• HEALTH & RECOVERY
    Welcome Guest
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules Thread Directory 1 Thread Directory 2
    Mindfulness Links Addiction & Mind
    Sober Living Partner Program (SLiPP)
  • H&R Moderators: VerbalTruist | cdin | Lil'LinaptkSix

NEW/FINAL at home (attempt) detox diary, general support, and advice thread.

w0w ypu are at the worst day where your mind really messes with you. Dont give up you are so close..
 
w0w: please hang in there... cuz you know that you will be wanting to quit again in a week, maybe less, so you might as well see this thing through now.... sending you positive energy and hugs.
 
It's so hard... I just want to feel normal again. I know it's not worth it.
I am trying so hard not to relapse again. I just aquired $800.00 and it's literally driving me mad.
I gave it to my girlfriend to keep from me, but just knowing I have that much is making me go crazy because
I know I could go get A LOT of gear and go on a binge.
It's not worth it.. It's not worth it...
I am trying so hard...
I have just been taking a little bit extra xanax to calm me down..
this is so hard.. it's fooling with my head SO BAD.
 
Just don't forget if u go on a binge you'll lose your girlfriend's trust! You're doing really good w0w please hang in there! Your posts have inspired me and I haven't used in almost 48 hours. It's driving me nuts but it's so worth it! I saved $300 already and that's what I want for me. A normal life! Please don't give up! Much love and we are all here for you! <3
 
w0w0mg said:
It's so hard... I just want to feel normal again. I know it's not worth it.
I am trying so hard not to relapse again. I just aquired $800.00 and it's literally driving me mad.
I gave it to my girlfriend to keep from me, but just knowing I have that much is making me go crazy because
I know I could go get A LOT of gear and go on a binge.
It's not worth it.. It's not worth it...
I am trying so hard...
I have just been taking a little bit extra xanax to calm me down..
this is so hard.. it's fooling with my head SO BAD.
Click to expand...

hang in there man <3

I'm going through a really rough day, lots of anger and hatred in my heart and I cannot be happy no matter what I do

You're not alone man, just think about how strong you are for each minute you get through this
 
Keep fighting the good fight. I'm on day 2 without snorting my DOC, roxies. Glorifying it doesn't help; thinking about the past great times didn't help. I woke up the past few nights in a fetal position sweating and more tense than I have ever been in my entire life. Living alone especially while pursuing my dreams- that's what woke me up. My dream and purpose MUST be bigger than the shit I feel now. Good thing I deleted everyone's number because I've been trying to look through old messages to find it. And I even found myself digging through my car for crumbs and hoping that some part of me dropped a few pieces here and there. But of course, as a methodical addict, I never left any traces behind. I watched requiem for a dream for the first time in 10 years, it scared the hell out of me but the madness in me still believes that I can control it. That's my brain playing tricks on me again. DONT FALL FOR IT! Bluelight has kept me on track. I am not religious and I don't go to church but I do believe in spirituality. And I guess this is where I go. This is where I go to be with my people. People who share the same pains, problems and struggles as I do. Eventually I plan to go to NA meetings... but for now, this community is the only place where I can type out how I really feel without any discretion of being judged because I know that everyone here is fighting to live... so... keep up the good fight, it's worth it at the end. I know things will only get better from here...
 
So I have to admit I messed up and when I got a hold of that small sum of money I went on a 2 day bender of 2 grams of heroin IV binge.
It was so stupid because now I just started the withdrawals completely over and I know it's coming back twice fold.
My girlfriend went out of town until tomorrow and I have no transportation and once again no money.
I have a little bit of xanax to keep the benzo WD at bay for right now. I did my last 'wash' this morning and it didn't help much.
I am already starting to feel very sick. If I am short and don't update much it's only because I am in VERY intense withdrawals and it's hard to even get out of the bed.

So now it's time to experience the wrath of heroin withdrawals all over again... I will keep you all updated once more.

I feel so ashamed of myself right now and I know there's nothing I can do about it but just keep going.
Much love
 
I'm new here, my boyfriend actually suggested me to get on this. We are both currently going through withdraws right now we both iv users, 2-19 we both did a pack about 12 pm this was "the last" we was ever doing.. he went to work at 11 last night but had gotten into an argument with his supervisor and sent home early.. ssooo about an hour after he got we went an got some meth? (It's the first time I had done it besides Adderall) we did the last about 6am this morning. We have some kratom but it's a powder form and I'm not sure how to take it or anything else to make us better. One last thing is note our dealer lives right above us.. ????
 
with kratom try to take one table spoon and wait 45 minutes, if theres no improvement increase by one tea spoon.
Going thru WD is horrible I hate it, you just got to stay strong.
 
I'm gutted for you that you've relapsed Wow.

What's your plan now then? Are you going to find a detox facility?

The more times you go through this, the more time you are wasting getting your life in order for you and your girlfriend's future. You don't want this anymore.

You can't do it on your own, you need to get some professional help now so stick to what you said and get checked in somewhere.

Still in my thoughts and prayers, regardless of how long it takes.

x
 
I know, I want a better life and I don't want to do it anymore. It's ssoooo hard knowing it's up there
 
Hey brother, been a while. I've read, I believe, all of your posts in the last few months. My heart goes out to ya with your situations. I truly admire your continued tenacity of picking yourself back up each time and trying again. It's been a steady 2 steps forward, 1 step back for me as well since the last few months where we were posting so much.

To let ya know, I'm at 36 hours off right now myself and trying to not take that proverbial once step back this time. The last week has been a taper for the most part with two high doses only that didn't last more than 4-5 hours. So things aren't horrible now but I'm sneezing my ass off and temperature can't regulate itself. Had to take about 8 immodium throughout the day to get my stomach in working order. I'm still hanging in there though. Oh, and no Kratom for me this time. I think, although it provided some relief, has dragged things out for me each time and presented different mental issues to deal with that I don't normally have.

Anyhow, wanted to drop in and show my support for ya man! Keep going with the documenting of your process. I'll probably find my old journal and update it for the last 60 days since things are starting to look up finally.

-SK
 
Bridgette_mh said:
I'm new here, my boyfriend actually suggested me to get on this. We are both currently going through withdraws right now we both iv users, 2-19 we both did a pack about 12 pm this was "the last" we was ever doing.. he went to work at 11 last night but had gotten into an argument with his supervisor and sent home early.. ssooo about an hour after he got we went an got some meth? (It's the first time I had done it besides Adderall) we did the last about 6am this morning. We have some kratom but it's a powder form and I'm not sure how to take it or anything else to make us better. One last thing is note our dealer lives right above us.. ????
Click to expand...

Definitely move. A dealer next door is hard.
 
I have been drenched in sweat all night, anxiey, stomach cramps, cold and hot, sneezing, restelssness.
I have just been taking xanax to try to help but to no avail. I cant find a detox to get into but I am trying to continue forward with detoxing.
I feel horrible and my head is killing me
 
I'm sorry sweetheart.

Remember... It will pass. IT WILL PASS.

Stay strong.

Peace.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top