That's how I am now, well I can go a few days without if I'm broke (which is most of the time), but the relief drugs provide let me view myself honestly. The defense mechanisms I developed in my sober youth (age twelve, though I've fucked up as long as I can remember) were VERY unhealthy, and I didn't really work past those until I was 17-18. The drugs let me see the world from a different perspective, were it not for them I would never have admitted that I was crazy. How then could I be healed? Of course, I have drug problems, mild alcoholism and whatnot, but at least I have some relief and am not driving myself to hate all forms of healthy thinking. It's really better this way.
Reminds me of Fish (Marillion) when he sings:
Read some kerouac and it put me on the track
To burn a little brighter now.
It was something about roman candles fizzin' out,
Shine a little light on me now,
I found a strange fascination with a liquid fixation
Alcohol can thrill me now
It's getting late in the game to show any pride or shame
Burn a little brighter now
Doctor says my liver looks like leaving with my lover,
Need another time out now,
Like any sort of hero turnin' down to zero
Standing out in any crowd
Pulling seventeen with experience and dreams,
Sweating out a happy hour,
When you're hiding twenty nine you know it ain't a crime
To burn a little brighter now, burn a little brighter now
Doctor: "And my advice is if you maintain this lifestyle you won't reach thirty."
Torch (Fish): "It's a kind of romantic way to go really, part of the heritage.
It's your round i'n'it?"
We burn a little brighter now
Read some kerouac and it put me on the track to burn a little brighter now
It was something about roman candles fizzin' out,
Shine a little light on me now,
I found a strange fascination with a liquid fixation,
Alcohol thrill me now
Getting late in the game to show any pride or shame
We burn a little brighter now, burn a little brighter now
There's nothing like starting your day with a reread of the Constitution and Declaration of Independence. Am I right my fellow 'mericans?
I'm glad to hear it (and feel the same way as I've moved into that usage pattern this year). You have some good stuff to bring to PD as well, I hope your meditation thread picks up.
Absolutely!