Myself, I have no memory of bad sexual experience, yet I have always hated anything linking sexuality and me.
I'm glad I am not a bloke, as I would have to wank off, and touch my bits, whereas us women dont have to.
I am sorry for all the brave posters on this thread.
It's a complete mystery to me, why I am repulsed by sex.
My home life wasnt prudish, and although I was emotionally and physically abused, I recall no sexual abuse.
I just had sex when my friends started to. I didnt want to be the odd one out, and my repulsion was nothing to do with the partners. Some of them were lovely. It was to do with me. I just didnt want to end up a perpetual virgin, and thought of as a freak, but I feel a freak anyway, for som unknown, but very powerful reason.
Nowadays, I don't pretend, and this has lifted a lot of pressure. I no longer have to go through the motions, even if the partner is highly attractive.
I am always careful to tell any nice men who may want sex, that my reluctance is nothing to do with them. Some of the more insecure ones have trouble not taking it personally, though.
I once woke up early one moring with a tactile hallucination, feeling grabbed by the waist. Without sounding too gross, I also had a feeling in my anus, the best way to describe it was like having a poo backwards, and 'tight'
Does this mean I am perverted as my mind (although subconscious)conjured up this awful scene?
I am really confused, you know when you get that you dont know if these things are dreams, fabrication from your own mind, etc? I sound like a loon, but I am just trying to describe myself in this context.
I hate drunk and horny people, and I dont like being around them.
I feel uncomfortable in my own skin.
I have no desire for sex, but I feel a bit of a freak, as it always comes up in social situations. Someone chats me up, and although flattered, I tell them straight away, I am asexual, it clears things up from the start.
I have a couple of platonic male friends, who are not at all lairy, and I value these friendships.
As I have no memory of sexual abuse myself, when I hear of those strong surviving souls who know they were abused, then I feel guilty for feeling so strongly, and having no conscious reason to feel so bad about myself. Yet, this feeling wont go away. It affects all of my life, and is debilitating, even in non sexual areas.
Sorry

but thanks for the opportunity to share.