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My girlfriend slept (as in sleeping) in bed with another guy

everyone has different boundaries within a relationship. i would personally not accuse her but watch out for changes in behaviour.

she didn't have to tell you- the only option where its negative is that if she thought the info might come out some other way or contain more than she has explained to you:\ but these are just possibilities.

while i think honesty is a good policy i think that telling you this will probably just unsettle you and maybe wasn't the best thing as it might do your head in.

sometimes if nothing really happened its better not to put thoughts into someone else's head
 
kytnism said:
the scenario as described by the op raised several red flags that would definitely arouse questions and suspicion of motive in my mind. firstly, using the excuse that he needed somewhere to stay; and that she only met him that evening. they were at a party, and if i read the op correctly his brother and their friends were in attendance; surely one of them could have provided suitable accomodation for the evening. its not exactly clear why it was paramount that he HAD to go to to your girlfriends home for the evening; without you present. secondly; if her best girlfriend has a single bed, and she; a double bed; it would make sense that the two women who are best friends and know each other well share the double bed, and that the male she had just met, occupy the single sleeping arrangement. i also find the statement "oh but nothing happened" a terrible and overused excuse in these situations. something did happen; she bought home a man she just met for the night home from a party and gave him permission to sleep with her in her bed; and merely and casually informed her partner about it the following day.

i asked my partner out of curiosity and to gain male perspective how he would have reacted in this situation; and he; without me giving my viewpoint; agreed that he would have reacted very similarly to the OP; and would be highly uncomfortable as the bed and bedroom (as also mentioned earlier in the thread) is the intimate and private zone of a couple; and is sacred to the couple unless discussed otherwise beforehand (taking into account open relationships etc).

i too cant help but wonder how many of the people that replied to the thread would be as nonchalant in this situation if it was their personal life in question; and not simply a thread on the internet.

...kytnism...:|
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Agreed. Dude you let this slide too easily... something just seems so wrong about this. I believe she is lying to you about some things. I don't think she had intentions on cheating on you and she probably is trying to deny the fact she did but she totally is hinting at something when she said she blacked out for a little bit and can't remember. That's like "hey um well I slept in a bed with another dude and um we were drunk.... then well I don't remember a good chunk of time but hunny I didn't cheat on you." Yeah, that sounds wrong.

I wouldn't let this slide so easily. If she did it once I'm sure she can do it again but maybe next time something will go on (if it didn't already) and she'll either make up another bullshit story or not tell you. All I know is I'm nineteen and a college student.... I would never let another guy sleep in my bed even if he had nowhere else to stay. That would be wrong to do to my significant other.... It's not right and its creepy/foolish as well and no she can't blame it on the alcohol. I've been so drunk to the point of almost needing to go to the hospital but I still knew right from wrong.

But anyways if you're okay with your girl doing this then I suggest you go get tested sooner or later.
 
I don't think she cheated on him. She would have hidden it IMO if she had cheated. I just think she's really naive as hell. lol
 
Lysis said:
I don't think she cheated on him. She would have hidden it IMO if she had cheated. I just think she's really naive as hell. lol
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Yes she is naive but we don't know her well enough to say she didn't cheat, we weren't even there. We don't have enough information about her and even then we still wouldn't know... The sad thing is the OP knows her more than us and had personal experiences with her but in the end he still will truly never know what exactly happened either.
 
^ True dat. The only reason why I don't think she did is that the OP gave off the vibe that she just kinda mentioned it as if it was nothing. People who are guilty of cheating in this situation will either not say anything or get super defensive. it's just weird to me that she brought it up if she did something.
 
it would be interesting to see what the people who responded to this thread would have said if the op were a female and her boyfriend had a sleep over with some random co-ed in his dorm room. Seems like we and i include myself, have different views when males and females post questions. I don't think we do it purposely, but i do think it makes a difference.
 
iheartthisthread said:
it would be interesting to see what the people who responded to this thread would have said if the op were a female and her boyfriend had a sleep over with some random co-ed in his dorm room. Seems like we and i include myself, have different views when males and females post questions. I don't think we do it purposely, but i do think it makes a difference.
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Oh, it's definitely noticeable. ;) I've learned to accept that what is said in SLR is not RL. lol This is coming from one of the more conservative people on the forum though.
 
Hmm...

If we take what Kinsley said as true (briefly: He was a psychological research who came to conclude that sexual orientation is a continuous spectrum and that people are bisexual with varying extents of preference and desires towards each sex)

So, following from that, I suppose it would always be the case that sharing a bed could be seen as "questionable" ;)


Now, to check another bias...lets say she was bisexual in the common use of that term. If her bedmate was female instead, would you (or other people voicing concerns, esp males) give a rat's ass? Would you be upset even if she had hot, passionate sex with a female? Or would you instead actually like that?

If you'd like that/not mind...how can you justify caring about this or cheating w a male, without by default showing a double standard based on gender? (aka sexism)
 
She also could of been pro-actively covering her tracks to make it seem more innocent than it was. He metioned that his friends were at said party, so rather than it getting back to the op from them she could of been mentioning it to him 'innocently' because she knew there was a good chance it could of gotten out through them. Which then leads to the oh yeah btw i was black out drunk for an hour or so (really you were black out drunk for just an hour but snapped out of it?)
 
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