Addiction Never thought I would Be here but Here I am

[Coffeeshroom]

Morning all my BlueLighter Friends and Family

Needless to say i had a bit of a crazy weekend that was just yeah that, crazy. Had a few heavy drinking sessions and misused or fuckit abused my benzos at the same time knowing that it was gonna make me more fuct then just booze up straight. So i had a good mixture of Subs, benzos, alcohol, gabapentinoids, Khat and Weed needless to say lol.

But it's a new week though we 3 days in already its still okay. Today i Started falling back into my main or original regime when in comes to meds and still staying clean of the DOC.

I also now have change my daily intake of all my meds in the following order; nothing more or less for the time frame.

Morning dose - 5am-6am
Subs 2mg
Bromazepam 6mg
150mg mg Pregabalin (only for one week)

Evening dose - 5am-6am
Subs 2mg
Bromazepam 6mg
150mg mg Pregabalin (only for one week)

Nighttime or just Before - 9pm- 10pm
.25mg triazolam
150mg mg Pregabalin (only for one week)
Few bong hits or Harley Quinn ( stocked up on more of these ) but also looking at another hybrid strain thats indica dominant for insomnia use.

Apart from all that still clean of the DOC and have dropped my Benzo use a lot, especiallly for night time. But i can see myself pushing up the triazolam dose from.25 to .50mg but will see after tonight and the next. 2 Days should be enough to gauged it overall for my intended purposes and also looking at snorting the triazolam as i have seen the bioavailability is a lot more with that ROA. I can be wrong so let me know please.

Thanks again for all the support and input so far

Much Love
CoffeeShroom

 

[hylite]

Watch out for headaches. But you seem to be doing okay to awesome !!

Keep up the greatness. You are very inspiring !

See what we can do so very well with effort !

🕊🕊



☺

Very proud to have you for a role model committed to such community. Thnx h/l ♡

Anyway ! Keep Going ❣

 

[Coffeeshroom]

Morning all fellow Bluelighters.

I had a semi goodnight rest, broken but at the same time didn't find it hard to fall asleep again

I naturally fell asleep the afternoon and then when I woke up 8pm the evening.. I had my dosages as planned out. I had;
6mg bromazepam
150mg pregabalin
0.25mg triazolam.

That had me out and I slept till roughly 2amish the next morning (which was this morning) when I woke I had a few bong hits, one glass of wine with a extra 0.25mg triazolam that had me sleeping till about 06:30ish this morning. So felt well rested and not frustrated or irritated in any way.

So overall I think my plans are working out good.

I woke this morning fresh but with cold sweats and a loose tummy but all good for me. Nothing I can't deal with.

Yeah that's all for now. Any questions welcome.

Regards
CoffeeShroom

 

[nznity]

I woke this morning fresh but with cold sweats and a loose tummy but all good for me. Nothing I can't deal with.



Regards
CoffeeShroom

Hey man, u shud try some loperamide in a relatively moderate dose 20-30mg. It will help with the sweats, aches and pain, and the diarrhea.
Keep going bro, u got this ✌

 

[Coffeeshroom]

I do use some Loperamide from time to time but also want my body to get use to having a normal bowl movement and not always being super loose or runny in the mornings but i will keep that in mind for the days to come if it's too hectic or just need that extra support. Thanks A lot @nznity

 

[nznity]

I do use some Loperamide from time to time but also want my body to get use to having a normal bowl movement and not always being super loose or runny in the mornings but i will keep that in mind for the days to come if it's too hectic or just need that extra support. Thanks A lot @nznity

Don't forget ur lyrica too if u get the cold hot flashes but srsly a few days of lope won't get u addicted or set u back. At least ur toughing it out and u seem very determined , loving thst man. I send u a big hug broski. ✌

 

[Coffeeshroom]

Don't forget ur lyrica too if u get the cold hot flashes but srsly a few days of lope won't get u addicted or set u back. At least ur toughing it out and u seem very determined , loving thst man. I send u a big hug broski. ✌

Thanks man. I am using Gabapentanoids as needed, mostly for the RLS as they work the best for that I have noticed but for personally, not saying it's gonna work wonders for everyone else too. Like this week I am on 450mg pregabalin divided in 3 doses throughout the day and works wonders but at the same time not using them longer then 2 weeks straight. So taking regular 1-2 weekly breaks there as i don't wanna build up my tolerance to them to quickly or get my body use to them to quicker then usual. With all that said i have to say that i have found the 800mg ER gabapentin to work wonders and only needing to dose 3-4 times a day. Not sure if the bioavailability changes with the ER version but they do more for me then staggering 300-400mg caps every hour or so.

But overall I'm winning the good fight even if it is slowly and one DOC at the time, but H is priority nr1 and then work myself down further from there.

Regards
CoffeeShroom

 

[nznity]

Thanks man. I am using Gabapentanoids as needed, mostly for the RLS as they work the best for that I have noticed but for personally, not saying it's gonna work wonders for everyone else too. Like this week I am on 450mg pregabalin divided in 3 doses throughout the day and works wonders but at the same time not using them longer then 2 weeks straight. So taking regular 1-2 weekly breaks there as i don't wanna build up my tolerance to them to quickly or get my body use to them to quicker then usual. With all that said i have to say that i have found the 800mg ER gabapentin to work wonders and only needing to dose 3-4 times a day. Not sure if the bioavailability changes with the ER version but they do more for me then staggering 300-400mg caps every hour or so.

But overall I'm winning the good fight even if it is slowly and one DOC at the time, but H is priority nr1 and then work myself down further from there.

Regards
CoffeeShroom

Whatever works for u best man, as long as u stop taking drugs. Take ur time, ur not in a hurry anyway. Get rid of the opiates first tho. ✌

 

[JTemperance]

Morning dose - 5am-6am
Subs 2mg
Bromazepam 6mg
150mg mg Pregabalin (only for one week)

Evening dose - 5am-6am
Subs 2mg
Bromazepam 6mg
150mg mg Pregabalin (only for one week)

Shit, tomorrow makes 4 weeks that you've stuck with it. That's a long time, congrats!

What's your plan on tapering the subs? It looks like you're still taking 4mg a day, which is substantial but still takes a lot of adjusting to get used to.

Personally, I found tramadol to help out quite a lot when I was still in W/D on subs. Maybe that's something accessible to you? IME, staggering 50mg doses every 30min up to 150mg had a noticeable effect on top of 8mg bupe. (Even though I got back on H within a week anyways....)

I'd definitely reserve some of your other meds for jumping off the subs completely. It sounds like you're doing that and that you're also being careful not to inflate your gabapentinoid tolerance too high so you can still get relief from reasonable doses later on.

 

[Coffeeshroom]

Shit, tomorrow makes 4 weeks that you've stuck with it. That's a long time, congrats!

What's your plan on tapering the subs? It looks like you're still taking 4mg a day, which is substantial but still takes a lot of adjusting to get used to.

Personally, I found tramadol to help out quite a lot when I was still in W/D on subs. Maybe that's something accessible to you? IME, staggering 50mg doses every 30min up to 150mg had a noticeable effect on top of 8mg bupe. (Even though I got back on H within a week anyways....)

I'd definitely reserve some of your other meds for jumping off the subs completely. It sounds like you're doing that and that you're also being careful not to inflate your gabapentinoid tolerance too high so you can still get relief from reasonable doses later on.

Main plan is to get down 3mg comfortably for a few weeks and take it from there and still keeping my comfort meds for when doing so. And using gabapentinoids when dropping my subs dosage too so its not to hectic, reason when i do use them to keep dosages low and short.

I know this is gonna take a long time but i would rather do it this way and have control then relapse plus the doc that is helping me out I can play full open cards and is willing to prescribe me whatever i want help me towards my end goal as that's what he wants for me too.

So far everything is looking good and i just hope it stays that way.

Thanks for all the support and advice once again from everyone, so much appreciated. More then one would think, better then going to any NA meeting, not knocking on them but just find this better and also knowing that if i fuck up i have only myself to blame, no one else.

Regards
CoffeeShroom

 

[Coffeeshroom]

MOrning All

It's Sunday that = Braai day. Steaks, boerewors, braai broodtjies and side dished that im not that into. Just meat is all i want to eat.
Things have been going grate but last night was one of those night were insomnia hit me hard but stuck it out and only used as little benzos as possible.

Last night i ended up taking 18mg bromazepam, .50mg triazolam and 450mg pregabalin with 2 big glasses of wine ( 350ml each roughly ) ontop of my normal daily meds i take.

So i had my normal daily dose i set out for myself but added the top onto that to get through the night, maybe it was a bit of overkill but one night out of a few days staying to my dosage regime isn't that bad or at least not in my books.

So after taking my normal dosages for the day i only slept nicely out cold for 3-4 hrs and just couldn't any sleep more so then had 12mg bromazepam and .25mg triazolam (snorted) with wine and few bong hits and also 300mg pregabalin. This had me out for another 3 hrs but when i woke it was just passed 3am and couldn't fall asleep again so had another 6mg bromazepam with 0.25mg triazolam (snorted) with wine and few more bong hits and another 150mg pregabalin that had me out till just passed 7ish this morning. Woke with no hungover effect and feeling fresh to agree.

Well that's what i can report back for last night and also hope this was also just a once off thing or for a while again. Had my normal dose of subs, benzos, pregabalin and a glass of wine this morning. Nothing more, skipped on the weed.

Here is to an awesome Sunday and hope everyone has a good day ahead of them.

Regards
CoffeeShroom

 

[Coffeeshroom]

It's quarter to four pm and my mates birthdast,yeah i slept in but had a hectic morning none the less. The only doc on the table is khat as its all he uses and smokes the occasional blunt and had shroooms with me once that said that shit was way to hectic lol and all he had was 2mg golden teachers, though for me was a intry dose or a minute dose it messed him up swearing he wont do psychedelics again lol

Any how gonna have sum stims now and happy MOnday

 

[Coffeeshroom]

Well it's 01:44am and still awake, just got home. Had a few bong hits after I had 0.25mg triazolam with my last glass of wine. Hoping this all puts me to sleep at least till 05:00 as that is when my Morning shift start. Anyhow here is to some little sleep. Chat later

Regards
CoffeeShroom



Sidenote: this 5 min type took me like10-15 mi.... SHo

 

[Coffeeshroom]

Morning all

Congrats made the shift, not so great barely slept but only have myself to blame so deal with it.

Well still on track even after yesterday extra circulatory activities. Only had 6mg bromazepam more and the 0.25mg triazolam with some weed.

Had my morning dose just about an hr ago so hopefully I can get a few more zzz's in.

Regards
CoffeeShroom

 

[Coffeeshroom]

Hey all. Hope you all had a good Tuesday. Slept actually "lekker" last night and I didn't have to dose anything else except when I woke up at 2 this morning but then only had a few bong hits. And that's it. Got away with just my normal daily regime of meds and nothing extra and or onto of that.


Im a bit pissed off this morning. But such is life. Happy midweek to all.

Regards
CoffeeeShroom

 

[couth77]

Don't know where to start but i figured if i can report in everyday that im still clean or recovering that it will motivate me. When it comes to personal shit I'm a man of few words as thats how (boertjies) were brought up.

So to get to the point i want off the opiates/opioids and today is the first off many other days that im back on subs. My benzo addiction/habit is at least low as i normally never go over 10mg a day unless im doing the whole waiting game from H to Subs. Just to sleep or black out. Yeah i know this is not good.

So this this is just for me to help motivate myself to get clean, plus i have studies coming up in the medical field and know there i will be tested for drugs randomly plus I need to be sober and clear minded to do these studies

And i also just want to also do this just to flip everyone off that said i wont amount to shit.

Well that's me for now.

And this was hard for me to even type this and put it out there.

Well Coffeeshroom sir I certainly admire and applaud the effort you put forth in writing and sharing with us. I can relate 100% to being a man of few words with personal shit as well. i was also raised that way (the necessities to being a "real man")-and not to ever show emotion-and never to let anyone see you sweat-and not to bother anyone with my problems, they don't wanna hear it. All deep-set traits i successfully applied to my life--and wouldn't you know... They all totally counter the traits i NEED to have in place to successfully do what is needed for me to remain healthy and successful in my recovery!!... So that is another thing we have in common.. I, too am currently struggling in recovery mostly because of these damn traits and some recent relapses i've had which are no joke because they involve needles!! can't just ignore these learned traits or remove them somehow or pray they go away-I've tried all that.. The struggle is real my friend, just remain open-minded and willing bro, because that will keep you in action doing important things for your recovery like your share tonight... great job man and have a great night!

 

[Coffeeshroom]

Well I, just got back from the shops after I bought a new wireless keyboard and mouse. Need to get use to it again as the keys are a little smaller making typing mistakes easier, lol anyhow, just had another 1mg subs and 3mg bromazepam plus 150mg pregabalin and bought a bottle wine. Gonna take a walk down to the damn and then have a little picnic with a friend.

Blaze a blunt or 2 with a few glasses of wine.

Regards
CoffeeShroom

 

[Coffeeshroom]

Morning all. Not the beat nights rest and not be a use of insomnia but purely cause I had an emotional breakdown. Kept me awake till 1-2am this morning and now it's 04:40am. So had like just over 2 hrs of sleep. Yesterday was just such an emotional exhausting day and I didn't get the full e tend of it or the toll it had on me till late at night and then I just broke.. and this is not normal or not the way I have been programed to behave or live or let my feelings get the better of me. I was a complete mess and guess you could say I still am. But it's almost 5am and then just another hr and i can have my meds and start the day. Not sure if I even want to but hey, got to do what we got to do.

Hope everyone else has an awesome day today.

Regards
CoffeeShroom

 

[Coffeeshroom]

Something happened and it fuct me up. No i didn't relapse but i fell for someone and they don't feel the same or they do in a way but her life is just to complicated at the moment for her to even try go down this road with me. I'm not gonna lie, I'm human and my heart is sore. And all this is just wanting me to get so messed up with my DOC. But I forced myself to have 4mg subutex so even if i wanted to go down that route it will be pointless but doesn't mean I can't drink myself into a stuper and just numb myself completely that way...

Maybe this is the wrong place to state this... Sorry guys

And I'm already so depressed and lost thinking about suicide constantly... I just don't understand what is wrong with me?

 

[Jabberwocky]

Something happened and it fuct me up. No i didn't relapse but i fell for someone and they don't feel the same or they do in a way but her life is just to complicated at the moment for her to even try go down this road with me. I'm not gonna lie, I'm human and my heart is sore. And all this is just wanting me to get so messed up with my DOC. But I forced myself to have 4mg subutex so even if i wanted to go down that route it will be pointless but doesn't mean I can't drink myself into a stuper and just numb myself completely that way...

Maybe this is the wrong place to state this... Sorry guys

And I'm already so depressed and lost thinking about suicide constantly... I just don't understand what is wrong with me?

that's rough man, AA has that guidance about no relationships in early sobriety for a reason :/ sorry man

are you able to talk to some? therapy? supportive social network?

I PM'd you