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I was walking through the woods a little earlier, and I had a really interesting "revelation", like this idea just came out of nowhere but it seemed pretty cool:

Suddenly "something" told me that the thing I seek is of a special nature. It's not like money or material things, which you can acquire through effort and labor. Rather, it's like the wind and the rain, controlled only by the forces of nature, coming only as a gift and not an achievement. Whether or not one receives this gift, and when and where this gift appears in one's life, is up to destiny and fate, not intention and will. And hence, trying to create it is a futile endeavor, a pointless game, and an almost guaranteed failure. It doesn't ultimately matter whether you fight the current or not, because you'll always end up swept to the mouth of the river: you can simply choose between making the journey a painful resistance, or going with the flow.
 
^ Yeah. In a way, how can you feel personally responsible for all of your so-called "achievements" if 4 billion years of evolution did 99% of the work? You just put the tiniest layer of icing on the cake.
 
TheAppleCore said:
I was walking through the woods a little earlier, and I had a really interesting "revelation", like this idea just came out of nowhere but it seemed pretty cool:

Suddenly "something" told me that the thing I seek is of a special nature. It's not like money or material things, which you can acquire through effort and labor. Rather, it's like the wind and the rain, controlled only by the forces of nature, coming only as a gift and not an achievement. Whether or not one receives this gift, and when and where this gift appears in one's life, is up to destiny and fate, not intention and will. And hence, trying to create it is a futile endeavor, a pointless game, and an almost guaranteed failure. It doesn't ultimately matter whether you fight the current or not, because you'll always end up swept to the mouth of the river: you can simply choose between making the journey a painful resistance, or going with the flow.
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I like that. Trying to reach a state of ecstasy never results in a state of ecstasy. I've found that in so many ways.

Thanks for the kind words fellas. The crushing state is starting to pass.

BTW beware of combining magnesium and amphetamine. Magnesium is said to prevent tolerance but holy jesus, I didn't think it would potentiate it 3 fold. 7mg felt like 20+ and in a different way. Very pushy, tense, made me feel like my brain was on fire and was going to explode. I figured the pH raising effect of Mg would increase bioavailability but that was a little crazy. Weird.

After a few days of feeling like I was losing it hard I put 2 and 2 together. Maybe the cold had something to do with it as well. Who knows, interesting phenomenon though. Dose lower when taking Mg.
 
Mmmmm...delicious pho, such soupy goodness qualifies this as a day well spent. I think I'll watch Mary Poppins or West Side Story later, I'm in a musical mood (also been watching a lot of John Wayne lately).

TAC said:
In a way, how can you feel personally responsible for all of your so-called "achievements" if 4 billion years of evolution did 99% of the work? You just put the tiniest layer of icing on the cake.
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While there's a good lesson in humility in that statement, my first thought upon reading it was that such thinking could just as easily inspire defeatism. Lessons can be good or bad depending on the circumstances under which they are delivered to a person.
 
Never Knows Best said:
While there's a good lesson in humility in that statement, my first thought upon reading it was that such thinking could just as easily inspire defeatism.
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Definitely. I think some ideas are rules to live by, other ideas are simply thoughts to be pondered and enjoyed for a short while and then put aside to chop wood and carry water.
 
^ As long as you're using it constructively and not destructively, that's totally cool. (Although, "constructive" use might be pretty hard to define.) Recently I read that Jonathan Ott, one of the earlier entheogenic and psychedelic pioneers, uses opiates on a regular basis and claims to derive enhanced productivity and quality of life from them.
 
I basically self medicate with them. I have a shitty worldview in many ways, I'll often find myself unable to get anything done because I can't ignore how vastly pointless everything is, and how every single thing in this world no matter how nice has a shitty side that I can't ignore. On opiates, I don't really go through that thought process. I just do stuff instead of analyzing it and ruminating over my fucked up past. But thanks to the DEA and friends it's not an affordable medication. The only way heroin is hurting me is I waste all my money on it and that really holds me back in life to be honest.
 
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Have you now officially switched over to black 'jat, or still goin' for the fancy powder? I'm looking forward to more H soon, gonna pick some up as soon as I allot myself my October monies.

So anyway, I go outside at like 1:30am last night for a smoke, and some damn cop ends up searchin me and throwin' me in the back of their car while they looked up my info and question me. Why? Because someone was using an ATM across the street a few storefronts over and I was looking at them (I mean, it's not like it makes all these loud beepy noises while they're using it, or that people watch people for no reason sometimes. Oh wait, they do).

What ever happened to the 4th amendment?
 
Sucks, NKB. F'n cops.

Ridiculously crazy week, spun, had some diaz when I got home, drinking a beer, might try to get some more work done if I feel like it. I have never had such a workload in my entire life. Just fucking ridonkulous.

Holy jesus what are these goddamn animals!

I feel like a tweaked Hunter lol :D
 
Man, Squarepusher creates the most intellectually tasty music.

Ha, I'm really fucking stoned here; I look like I've blown blood vessels in my eye.
 
willow11 said:
Man, Squarepusher creates the most intellectually tasty music.
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Yeah, everyone here was tripping out over his music and concepts when I posted an interview about a week or so ago. I recently bought a beat up Fender Jazz just so I could try and get my bass chops to within like 1% of his insanity. Not likely to happen anytime soon lol... Needs a good setup too, and I pretty much spent my last $$$'s on the thing, time to ascend yet another of lifes learning curves.
 
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