TryingToGetBetter
Bluelighter
Hello Everyone,
I'm 26 years old and what most would consider a pretty normal guy. I enjoy life, but unfortunately I haven't had much of one for the past 4 years or so. After graduating from college at the age of 22 in 2009, I moved back in with my parents because the job market was shit. I had a handful of friends I went to high school there with and, unfortunately, they had discovered the "wonderful" creation of what we know as opiates. They gave me my first lortab and that was it. The emptiness I had been feeling because I couldn't find a job, the lack of all the friends I had made in school, the boredom of living at home with my parents feeling like a failure... it all went away. I loved it. It filled my soul.
Anything I could get my hands on for the past 4 years I have... percoset, lortab, roxis, oxy, op oxy, etc... I've never shot heroine and please do not think I am judging anyone that has, I'm NOT. I was just terrified of the thought of injecting something into my veins that I had no idea where it came from.
This is my 4th or 5th time detoxing with the ultimate goal of quitting. I've been through and completed rehab with flying colors, but the day I got out...? I had a roxi up my nose within hours. To this day, I'm still not sure why. The same thing with NA, which I've gone to countless meetings and met some really great people. I can't handle the "woe is me" sob stories every session though. It gets really old hearing 90% negativity. It's like some of these people are PISSED they're clean and sober, it makes no sense. I relapsed again.
Today is my 5th day of sobriety after I'd say a year and a half straight of using. I'd say the past 6 months I've been consistently abusing between 60 to 120 mg of lortab per day. Weekends the dosage went up. I never used to use at work, but the past few months it started creeping into that part of my life too. I woke up last Thursday and told myself I was done. I am done with literally overdrafting my bank account every week by hundreds of dollars to get my fix. I'd buy 40 lortabs and if I could make them last 5 days it was a miracle. I'm done letting these things run my life and make me numb to the people I love. I'm tired of not being able to gain weight, and having horrible mood swings.
I live with my girlfriend. I love her dearly and would do anything for her. This though... this is for me. I told her and my parents. They are all supporting me, again, and it's awesome. She kept me on the Thomas Recipe for the first 3 days and while I had my doubts, that shit was amazing. Least painful withdrawals of my life. I am currently taking clonidine and xanax when needed, along with L-Tyrosine for energy and of course loperamide for the monsters beating the shit out of my stomach every day. I'm a big fan of the cannabis, so need I say more...?
I know there isn't a one size fits all method here, and it's only been 5 days after more or less 4 years of abuse... I just want to know when I'll start feeling "normal" again. The urges suck, but I have a slew of people both ex-addicts and non-addicts that talk me through them. The thing I hate is that big emptiness I felt years ago before taking these things feels like it's back. Nothing seems fun. Nothing holds my interest.
If anyone has any words of encouragement, advice, or just positive things they would like to share, I would sincerely appreciate it. I know that being an addict doesn't make me a bad person, and you are all great people for being here right now at this moment. Whether you are using and trying to find a way to quit, or supporting those like me, you are truly a blessing from God. Day 6 tomorrow, one day at a time right?
- TryingToGetBetter
I'm 26 years old and what most would consider a pretty normal guy. I enjoy life, but unfortunately I haven't had much of one for the past 4 years or so. After graduating from college at the age of 22 in 2009, I moved back in with my parents because the job market was shit. I had a handful of friends I went to high school there with and, unfortunately, they had discovered the "wonderful" creation of what we know as opiates. They gave me my first lortab and that was it. The emptiness I had been feeling because I couldn't find a job, the lack of all the friends I had made in school, the boredom of living at home with my parents feeling like a failure... it all went away. I loved it. It filled my soul.
Anything I could get my hands on for the past 4 years I have... percoset, lortab, roxis, oxy, op oxy, etc... I've never shot heroine and please do not think I am judging anyone that has, I'm NOT. I was just terrified of the thought of injecting something into my veins that I had no idea where it came from.
This is my 4th or 5th time detoxing with the ultimate goal of quitting. I've been through and completed rehab with flying colors, but the day I got out...? I had a roxi up my nose within hours. To this day, I'm still not sure why. The same thing with NA, which I've gone to countless meetings and met some really great people. I can't handle the "woe is me" sob stories every session though. It gets really old hearing 90% negativity. It's like some of these people are PISSED they're clean and sober, it makes no sense. I relapsed again.
Today is my 5th day of sobriety after I'd say a year and a half straight of using. I'd say the past 6 months I've been consistently abusing between 60 to 120 mg of lortab per day. Weekends the dosage went up. I never used to use at work, but the past few months it started creeping into that part of my life too. I woke up last Thursday and told myself I was done. I am done with literally overdrafting my bank account every week by hundreds of dollars to get my fix. I'd buy 40 lortabs and if I could make them last 5 days it was a miracle. I'm done letting these things run my life and make me numb to the people I love. I'm tired of not being able to gain weight, and having horrible mood swings.
I live with my girlfriend. I love her dearly and would do anything for her. This though... this is for me. I told her and my parents. They are all supporting me, again, and it's awesome. She kept me on the Thomas Recipe for the first 3 days and while I had my doubts, that shit was amazing. Least painful withdrawals of my life. I am currently taking clonidine and xanax when needed, along with L-Tyrosine for energy and of course loperamide for the monsters beating the shit out of my stomach every day. I'm a big fan of the cannabis, so need I say more...?
I know there isn't a one size fits all method here, and it's only been 5 days after more or less 4 years of abuse... I just want to know when I'll start feeling "normal" again. The urges suck, but I have a slew of people both ex-addicts and non-addicts that talk me through them. The thing I hate is that big emptiness I felt years ago before taking these things feels like it's back. Nothing seems fun. Nothing holds my interest.
If anyone has any words of encouragement, advice, or just positive things they would like to share, I would sincerely appreciate it. I know that being an addict doesn't make me a bad person, and you are all great people for being here right now at this moment. Whether you are using and trying to find a way to quit, or supporting those like me, you are truly a blessing from God. Day 6 tomorrow, one day at a time right?
- TryingToGetBetter
