need serious help quiting cocaine, anyone actually find a way too?

[Le Junk]

This Devil, the drug cocaine, has just about destroyed my entire life. I have been using for nearly 23 years now and do not even enjoy it anymore. The honeymoon stage is long gone and this is just plain addiction now. I've cleaned it, purified it and all kinds of other things that revolve around cocaine, but it has completely consumed me. I find myself doing it more and more and more and my wife is just about at her breaking point. She say's it's like living with an imposter most of the time, and I totally understand what she's talking about. I'm a completely different person when I'm using, and she can tell, no matter how hard I try and desguise it. I've lost interest in most everything I once loved, and spend all of my time either talking about, or doing cocaine. I still manage to make a great living (don't ask how), but I don't like me anymore either. In fact, I hate the person I've become. I have to sneak and lie all the time to my wife, the one person who loves me the most, and she is the best person I've ever known in my life. It makes me physically sick! She is so lonely and it makes me so sad to see her still standing by my side when she probably thinks I'll never quit. But she still hangs in there because she loves the "real" me so much. She deserves so much better and I am so scared she will eventually leave me all alone. I spend so many nights laying in bed feeling my heartbeating, thinking this is it. I'm not a kid anymore, I'm 42 years old, and cocaine could now be a serious problem. I can't stand to live on more day like this. Is there anyone out there who has gone thru what I'm going thru that found a solution to quiting? I sought counseling 4-5 months ago and did manage to quit for 3-4 months, but now I'm right back at it again. God I hate this and just want out! I feel like I could really die any night now and that truly scares me.

Somebody please tell me the way out. I can't do this one more day, please!

Le Junk

 

[burn out]

i wish i could help you. all i can say is, life can be tough. i recently watched a show about a doctor working in africa to save kids who were dying of starvation. their bodies were all swollen and full of fluid and they had sores on their backs and some of them didn't even survive the night. as the doctor was working with one of them he said to the kid "what a life" and for some reason it was just such a comforting thing to hear.

basically what i am saying is, you can quit cocaine. you can make the decision to do that. what is difficult is finding a way to be happy without it. i can't tell you how do to that, just remember youre not the only unhappy person.

 

[zzITCHY420zz]

you know le junk, until today i was able to avoid any noticable cravings for it .haven't used in a week, and before that have abstained for the most part over 3-3 1/2 months but used on occasion/more than i wanted to. today, it was dangerous enough to where if i made a call i wouldn't be able to refrain from getting it. i just took some time to try to remember that no matter what, i ALWAYS feel like ass from doing coke. but even that thought wasn't getting through the way it was ( it's easy to remember how that empty feeling feels when you used recent). only not calling, and ignoring the craving. i wish i had really good advice for you, but all i know is that when i use cocaine, i will undoubtedly remember this empty depressing feeling that the excessive use of coke leaves me with. if i use less then enough to give me a crash, i'll probably interpret that as a "fun time", chase the happiness that i acquired (miraculously, it's hard for me to even enjoy coke anymore) , and again find out why i always regret using it in the first place.

just leave it alone if you can. the cost of the drug isn't what keeps me from it, it's the completely crappy crash i get.

 

[AmbientDreamer]

It sounds like your wife is a great person that you shouldn't risk losing. Stay in counseling is long as it takes so you can kick the habit. Plus wellbutrin is supposed to work well to help you stop doing coke. Its good that you've come to the realization about the negative impact its having on your life, and your knowledge of this will make you that much closer to reaching your goal. Please keep me posted on the progress, and I wish you the best of luck.

 

[MrMoss]

Stop buying the shit.
Keep away from social groups that use.
Get some treatment if ur serious

Sorry, I'm biased I detest coke, jkle n hyde, expensive high, bogs every 30 mins for a top up, spend the night being or becoming an ego-centric wanker.

It's for egomaniacs. YMMV

Sorry Le Junk we've spoken in the past I respect you mate ....sorry I couln't offer anthign more contructive BUT as we all now it's the Devils Dundruff!
Good Luck <insert smilie>

 

[MDPVagrant]

Here's what works for me...

Somebody please tell me the way out. I can't do this one more day, please!

Le Junk

I am actually working on it, quite seriously:

http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/showthread.php?t=315788

In the mean time, IMO/IME there are very few other "outs" than quitting completely.

With cocaine in particular, I've found what a person (or at least myself) needs to do is get out of its clutches for one full month. Four weeks. If you can take a long vacation in the mountains (or with parents in another state, etc), that would be ideal. Even a treatment center will get a person away for a while, of course.

Then destroy all your contacts/sources in a way that they can't be continued... call and tell them you're in prison, whatever works. One month away + no more sources = problem solved, unless you decide to actively seek it again. But it would be your choice then, not the drug's.

Good luck (and I hope this helps returns the favor for some clean cola with less nasty cut in it... that has been appreciated . P.S. I'm also 42. And to add, Wellbutrin is a stimulant anti-depressant that's often helpful when quitting coke.

 

[smokester]

I think L-Tyrosine would be a good starting point to keep dopamine levels up to par, perhaps supplemented with selegline or something until your receptors cool off a bit?

Best of luck.

 

[Nik Dynosaur]

Continue to seek counseling. Go to meetings and get a sponsor. You may be reluctant to do that, but i promise you that once you start going and you get a sponsor you will realize how important it is.

 

[wungchow]

you probably would benefit from a replacement therapy.

here's what i'd reccomend

*get a script (or purchase) some dexamphetamine (Adderall, Dexedrine) or methylphenidate (Ritalin).

*find a daily dosage regimen that staves off the mental withdrawal effects and keeps you content. (for a longtime cocaine addict this might be upwards of 40-50mg of dexamphetamine a day, in divided doses.)

*remember, if you use the pills recreationally, you won't be doing yourself much good. the idea is to maintain a 'normal' emotional baseline, much like methadone/bupe therapy

*gradually, on a weekly basis, cut back your dosages by 2.5 to 5mg per day

*you may also want to obtain a strong sedative such as zolpidem, mirtazapine, seroquel, etc. and take it every night for the first 1-2 weeks. this will ensure that you maintain a normal sleep/wake cycle, and you'll be less likely to binge.

Example regimen: (your doses may vary. assume instant release dexamphetamine)

Week 1
20mg dexamphetamine upon waking
20mg dexamphetamine at lunch
10mg dexamphetamine at dinner
2x10mg Ambien at bed

Week 2
15mg dexamphetamine upon waking
15mg dexamphetamine at lunch
10mg dexamphetamine at dinner
1x10mg Ambien at bed

Week 3
10mg dexamphetamine upon waking
10mg dexamphetamine at lunch
5mg dexamphetamine at dinner
1x5mg Ambien at bed

Week 4
5mg dexamphetamine upon waking
5mg dexamphetamine at lunch
5mg dexamphetamine at dinner

and so on

 

[Virtuoso]

I know the feeling, not 23 years of addiction mind you, but I spent a month and 1500 dollars on cocaine. I fiended for it every day for 6 months afterward, and this is only after month of daily or near daily use.

I feel so bad for you man, but I think I have one tenth of one percent of an idea what you will be feeling.

 

[Le Junk]

Update:

Well, I awoke like a true winner at 2 PM today! Spent the next 1 1/2 hours feeling like total shit, as always, and now it's approx. 4:15 PM, and I'm feeling back to about 80-90% of my normal self. Outstanding! 8) But before I finally went to bed last night, just after writing this thread, I threw away all of what I had leftover for todays use. FUCKING AWSOME! In fact, that was all I had left of any blow for that matter, so it would've been a pain in the ass to get more, get home and clean it, plus have all this done before my wife get's home at 5 PM. She's on her way home now. Sweeeeeeet! Sooooo, it looks like the Devil's gonna lose this one tonight, THAT DIRTY FUCKIN' BASTARD!

Anyway, I want to thank all of you for your responses, words of advice and encouragement. I'm just so sick of this ritual that has become ME. The real Le Junk has been MIA for quite some time now. Let's just see how this first evening in a very long time of sobriety goes with just me and my beautiful wife. Okay, she just pulled in.........it's time for her to enjoy an evening with the real me for once in a very long time. Oh, by the way, what does a normal evening without drugs consist of anyway? Just curious, it's been a very, very long time, but I'm looking extremely forward too it!

until later, Le Junk

 

[funknsoul1]

good luck man. that stuff seriously does suck the goodness out of life. even you've said you hate it. Remind yourself of that when you have cravings - of how much it really does suck. Also, perhaps try not to drink too heavily.. That definitely breaks willpower when it comes to coke.

 

[MDPVagrant]

Okay, she just pulled in.........it's time for her to enjoy an evening with the real me for once in a very long time. Oh, by the way, what does a normal evening without drugs consist of anyway? Just curious, it's been a very, very long time, but I'm looking extremely forward too it!

until later, Le Junk

Unfortunately, with coke gone it may be a bit abnormal for awhile in terms of functioning. Some people will be severely affected, some not so much.

Dopamine receptor down-regulation probably hits everyone to some degree though. You may need to find different ways to please her for a while, but here's hoping you have no serious problems in that area.

P.S. expect irritability too, probably not today but by tomorrow. Maybe you should spend some time alone, I don't know. I would not want anyone around me (for my sake or theirs) the first few days after stopping heavy stimulant use, but everyone's different.

 

[nightfun]

good luck to you le junk. I've never tried coke but have always wondered and wanted to. After reading this, I think I'll stay away from it.

Have a great time with your wife tonight! Let's hope it's the first night of many great ones for you!

 

[Newbierock]

Wow le junk, I never thought i'd feel bad for anyone via an internet forum, but dude my heart really does go out to you. 23 years...damn, i've been using coke quite heavily the past few months, and after reading this I think i'm gonna cut down/stop my usage...

I Really hope it goes well for you, and your extremely lucky to have such a loving wife, good luck with quitting man, for yours and her sake. =)

 

[Dryseeker]

I feel for you Bro-it sounds like we have alot in common except my "devil" is oxycodone. Im currently withdrawing hard and it was huge effort to even crawl out of bed and logon to my laptop; do your best to be strong tonight and I'll do the same................Peace

 

[zzITCHY420zz]

try to do what you would do NOT on the drug (such as going out to eat. watching a good movie that came out) . maybe it might sound unbelievable to you, but it's quite easy (easier than i would think) to get high on life.

 

[pinned]

You can send people to treatment, and most of the time it will fail...you can tell people to stop using drugs, and usually, it will fail. The only thing that works is a decision. Give yourself an ultimatum...it's the drug vs. you. If it wins, you lose your life...and it sounds like you already have lost a lot of good years that will never return, because you decided to just do one more line, etc. The sooner you stop, the sooner you will be able to forget how good it makes you feel...and how shitty it also makes you feel, deep down inside.

Nobody ever told me that starting drugs was the best thing they ever did in their life...many times I've heard that stopping is the best thing a person has done in their life. This is your decision. You have to have the will power to get it done. Just make it happen, and take your life back from that dirty powder.

 

[privatecaller]

good luck man. you can do it!

 

[Fight Club]

LJ - see my PM to you this morning. I would really like to try to help you, but my advice is too personal for a public forum.

FC