a good chance I'll have a spot as intern in my university in the future, I'm looking forward to it.

If you're interested, I can translate the blueprint maybe even tonight or tomorrow. It's about 6 pages.

There's a method called autoethnography I could use on my master's thesis eventually. Seems interesting as hell! :)

I start with my personal life. I pay attention to my physical feelings, thoughts and emotions. I use what I call systematic sociological introspection and emotional recall to try to understand an experience I’ve lived through. Then I write my experience as a story. By exploring a particular life, I hope to understand a way of life . . . (2000, 737)
 
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Xorkoth said:
A criminal, technically. So maybe you're qualified to say such a thing after all?
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Indeed hahahah

I'm anxious because the assessment included a typing portion at which I did horrible; in grade school I cheated in typing class and never learned how to type. All these paragraphs I spew here come from my left pointer finger and that's all, I have to look at the keyboard the whole time and it's very difficult for me to copy stuff because I'm constantly looking up at the screen then down at the keyboard.
 
Oh wow, you use one finger for typing? I actually never learned the "proper" way to type either. But I used to play an online text-based RPG, which basically taught me how to type my own way. I use mostly my index and middle fingers with a few others mixed in. It's cool because I have no risk of carpal tunnel syndrome (and I type for a living) because my wrists are not fixed, they're fluid and always loose. Over time I've learned how to type really quickly, on a good day I can keep up with talking.

Don't you at least use both hands?
 
I use my right hand to cover the shift and enter keys, my left thumb for the space bar, and everything else is my left index finger... pretty bad I know. People always scoff at me when they see it. I can type relatively fast as long as it's my own thoughts pouring out and I don't have to look up and copy something. In college I would wake up 3 hours before a 12 page essay was due and whip it out, no problem.

Honestly, this job is a last ditch effort for me, so if I don't get it because of my typing disability, so to speak, I'll probably slip into the deepest pit of despair I've ever been in. In fact I'm already in it, but at least I have this glimmer of hope. Being unable to get high has already started to take it's toll on my mental outlook. Suicide is something I would deeply contemplate if I didn't feel bad about leaving my loving girlfriend; she's the reason I'm alive I often think.
 
^Best of luck to you!

I am starting a new job next week, feeling a little nervous especially since it's been over three years since I've had one, but I think it's going to be alright. Now if I should also manage to climb out of that endlessly deep procrastination hole I fell in with my uni stuff, things might really be changing for the better. :D
 
tokezu
are you someone old with a new name or a newer person? i dont come around anymore but id never seen your name so i figured id ask
 
how's everyone been?

i'm still plugging away at treatments. just finished the current four round cycle of chemotherapy, but doc is already thinking i'll have to start back up again right away.

i get a little breather at least... going in a couple weeks to the main headquarters of the cancer institute i go to (Karmanos) to talk to some doctors that specialize more in cases like mine.
 
^Oh man that sucks, I hope the next one does the trick then. My uncle was just diagnosed with cancer, now I have to think about how I tell somebody rather 'straight' that of course I could get him a little bit of weed to help with the side effects of chemo/radiation therapy. Well... a rather insignificant problem compared to his, but it's on my mind right now.


LSDMDMA&AMP, to the best of my knowledge I'm rather new here. Why, do I remind you of somebody in particular? Oh I see what the problem is, the social threads are reserved for the well-established >10,000 post elite of BL... k bye then.








Just kidding of course! You're not getting rid of me that easily. :D
 
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Pharmakos I sincerely hope you'll win that fight and we can laugh to it after a few years. stay strong
 
I have band practice tomorrow, this morning I suggested to my girl we hang out tonight, but then my friend texted me and wants to hang out and jam tonight, I haven't seen him in a while and don't get to much. So I am thinking I'm going to tell her I'm gonna do that. She'll be disappointed, she'll be cool about it though. I just feel bad. She's really been feeling increasingly depressed lately, not doing much. I feel like I'm her main entertainment/happiness. She has self-diagnosed herself as having PTSD from her childhood, her parents didn't do a very good job. It fits. She's been to therapy a few times over the years and has never felt like it's worked, although honestly she probably never opened up. That and she has a history of having bad doctors/therapists and she just is kinda like, well, that didn't work, rather than trying more. I think turning 30 really hit her hard, it reinforced that she doesn't know what she wants to do with her life. I really wish she had a passion to focus on, it would be so good for her. She wants it too, she has always felt that way. Her dad made her get an art history degree for college which she hated, she wanted to go into biology and go into conservation but she feels like it's too late now (I disagree but it's how she feels).

She does an amazing job of dealing with it and not lashing out at anyone, ever. But it sucks, it hurts me to see her so sad. :( And on days where I'm feeling kinda low already, it affects me quite a bit. Most other times I just provide positivity and it helps her, but last night was an example of us just kinda being bummed. We talk about it, she wants to do something about it but I think she feels powerless. She wants to take MDMA with me soon with the intention of it being therapy for her (she was reading about it being used for PTSD specifically, also she's done it once before and had a pretty significant and helpful experience that stuck with her). She wants to take LSD with me too, we've taken mushrooms but for some reason they don't really agree with her, she likes the effects but it leaves her feeling weird for a day afterwards (although she's never broken through to a full experience). I think she's really hoping these things could help her. I hope so too, so much.

Seems like so many people are depressed. For me, when I feel down I can just start playing piano and feel amazing. I have ~3 band practices a week to look forward to, so there is always something to feel excited about. As a result, I get excited about all kinds of things because I'm not bogged down by depression to stifle whatever potentially positive experiences I could be having. Then again, I've really never been depressed aside from situational stuff (I have been very depressed for a long time because of my situation, but when it was resolved that went away). But on the other hand, I think my girl's depression is situational too. She has some things she wants different in her life but she doesn't work towards them, or doesn't know how to start working towards them. I think if she was doing something she felt passionate about, it would help a whole lot (she has told me this is true so I'm not just postulating). I feel like over and over again in life, I find myself in the position of being the person to try to help other people I care about out of depression/life issues. I think I'm pretty good at it but damn it can be draining. :\ My ex became intensely depressed, now it's my situation again. It would be cool to be with someone who was as happy as me. But I don't not want to be with my girl, and I think she can pull herself out of this. And most of the time I'm glowing with happiness about her, it's just sometimes it gets hard. She's wonderful, and we have this amazing thing with each other. But damn it, it's hard to see someone you love in pain, especially when it has become their base state.

So yeah, I'm probably gonna cancel on her tonight and then also do music tomorrow night. She has told me repeatedly that she wants me to focus on my passion because it's amazing to see and she's glad for me that I have that. But I still feel guilty.

pharmakos said:
how's everyone been?

i'm still plugging away at treatments. just finished the current four round cycle of chemotherapy, but doc is already thinking i'll have to start back up again right away.

i get a little breather at least... going in a couple weeks to the main headquarters of the cancer institute i go to (Karmanos) to talk to some doctors that specialize more in cases like mine.
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Hey man, glad to hear you've got a little breather. I was just thinking about you and wondering how you were doing yesterday.
 
tokezu said:
^Oh man that sucks, I hope the next one does the trick then. My uncle was just diagnosed with cancer, now I have to think about how I tell somebody rather 'straight' that of course I could get him a little bit of weed to help with the side effects of chemo/radiation therapy. Well... a rather insignificant problem compared to his, but it's on my mind right now.
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Marijuana has helped me so much with the side effects, if you can figure out a way to talk him into it I'm sure he'll be better off with it.
 
I was wondering what you'd been up to too, pharmakos. I'm sorry to hear you're still doing chemo but it sounds like you're making the best of it.

I honestly don't think I could date an inherently happy person. In fact I'd venture to say my girlfriend is in a deeper hole than me, only I'm more dramatic about it; I'm not sure why, but while women are the more emotional sex by nature, they also seem to be the stronger sex at dealing with those emotions. My girlfriend's depression is what I'd call treatment-resistant and has been with her for her whole life, yet she seems to deal with it a heck of a lot better than me. My depression is very situational. In school I was always having self-esteem issues because no women wanted me. Now that I'm out in the world and over that, I'm having self-esteem issues because I can't find work, yet I see all my old school acquaintances getting 60k+/year jobs doing diddly squat for their parents or the like, or even worse, people who truly have a passion, pursue it, and it pays off. My two best friends here are a cop and a navy guy, and both of them love what they do; work isn't work for them, and while I'm happy for them, I see their joy and I know I'll never have it. I feel alone often and it has been very soul crushing. No one here identifies with me and when I look around at the people and things I'm surrounded by it sickens and angers me. I hold the deepest contempt for my state and my country and its citizens.
 
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Cream Gravy? said:
I use my right hand to cover the shift and enter keys, my left thumb for the space bar, and everything else is my left index finger... pretty bad I know. People always scoff at me when they see it. I can type relatively fast as long as it's my own thoughts pouring out and I don't have to look up and copy something. In college I would wake up 3 hours before a 12 page essay was due and whip it out, no problem.

Honestly, this job is a last ditch effort for me, so if I don't get it because of my typing disability, so to speak, I'll probably slip into the deepest pit of despair I've ever been in. In fact I'm already in it, but at least I have this glimmer of hope. Being unable to get high has already started to take it's toll on my mental outlook. Suicide is something I would deeply contemplate if I didn't feel bad about leaving my loving girlfriend; she's the reason I'm alive I often think.
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Kinda why I made the decision years ago between continuing to smoke weed and take what jobs may come and not smoke and have some awesome career.

I mean if you suicide whats the point of the career? Wouldn't pot and being broke be better? That has its downsides too soo...

If you just graduated college and just want ANY job to stay sane tweak your resume and say you are still in schoool or quit school. Better chance at some jobs, although you will have to lie on the fly.
 
Graduated almost two years ago and been doing the broke pothead thing since then... can't stand it any longer. I mean, the job I'm interviewing for next week (by the way, got an interview, my typing must not have been so bad or at least they didn't care) pays 35k a year and has benefits, and only has pre-employment for drug testing, so since all I have to do is get clean for a month, I'm gonna try for it. I want my girl and I to be able to move out of our folks' places and start our own lives. It's the being broke and chastised by my peers that is really crushing my soul these days, so I'm gonna try and make this work. Once I get the job I'll go back to being a pothead, plus where I'd move to would bring me significantly closer to the border of a legal weed state, so I could finally A- afford all the pot I want and B- cut out the stress of stoner dealers who don't answer my calls for a week straight hahaha.

I'm really up and down these days. Today I've been very industrious and having a pretty stable mood, but just yesterday I was sobbing like a little child in my girl's arms about how life isn't fair n' shit.

I certainly wouldn't take a job that had random testing; my father has been pushing me to look into transportation jobs here (yepyep you know how our area is a big hub for that) but I keep telling him fuck no, I have loads of friends in transportation and all of them are alcoholics because they get random drug testing. I'll save my liver, make less, and be a pothead.
 
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I said it before, but I still find it crazy how common it is in the US to get drug tested by your employer. Practically nobody here does it, except maybe as a Police officer or so...

Good luck with you plans man.

I'm off to my sister's place to cook Indian food and practice Ukulele. :)
 
Today's looking to be a wonderful and magic filled day. I can't wait for what life has in store :)
 
I feel like the whole US drug testing thing is so weird and paranoid. I mean it only does harm. If you are a functional drug user, then the drug testings are arbitrarily letting you out of a job you are suited to do. And if you really have a drug problem, not being able to get a job certainly won't help you get out of the hole of addiction. So noone ever wins. I don't understand the point.



Hey Psy ! How did your inner journey go ?
 
Was invited to girl's birthday party last minute, helped paint stuff on her wall for it (its getting demolished), helped bake a pretty nice cake, met a lot of people although I hardly even have gotten to know that girl..
Either she was drunk or at least one point it seemed like she wanted to kiss, was a bit much for me right then and there (also was not sure if i interpreted it right), but i do like her. I also got some pretty devastating smoldering looks, a few times, from another girl who look identical to a younger Piper from 'Orange is the new Black'.. ;D - I did not go to meet her, whatever is going on with the birthday girl I am not the type to intentionally or accidentally making her jealous.
Had a good time, felt a bit alone not really knowing anyone but also had a lot of fun with people there, few funny guys but mostly nice girls.

As I got home late and could not sleep and had gone to work with electric sanding machines etc yesterday I was way to exhausted to help out at the academy today.

Anyway I'm going to sandstone caves with that birthday girl soon, I guess it's a date although again we are not officially 'interested' yet.. Fuck it feels good to just get out there again!

I don't think I'll be doing much more than 2C-B tomorrow and just have a nice day, go for a walk.

The arduino powered growhouse I made was hooked up and didn't work right away - didn't know if i am just too much of a beginner or if it's the terrible quality of both the print board and the soldering gun i used. I got a proper iron and board and remade an essential circuit. Was able to make nicely soldered connections with it and everything basically worked right away! I'll document it more fully soon on my blog.

I think my cider is no good anymore but that's fine, it was a sort of trial run anyway to see about the do's and don'ts with this setup... so making a new batch soon. :)

Sorry to hear about having to go on right away again with the chemo, pharmakos.. keep your chin up bro. I know I treasure PD through both the hard times and the good! All your hearts so open..
 
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Img_9999 said:
I feel like the whole US drug testing thing is so weird and paranoid. I mean it only does harm. If you are a functional drug user, then the drug testings are arbitrarily letting you out of a job you are suited to do. And if you really have a drug problem, not being able to get a job certainly won't help you get out of the hole of addiction. So noone ever wins. I don't understand the point.
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It was instituted when we "got tough" on drugs, and the drug war really swung in. And it's never really changed. I agree it's insane, and pointless. You can drink, use tobacco and caffeine and anything not specifically illegal, but if you smoke weed, well damn, I guess you don't deserve a job.
 
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