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My last Day 1 (Recovery Journal)

I understand the no app when switching down to a lower dose tapering my app goes with it, i did find a way tho instead of eating real good stuff i eat shit i havent eaten in a longtime old favorites seems to go down better. One other thing i stopped for the last two weeks im pissed off over is i bought a juicer and been putting down spinach, kale, grapes, green apples, ginger etc. every nite for a year and half now when i try to drink it comes right back up. Crazy shit eaten right to be healthy i cant do no more cause i gotta get sicker than ive ever been first so i can get healthy again hopefully huh wtf! VE 11 days hell yeah! did you do any more kratom since you stopped for that 36 hours a day or so ago
 
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^ still no more Kratom, last dose!

I fell asleep last night for 3ish hours and woke up feeling like crap. Another day looms before me.

- VE
 
VastEmpty said:
^ still no more Kratom, last dose!

I fell asleep last night for 3ish hours and woke up feeling like crap. Another day looms before me.

- VE
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There will be sunshine on your face before you know it !! Day 11 , it's getting close ; )
Also while weening and the first few weeks I treated myself to a b.split blizzard at lunch every day , sometimes another after work - even w no appetite that shit was a nice treat !! There's gotta be something that sounds good to ya !!
 
Ok, that's it, I'm caving and taking a benzo (Ativan). I need some sleep - even if it's chemical sleep. Ugh, I feel like I failed and just couldn't get there on my own with the sleep. Hopefully I feel better when I wake up.

- VE
 
That's not a fail. That insomnia can wreck ya. As ive stated before I'm fairly ignorant when it comes to benzos. Could you cut it down to a lower dose? Start small and work your way up until it works?

Btw my head doesn't sparkle like Mr Cleans and I have about 2 ft of long luxurious flowing... fairly greasy hair :p
 
Far from failure VE I plan on using whatever narcotics or herbals it takes ive taken xanax on and off over the years once for months almost everynite and had no problem stopping. I quit cigarettes 18 years ago never smoked one since, i quit smoking weed for a couple years was no problem but ops stuck a fucking dagger in me still im hoping i can put it in my past. I would not beat yourself up over Ativan! get some well deserved sleep you REALLY deserve it!.
 
^ thanks guys. I appreciate it.

Unfortunately, I'm not sleeping. Not even Ativan can put me to sleep I guess...

I'm having a rough time. Roughest yet in terms of mental attitude and resolve. This not sleeping is worse than acute withdrawals...I think.

- VE
 
VE: Hang in there!! Do what you need to do to take care of the insomnia and gather another day clean. I remember being so upset when I went cold turkey that I was not 100% better in 2 weeks. I had read so much that people made it through withdrawal in 3 days off of H, that I was sure stopping pain pills would be easy. What a myth!
It was such an education that recovery from opiate usage was up and down, truly ONE DAY AT A TIME. Although that is such a 12 step cliche, I find it to be true with so many things. Is there anything you can do to treat yourself to raise your spirits a bit? This day is winding down and will soon be over ....I know you will make it through!
 
VastEmpty said:
^ thanks guys. I appreciate it.

Unfortunately, I'm not sleeping. Not even Ativan can put me to sleep I guess...

I'm having a rough time. Roughest yet in terms of mental attitude and resolve. This not sleeping is worse than acute withdrawals...I think.

- VE
Click to expand...


VE see if you can get your hands on some xanax or ambien with ambien i cant speak from experience but xans will put me out way better than ativan i think your body is use to ativan now a diff benz might work, i did have a little sucess with valerian but under your circumstances wont help much cant hurt good luck.
 
I'm sorry to hear that VE and I agree... the insomnia is the worst part. Is it rls keeping you up or is it just can't sleep?

Btw, after you make it through this you will appreciate sleeping so much more lol.
 
VastEmpty said:
^ thanks guys. I appreciate it.

Unfortunately, I'm not sleeping. Not even Ativan can put me to sleep I guess...

I'm having a rough time. Roughest yet in terms of mental attitude and resolve. This not sleeping is worse than acute withdrawals...I think.

- VE
Click to expand...

Dang VE,

I hate to hear that you're battling insomnia!! I completely understand.

In my past, as much as I hate to say it, I just had to wait til my body got too tired to stay awake. It sucks! From my experience DON'T drink. I used to think passing out was a good idea, just in my case it only ever lasted about an hour.

From one sufferer to another, good luck!
 
I second the don't drink. I tried drinking around day 30. I had like 4 or 5 beer and it gave me a massive headache. No sleep. Just headaches.

Been a few hours, hopefully you are zonked out :p
 
Not zonked out, yet.

this is the hardest part yet, by far.

I did eat today though.

- VE
 
It sounds like you are at the point where I was when I made the decision to walk til my legs fall off. Just hang in there VE. This storm will pass and your ship is unsinkable. (Not unsinkable like the Titanic but for real unsinkable. Like icebergs and krakens run when they see your boat)
 
That is such a positive sign that you ate today... one more indication your body is healing!
 
You're doing great VE! It may not feel like it but you're winning this battle!!
 
Took a hike, instead of a walk today. Big difference, it turns out. 1.5 miles total. I had to stop at least 5 times along the way. Sweated lots. But I'm alive.

Can I ask - has anyone had brain zaps while withdrawing? I used-the-fucking-search-engine and a few things came up. A few people saying they had it, and most people saying "huh? I thought that was only with SSRI's that you get brain zap?" It feels like I just cold turkeyed off of antidepressants - no opiates. What the hell?

- VE
 
Yuppers... normally they lasted like a few mins but when I was hiking alot I got them for the first couple times after hiking. I think that's just your brain and body saying "Wtf are you doing!? Ahhh help!!!!" They went away as quick as they came though. Maybe our brains responding to natural endorphins?

Just to make sure, you are referring to the moments where you suddenly get a bit of vertigo and kinda forget what was going on right?
 
VE: Years ago I was on anti-depressants, even before there was anything on the internet, I was getting "electric shocks" in my brain when I quit. For me, that is the best way to describe the kind of vibrational electric zing type of feeling that I call a brain zap. I think I was on Paxil, and it took some time for them to resolve. However, they did decrease in frequency over time and were never painful - just annoying. I remember asking my doctor about the feeling and he looked at me like I was crazy. Now, there are many people who have discontinued anti depressants who report them. However, I did not experience them when I quit opiates in 2012 and not at all while I stayed clean the following year+.
 
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