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Neversick November - Getting/Staying Clean Thread

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75 days clean today!!! I am still thinking about using though and he negative consequences are growin distant. Idk I kind of want to use but know everything will turn to shit. Some support would be helpful right now . I am currently living in a halfway house , doing the whole AA thing. I can't complain but somedays I just want to be high but at the same time I don't want to be high .... Idk I also have a thing where I think in six months when I leave my Halfway house and get an apartment that I will use again but I don't want that for my life. I know I have awesome things ahead in life if I stay sober but it is hard I want to feel good right now and I don't want to wait. I guess life is about doing things we don't necessarily want to do and patience is key. Any help would be greatly appreciated
 
laCster said:
75 days clean today!!! I am still thinking about using though and he negative consequences are growin distant. Idk I kind of want to use but know everything will turn to shit. Some support would be helpful right now . I am currently living in a halfway house , doing the whole AA thing. I can't complain but somedays I just want to be high but at the same time I don't want to be high .... Idk I also have a thing where I think in six months when I leave my Halfway house and get an apartment that I will use again but I don't want that for my life. I know I have awesome things ahead in life if I stay sober but it is hard I want to feel good right now and I don't want to wait. I guess life is about doing things we don't necessarily want to do and patience is key. Any help would be greatly appreciated
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dont use man. please dont. take it from my experience

i had 40 days clean from all opiates except subs and i had a bad day where i said some fucked up shit to my best friend about how im so depressed that i pray to a god i dont believe in to put a bullet in my head. she told me how much it hurts her when i say something like that :( made me feel so shitty and i had a bundle with in an hour. ended up doing 7 bags cuz i had to break through 4-6mgs a day of suboxone and the next day i got high and the morning after that. all i did was feel guilty. i still felt banging but the guilt outweighed the pleasure. i want to get back on subs so bad and its so much harder to go back once you go back out and get high. you pick up right where you left off.

i copped a half of bundle of dope tonight. i felt depressed and was also withdrawing pretty hard from this last use on thursday then all friday morning. its fucked up cuz i relapsed sunday, monday, and tuesday then changed my number this wednesday and the kid who i got dope from got my number through a person that i work with and will work with in the summer so i gave him my new number cuz hes gonnna need it anyways when i go back to work. the kid who got me dope used to work with us and got fired cuz he was always late and always taking forever in the bathroom cuz he was shooting up. so i ended up getting high thursday when he called me. im gonna change my number tommorrow and ill give it out to the kid that gave away. but only because he admitted that he gave it away without asking but he thought that i just got a new phone not that i didnt want him to have my number. the kid also has no problems with me getting clean so i dont mind him cuz he just made a mistake. if he does it agasin tho then ill change it and the fucker wont have my number at all.

so to sum it up. please dont go back out there. you are not missing a fucking thing man. dont put yourself through that hell like i did and am doing. you will withdraw faster and harder then last time and on less dope. it took me like 2 bundles and 300mgs of ms contin and a dilly or 2 to have withdraws after like 20 hours of not using. i hated myself even more when the withdraws came on. makes me so depressed. i feel like a piece of shit. i gotta get back on my fucking suboxone come first thing monday morning. please dont go back out lac, man. its not worth it
 
this is kind of ironic but on my first acid experience last night on around 200-250mcg , i had a really positive trip and have started coming to terms again with what attracted me to the psychedelic experience which is the knudge it can give you to 'wake up and smell the flowers', or like a zen master would slap a student or something as an answer to what is buddha?

so i honestly dont want to order the heroin or benzos i was going to get next week, even though a friend already thinks im getting some benzos i will have to tell him no and i think if i can follow through (with sobriety) he would be happy regardless if i'm progressing myself, i was asking myself before the trip, how much would i enjoy a cigarette on lsd?, and once i was tripping i already had the answer to that question which is how can i enjoy something that is fundamentally toxic to my mind/body and didnt want to smoke and am going to throw my cigs out, i wish to eventually reintegrate as much of the experience into life as i can, i could not stop beaming like a child though once i started embracing the moment for each ecstatic second, it feels like ive had a similar experience multiple times before on mushrooms but i think having some new perspectives on life helped me to understand the function of what i was seeking from the psychedelic which is a kind of fresh slate or new canvas to build upon and remove habits that are self-destructive that i indulge
 
Good-morning-its-going-to-be-a-happy-day.jpg
 
A month free of marijuana, however I only plan on stopping smoking it until I get a secure job seeing as I wasn't addicted to it and it wasn't causing problems in my life. What I do need to quit for good is cigarettes. Maybe next months, lmfao.
 
Well I figure I should post something somewhere idk why but whatever. I used to post occasionally on a different account which I lost the password to. Well basically I'm about to attempt a detox..again.

A little history. I'm 19 almost 20 been using opiates since 14 iv opiates from 16 h found it's way in at 17. I've been in 3 in patients a couple out patients. Recently in April I found myself back in rehab. After 38 days there they offer me the chance to go accross the country to a halfway house. I went relapsed after a couple months got kicked out went to a different house for a month relapsed again and once again got kicked out. Since then I've been using everyday in and out of two other houses and basically have lost hope I've worked the steps of AA and NA and just can't seem to stay sober. The only place I have to live is a dope house right now and that is only until Saturday. I decided to try and detox using suboxone taper. I took my last shot 30 min ago. Idk what I'm gonna do I'm going to be homeless in a week and came to the conclusion I don't want to be dope sick cold on the street. Either way my family is done with me. Which I'm surprised they stuck around this long.

Anyway idk I've had periods of sobriety but feel so empty when I'm not faded. I guess that's it I'm just rambling to get it off my mind since the only people around me are nodded out n don't want to hear my problems.
 
lovegluegunnin said:
. What I do need to quit for good is cigarettes. Maybe next months, lmfao.
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Ahh, you and me both. I was able to quit for over a year with the help of e-cigs. I tapered down the nicotine levels of the cartridges to 0 and stopped, it was really nice. Picked back up again with the real thing eventually, but... I have other more important things to focusing on quitting now before I try and stop smoking again.

Look into e-cigs though if you want to quit. They are great if you find a brand you like.
 
Woke up at 5pm. Started drinking cuz I feel like a total piece of shit. Them 40 days of sobriety are long gone now with all the stupid shit I've done in the past week.

Sucks so bad. I feel so depressed that I can't find the motivation to start back again.
 
GenericName12 said:
Just sitting with my cravings.

Sitting.

Hope everyone makes it through the day ok.
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cravings are like any other emotion and we can think them through... what works for people is different and situations are different .. The best way I have found to shut down cravings in their tracks, is to hit them with indisputable honesty.. a thing you may want to try is to look at that staying sober thread were that addiction was whispering to you that you wanted to return to that shit, as it may provide an honest depiction of what its really like.. you aren't missing anything but lame ass times, and all the problems that come with that.

ad lib said:
Well I fucked up. MAjorly

That is all.
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lov you<3
 
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smokemctoke420 said:
Woke up at 5pm. Started drinking cuz I feel like a total piece of shit. Them 40 days of sobriety are long gone now with all the stupid shit I've done in the past week.

Sucks so bad. I feel so depressed that I can't find the motivation to start back again.
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I feel so depressed about this relapse. I know its a part of recovery and doesn't have to be your story but still, it sucks. How can I get back on track? I'm drinking now, which I shouldn't be. But I'm not craving dope right now cuz I took 5mgs of sub then I had to do 2 more and then I felt better. also smoked some bud and finally ate for the first time in 2 days.

Idk where I'm going with this. I need to stop drinking to. Although when I get prescribed subs on 12/11 ill feel better. So ill have enough to be able to actually dose everyday instead of having 16mgs till my sister gets her refill on the .2nd but I gotta wait for it in the mail. Ah fuck, I'm rambling.

I have no clue where to start to get back on track. I'm so fucking depressed.

NSA- I know you have to have advice on this topic and relapse so please say something so I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I'm desperate over here :/
 
I've been drinking beer a bit recently, but only on occasion, with friends in a festive environment and in moderate quantities, it has not impacted on my social or proffessional life in a negative way, and i do not feel i need it, I was also a bit cheeky and shared half a gram of cocaine with a friend on my birthday (i feel like i'm in confession lol) so allthough i am not antirely clean and sober, things are still looking good in this department.

All my best wishes to you all making an effort towards your drug consumption to make your lives better :)<3:)
 
Today is a new day.

Although I feel guilty about relapsing on opiates yesterday, I can pick myself up and brush myself off and start fresh. I had 8 months under my belt but time is just a number I guess.
 
ad lib said:
Today is a new day.

Although I feel guilty about relapsing on opiates yesterday, I can pick myself up and brush myself off and start fresh. I had 8 months under my belt but time is just a number I guess.
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Forget the number - what matters is that you're trying n that you want to succeed. You've changed, you know you made a mistake (relapse) n you have stopped n put yourself back on the right road. Maybe look at your life n ask WHY you relapse in order to put strategies ib place so there's less chance of it happening again.
Take care. Evey x
 
Eveleivibe said:
Forget the number - what matters is that you're trying n that you want to succeed. You've changed, you know you made a mistake (relapse) n you have stopped n put yourself back on the right road. Maybe look at your life n ask WHY you relapse in order to put strategies ib place so there's less chance of it happening again.
Take care. Evey x
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Thanks Evey <3
 
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