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Harm Reduction OD Social v3 Why is there a syringe in your butt?

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I cant remember the last time I was sober for longer than a day in the last 5 years TBPH. Not even when I was in rehab because I was on a shitload of benzos and suboxone.
 
AnaïsNin said:
I've been basically sober this whole year so far...

Funny thing is It wasn't something I decided to do or tried to do.

It just kind of happened...


Has anybody had a similar experience?
I don't know what to think of this.
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It's been a while, but this actually happened a number of times in college and early grad school. The first true time when right after I started using heroin, believe it or not (although the period only last two and a half months or so). It wasn't bad nor good.

I now find I enjoy certain drugs in my life. But then again, they are far from the only thing about life I find enjoyable - they're just like the cherry on the icing on the bran muffin called life ;)
 
Yeah I guess it was inevitable for me because of lack of money +actually having shit to do.

I find that I'm a lot better at doing normal life stuff when im not high, I actually work as a person (DUH)...

And usually drugs don't even cross my mind on weekdays when im busy with college but im finding that its really situational, when i go home for the weekend I instantly fiend really badly, to the point where it's physically painful... it's driving me mad. I know i can do fine without drugs but... not here.
 
toothpastedog said:
It's been a while, but this actually happened a number of times in college and early grad school. The first true time when right after I started using heroin, believe it or not (although the period only last two and a half months or so). It wasn't bad nor good.
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Wow i'm pretty much in that boat right now. I did way too much of everything last year and now I've almost completely stopped. It isn't bad or good, and Im not proud of myself or anything for doing it... Although I do have a much healthier and more productive life on the surface i guess...

Except times like now when some little thing triggers me. I do anything to get be unsober now

Its probably mostly because I've conditioned myself to get high on something whenever i start feeling bad so it doesn't get worse (you could say im terrified of being depressed).
 
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@ joe i am sorry about your friends. It does make me think how will i ever deal... It a very scary thought id have to say. Everytime im clean i am super depressed and just feel like im in a never ending withdraw/ dying and then when i relapse its like i come back to life.

I do feel like there is hope and one day ill be normal. I am a very putgoing and generally happy go lucky type person that always has a smile on my face but for some reason when i talk on bl to you guys im always honest lol in real life outaide of the computer noone would ever know im struggling inside or an addict. If i didnt tell you no one would ever know :) lol
 
lazylazyjoe said:
@toothpastedog
You're always so cheery and positive. Ever been to a rainbow family gathering? You'd fit right in
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fuck that shit, actually until very recently I was a cynical cunt 110%, but I made the cool, conscious decision a while ago that being so, while kind of fun in a dark self-immolating way, I'm way more productive and mature when I'm positive. It's a pretty good coping mechanism too boot. I mean, when come looks at me and asks me whether the glass is half full or half empty, I retort by saying, "What's in the fucking glass I care so much about?" =D

Rainbow family gather doesn't sounds like it would be mah thing though. Unless it's for leprechauns. Or uh, yea, only if that was what is was for.

Oh, okay, after looking it up, yea, if I wasn't an anarchist I'd probably find it more appealing. And more so, I think hippies are fucking stupid. I mean, yea, they're kinda cool and nice and all, but even though some of our methods and goals might be similar, I still hate fucking hippies... If you know how Frank Zappa felt about flower power, well, I agree with him 110%.

Plus, I believe non-violence is only one strategy. Sometime violence is both justified and necessary, although this is very slippery territory. And I'd rather just go to bed than get caught up in a discussion about justice...
 
flower power is bull shit.

See: http://www.etsy.com/listing/87863626/flower-power-sucks-frank-zappa

NSFW:
il_570xN.293041395.jpg


goodnight
 
I got dragged to my first one by my wife when we met. Always hated hippies, but everyone was so open and cool, i actually liked it. Ofcorse i was candy flipping most of the time. But ive been to other ones too and liked it. theres plenty of normal chill people just hanging out camping and gettin high.

And if the glass is half empty, just means the cups too big.

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And i'm definitely not a hippy. I hate protests, eat meat, hate bright colors, don't smoke pot and hate the planet so much my goal is to acquire enough wealth to send a rocket to space and have it push a large asteroid our way
 
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Ugh, I'm soo fatigued and working on a paper now, when I finish I have to decide if I want to go to my brother's party. He's throwing a going away party at his rehearsal space, going out with a bang on the last day. He really wants me there but I feel like shit at the moment

Drugs, dirty dancing, and pounding pounding techno music seems pretty damn tempting at the moment, but I'm sooo tired :p
 
Im so tired to but im back to insomnia... Fml

I think you should go to the party live while you can!!!!
 
Oh no. You will regret adderall on no sleep. I would save it for a day you slept a good sleep and ate a good dinner the night before i always feel best on them after that.

I am going to make a pain soecialist dictor app tomorrow i just cant live this way anymore being clean..... If they prescribe bup for the rest of peoples lives why cant i take vicodin for the rest of my life....


Sorry you cant sleep either hugs its 4am here
 
Kayla, if you can get considerable pain relief on less than 30mg hydrocodone, look in to Kratom. I was in the same boat as you, hated depending on a doctor for pain relief. Now I get relief when I want it, with a nice energy boost to boot
 
I want to find kratom. I was an opiate addict for years and then was on subs for over six months i stoppped subs in january and now just use them occasionally but i resently hurt my back and went to the e r and got on vicprophan and they do alright if i mis with muscle relaxers and valium. But subs really upped my tolerance.

But really what im looking for is a low dise maintnance drug maybe kratom will work to just make me have that opiate in my system to make me feel normal again im tired of the shitty normal feeling i have 24/7 while sober sinc ei fucked up y brain and body doing opiates for so long.

I now obly feel normal if im taking an opiate.

Now knowing my story do you think kratom could work for me? Where can i find it to try it btw?
 
Damn, I actually had a blast today. I took a bit of Adderall and it mixed wonderfully with my Ativan and Suboxone. That was refreshing :)
Ahh..now time to try to fall asleep. Nothing a little bit more Ativan can't take care of ;)

Good night, fellow bluelighters <3 see you tomorrow (technically today).
 
Docs are only allowed to prescribe bupe for maintence.

Any other pain med, they need a documented reason to keep you on it, or they could lose their DEA #, license , or even face crinal charges if investigated. And with how hard theyve been getting shook down, most docs won't risk it.

Why would you rather vicodin instead of bupe for maintenace?
 
KAYLA2010 said:
Oh no. You will regret adderall on no sleep. I would save it for a day you slept a good sleep and ate a good dinner the night before i always feel best on them after that.

I am going to make a pain soecialist dictor app tomorrow i just cant live this way anymore being clean..... If they prescribe bup for the rest of peoples lives why cant i take vicodin for the rest of my life....


Sorry you cant sleep either hugs its 4am here
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You really want to take Vicodin/ some other opiate for the rest of your life? Because that is what you just said, basically. Aren't you a recovering opiate addict? Do you think its a wise choice to start taking opiates again, right after you just got clean with buprenorphine?
 
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