AutisticGraham
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Mar 25, 2019
- Messages
- 37
Life can only get worse for me. No friends. No family. No home. No job. No money.
What can I do?
That was a rhetorical question - I know full well what I can do to solve everything. It just takes more courage than I had imagined. But I'm ready for it.
I feel as though I am living in some kind of prison. I have tried everything to escape, but I can't. That leaves two choices for me; endure this awful existence until I die naturally, or do myself in and prevent myself from being forced to experience years, or decades of suffering.
Living your life as some kind of sociopath or pariah, as perceived by others, is just so upsetting, demoralising and stressful, and I just want it to be over with. I'm never going to be rich. I'm never going to look like Brad Pitt. And I have destroyed my career through being so mentally upset and anxious that I made some very bad decisions.
Everything I touch turns to shit. Like a reverse Midas-touch. And no, this is not a fleeting period of depression, this is me analysing decades of a shit life.
I'd rather just turn the lights off right now.
If I do survive the next few years, then what have I got to look forward to? Living under a bridge with my entire worldly possessions in a stolen supermarket trolley? Going through the bins at McDonalds to find a few uneaten fries? No thank you very much [-snip-]. I've got a first class postgraduate degree from one of the world's best universities, I tried my best, but it has just panned out to be a load of garbage. For me this life has been nothing other than torture. The quicker someone turns off the lights, the quicker I can get to sleep forever.
What can I do?
That was a rhetorical question - I know full well what I can do to solve everything. It just takes more courage than I had imagined. But I'm ready for it.
I feel as though I am living in some kind of prison. I have tried everything to escape, but I can't. That leaves two choices for me; endure this awful existence until I die naturally, or do myself in and prevent myself from being forced to experience years, or decades of suffering.
Living your life as some kind of sociopath or pariah, as perceived by others, is just so upsetting, demoralising and stressful, and I just want it to be over with. I'm never going to be rich. I'm never going to look like Brad Pitt. And I have destroyed my career through being so mentally upset and anxious that I made some very bad decisions.
Everything I touch turns to shit. Like a reverse Midas-touch. And no, this is not a fleeting period of depression, this is me analysing decades of a shit life.
I'd rather just turn the lights off right now.
If I do survive the next few years, then what have I got to look forward to? Living under a bridge with my entire worldly possessions in a stolen supermarket trolley? Going through the bins at McDonalds to find a few uneaten fries? No thank you very much [-snip-]. I've got a first class postgraduate degree from one of the world's best universities, I tried my best, but it has just panned out to be a load of garbage. For me this life has been nothing other than torture. The quicker someone turns off the lights, the quicker I can get to sleep forever.
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