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NO-vember '14 -- SL Gettin & Stayin Sober Thread

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So back to day one for me today. I had 10 months clean on Nivember 10th and relapsed two days later although I had seen it coming for weeks before.

I feel so dumb and ashamed, mainly because I told my gf the most ridiculous lies to hide my use and almost made her believe erverything was ok. She's doing her graduation exam in two weeks and I have nithing better to do than get high and cause even more trouble.

On the brighter side I feel like I understood a bit more that I have to keep my hands off heroin period. I just can't handle it, can't moderate and can't even be hinest about my use wich is a bad combination. Last time it took several dabbles and three weeks of consistent use before I got my shit together, and now I hope thise 10 days suffice...
 
I believe that relapses are part of the package. I don´t know any addicted who decided to quit and never ever used it again.
Probably there will be an exception here and there.
But if I were you I would now focus on starting all over again.
You know the drill.
 
I finally took my sub this morning. Had it for a couple days but of course I made up excuses why I was going to use "just one more day".

Anyway, I did my last dope last night around 8pm.. it was weird stuff, I started feeling sick at like 10:30, so I was like cool, I'll be sick enough to take the sub first thing in the am. Took it at 7:30, 4mg. Now it's almost 10 am, and I mean, I'm a lot better, but I'm sniffly and no energy. I don't know if 4mg isn't enough, or it's because I didn't wait long enough after the dope.

I don't know if I should take another 2 mg now, or just wait it out and take it tonight (if I should take it at all?) I've read that if subs put you into precipitated WDs taking more not only won't help, it could make it worse?
 
BlueSaffron said:
I finally took my sub this morning. Had it for a couple days but of course I made up excuses why I was going to use "just one more day".

Anyway, I did my last dope last night around 8pm.. it was weird stuff, I started feeling sick at like 10:30, so I was like cool, I'll be sick enough to take the sub first thing in the am. Took it at 7:30, 4mg. Now it's almost 10 am, and I mean, I'm a lot better, but I'm sniffly and no energy. I don't know if 4mg isn't enough, or it's because I didn't wait long enough after the dope.

I don't know if I should take another 2 mg now, or just wait it out and take it tonight (if I should take it at all?) I've read that if subs put you into precipitated WDs taking more not only won't help, it could make it worse?
Click to expand...

Suboxone is only going to help the withdrawal symptoms

And it is best to use it to only take the edge off

I don't think you have to worry about precipitated withdrawal - but taking enough suboxone can make you feel weird/bad

So wait out if you can, you're doing great Blue <3
 
Thanks C.H. I know it only helps the wd, thats what I'm trying to do, get rid of my sniffly nose & no energy and achey feeling. I have to go out & interact with people today, so i just want to feel normal, cos right now i dont :/

Maybe i should take a couple gabapentin..
 
Today is 90 days since benzos. I went test driving cars yesterday and my anxiety was completely through the roof I damn near had a breakdown when I got home. It will be nice when I begin to resemble a functioning human being again. I'm on the verge of buying a car I don't particularity like just because the stress of continuing to look for a better deal and not having a car is getting to be to much for me. On the bright side this semester is almost over and it looks like I'll get at a 3.8 GPA if not a 4.0
 
BlueSaffron said:
Thanks C.H. I know it only helps the wd, thats what I'm trying to do, get rid of my sniffly nose & no energy and achey feeling. I have to go out & interact with people today, so i just want to feel normal, cos right now i dont :/

Maybe i should take a couple gabapentin..
Click to expand...

I know Blue <3

This entire time I have to do likewise (socially interact) and I feel so awful

It's shown me that I am strong and can push myself through painful things

But inside my head my subconscious mind is screaming and trying to sabotage my efforts to be happy

I am sure this post isn't really particularly helpful, but I just wanted to let you know that you can get through what you have to, even if it is terrifyingly awful feeling the whole time. I hope knowing that helps.
 
It does help, actually. I just took another 2mg - I was starting to sweat and my nose was running and I was getting legit sick... hopefully this helps. My plan is to take 4 mg tomorrow am again, everyone says it's better by the 2nd day and you feel normal by the 3rd.

I hope you hang in there too C.H. You said it yourself - you're strong and can push yourself through painful things :) I have to believe our brains won't let us feel bad forever - eventually they are going to get the hint that opiates aren't coming anymore, so they've gotta make their own.
 
That's what I hope blue <3

I have 28 days today

I woke up early AM with a pounding heart, feeling panic. Very suicidal. I am crying due to the frustration of not wanting to feel like this.

I am really hoping that this changes for me as time goes on
 
CH, is it possible you could go talk to a counselor? Have you considered antidepressants? I bring this up only as an idea... A friend of mine went through a very bad patch and was on medication for a year... Then with a bit of therapy & other changes, she was able to discontinue the meds & she's been fine ever since... She just needed a little something to help her through. Im hoping i wont be as godawfully depressed tapering subs as i was tapering methadone, but if i am, this time ive decided to go talk to someone about it. If i start getting suicidal thoughts again, i would absolutely take some meds for it.

I font know how you feel about doing that, just thought I'd throw the idea out.
 
I have thought of it and have been on antidepressants in the past

However I don't feel it would be wise, and am scared it will make me more suicidal (and I know that it will when I have to come off it; Zoloft was worst for me in this regard)

If I had had a better experience with antidepressants I would be more likely to do that

Thank you for the suggestions Blue, I can tell you care <3

At the moment I have no health insurance so seeing a doctor is close to impossible.

The one I could see will only give me 1 medication and it is not what I need the most - and I don't want to go on more medicine for sleep seeing as it could backfire (rebound insomnia)

I wouldn't tell a counselor or therapist what I am going through because I would likely land myself in a mental institution / hospital, and I really wouldn't fare well in such a setting.

There's a few people who I can tell what's going on in my mind, and I believe that is the best I can hope for in terms of support.
 
I know I don't post in here, but I just need to vent and I don't want to bother everyone with a new thread so I'm just going to do it here.

The akasthisia is driving me absolutely insane. Enough to scream. I have fibromyalgia and degenerative disc disease so when then pain and akasthisia wake me up multiple times a night I know that walking around makes me feel better but it fucking HURTS to do that. It hurts my back. It hurts my joints. But I have to because it's better than this, better than shaking and moaning and whining even after taking muscle relaxers and ReQuip and gabapentin (1200mg, I'm prescribed 800 4x/day) and still no relief. I have to knock myself out with tizanidine and diphenhydramine, but I can't sleep ALL the time. My painkillers got cut off. I got a few more but I ate 400mg of hydrocodone in two days, silly me.
Still, I haven't shot up in four days. I don't consider this a win because I haven't really had the opportunity and I kind of plan to in the near future. Any relief from this, however brief, whatever trouble it causes... ugh. I'm at that point.
Still waiting on a call from the new pain clinic. I've been through the injection regimens of two pain clinics with no relief. This one, I'm hoping, will take over my pain meds. I'm going to be honest. Yes, I have a stupidly high tolerance. Yes, I will give a lock box to my mother and have her dose me because I don't have the self control to do it myself.
I'm just going insane. I hate having this body. I fucking hate hate hate it. It rebels against me and antagonizes me and pushes me and I'm just so fucking tired.
 
wezface said:
How the fuck are we supposed to deal with shit?
Click to expand...

That's what I ask myself

I listen to music, I am also a musician and make my own music

I am writing a novel and read a lot

I have a very special person in my life, and my pet cat

Without these things I wouldn't be able to cope.

What works for you? Do you have anyone in your life who can keep you company when you're feeling bad?
 
Not really. I spend most of my time alone. I live with my mom who works second shift (3-12) at a factory, so she is gone most of the time I'm awake. There's a big pitbull, she's a sweetheart, but she sleeps most of the time. Good cuddler though.

I emailed my psych nurse and her nurse just called and told me they called in a script for Benzatropine for me to try, so we'll see if that helps.
 
Yes, I believe you´ll need to find what can bring your energy back. Even if it´s just a little. This has always been my most challenging task.
Very difficult to be alone, so if you have someone special the relationship can help you immensely. Or, the opposite..
Pets are great to be with. They are quite altruistic and they rely on you being okay to take care of them.
One good advice that really helped was to try to help those with real problems, physically speaking.
Try to be a volunteer. You will see how rewarding that is.
Good luck!
 
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