• S E X
    L O V E +
    R E L A T I O N S H I P S


    ❤️ Welcome Guest! ❤️


    Posting Guidelines Bluelight Rules
  • SLR Moderators: Senior Staff

My boyfriend thinks I "cheated," but I disagree

Status
Not open for further replies.
axl blaze said:
it's not cheating, but I would never get back with a lady who banged my friend

just too much personal pride and class here, I guess
Click to expand...

This


Do you even want to be back together with him? I don't really get that vibe based on your posts. The fact that you “decided” to have rebound sex with his best friend seem very calculated.
 
axl blaze said:
it's not cheating, but I would never get back with a lady who banged my friend

just too much personal pride and class here, I guess
Click to expand...

indeed, i wouldnt even entertain the idea. after the words "i fucked your best friend" left her mouth, i would leave the room, and her life. but, hey, thats just me.
 
What you did was shitty - you could have gotten laid by any guy yet you chose his close friend - but he broke up with you so you aren't that blameworthy. And the idea that you "cheated" by having sex in general is just completely wrong. You were single at that point.

What is really the issue is between him and his friend, which is not something you have to worry about. "Bros before hoes," if violated, can mess up a friendship. But that's between them.
 
Johnny1 said:
What is really the issue is between him and his friend, which is not something you have to worry about. "Bros before hoes," if violated, can mess up a friendship. But that's between them.
Click to expand...

I agree. It takes two to tango, so to speak, and his friend is equally to blame for this, if not more so. I don't think choosing him was the best idea, but it's the friend who is obligated to have your man's back in this situation - they're friends, for fucks sake.

I also think this is right on:
Mysterie said:
tell him not to break up with you if he still 'has feelings' for you

you cant cheat when your not in a relationship...
Click to expand...

I think there are some bad signs about the future of this r/ship - because there must have been something wrong enough for him to break up with you in the first place, and that he thinks you should stay faithful to him after he broke up with you, but it's good you were honest with him. I think that's necessary to fully work through things, if that's possible.

Also, I don't think there's anything childish about having sex after a relationship is finished, whether you call it rebound sex or not. If both parties are happy with the experience, who cares how close it comes after the end of a relationship.
 
footscrazy said:
i agree. It takes two to tango, so to speak, and his friend is equally to blame for this, if not more so. I don't think choosing him was the best idea, but it's the friend who is obligated to have your man's back in this situation - they're friends, for fucks sake.

I also think this is right on:


I think there are some bad signs about the future of this r/ship - because there must have been something wrong enough for him to break up with you in the first place, and that he thinks you should stay faithful to him after he broke up with you, but it's good you were honest with him. I think that's necessary to fully work through things, if that's possible.

Also, i don't think there's anything childish about having sex after a relationship is finished, whether you call it rebound sex or not. If both parties are happy with the experience, who cares how close it comes after the end of a relationship.
Click to expand...

thank you
 
it wasn't cheating but any potential future relationship with this guy is fucked now, nonetheless.

in the future have rebound sex with people who aren't friends with your ex, this is just common sense. what you did wasn't cheating but it was still an unskillful move for multiple reasons
 
I would chalk it up inexperience and move on.

Although I have been trying to relate the males point of view, footscrazy makes some very valid points that I also agree with.
 
Noodle said:
I would chalk it up inexperience and move on.

Although I have been trying to relate the males point of view, footscrazy makes some very valid points that I also agree with.
Click to expand...

Since I've posted this, my boyfriend and I have both read you guys' opinions (even though we both already have move past everything that came between us to begin with) Just to see what others would do in our situation. He told me that he could never leave me for good over something of this nature. He now understands that I have no obligation to stay faithful to him when I no longer was his, and I have apologized for having sex with his friend. As for him and his friend, they're civil about it. They aren't as close and Victor watches him like a hawk when Tyler is around me, but I have no interest in Tyler outside of sexual attraction, and I really don't even have that anymore. I don't even see other men like that anymore. Day by day, my boyfriend and I become closer and I think that in the future, if there are other issues (which I hope will definitely not be like those I explained here) they will only bring us closer like this one did. My boyfriend now understands that now that I'm his once again, I am fully faithful to him and want no other. Our relationship is now stable and healthy, and we care for one another greatly and show one another nothing but kindness, affection and passion.

Thank you all for your insight, kind words and honesty.
 
I'm a lazy person...moving on requires more effort lol. Starting again with another person...all those, 9 habits you would have to undo all over again.
 
Ksa said:
I'm a lazy person...moving on requires more effort lol. Starting again with another person...all those, 9 habits you would have to undo all over again.
Click to expand...

Not only that, but to me, when you find a good person or a good thing, and it becomes broken - you fix it if at all possible. You don't just throw it away. If he could be honest with me with the way he feels and could be honest enough to admit that he was wrong in breaking up with me, then he deserves my effort to make things work. He deserves everything I have to give him.
 
lovegluegunnin said:
So, my boyfriend broke up with me and after a "mourning" period of the relationship, I decided to have myself some rebound sex. Only, this rebound sex was with one of my boyfriend's good friends. I guess you could call me a homie hopper, but i could give a shit. He broke my heart, he could kiss my ass at that point. Well, about 3 weeks later he came "crawling back to me" per say, and before we got back together we were completely honest with each other about how we felt and what our experiences were like being apart from one another for the month or so duration that we were apart. I was honest with him and told him that I had sex with his friend, let's call him..Tyler. Well, my boyfriend considers this cheating because he himself still had feelings for me and felt as though in spite of the fact that he had broke my heart, I still had an obligation to stay faithful to him, and it had been even worse that my rebound of choice was Tyler. I can understand the part about it being with Tyler, but why should I feel obligated to stay faithful to him even though we were no longer together?


Honest opinions are welcome.
Click to expand...

its not cheating. i blame monica/ross from friends and "we were on a break"

if you split up that's it, monogamy out the window. your boyfriend has some confused ideas
 
I completely agree. It's not cheating...

But I'm about to go out on a 4th date with a girl and she's not officially my girlfriend yet. If I fuck a girl right now, it's also not cheating.
In my opinion, both situations require a bit more care. Relationships have their bumps, and it speaks better of your commitment if you ride them out.

As for the fucking his good friend, I believe this was motivated by a desire to hurt him. There's not a doubt in my mind. Given that, it makes me question whether or not this was your motivation for sex in the first place. You did call it rebound sex.
 
In reality you really should have fucked some other guy, you most certainly could... you know, cause you're a girl and all.

You knew that fucking his friend was not cool. If you didn't, you should have. You were vindictive. It was about just plain rebound sex. You wanted to hurt him didn't you? Even subconsciously. I wouldn't call it cheating, but I would call it fucked up. You had to have known, cause it's obvious that if you fuck his buddy, you've ruined their friendship.

Sorry to be harsh, but I think you my appreciate some honestly.
 
bennyZA said:
In reality you really should have fucked some other guy, you most certainly could... you know, cause you're a girl and all.

You knew that fucking his friend was not cool. If you didn't, you should have. You were vindictive. It was about just plain rebound sex. You wanted to hurt him didn't you? Even subconsciously. I wouldn't call it cheating, but I would call it fucked up. You had to have known, cause it's obvious that if you fuck his buddy, you've ruined their friendship.

Sorry to be harsh, but I think you my appreciate some honestly.
Click to expand...

Actually, that's the first person on the fuck list. She knows him, she trusts him, got to know him, it's very important to her security and well being to know the person before going out with him. If she goes out with a total stranger, there is a higher risk for her to end up in an abusive relationship. You are asking her to neglect herself for the gain of her ex-boyfriend. Why would she do that?
 
Ksa said:
Actually, that's the first person on the fuck list. She knows him, she trusts him, got to know him, it's very important to her security and well being to know the person before going out with him. If she goes out with a total stranger, there is a higher risk for her to end up in an abusive relationship. You are asking her to neglect herself for the gain of her ex-boyfriend. Why would she do that?
Click to expand...


this is also a pretty good point
 
I tend to agree with posts 34 and 35, no it wasn't really cheating because you were broken up. But still you chose to have sex with his friend and then chose to tell him about it which makes me question your motivation to do this. Sure your guy might tell you he's okay with it, and you're made up for now but I think under the surface, he's still upset. Why the heck would you tell him who you had sex with?
 
T. Calderone said:
I tend to agree with posts 34 and 35, no it wasn't really cheating because you were broken up. But still you chose to have sex with his friend and then chose to tell him about it which makes me question your motivation to do this. Sure your guy might tell you he's okay with it, and you're made up for now but I think under the surface, he's still upset. Why the heck would you tell him who you had sex with?
Click to expand...

I wasn't going to tell him at all, but he asked and wouldn't leave it alone until I told him.
 
Ksa said:
Actually, that's the first person on the fuck list. She knows him, she trusts him, got to know him, it's very important to her security and well being to know the person before going out with him. If she goes out with a total stranger, there is a higher risk for her to end up in an abusive relationship. You are asking her to neglect herself for the gain of her ex-boyfriend. Why would she do that?
Click to expand...

His friend is also a fuckwad. Either way, it's impossible to let that shit go. You guys already have a really rocky relationship. Every time the OP and BF have an issue now he's just going to say "at least I didn't fuck your best friend" or something along those lines. Relationship over.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top