Rio mate if you wanna talk I'm here mate hope you doing well and keeping busy and also remember to take your face mask from today or you won't be allowed into the shop. I was turned back today so went to buy face mask and was not allowed into that shop either. luckily a woman in the shop got me a face mask and I paid her.
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H&R Moderators: VerbalTruist
Recovery My cliché recovery journal
- Thread starter Rio Fantastic
- Start date
Jabberwocky
Frumious Bandersnatch
rriiiiioooooo! talk to us? i really hope you haven't relapsed but am worried you have. let us know if you're ok, or not, just let us know.
Rio my bro dont be ashamed if you have relapsed it happens just remember the quicker you stop the relapse the less pain you would have. I think your mate a fucking div for even putting you in this position. He wanted to use one last time he could have done it anywhere why choose yours. That is not any fucking mate im sitting here getting pissed of at someone I do not know for putting you in this position. Hopefully, it will make you realize you can't be around anyone who uses in early recovery. Just know me and chinup are worried for you we do give a shit and most importantly we know what you going through we been there ourselves. Im still hoping you been really busy and not relapsed but i lose hope the more you away.
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Jabberwocky
Frumious Bandersnatch
@yubacity i was gonna quote bits of your post but realised i basically agreed with the whole thing word for word. rio if things have gone awry don't beat yourself up and don't use it as an excuse to keep using. hopefully you're just chilling somewhere and living it up but do drop in on us please.
I hope im wrong but it not looking good but rio should know this not the end of the world. For us to get to this point we went through these steps aswell. But Rio bruv this an experience that you will learn from you can't be with people who use this early but bro the longer you use the worse the withdrawal. Hope you're doing well chinup im gonna spend the day watching net flix and then cook some keema for me and my pal. And keep coming back and hoping rio would have left a message
Morning rio how you bruv if you popping on here bro jump off the train you on and start again . No shame in slipping bro we all done it . Its weird up i woke up and cheak this site saw a red 1 by my bell on top of page was so dissapointed it a quote from a thread and not you. We been where you are to tell the truth the cravings there for me and i got another box of pods under my bed today will b e hard but ill get through it . Im worried about you mate
Rio bro how you doing. If you watching your thread I hope you doing alright. Got some funny shit to tell you. I meant to back in the states a week ago but can't. The funny part is the reason I can't. Remember I told you about the weed dealer women I fucked. Well, I ate her out a lot her pussy tasted good, not smelly no signs of anything wrong. Well about a month ago every curry I ate was too spicy for me and I am known for being able to eat spicy food. I also kept biting the back of my tongue and kept thinking why the fuck is this happening. My tongue felt like it was swollen then the sides of my mouth began to crack painful as fuck I could not eat golden wonder salt and vinegar crisps no more my tongue would sting like fuck. Finally got to see my GP fucking oral thrush. Then he scared the fuck out of me he said I did not have any medicine prescribed to cause it and it happens to people with compromised immune systems. I fucked this bird without a johnny as well so there me watching all the aids movies the band played on and long time companion thinking fuck man I don't want to go out like that. I refused an AIDS test thinking fuck it I just secretly take my ARVS to be able to see my kids stand on their own two feet then I will be ready to go but what I say to my wife why I'm putting a johnny on. I thought well we just had our fourth child we in our mid-40s I just say I worried about having another and the pull out method did not work the last time. My friend finally ordered. me an HIV testing kit from this aids charity he paid for kit I not know. Well, I took the test negative the relief fuck me I will donate to this charity THE TERRANCE HIGGINS TRUST they saved me mentally. its been months since I last fucked this bird so think I'm clear will test again in states. The problem is if I go back before mouth back to normal my wife be how the fuck you got oral thrush since we had found out I'm pregnant you not go there. I don't make love to my wife when she on the rag or pregnant it becomes a no go and my wife gets horny when pregnant but I just cant my baby near there no way I just can't. Like an idiot, I stopped applying cream when lip got better but it comes back so now I'm applying this cream thinking hurry the fuck up I need to go. Bruv we all fuck up I wanted some good looking women in her prime and this my reward is not the woman's fault I did not tell her or blame her. we all make mistakes and as Robert plant said in swth yes there are two paths you can go by but in the long run there's still time to change the path you on. Bruv snap out of it don't be like me and wait till your 43 to change paths bruv it kills me to know you not on here because you back on the needle don't waste your life bruv ill never get my youth back don't be me. You helped me bro to get here 1 year clean you can be here as well. Keep safe bro thinking of you
Jabberwocky
Frumious Bandersnatch
lol yuba you crack me up. you gotta expect some shit if you putting your dick and mouth in naughty places.
really hope you're ok rio. come back to us soon. honestly, if you have relapsed, when you get back on it get your sub script increased ASAP enough to put you in PW if you use, don't worry about getting off opiates completely til you have managed a long time without heroin.
also seriously consider contacting the rehabs i mentioned to you, i think it would give you your best chance.
really hope you're ok rio. come back to us soon. honestly, if you have relapsed, when you get back on it get your sub script increased ASAP enough to put you in PW if you use, don't worry about getting off opiates completely til you have managed a long time without heroin.
also seriously consider contacting the rehabs i mentioned to you, i think it would give you your best chance.
Rio Fantastic
Bluelighter
Hey guys. Will read through the posts when I feel a little better. I'm 3 days clean, back on subutex, coming off a roughly 3 week lapse. Feeling pretty positive, just a little drained at the moment. Have an exam I agreed to sit for a friend coming up on Monday which i've been studying for and I'm restarting work next wednesday, so I'm just thanking my lucky stars I managed to stop myself using at the latest possible moment before I fuck everything up. Feel a little shitty but - here I go again, I guess!
Never again mate i have stopped going to escorts no more cheating think the man upstairs giving me hints to mend my ways. But if this girl was an escort my mouth would have not gone there all the escorts I've had sex with and a normal affair fucked me. Lucky masks are mandatory when out shopping my mouth and lips look real bad
Jabberwocky
Frumious Bandersnatch
good to see you back rio.
i hope this has taught you to set some proper boundaries, it doesn't matter how many favours you owe someone, if they want you to do something that even remotely puts your recovery at risk, you have to say no. you can help them out later when you are more stable.
seriously up your sub script substantially and think about rehab.
i hope this has taught you to set some proper boundaries, it doesn't matter how many favours you owe someone, if they want you to do something that even remotely puts your recovery at risk, you have to say no. you can help them out later when you are more stable.
seriously up your sub script substantially and think about rehab.
You go again bruv as chin-up said don't put your recovery at risk you will do it bro. We know what youi going through you know this could be the time yuou do it the shit world is horrible time does pass but u cant be around it. No. way you can be around it that just it maybe 6 months down the line you might be strong enough
Jabberwocky
Frumious Bandersnatch
how you getting on rio?
Rio Fantastic
Bluelighter
Thanks for the encouragement guys. How are you two doing??
I'm doing better. 6 days clean today. Have retraining for work tomorrow and start again Friday, which can only be a good thing - endless free time has not done me any favours during the lockdown! Got a haircut today and some new clothes. This early recovery hasn't been too bad yet - no strong cravings, only hints of that "this is pointless, why bother" feeling that pulls me down so often. I'm sure I have the mood swings to look forward to, but I feel strong now, and I'm so glad I pulled my shit together before fucking everything up. I had an arrangement yesterday that if I'd have bailed on or not been sober for I'd have really really fucked someone else's life up, so happily I was 5 days clean and there for her, and I'll be returning to work over a week clean, which isn't ideal but is FAR better than straight off a relapse.
I feel so stupid for how it went down, but at least I can learn a lesson from it. I took xanax from him the first day he was here, and wasn't planning on using again, but then predictably his "one last session" turned into using continuously and just hiding it from our friend who's house he'd come to in order to detox, and when I woke up on the 2nd day still a little fuzzy from the xanax and feeling like I'd let myself down anyway, I just said fuck it. Que a 3 week relapse. I did so much shoplifting that I'm honestly shocked looking back that I didn't get caught. Towards the end I stopped even trying to be subtle, since I was getting so depressed that I thought getting arrested would shock me out of the cycle of using, yet somehow managed to not get caught.
I'm thankful I'm clean. I'm terrified of relapsing again. I'm terrified that after I use once I'm completely out of control, and it almost seems out of my hands whether or not I get clean again. Until I'm at least 4 days removed from using, I feel like I have no agency in whether I carry on or not. I'm lucky to be 6 days in, and have the power to CHOOSE not to use again. I hope there's better days ahead.
Jabberwocky
Frumious Bandersnatch
how you getting on rio?
i really don't get how your other friend didn't notice that guy wasn't rattling, its kinda obvious. but honestly for the time being, please keep to non using friends, you've seen what happens now.
i'm glad you didn't get arrested. honestly sitting in a cell you swear you won't do it again but the second you're out you deserve a treat for having been sat in a cell for hours. having sworn down to myself i'd never use again i ordered drugs from the fucking police car when they were driving me home.
that thing about having the power to choose is totally true. one of my support workers in rehab told me 'once you're clena you have a choice' and it well pissed me off cos he was basically saying if i went out and relapsed it would be my fault. it still annoys me when i want to use, that you can't just give in and blame it on being a junkie.
i really don't get how your other friend didn't notice that guy wasn't rattling, its kinda obvious. but honestly for the time being, please keep to non using friends, you've seen what happens now.
i'm glad you didn't get arrested. honestly sitting in a cell you swear you won't do it again but the second you're out you deserve a treat for having been sat in a cell for hours. having sworn down to myself i'd never use again i ordered drugs from the fucking police car when they were driving me home.
that thing about having the power to choose is totally true. one of my support workers in rehab told me 'once you're clena you have a choice' and it well pissed me off cos he was basically saying if i went out and relapsed it would be my fault. it still annoys me when i want to use, that you can't just give in and blame it on being a junkie.