• MDMA &
    Empathogenic
    Drugs

    Welcome Guest!
  • MDMA Moderators: Esperighanto

My Choice To Use MDMA Has Fucked Me

I bet the winter weather is part of your depression, and you thinking you did a ton of damage makes you depressed(not damage itself). Honestly, I don't think 3 normal uses and one large use 8 months later will make the brain changes you seem to think you may have. I could be wrong, but I bet at least some of it is your mind. I recommend stopping the SSRIs now, they end nowhere good, and in two weeks taking about 100mg of 5-HTP just one time to make sure you have good serotonin levels. That, and working out/being active, and hopefully getting enough sun over winter(maby supplement vitamin D?) and eating well will all help you feel happy.
 
Yes mate, I meant 6-8 months. Just get on with life as much as possible.

I am just susceptible to this, I didn't take any silly amount. I have had tests and am deficient in a number of P450 enzymes. So this is why it happened to me.

Stay off the SSRI's, and don't touch the 5-htp either! It's all similar to the chemical that put you here in the first place.

You will become dependant on them for years and hinder your recovery.

Doubt me if you want but I study medicine, qualify next year and see the best docs in Harley St London. I'm getting the best advice from the most informed people and not just psych docs taking their best guess.

for your info. your DP and DR was just your body's protection for extreme stresses of anxiety and depression. It's how you feel if your in a near death experience. You just got stuck in a cycle due to thought pattern and seretonin / dopamine fluctuations.

Anymore q's let me know.

Also if you believe this may be down to a P-450 enzyme deficiency in your case there are a truck load of prescription drugs you want to avoid in the future. You can get tested, but it costs a bomb. I was lucky my prof did it for free.
 
catinthehat4 said:
Will I recover my SERT levels?
Click to expand...

If you mean serotonin by SERT, then you should do a little reading around - the idea that low serotonin causes depression is complete and utter nonsense with zero evidence to support it. The whole SSRI boom was a con by the pharmacorporations to make a fortune.

Your depression has got nothing to do with serotonin levels, so forget that theory. (And I know that's going in the face of everyone who'se read that "E depletes serotonin levels, and low serotonin makes you depressed, so that's like why you get depressed dude".). Depression is a complex problem and you need to look at your life and atitudes and see what else might be making you feel down.
 
Yeah WowDidn'tExpectThat I'd love to chat as well. My email is [email protected] If you could shoot me an email that would be great. A 20 minute conversation would do me wonders b/c I'm starting to get concerned about being on the SSRI. Or somedud, if WowDidn'tExpectThat is okay with it, could you just pm me his contact info...or pm him my facebook account. Thanks guys. Look forward to talking.
 
Sorrys guys, can't really chat to you on private e-mail or fb. It becomes direct advice from me and then that becomes a legal mine field for me potentially. Something I don't want to risk my career for.

I can only give my thoughts here. I can't tell you what to do and am no sub for your doctor. The decisions you make should be your own. SSRI's are needed by some people......I just don't agree with it in this case as it's essentially close to the cause.

Ismene, in response to your comment that serotnin has nothing to do with depression?! I'm not sure where you do your 'reading around', but it has everything to do with it.

The bulk of neuroanatomical data available clearly indicates that dopamine DA-containing neurons in the brain receive a prominent innervation from serotonin (5-hydroxytryptamine, 5-HT) originating in the raphe nuclei of the brainstem.

If Dopamine get played with = :(

Seretonin = eating habits, sleep, sex drive etc
Dopamine = Is what drives an organism to improve it's QofL

A combo of messing with this is going to have an effect! If it can give you the high, it can give you the low!

We aren't even including other transmitters effected by serotonin like GABA.

Latest journals and my profs would take you to town on that bold staement.

With that said guys. Take this opportunity to work on your character weaknesses and develop a more stable and controlled mind. It will definitely be helping your depression along. Thoughts release there associated neurotransmitters. Think happy....

Try to ignore your DP and DR and it will go. As for other feelings, these will regulate as your brain finds homeostasis again.

Dw guys this does get better! It's no smooth ride, but it will happen! Time is a great healer.

Want any thoughts. Drop it here or start a thread.
 
Last edited:
Anyway you could make a fake aim account to seal your identity? Then there's no risk of ruining your career.

Anyways, what about the intellectual deflects I'm experiencing 6 months after my use and crZy anxiety? I feel extremely stupid, I used 11 times in 3 months between 20-30 pills and have lost my personality and sense of humor. I use to have a mind full of thoughts and plans, no it's just empty, not to mention insomnia. Doc said ssris will break the obsessing over my past/choice to use.. It was o my the last roll that set the onset of my servers depression.

Think I should supplement an amino acid complex under supervision of a doc instead of SSRI? As well will my old quick way of thinking return? I can't organize or plan or comprehend anything.

Ps on benzo for one month starting today to kill anxiety before SSRI kicks in.
 
Also check my profile and go to "threads started by somedud" to see a list of y symptoms more in depth if you don't mind helping mate.
 
MATE STOP! do not go near benzo's......they are addictive as hell, and the rebound anxiety is insane when coming off them. If you get stuck on them long term they cause permanent issues. Weaning off can take years to months. And you get used to the dose very quick, so you up the dose to feel normal.

I took my gp's advice on that one to begin with, fucking hated him for it. Makes you feel dumb and spaced out.....then agrophobic when coming off them. And I only used them 2 weeks. This lasted for a month after!

Insomnia is down to your seretonin receptors having been downregulated. This begins to pick up around 3 months post, and will continue to improve quickly for 1.5 years (small improvement will keep happening after). Same for your mental function, but your constant focusing on the issue will be helping that out!

Your mind will come back to you! try and exercise it as much as you can, reading etc, and stay pos. Keep to a regular timetable! cut all rec drugs and keep alcohol and caffeine to a minimum until you feel yourself.

Sounds like you ain't super susceptible like me. 30 pills is a lot in that time! So your recovery may be slower or quicker. You've def set your bar for feeling normal to a higher level.

Your body will naturally work back to a homeostasis, it just takes time. It just needs to bring the bar back down.

The SSRI will speed you up to where the bar is, but its height remains high. So you have to deal with bringing it back down when its time to come off the SSRI.

It's all down to whether you feel you have the strength to sit and wait. Quick fixes come with prices! Endure hardship and work with it, you have the potential to be a stronger individual than before.

Drugs vs Drugs = Fighting fire with fire!

Cut the drugs, cut the problem. The brain changed, the brain will change again. Let it do it by itself as much as you can stand.

if you have any sense you will realise your rec drug use is over!

But seriously, on the benzo chat......you will find it all over the net. Its all over the med journals and I only did it through suicidal thoughts, I felt I had nothing to lose. I was wrong, It chucked me further down the rabbit hole.
 
Yeah I plan on stopping them. What about the ssris? I notice that they're helping but I'd rather not go down that route, but I can't get out of bed when I'm on nothing. I never had these symptoms until my last roll which was 7 days after concussion then I had mad panic attacks for months, and thr insomnia is still here 6 months later..

I was planning on getting s personal gym trainer to boost me, joining yoga, and doing s neuroreplete program which is all natural things.. I don't want to hinder my recovery!

I just feel like my intelligent side is gone forever due to the high high stress I've been under formmonths, like cortisol destroyed my brain PTSD style..

Think I'll eve be thr same person again? Aswell, think I shud stop th SSRI and to the neuroreplete way with amino acids? Someone mentioned slot of sucess within a month of starting and feels better now than he ever has. I'm so confused with what I should do.
 
And if I do the SSRI route she said I shus for 6 months.. That doesnt seem too long, And I could use st johns wort after to upregulate the receptors from SSRI down reg..
 
Also dw bout not being able to string together mental activity. I couldn't even set myself up with cereal for breakfast without difficulty for 2 months!

Laugh at yourself, do the best you can with the symptoms and learn some sort of meditation be it hypnosis, mindfullness or yoga etc.

Your worrying about not being able to think straight......you cant think straight if you are thinking about worrying! you get me?!

As your NT's come back to normal = insomnia, eating and mood all sort out. Thought is hugely governed by NT's. Think pos, the NT's follow suit. Otherwise you are waiting for the NT's! Life is only what you make of it.

Don't be so hard on yourself! and stop the regrets. So what if you have damaged your brain?! It will fix......my mate had a stroke 2 years ago.....couldn't use his left arm or leg. He now plays tennis again! Your young, the body doesn't give up!

Great technique if you are suffering with insomnia is to repeat a sentence slowly in your head over and over. Nothing to do with the problems you have e.g. the sea is blue.

Or relax, and take a step back from your thoughts.....describe them for what they are, be it object or emotion in the most boring internal monologue.

Takes practice, but helps eliminate the worry! (all done eyes shut ha!)

p.s. get off the forums! your focusing on the problem! And quite frankly some of the advice or help is ill informed or down right negative. You don't need this.

I am only on here to give something back! I felt close to suicide so if my words can pick someone up and give them some belief I have done what I intended to do. Most people haven't got the level of help that I have available.

A book called the compassionate mind may help you train your thoughts......if not keep you from over thinking things!
 
somedud......stop trying to counter drugs with drugs. Just because st johns wort is not a prescription it doesn't stop it playing with your NT's.

Leave your brain to find it's norm as much as possible! The more chemicals you chuck in the more changes it has to deal with. Less time to concentrate on the original problem.

As uncomfortable as the message is, it takes time! And it takes longer if you focus on it. Get a hobby, helps a load!
 
Yes your help has been great! That's what's the klonopin is doing, stopping my worrying about my symptoms until thr 20mg of SSRI kick in. My worry is that I destroyed my serotonin axons and terminals not just deminished my NT's.. I'm just creaked out my racing mind won't return, it's shut down.

So you think I should stop SSRI and benzo and start meditation, amino acid complex and exercise to optimize and not hinder my recovery? I just want to be able to do uni again, I had to drop out of my 3rd year bc of this.. My memory/cognitive abilities are fuckkkked.
 
sorry just read your post above your last.

all thoughts!

Stick with your SSRI.....and work at training your mind. You will get yourself back. You just need to break the thought pattern.

neuroplete has less science behind it than SSRI. So stick to the latter.

Don't be tempted to chop and change meds. Stick with one, being the SSRI.

No health shop junk or benzos!!

This will take lots of self belief, it's in you. You can do a lot more than you feel you can buddy!
 
Very true, I'll try lexapro for a few months, but sooo many people seem to claim they mms it worse... What's your opinion on damage to SERT axons and terminals? I'm sure you discussed the neurotoxictiy with your profs etc.. I was convinced my problems were due to permanent neurotoxic damage.
 
I still don't advocate SSRI.....but it's your choice.

You may have damaged your 'SERT axons and terminals' but these recover, and new pathways form. Again the science in the theory is based on some very questionable studies. Widely discredited for lack of subjects and testability.

The net is full of bull. Get hold of published medical journals if you have uni access.

Positive thinking and activity will speed this a long.

As for cog func and getting back to uni. Use your brain everyday, sums, reading, instrument playing and model building. Use it or lose it basically.......exercise it and it comes back. Treat yourself like a stroke victim and work hard at the rehab. You will be crap to begin with but it gets better. Personal experience.

I'm back from what felt like 20% to 80% and that's been through reading more and playing guitar more.

160 posts is overdoing it mate. Get out and do the most you can in the state you can.

This won't just dissapear, you have to learn to work with it. Then you have moments of realising 'hey it's getting better'.

It's your anxiety that is fooling you into all this!

Stop looking for reassurance in other people. It makes you feel better now, but doesn't last. Your strength needs to come from you to be able to get your confidence back.
 
Yeah that's true, I was just asking cause you seem to know what your talking about.

Ive just signed up for yoga and a gym membership, I'm going to attend those regularly and wein off the SSRI and quit taking the benzos. Then enroll in neurofeeeback along with either CBT or a mental enchnacement class to get my brain back in shape. I've noticed a steady decline since the last time I used, I wasn't nessescarily that bad after the last use, until I went through a break up on e and strarted having made flash backs and panic attacks over it PTSD style, which some doc think I might have a mild case of, which sucks because that results in brain damage also along with the concussion I had =\ quite hard to see a full recovery from all of that, I'm probaly 30% of thr old me, 6 months post.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top