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My Choice To Use MDMA Has Fucked Me

Utter crap that PTSD causes you brain damage! Benzo's do though, get off that shit asap!

As for your concussion as well. I have been KO 3 times in 2 years from rugby and no lasting damage. Even if there was you recover.

A KO with significant damage would of put you in hospital for a week or more.

Sort your life out. You seem to believe the most unfounded of science. Find something to work on. The meds will not cure your problem. It's down to you!

Go with the attitude that this is how it is now......work with it....then it goes.

Don't look to find the old you. Nobody stays the same person as they go through life. You change, that's how it's meant to be.

BUT SERIOUSLY......STOP FOCUSING ON IT. AND DON'T BE SO NEGATIVE. PEOPLE RECOVER FROM FAR WORSE!

check out EMDR therapy if you really think you have ptsd...........
 
Great advice man, I'm just going to start fresh and see what person unravels, forgetting and breaking the process is the first step.
 
I've also experienced depression from rolling entirely too much. I found that if I told myself that e had fucked me up I'd feel alot more fucked up then when I'd just bite the bullet and get stuff done that day telling myself you'll feel better tomorrow. I've rolled over 6 times in three weeks, not a good idea but the depression I experienced from this lasted about a week. I feel supplementing with a multi vitamin as well as fish oil and 5-htp make all the difference.
 
Extreme exercise and diet is the best thing IMO. The rush I get after run outside then one hour workout is like a high in a sense, relative to this depression.
 
WowDidntExpectThat said:
Ismene, in response to your comment that serotnin has nothing to do with depression?! I'm not sure where you do your 'reading around', but it has everything to do with it.
Click to expand...

Here's an excellent place to start, pretty much demolishes the entire serotonin myth of depression.

http://www.badscience.net/2008/01/washing-the-numbers-selling-the-model/

Quacks from the $600 billion pharma industry sell the idea that depression is caused by low serotonin levels in the brain and so – therefore – you need drugs which raise the serotonin levels in your brain: you need SSRI antidepressants, which are “selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors”.

That’s the serotonin hypothesis. It was always shaky, and the evidence now is hugely contradictory. I’m not giving that lecture here, but as a brief illustration, there is a drug called tianeptine – a selective serotonin reuptake enhancer, not an inhibitor – and yet research shows this drug is a pretty effective treatment for depression too.

Meanwhile in popular culture the depression/serotonin theory is proven and absolute, because it was never about research, or theory, it was about marketing, and journalists who pride themselves on never pushing pills or the hegemony will still blindly push the model until the cows come home.
 
Dude, you're just wrong. If serotonin had no effect on mood, why do people who take MDMA get the midweek blues? Depression, real depression, is a uniquely chemical problem. If you don't believe that, then you've had the good fortune to never have experienced it. Serotonin may not be the only factor, but it certainly plays a huge role.
 
Ismene your so blind its not even funny. I mean i was being rude in your brain damage thread, but now you say something like this? Dude you are so lost man, someone as lost as you shouldn't be using MDMA. Thats truthfully speaking, serotonin has a huge roll on well being and depression. I know low levels of serotonin doesn't always mean depression, but a lot of the time the two are definitely related.
 
alright lad im from liverpool has ur condition got any better since this has happened to you, mate i had dizzyness and for like 6 weeks after doin mdma and mkat twice in a week and i only did like less than half a gram all in all, my brain was burning and tingling for like 3 weeks after, its took me 2 months to recover but im fine now, never had any depression tho, i reckon u will get better tho, just do loads of exercise and do a lot of reading to get ya brain back into gear again
 
It's human nature to look for the quick fix. Especially someone who's become accustomed to getting pleasure as easily as popping a pill. Unfortunately, I learned the hard way that there is no quick fix to drug-induced mental difficulties. What worked for me (but took months and was incredibly difficult) was a complete cessation of all drugs and alcohol, a moderate amount of exercise, and a DRAMATIC dietary shift. The standard American diet is absolutely horrible and provides a biological and neurological environment where toxicity is painfully exacerbated. Don't add any more drugs, whether they be SSRIs (been there, failed me) or benzos, or even things like Piracetam.

The body is an incredibly resourceful healing mechanism. Just give it what has worked to keep your ancestors alive for millions of years-- fresh, whole foods, water, exercise, and rest. It will take a long time, but you WILL recover if you do these things. They are simple, but take a lot of self-discipline to implement successfully.

PM me if you'd like to hear more specifically about anything that's helped me.

Good luck! I know how it feels to feel like you've permanently fucked yourself, and I know how it feels to recover from that. Patience and self-forgiveness are very important as well.
 
You've already gotten a tonne of advice, but the best I can offer is to be patient and give it time. Not days, not weeks but months and perhaps even longer. I'm getting close to 5 months clean from years (read: 10) of roughly monthly moderate to high dose usage. Recovery seems to very slow but it is there. I feel normal most of the time already, but even so I notice that as the weeks go by that my moods continue to stabilize, I get more productive and creative at work, I have less episodes of anxiety and depressed thought, my almost non-existent libido is slowly building back up and most of all I have this over-all sense of well being, hope and optimism that used to define who I was. I'm not going to say I'll never touch MDMA again in my life, but at this point I wouldn't even be tempted to eat the most bomb ass pills if they were given to me for free.
 
Irisdescence I'm not a bluelighter so I can't pm you. Would you mind pm'ing me? It'd mean a lot. Hearing how people recovered is the best thing for me. I'd like to learn all about what you did. I'm sick of feeling like this. And also, what is it like once you recover? Are you even happier than before? I can't even imagine how good it will feel to go back to an overall sense of well-being and contentedness. I'll be so grateful and appreciative. Life is really beautiful, and it's right now, when it's the ugliest, that I'm realizing this.
 
Thanks irisdescence! I appreciate the time you're taking to help me. Just some questions regarding the diet. From a practical perspective, it seems really hard to follow. To eat that fresh, wouldn't you have to go to the store several times a week? I'm in college and forced to borrow my buddy's car so it's tough. But I'm willing to do it. I was just curious what your strategies were for attaining the requirements for the diet as efficiently as possible. Also, I looked into the 80-10-10 diet and most people said really good things, but there were a few people claiming it ruined their health. You seem like a very informed and caring person, so I'm inclined to trust your experience, but the diet is so extreme that it raises some mild concerns and questions for me. Why do you think some are reporting bad effects? Thanks again!
 
I mean it definitely is fairly extreme compared to a standard diet...but at the same time, health-wise, consuming excessive meat, fast food, or processed food is an extreme blow to your body. One is extreme in a societal sense, while one in extreme in a damaging your body sense. Think about what our ancestors ate while evolving into us over millions of years. It certainly wasn't fast food and twinkies. I ate a typical college kid diet for years, pizza, chipotle, in n out, lots of steak and alcohol, and I felt like shit. Now I feel alive and tuned in both mentally and physically.

And the 80-10-10 might be a little extreme for some people, but I believe it's the healthiest. A compromise would be eating cooked foods like starches...any vegan diet that is primarily carbohydrates and limited fat and protein will be relatively healthy. But really, lots of people have their own opinions about what is or isn't healthy. I found the best way is just to try it out for a month and see how your body responds- the first week or so might be difficult but the key is getting a lot of calories. If you're curious download the torrent for the 80-10-10 diet book, it's pretty interesting.

Another good book is the China Study, which shows a strong correlation between protein consumption and cancer growth and dispels a lot of nutritional myths.

And yes, most people won't be able to do this. It's like telling an alcoholic to stop drinking, or a cigarette smoker to stop smoking-- your body is dependent on this stuff, despite it slowly killing you. But I wanted to throw this out there just in case someone who had tried everything else, like me, was curious.

And remember one thing- nothing is as important as what you abstain from. I.e. you could eat all the healthy things in the world, but if you're still binge-drinking and eating Taco Bell every night you're not going to make much progress.
 
And PS if you do this...dates and bananas are your best friends. They're cheap and have a lot of calories. That way you can just go to the store and tell them you work at a zoo and the monkeys ran out of food. : )
 
Oh and as for some people reporting bad effects, I have a couple theories. First off, it's not easy to follow this plan. If you slack up and say, eat lots of acidic fruits and don't brush your teeth, or only consume 1500 calories every day because it's too hard to eat the food, you could have some problems.

Besides that, it's likely that people's bodies, particularly those who have put a lot of bad shit into them, initially are quite shocked at the drastic contrast from their old diet. It's like when you stop drinking coffee, and your head pounds and you feel like crap. Your body has become dependent on those substances, so it doesn't respond well at first to being away from them. You're drinking lots of water, but it's not the water causing your problems, it's the past decision to drink copious amounts of coffee.
 
F1n1shed said:
Ismene your so blind its not even funny. I mean i was being rude in your brain damage thread, but now you say something like this? Dude you are so lost man, someone as lost as you shouldn't be using MDMA. Thats truthfully speaking, serotonin has a huge roll on well being and depression. I know low levels of serotonin doesn't always mean depression, but a lot of the time the two are definitely related.
Click to expand...

If you're interested in the truth check out this. The serotonin myth of depression:

http://www.badscience.net/2008/01/washing-the-numbers-selling-the-model/

Similarly, quacks from the $600 billion pharma industry sell the idea that depression is caused by low serotonin levels in the brain and so – therefore – you need drugs which raise the serotonin levels in your brain: you need SSRI antidepressants, which are “selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors”.

That’s the serotonin hypothesis. It was always shaky, and the evidence now is hugely contradictory. I’m not giving that lecture here, but as a brief illustration, there is a drug called tianeptine – a selective serotonin reuptake enhancer, not an inhibitor – and yet research shows this drug is a pretty effective treatment for depression too.
 
well, from what i know, you had really shitty mdma powder, if it really was mdma. i always purify my pills/powders first so theyre pure, and half a gramme of pure mdmd doesnt cause that sort of depression. i bet you anything your stuff was cut with talcum powder, pmma, speed god know what.
 
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