Well so that was a weird episode last week. Either I got kicked in the butt by benzo withdrawal, or by a combination of benzo withdrawal combined with a mere two doses of O-PCE. I'm not excluding that possibility, I remember night terrors from combining lormetazepam and MXE back in the days. But I couldn't sleep for a while despite getting exercise in. Maybe just because of distress, or it could confirm some sneaky early-stage benzo dependence. One evening puff of some weed I had laying around from two years ago did wonders though, biorhythm seems restored.
Anyway, glad I can think straight again, no need to put myself at the mercy of social services just yet. Therapy also doesn't seem like a good idea anymore. I know you just wanted to help,
@Xorkoth, and offer at least something to someone in need. I do appreciate that, a lot. But you know, I've already read all the psychology books so to speak. People are lovely, but paying someone to tell me what I already know might not.. you know.. make that much sense. It was an interesting thought experiment, I haven't considered therapy in over a decade. And some personal dynamics have changed I suppose, compared to back when all help failed. Because the psychotherapy I did try out was either barely useful at best (the only help I got from it was being given the space to think out loud and solve my own problems, I cannot remember a single instance of direct assistance), and at worst a bloody disaster: incompetent monkeys prodding at emotional vulnerabilities, as if to try and punish the monsters they projected to fill in for what they couldn't do through empathy. Urgh. No, I'm still so done with that.
And of course, statistically, psychotherapy isn't even expected to work, generally speaking. I've ranted enough before about the technical reasons why, haven't I? From that point of view I can't deny it pissed me off to have been suggested therapy nevertheless, lol. But that'll teach me manifesting benzo panic attacks and desperately coming 'n cry over it. You'd think all the heavy drinking I've done in my days would have given me some intuitive feel regarding downers. Nope, turns out benzos are next level shenanigans.