My boyfriend thinks I "cheated," but I disagree

[lovegluegunnin]

So, my boyfriend broke up with me and after a "mourning" period of the relationship, I decided to have myself some rebound sex. Only, this rebound sex was with one of my boyfriend's good friends. I guess you could call me a homie hopper, but i could give a shit. He broke my heart, he could kiss my ass at that point. Well, about 3 weeks later he came "crawling back to me" per say, and before we got back together we were completely honest with each other about how we felt and what our experiences were like being apart from one another for the month or so duration that we were apart. I was honest with him and told him that I had sex with his friend, let's call him..Tyler. Well, my boyfriend considers this cheating because he himself still had feelings for me and felt as though in spite of the fact that he had broke my heart, I still had an obligation to stay faithful to him, and it had been even worse that my rebound of choice was Tyler. I can understand the part about it being with Tyler, but why should I feel obligated to stay faithful to him even though we were no longer together?


Honest opinions are welcome.

 

[Maya]

Hmm I wouldn't consider that cheating because he broke up with you in the first place and you were not together at that period of time. Imo he's just over reacting but I if I was in that situation I wouldn't sleep with a friend of his. Its just my perception because i like to set boundaries.

 

[lovegluegunnin]

Hmm I wouldn't consider that cheating because he broke up with you in the first place and you were not together at that period of time. Imo he's just over reacting but I if I was in that situation I wouldn't sleep with a friend of his. Its just my perception because i like to set boundaries.

Yeah, that part I understand and I admit that I was wrongful in doing that with him specifically, but I don't regret nor am I sorry for doing something I am entitled to do with my own body when I'm single, lol.

 

[Mysterie]

tell him not to break up with you if he still 'has feelings' for you

you cant cheat when your not in a relationship...

 

[thegent]

So, my boyfriend broke up with me and after a "mourning" period of the relationship, I decided to have myself some rebound sex. Only, this rebound sex was with one of my boyfriend's good friends. I guess you could call me a homie hopper, but i could give a shit. He broke my heart, he could kiss my ass at that point. Well, about 3 weeks later he came "crawling back to me" per say, and before we got back together we were completely honest with each other about how we felt and what our experiences were like being apart from one another for the month or so duration that we were apart. I was honest with him and told him that I had sex with his friend, let's call him..Tyler. Well, my boyfriend considers this cheating because he himself still had feelings for me and felt as though in spite of the fact that he had broke my heart, I still had an obligation to stay faithful to him, and it had been even worse that my rebound of choice was Tyler. I can understand the part about it being with Tyler, but why should I feel obligated to stay faithful to him even though we were no longer together?


Honest opinions are welcome.

My honest opinion is that your issues are much deeper than this. Rebound sex is just so immature. You have to experience true love. You'll never be happy with anyone else until you're happy with yourself. Start working on yourself.

 

[lovegluegunnin]

My honest opinion is that your issues are much deeper than this. Rebound sex is just so immature. You have to experience true love. You'll never be happy with anyone else until you're happy with yourself. Start working on yourself.

Oh, I'm well aware my issues are much more deep-rooted than this. However, that isn't relevant to the issue at hand lol. I have experienced true love, however I've only been with this guy for a couple of months. I'm not rushing into love just yet. I'm learned my lesson with rushing and love is something you definitely can't nudge along. And you're right, it was immature of me; but what I choose to do with my body is what I will do with it. Also, I am happy with myself. I love myself. So, I don't really know why you're getting all shrink-esque on me just because you read my post. Not trying to be catty, just a little put-off.


Edit: Please don't get me wrong, I appreciate you being honest with me. I just think you went a little into left-field lol

 

[One Thousand Words]

Was it good sex? If it was I'm pretty sure that makes up for any psycho babble like "loving yourself"

If it's any consolation I have known very few relationships that recover from such a break up. His jealousy will be his undoing in time.

 

[lovegluegunnin]

Was it good sex? If it was I'm pretty sure that makes up for any psycho babble like "loving yourself"

If it's any consolation I have known very few relationships that recover from such a break up. His jealousy will be his undoing in time.

I was involved, so of course it was good sex. lol in all seriousness, it was. Even then, when I said "Rebound" i kind of meant it as the first time I had sex with someone else outside of my boyfriend prior to the break up. Even still, it was childish of me. With that being said, I don't think loving yourself is psycho babble. I think it's an important part of mental health.

And yeah, you're right. At that time the relationship wasn't very healthy at all, but since his jealousy has become at bay and we've become even closer because of everything that's happened.

 

[Noodle]

If he gets over it, you two should be fine.

He may feel a bit possessive, but that is to be expected and is natural in my opinion.

It should not be brought up as a topic of conversation, and any further information he was not privy to should remain that way.

That is, if you really want to make things work and move on.

 

[TheRapperGoneBad]

Shitty its with one of his friends. Why are you girls so cold? Guess we see his real friends lol

Other then that I think your in the clear. I wouldn't try to work on things honestly. They will probably snowball if its like this starting back up.

If this happened while your apart its probably ment to be

 

[Ksa]

So, my boyfriend broke up with me and after a "mourning" period of the relationship,

He broke up with you at the beginning at that period not after.

Well, about 3 weeks later he came "crawling back to me". I was honest with him and told him that I had sex with his friend, let's call him..Tyler. Well, my boyfriend considers this cheating because he himself still had feelings for me and felt as though in spite of the fact that he had broke my heart, I still had an obligation to stay faithful to him,

No obligation. (don't use the expression crawling back, unless he is submissive or he will hate you for it)

why should I feel obligated to stay faithful to him even though we were no longer together?

You shouldn't, if he came back to you he should accept the relationship with all compromises made. It's not like, I come back to you but you see you cheated on me, no butts. You come back without butts or you don't come at all.

 

[Morphling]

Sometimes honest can be too honest. I fucked my friend's ex, but I didn't tell him, really not his business who I bone tbh...

 

[RAZEONE]

It's just a bit slaggy. I can see why he would have a problem with it.

 

[Noodle]

^

Indeed. One could argue that you were being spiteful by sleeping with a close friend of his.

If your circle of hopefuls is that small, no worries then! I suppose.

You can do as you wish, being a single girl and all. But, realize that his perception of his attachment to you was unbroken.

 

[purplefirefly]

I can see why he would be upset, even if he "technically" doesn't have any real place to be. Emotions care little for rational responses, they fly in any direction they feel. His really good friend was also an interesting choice of a rebound fuck. I don't blame you for wanting to get wild after a relationship but it seems a bit callous to choose his good friend. You really should ask yourself why you did that.

Your choice of words makes me wonder why you want to be with him. Using the term "came crawling back to me" doesn't sound like you love it, it sounds like you're disgusted by him. You also need to ask yourself why you want to be with him.

 

[dopemaster]

If you are broken up, then you can have sex with whoever.

You said he broke up with you right? That seems like he ended things. So if its over its none of his business who you shag.

As far as getting back together I guess you should have only told him if he would have found out. Its good to say whether you slept with someone else and all, but yeah I guess I can see how he is sore about you shagging his mate. All the same if he didn't want you to have sex with anyone else he shouldn't have broken up with you in the first place.

Once a relationship is over you can are free to have sex with whoever you want. I go for rebound sex after a relationship ends. I think most people do. Often times when you get back together with someone they are gonna be mad about who you chose to shag.

I can give an example of where I broke up with a woman and shagged a woman she hated. She got mad about that. Should I have shagged a friend of hers instead? Would it have mattered who I shagged? Nope it doesn't really matter who it was.

It was just the person knows who you shagged. That's were you messed up was telling him who it was. You should have told him it didn't matter.

That being said since you two were broke up and he came back to you, I really think you don't have anything to worry about. He wanted you back. He got you back. So it doesn't matter what happened when you two broke up.

Also I don't think rebound sex is immature or not loving yourself. Its rather natural. Even if it has a bit of self-validation in it, so what. Its not like everyone who has rebound sex has low self esteem. When you get single it seems that you have all these new choices, so its only natural to check a few out.

 

[lovegluegunnin]

If you are broken up, then you can have sex with whoever.

You said he broke up with you right? That seems like he ended things. So if its over its none of his business who you shag.

As far as getting back together I guess you should have only told him if he would have found out. Its good to say whether you slept with someone else and all, but yeah I guess I can see how he is sore about you shagging his mate. All the same if he didn't want you to have sex with anyone else he shouldn't have broken up with you in the first place.

Once a relationship is over you can are free to have sex with whoever you want. I go for rebound sex after a relationship ends. I think most people do. Often times when you get back together with someone they are gonna be mad about who you chose to shag.

I can give an example of where I broke up with a woman and shagged a woman she hated. She got mad about that. Should I have shagged a friend of hers instead? Would it have mattered who I shagged? Nope it doesn't really matter who it was.

It was just the person knows who you shagged. That's were you messed up was telling him who it was. You should have told him it didn't matter.

That being said since you two were broke up and he came back to you, I really think you don't have anything to worry about. He wanted you back. He got you back. So it doesn't matter what happened when you two broke up.

Also I don't think rebound sex is immature or not loving yourself. Its rather natural. Even if it has a bit of self-validation in it, so what. Its not like everyone who has rebound sex has low self esteem. When you get single it seems that you have all these new choices, so its only natural to check a few out.

I love this response. I agree with almost everything. I told him who it was because he asked and wouldn't leave it alone until I told him, not because I was trying to make him jealous or anything. After reevaluating my thoughts from last night, I have to say that I don't think what I did was childish when it comes to rebound sex. I think it's natural and healthy to explore your options after getting out of a relationship.



In reply to purplefirefly - I used that term not because I'm not happy he came back to me or because I was disgusted with him, but because of the fashion in which he came back to me. It was rather platonic and desperate, which is why I said what I did. I really care about him, I'm not trying to bad-mouth him. He himself says he came crawling back to me, lol.

To everyone else - Thank you for your responses and opinions!

 

[lovegluegunnin]

If you are broken up, then you can have sex with whoever.

You said he broke up with you right? That seems like he ended things. So if its over its none of his business who you shag.

As far as getting back together I guess you should have only told him if he would have found out. Its good to say whether you slept with someone else and all, but yeah I guess I can see how he is sore about you shagging his mate. All the same if he didn't want you to have sex with anyone else he shouldn't have broken up with you in the first place.

Once a relationship is over you can are free to have sex with whoever you want. I go for rebound sex after a relationship ends. I think most people do. Often times when you get back together with someone they are gonna be mad about who you chose to shag.

I can give an example of where I broke up with a woman and shagged a woman she hated. She got mad about that. Should I have shagged a friend of hers instead? Would it have mattered who I shagged? Nope it doesn't really matter who it was.

It was just the person knows who you shagged. That's were you messed up was telling him who it was. You should have told him it didn't matter.

That being said since you two were broke up and he came back to you, I really think you don't have anything to worry about. He wanted you back. He got you back. So it doesn't matter what happened when you two broke up.

Also I don't think rebound sex is immature or not loving yourself. Its rather natural. Even if it has a bit of self-validation in it, so what. Its not like everyone who has rebound sex has low self esteem. When you get single it seems that you have all these new choices, so its only natural to check a few out.

I love this response. I agree with almost everything. I told him who it was because he asked and wouldn't leave it alone until I told him, not because I was trying to make him jealous or anything. After reevaluating my thoughts from last night, I have to say that I don't think what I did was childish when it comes to rebound sex. I think it's natural and healthy to explore your options after getting out of a relationship.



In reply to purplefirefly - I used that term not because I'm not happy he came back to me or because I was disgusted with him, but because of the fashion in which he came back to me. It was rather platonic and desperate, which is why I said what I did. I really care about him, I'm not trying to bad-mouth him. He himself says he came crawling back to me, lol.

To everyone else - Thank you for your responses and opinions!

 

[MemphisX3]

So, my boyfriend broke up with me and after a "mourning" period of the relationship, I decided to have myself some rebound sex. Only, this rebound sex was with one of my boyfriend's good friends. I guess you could call me a homie hopper, but i could give a shit. He broke my heart, he could kiss my ass at that point. Well, about 3 weeks later he came "crawling back to me" per say, and before we got back together we were completely honest with each other about how we felt and what our experiences were like being apart from one another for the month or so duration that we were apart. I was honest with him and told him that I had sex with his friend, let's call him..Tyler. Well, my boyfriend considers this cheating because he himself still had feelings for me and felt as though in spite of the fact that he had broke my heart, I still had an obligation to stay faithful to him, and it had been even worse that my rebound of choice was Tyler. I can understand the part about it being with Tyler, but why should I feel obligated to stay faithful to him even though we were no longer together?


Honest opinions are welcome.

more than likely he really isnt mad at the fact that you had sex while you guys were apart. i am willing to bet the anger came from the fact that you slept with one of his good friends, which, to me, is not a cool thing to do. if you have to get your rocks off after a break up thats great but i dont think its wise to fuck your ex-boyfriends' friends. chances are all his anger is just misguided and really mad at the friend factor

 

[axl blaze]

it's not cheating, but I would never get back with a lady who banged my friend

just too much personal pride and class here, I guess