The other day when I was at band practice, my girl's dad showed up unannounced (he likes to do this), while she was there. She really didn't want to see him, but she let him in. He immediately started talking about himself and how victimized he is by the world (this is all he does, he's exhausting to be around). His wife is divorcing him so he was talking about that (and has been for like a year, the only topic of conversation it's possible to have with him). At some point he started telling her that he has PTSD from his wife and he can't be around people yelling anymore, and how he would NEVER do that to ANYONE. She was like what the fuck dad. Because that is exactly what happened to her, she has childhood PTSD from him and it affects every area of her life, in fact I have rarely ever seen someone so beat down as her. She never stands up to him or tells him how she actually feels because she's scared to. But this time she was like dad, that's bullshit and I'll tell you why, it's because I have PTSD from you doing EXACTLY that, and other things. It affects every aspect of my life and I feel like my life is ruined because of it, so don't tell me about how you'd never do that to anyone. He was all like "why would you say that to me??". Then he tried to hug her but it was a forced hug and she was trying to push him away but he forced it to happen. She told me that that was part of what she always hated about him, was unwanted touching. Now I don't think she means sexually but just like, she hated him and resented him and he would always try to force the type of parent to child intimacy he wanted for himself against his kids' wills.
Anyway she was like "don't fucking touch me!" in a yell and he was pissed at her because "you yelled at me right after I told you I have PTSD". Then she felt guilty and apologized and he acted all victimized. And then she calmly said she needed him to really understand how what he did messed her up. She has always held on to this desperate hope he would change and be able to admit what he did. and it keeps her in this cycle of keeping him in her life, and every time they interact she's very depressed a cries for days. So she explained that she feels trapped in life and can't stand up for herself and feels powerless and is terribly depressed and has been anxious her entire life, because of his yelling, over-controlling nature, some cases of whipping, and so on. And she gave examples of particular situations from her childhood and asked if he remembered. He was like, I don't remember that. Then he was like wait, you know what I just realized? I realized that none of that ever happened. Actually it was your mother's fault (his exact words). Which is super fucked up in several ways, first of all his suffering daughter is explaining her pain from his actions and asking him to own it and he denies it entirely, and then does a 180 and puts the blame on her mother, who was also a victim. She snapped and told him to get the fuck out of her house and she doesn't want to see him again. He was like okay fine but only because I decided to leave. And then left.
Her siblings both hate him and have no relationship with him whatsoever, won't even reply to his calls or texts. They basically did what my girl just did years ago. I'm really proud of her for standing up to him, it's the first time she ever fully has in her life. I'm also really proud of her that she hasn't perpetuated the cycle of abuse... her dad's dad abused him and it's reason he is the way he is. My girl abuses herself which sucks but she doesn't abuse anyone else and is a really good person. Since then she's been notably happier and more at ease, I hope it lasts and is the beginning of some true healing for her. I think she's finally let go of the idea that he could change and now she can work on accepting it and letting it go. I worry though that he is going to start threatening suicide... he did that to his kids when his wife left him. He has no one, his kids won't talk to him and he doesn't really have friends anymore and he's really depressed. I feel bad for him but at the same time, fuck him. But if he starts threatening suicide again my girl is going to feel massively guilty and will almost for sure let him back in. Which I'm sure I would do too. But god damn the guy is toxic. He's ruined her and it makes me so angry.
I would absolutely jump at the chance, I have seen stuff on Youtube that made me cry, and left me slack-jawed. Such a wonderful performer. I've never seen anyone with as much soul on stage. I have been told I dance and show every emotion on my face when I perform too, so it's something I really connect with. 
