• Psychedelic Drugs Welcome Guest
    View threads about
    Posting RulesBluelight Rules
    PD's Best Threads Index
    Social ThreadSupport Bluelight
    Psychedelic Beginner's FAQ
  • PD Moderators: Esperighanto | JackARoe | Cheshire_Kat

☮ Social ☮ PD Social: Nexus for gibberish of the psychedelicized genius and veritably insane

Status
Not open for further replies.
Dondante said:
^Psox, sounds like the beginnings of stimulant psychosis to me...not the part about punching me in the nose...that's just regular ol' Psox. ;)

Hope you're getting some zzzz by now...
Click to expand...

DING DING DING!! You deserve all the Price is Right Showcases from the last 50 years.

Lost it, gonzo, never been anywhere close to that far gone, all the while maintaining relative cognitive abilities (on acid or shrooms at that level I wouldn't have been able to form words). That barrier between sanity and psychosis got shattered; what was real and what was not were completely indistiguishable.

It started out with thinking I had a big worm inside me, went to hospital with my usual easy going, friendly demeanor, with absolute conviction I had a giant helminth in there. They got x-rays for the sole reason to show me that there was nothing there, as well as metioning other absent signs I was neglecting. I conceded my hallucination, and only then did I see my official diagnosis; delusional parasitosis. They released my easy going, smiling ass out the front door and told me to get some sleep.

On my way to my sister's to hang for a bit, I sort of hopped 'planes' and was stuck in a sort of purgatory with a bunch of 'shadow people' who refused to recognize my existence despite my desperate pleas. It gets sort of mystical/religious and I can't convey too well right now; I'll be reporting this one when my exams are done.

Strongest 'trip' ever. One of those things I feel opened a crack and if one has too many of those experiences it might not be so easy to get back; I just had to wait a couple hours for my DA level to fall.

Just unbeleivable; felt real as day, with normal abilities of language and motor control; and much lower anxiety than regular psychedelics. The thing is, with psychedelics you know your tripping; this was waking , real life. As far as my perception was concerned (and still wondering if I did enter a purgatorial plane??), everything I saw, heard, felt, was totally real.

And.. for a re-introduction to psychs after a 3 year hiatus I was thinking of taking some 2C-C in a few months. Why do that when you can experience psychosis instead? ;)

For all it's dangers, there was something extra there; I feel more in touch with my spiritual side. There's no atheist in a foxhole.
 
Yeah, I certainly was not myself. After the hour of pugatory in the park (half yelling / crying; I'm amazed I didn't get picked up); anyways once I got to my sister's she was pretty worried. I was still seeing things, especially in the low light areas. I was watching birds and squirrels in the fireplace. She noticed me pencing, gurning, staring into the fireplace with pupils of fire and she got me to snap out of it. She asked me if I still too valium (benzos), I said 'ya sometimes'; she said 'have any here?'; I say 'ya'. She sais 'take some; enough to knock yourself out, this isn't good.' And she's fairly anti-drug.

All in all it's sent me for a loop, scared me. I've always known the strength of mdpv; strongest stim I've ever had by a large magnitude, including meth. I have to wonder though with the time I've done MDPV in the past it never did that, neither did mega amphetamine doses. My sleep deprivation wasn't overly long; awake about 30 hours (again, gone much longer). MDPV also often has the unique effect of giving my young and presumably healthy heart cases of angina. No amp, even heavy doses has ever done that.

I would love to go back and review my medical charts from that night. They never offer data to patients, but by law because it regards my bodya dn state of health I have the right to get copies; after the inflated clerical fees of course. I'd love to see what that EKG showed. I asked how 'how did my jackhammering EKG come out?' I got a quick, non-reasurig, non-answer of 'it's fine'.

One of escitalopram's more unique and nefarious side effects is prolonged Q-T syndrome. I know it has something to do with an abnormally long trough-to-peak length on an EKG, but if I had my EKG and a textbook I could figure it out. Basically given my history and the weight of it all I would have liked for them to ask me back at another time to review what happened. If I have to spill the beans so be it; they knew anyway, the only thing in their way of definitively proving it would have been a tox screen; which they would have had permission to do if they just told their superior unknown stimulant overdose; we better find out what it is.
I'm not worried abot jail-time; doesn't happen for personal here, it's the record that follows you if it does go to court, but again; generally doesn't happen for personal use.
I would have loved to just given them the whole truth, no half truth, no confirm-nor deny. I got my message across by saying sleep deprivation, she replied 'any drugs?', 'ya, caffeine', 'no I mean, like hard drugs', 'ohhh caffeine can be quite a drug, it does result in an increase in extracellular dopamine doesn't it?' ' ya, it can, how much did you take?'' 'over 500mg', 'Okay I think I got the message'.

Sad to speak in code in a medical setting. She didn't know exactly what drug, but she knew what neurotransmitter was hammering my receptors.

I see she publishes on ER psychiatric cases; drug and non-drug. I'd love to fill her in and get the real story on that EKG, because to be honest my heart doesn't always feel 100% anymore.

I just hope I can get the EKG data as if the substance was in fact caffeine, and journal articles are anonymous anyway so I'd disclose the drug, history, how much, and especially what happened after I was released.

Oh and TAC man, looking back now I can see how I was sort of over-quirked. I know this post I feel edgy; but knowledge is they key difference. If any of you ever notice me acting really non-me, drop me a hint; early detection and all..

My bro in law said one of the main reasons it escalated as far as it did is that I had no frame of reference; I had no one nearby to check my abdomen and calm me down; I just got built it up in my head until I decided I had to get to a hospital. It was late, hardly anyone there, I wasn't holding anyone up any major queue and my diagnosis was done in 20 mins, so that was nice.

Oh ya that SSRI thing. I've never had stimulant psychosis before the script, including weekends of regular, every 4 hour amp doses, some in between, MDMA/2cb or acid for the psych night, but a common theme was staying high for long periods of monoamine releasers, with a trip in there somewhere. Since escitalopram I find I'm far more susceptible to hallucinations; even the normal, mild ones like 'seeing something out of the corner of your eye' and such.

I'd love to go back and report the truth of it all for medical science purposes, but I would need some sort of assurance of confindentiality beyond the doc/patient type; as in, no new information gets put on my chart. However I don't know them that well and they could say they wouldn't do that, then do exactly that after I left.

Maybe paranoid, maybe valid paranoia.
 
Last edited:
Whoa, those are some antics! 8(

Did you get anything useful out of the MDPV stimulation, besides the spiritual episode? Was it meant to be functional or for euphoric purposes or?
Eager to read that report when you get around to it...
For now, why don't you take it easy? I imagine this takes its toll in several ways, give yourself a break, why don't you? :)

End of this week I am starting a mirtazapine script - already got the stuff - and I am probably going to be away from here for a while. But before that, as if the psilocin trip last week was not enough, I am considering taking aMT or DiPT tomorrow or the day after. Pretty interested in DiPT but I am concerned that it will freak me out like MiPT did. Well, not that badly really, but I don't have any use for that - I am just so curious about the auditive effects.
But maybe I should just opt for something else entirely or nothing at all...
 
Solipsis said:
Did you get anything useful out of the MDPV stimulation, besides the spiritual episode? Was it meant to be functional or for euphoric purposes or?
Click to expand...

Well, I very much do not recommend it; just puttin that out there.

The general essence for me anyway; it was something I used alone; not a social drug like amp. It's just a clean calm stimulant, that believe it or not, seemed to regularly put me in a meditative state.

The stimulation was definitely not functional; it didn't motivate me to work on things, I couldn't study well on it; I couldn't follow a straight train of though, I would drift around in my mind with paper and pencil in front of me.

Oh, worst part, even when I was calm and meditative; if I crossed a certain dosage point, by even a tiny bit, even if it was just a 'normal' buzz dose; I would get really unnerving congestive pain in the left side of my chest. No pins/needles or tingling right arm; but the angina was kind of a buzzkill. Unlike many things; it's better to underdose than cross into that angina state, because even if it's stable, you're high is toast.

And my favorite effect of all: aphrodisiac to the max. After the calm, happy state wore off, a significant body energy emerged and was fun to put to good use.

I don't think I'll be using MDPV again though. I've always wanted to try yohimbe, I'll try it soon, sounds like good stuff.

Pros: calm, easy going, meditative stimulation, awesome aphrodisiac. Short-ish duration whareas IR amphetamine is 12 hours before sleep time; MDPV seemed to cleare in 5-6 hours; nice for evenings.

Cons: come-down can be rough; didn't seem bad for me though. It's makes me sketchy outside your home or safety zone; calm and happy inside, hypervigilant and edgy outside. I couldn't imagine it as a social drug. Notorious reputation for addiction potential and production of psychotic states. Pretty much everything else in my last 5 posts. :p

For now, why don't you take it easy? I imagine this takes its toll in several ways, give yourself a break, why don't you? :)
Click to expand...

Good call. Ya it's taken a toll. The thoughts of what I experienced on that plane still enter my mind, and I think I should find some sort of guide to find meaning in it to put it to rest. I think I was shown something for a reason.
Actually, since then I've strongly been questioning my education/career path. I really feel I don't belong here. Two years and I only have a few acquibtances (just people I know because we've had to work on something together or somesuch), have no friends here.

I'm still going to finish my degree, my parents would have my head on a platter if I didn't. Basically I can't handle the shithole of academia, the city, and the vapid, emptyness of so many people here. I have next to nothing in common with people here.

This summer I'm going to try to get a job as a mechanic in a small engines/motorcycle shop, finish next year, and if I still feel i works; get a permanent job working on bikes, and maybe have my own shop someday specializes in R&D of high performance modifications, and restoration of vintage relics. :)

Now that motivates me. Not only that; but I can live and set up shop in the coutry, with space. Not couped up, surrounded by pretentious, trendy metro-types who wear a pound of hair gel, $300 of clothes on a normal day (swear they must have wardrobes worth more than all my vehicles).

Gah, get me out of here. I need a garage, I need to something to fix, make faster, or build from scratch. :)

End of this week I am starting a mirtazapine script - already got the stuff - and I am probably going to be away from here for a while.
Click to expand...

I tried it too; it made me feel REALLY weird, not just the initial H1 effects. It gave me a very strange nor-epi type buzz in my head. I had stop because of the H1 effects though. I had midterms/assignments and I wasn't funtional in the least.
Make sure you have no deadlines in the next week or two or work that requires heavy thought.

Although escitalopram did a neat thing for my stutter; not a complete cure, some instances of stuttering, but a good 90% reduction. Anyways it makes me hazy, I can't think clearly, and I'm sure it contributed to my incident.
I sleep through my alarms, miss exams, can't keep track of time. It goes on. This semester has been a disaster compared to my previous semesters; and the only difference is escitalopram.

So this month I'm weaning off the already relatively low dose. I'm going to research for somthing else, but one absolute requirement is that it does not impair my cognitive functioning. One of the things I hate most about escitalopram is that my driving skill went from non-pro Schumacher to having a hard time making a smooth curve.. and I used to tear up lumpy dirt that came into vision very fast and the decision of how to handle it (stop for safety and lose time, swerve around, or just plow through/jump it) had to be made in 0.3-0.4 seconds.
Sorry, I just hate what it's done to my perception and ability to perform my favorite sport (go fast).

as if the psilocin trip last week was not enough, I am considering taking aMT or DiPT tomorrow or the day after. Pretty interested in DiPT but I am concerned that it will freak me out like MiPT did. Well, not that badly really, but I don't have any use for that - I am just so curious about the auditive effects.
But maybe I should just opt for something else entirely or nothing at all...
Click to expand...

Reading about those trypts with only N-subs gave me the heebie jeebies. As far as auditory goes it seems to be the domain of DiPT... it's subs. 4-AcO-DiPT was obscnenely auditory as well as visual. Same seems to be with other DiPT subs,
I don't think you need the ultra strong 'root drug'; I'd recommend a decent trip with one of it's subs. 20mg 4-AcO-DiPT had me hearing the carrier waves louder thana freight train and all the colours that went with it. It's light in that there's a positive push to it, but the auditory hallucinations are way stronger than from other trypts.

I don't think it compares with MDPV psychosis though; you're better off going for the sure thing.... NOT ;)

I'm going to need a break from BL myself, gotta get my head settled out so I can stop talking about it; even this post has me nerves energizing.
 
Last edited:
^Just remember that stims are as intoxicating as downers, they just make you feel like you can see things clearly.

In other news, after drinking way too much this week since Monday (and hating it), I'm out of booze, cigs, and money (spent some of that money on important things too, mind you, not just this sorta thing). Running out makes me afraid...and that's worse than poisoning myself with something that doesn't even make me feel better.
 
tumblr_mj9lxinmC01rkoci2o9_400.gif
 
Last night we were running around looking for this afterhours party at 4-something in the morning. We were getting close and then I was just like "fuck it, I'm tired, I'm too old for this shit and not on any drugs, I will not have fun" and we went home. Had I been rolling or tripping I would have been down, but I have shit to do today and coming weeks is going to be busy as hell, and my mind has been preoccupied.

Earlier in the night I had been considering mxe but I doubt that would have kept me going, I would have been just as tired.
 
Damn kids!! (shakes fist). Yeah, I am already there sometimes. I get pissed at our neighbors when they are loud and wasted (but I think that is mainly jealousy that they are having a good time and I a trying to get some sleep).

Also, I am glad we didn't end up at the cave, as it turns out my friend was over-hyping it. It was just a small afterparty gettogether, not a rave like they've had in the caves in the past. I would have been disappointed when I got there.

Its aggravating that with my job ending and prepping for my big move, I feel stressed out all the time (although the wife is more stressed than me... but then that stresses me out more) and I am slipping deeper into my alcoholism. I have a great desire for a strong psychedelic experience, but I don't think I am in the right mental capacity to do it before I get settled in my new home (several months from now).
 
NKB; I've had a insight into the pros/cons of stims vs. psychs. And the most interesting one is both pro and con; on psychs you know your tripping. Tripping can be more difficult than stimming, but you're aware of your state. When you cross into a psycho-spiritual state with stims (with you basic language and motor skills intact), you can't tell that's real ans what's not. Both can be very therapeutic and revelatory; the stimulant overdose is both more authentic of the 'dark nigh of the soul' (psychosis, depersonalization, tear-down, rebuild), but far more dangerouns.

And man.. I'm glad I'm usually not too far from and old guy who's had a long life of burgers and beer; nitroglycerin. Benzos are my own addition.

I really did it this time; not mentally, but man, a thin 20-something shouldn't be having this hard of angina. Maxed on nitro, headache, low bp symptoms, but still got angina. Just slow breathing, waiting it out.. :(
 
peppersocks it sounds like you need a lot of rest.
do you have anyone to resort to? parents? old friends?

I had an episode I retrospectively labeled "dark night of the soul" 2-3 years ago, sparked by a catastrophic relationship and fueled by a polytox binge with an emphasis on psychedelics and dissociatives culminating in a psychotic break on acid (and even that didn't stop me from abusing dissociatives). took quite some time to recover but I got out for the better...
do you dream? if yes try to deal with the demons that lurk beneath "the crack" in the dream state. I had one dream that made me defeat at least the "positive symptoms" (as the psychiatrists say). I don't know your state or purpose of your substance (ab)use but from outside your symptoms (including the physical ones) can be interpreted as the beginning of a transition phase. what you experience right now is a big red stop sign. there is a lot of potential (for personal growth) in states like that. it won't be easy though - but well worth it.
I guess you already know that adding any psychoactive substance is ill-advised...benzos. well. for a few days? ;) ...is there any tangible psychosomatic aspect with your angina?


-

gonna see, hear and hopefully meet stan grof on sunday! :)
 
johannes kreisler said:
peppersocks it sounds like you need a lot of rest.
do you have anyone to resort to? parents? old friends?
Click to expand...

I sure do. Home on Wednesday, heading to the bush with my dad, uncles, cousins. We're going to clear some overgrown trails and stuff like that. It's the spring thaw and that outdoor vitality is returning. :)

The people that I truly open up to are my sister and bro-in-law. They know me best and vice versa. It's kind of a symbiotic thing; everytime we get together after 11 (buzz liberation), she vents her issues with our mother (completely valid lol), and I try to navigate to forget about it; you're succesful with your own family, it's your life and you have got to be one of the warmest, most accomodating people out there. There comes a point your overbearing mother will be mad for no reason (or it's your imagination), either way, screw it; don't let it bother you. Everything balances out in a week at the most.

So I do that; try to promote independence, but then when I feel like I'm all alone from too much independence, and paradoxically feeling pressure to live up to maternal expectations, she reminds me that I can't follow that 'order'; look where it's gotten me. Every once in a while I need a refresher to tell me to follow my passion. A happy life and/or career is not gained through groaning and procrastination; it comes from doing what you naturally enjoy doing. When you feel healthy on a summer's day and not expending energy in semi-'waste' (hiking, biking, whatev), actually producing something than can be sold; that's your calling.
I know a lot of you are aspiring musicians and the odds suck, sorry ot be blunt, some make it. For me someone tells me something's broken, I fix it, (small $); I hope to expand on that.
Anyways ya, my psychosis and my sister's help in my rebuild has unsurfaced my desire to be a motorcycle mechanic which I've wanted to be since my early teens; it's just been stifled by parents seeking prestige through their child. I'm going finish my BSC (waste to drop out now, and the title may be useful). After that I hope to get a job in a shop, save money, a decade or two later I might be able to open my own shop, in which alongside the masses of bikes and atvs around here from rich baby boomers that need maintenance I can built some sweet custom machines (It was all a dream, I used to read word-up magazine, Salt N' Pepa an Heavy D up in tha limousine... :D :) )

As far as dope; I can't lie. Transformative experience gave me overhwelming direction, the the stash still lingers. Another thing me and sis talk about; she likes her alky, but she made me really evaluate myself, and unlike 5 years ago, I have a hard time leaving the 'addictives' alone for too long. The psych vault has no drawing force, but I think I'm going to have to carefully deplete all stimulants and benzos I have, in a taper fashion (but not too drawn out). Past experience has also showed me that stopping too fast just makes you feel awful, and makes you rebound worse than before. So stash will be carefully depleted (more carefully than psychosis-night, and more carefully than tonight; angina-night). Once their gone I'll have a small cache of psychedelics tied to a piece of obsidian at the bottom of Great Bear Lake;.. and go! :P

As far as 'purpose'; it's transition. BTW both of the strong reactions (psychotic transformation and tonight's angina) were MDPV. I'm going to be ridiculously careful with it and be glad when it's gone. Everyone else; heed the warnings. Those entries on wikipedia about it having a high risk of psychosis is not fear mongering propaganda; it whole hearted truth. Give me amp, methamp, methylphenidate, ethylphenidate; each on except methamp was done to what I would call a heavy dose; while what I thought was a common MDPV regimen sent me off the ledge.

Funny how things are; I just can't throw them out of flush them. Now there's conservatism. He's such a right wing conservative he will not have his drugs go to absolute waste! =D

BTW, thanks man, I'm on the up and up; looking forward to getting a job and paychecks and the social interaction that goes with it. :)

PS: angina gone by the time I typed the first smiley face. So MDPV lesson learned; I really wonder why it hits the coronary arteries so hard; no other stim does. I wonder if it's an idiosyncracy I have, because people talk about mepehedrone vasoconcstriction, but I've never had it; MDPV? oh ya :\
 
Last edited:
What's an alky?

If you become a mechanic I highly recommend that you (re)read Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance!
Also, do you get angina even when you are detoxed? Or has that detox not happened yet ever since?
And I am interested to know what is compelling about MDPV if you also have others stims available? I had negative experiences with some of it from a super early batch years ago, it looked pretty impure. Now I have received some - apparently - okay product after that but it didn't seem like a good idea to me: if it is still bad stuff then I have no use for it, if it is good stuff then I have other things to worry about.

Sounds like you are going through a lot man, yes tearing down and going full circle sounds like hallmarks of processes described by Dabrowski in his theory of positive desintegration which describes well that there are recurring developments that happen in people but that can be more frequent or severe in certain people with certain traits, but it is often a necessary path to be able to learn heavy things.
It is good that you have people you can rely on and talk with, that is pretty important. Even for introverted types.

Started on mirtazapine yesterday, I was able to sleep before 12 a.m. and was up and about around 9 a.m. - so far I am getting the idea that it works as I intended it (twas my idea to pick this). Apparently I am still having difficulties letting go of this place tho. ;)
Today we are getting a new king (the Netherlands), I wonder if that is news that reaches the rest of the world? Watched a bit of the ceremony on TV which was bizarre and outdated to see, and a lot of it major boring shit. ;)

This weekend I am visiting my parents and birthing some shroom cakes to lay trays with them.
Wanna start dating again as long as the season isn't so dreary, and that appears to be picking up. Then I also desperately need to live my life regularly and in a healthy way and continue the changes I have already been making, get stuff back on track, work, save some money, then another major obstacle: fighting for a career I can be happy with on a long term.

<3
 
solipsis said:
What's an alky?
Click to expand...

Alcohol, also used as an abbreviation for alcoholism.

Oh, and question for you ESL folks, how often do you have to look up the colloquialisms and idioms we US/CA/UK/IE/AU/NZ people use on here? Or have you already picked most of it up through education/media?


solipsis said:
Today we are getting a new king (the Netherlands), I wonder if that is news that reaches the rest of the world?
Click to expand...

I found the story on both CNN and Al Jazeera's websites. (I usually get internet news from BBC or Al Jazeera, but I figured a European news agency would be hip to European news, normally the only American media I trust are newspapers)
 
Last edited:
I don't know what you mean by ESL. Is that supposed to be funny? :]

And yeah I agree about CNN, they used to be respectable... and then it was like: 'CNN, What R U doing, CNN, stahp...'
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top