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My Boyfriend hates my body

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You know, generally, I think this comment sucked and definitely should have been sugar coated.. but what's done is done. Women are usually super sensitive in regards to our images...be it 110lbs or 200lbs. Risegirl, you are beautiful. We are all beautiful, and not one of us is perfect. As for perception of weight..thats one thing i find to be really screwed up. A little more than a year ago, I weighed 185ish (a U.S.size 16). Somehow, I ended up losing approx. 45 lbs and I am now a size 10. WOOHOO, go me...Well, the screwy part of it all...it took me a LONG time to see myself in its new shape. Everytime I looked in the mirror, I could only see the size 16 self. People would comment on how "small" I had gotten, but I couldn't see it for myself. I did eventually see it, however, it took alot of examining. For me, my self esteem is still touchy when it comes to my weight, and I'm sure a comment like that (even tho it wasn't meant to be hurtful) would send me into a bit of an emotional spin. Enough of my rambling.....
 
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NO NO, honesty is an awesome and wonderful thing, and it was good of him to be honest. But from what it sounds like with combining sensativities, it seems like they are not channeling messages at the same level.

Miscommunication!!! Drugs + physical unhappiness is a terrible strain. I personally think this is a temporary situation, and should be handled by discussing it rather than posting it on a board for them to read. But hey you know whatever makes things work.

I agree though, i shouldnt have made a "180lbs" judgment, it was for pure example purposes. I do believe in the "You are what you Feel and Think " idea, i notice i am a lot more happy socially when i feel better about myself.

My s/o has always said to me that confidence is the most sexy thing, and he has always been one to reflect what he sees in me and has always wanted me to portray myself as i really am without the insecurities. Its easier to be attracted to someone physically if they are attracted to themselves. :)

And you know what this goes hand and hand with actually loosing weight, i remember reading a study once, that people who thought they were fat, gained weight even if they didnt eat more.. Definitly goes back to that whole Mind Over Matter idea.

The concept that someone is fat when they truely arent is called Body Dysmorphic Disorder, which in all actuality could sublimate alter perceptions of your partner if you are unhappy.. Saying im fat im fat im fat, could make them really turned off, maybe even to the extent of actually seeing every flaw x 50.

But going back to the whole honesty thing, was it really necissary to be rough about it, kindness goes a long way. :)
 
Size 12 is all you needed to say.

In my experience (and personnal preference) the best looking women are always between size 12 to 14. I'm a grown man, I don't need some scrawny little thing running around in my life and I've pretty much felt this way from the beginning. Trust me, there are men that quite enjoy women with some nice curves.

Here's to a nice thick, big ass. Don't workout too much. Please?
 
Urgh, RiseGurl, I hate your boyfriend. Witchdoctor, I think you totally take advantage. I've watched (and occasionally commented on) the posts between the two of you over the last few months. And while I realize that I'm sure you only post when you're having problems, from an objective standpoint, it seems like you have quite a handful sometimes.

It boils down to respect and lack of. Obviously there are going to be differences between the two parties but there should always be an underlying sense of respect and decency. And from this slightly informed/less knowledgable opinion, I say this guy is bringing you way too much pain to make it worthwhile.
 
u seem like a beautiful person and comments like that arent encouraging.
from what u have said u shouldnt be worried about ur weight.
when guys ever make any comments at me, i just tell them that theyre not exactly pretty and they shut up.
But if its ur boyfriend, then discuss it with him:
girl power!!!! speak up, if he isnt happy with u then y is he in a relationship with u? and does he not realise how much damage those kind of comments can effect women?
good luck to u dealing with the opposite sex can be difficult.
i think both male and female think this too
:)
 
What I can't understand is, if you're bf/gf and you're the same size as when you started dating, how you GOT to be bf/gf if you're not attracted to each other. Do you never have sex? Is it a platonic relationship? So if he said that, he's either lying or really fucked up in the head. I'm not sure why he would lie, so my money is on fucked up.
 
KiSsMYAsS said:
I definitely agree with you RiseGurl! Your BF should support you all the way, and should love you just the way you are. But maybe that's his way of motivating you? That's a bit wrong though! If anything he should be happy that your putting effort into looking fit, so you can drop his ass! If he keeps acting like an asshole, you should drop his ass! Maybe find someone who will appreciate you for who you are, and not for what you look like!!
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Thats what I am saying my gf is kind of chubby but I love her for who she is. I would just dump him like this person said and find someone who aperciates you for who you are.
 
I really don't understand why you two are dating. You hash out your problems in SLR, but obviously not with each other - or not enough.

Regardless of whether RiseGirl asked for the truth, Witch Doctor - from what I read of his posts - doesn't seem like much of a prize, and not someone I'd ever wish to date.

Why'd ya date her? Why do you continue to? Is it because no one else will have you?
 
Amazingly I find myself agreeing with Schnouzer again. While I agree that your bf should have been more tactful, in my experience many men simply aren't good at being tactful, even though they may be the most sweet and considerate men otherwise. Your bf, to give him credit, didn't say 'you are fat' -- or even 'I think you are fat' but simply expressed his opinion.

Whenever something about your partner bothers you significantly, you should be able to communicate that. Even if it it's YOUR fault, and not your partner's. For example there are things I don't like about my fiance, which I know I don't have any good reason to dislike, but I talk to him about these things so that I can try to deal with them better and minimize how much they bother me. If I DIDN'T talk about these things with him I would instead obsess about them endlessly in my head and make them even bigger issues.
 
sometimes men see what is pointed out to them. I have been with a few woman in life who have persistently pointed to their bad points to the extreme that when you look at them thats all u begin to see.
 
And as for everyone comments you must think I am some idiot or something but this topic has be discussed by " US " . I just bought it here to get some opinions for my own sake and heck hopefully abit of a boost in the way I was feeling, Just like id go talk to my best friend or something, its nice to see and hear other peoples opinions, I mean, isnt that what this whole forum is for?

So before you all go judging me and saying I cant communicate in a r/ship you better get ur facts straight. I was merely commenting and seein what other peoples reactions would be and to be honest im quiet surprised at the response of this thread and its been quiet interesting.

So thanks everyone for your imput, you have only helped me understand both sides of the fence a lot easier... I only post here for a little help and different ideas because people sitting on the fence generally see things clearer and of course im blinded by alot of things because it was involving me for starters.

Hope this clears up all ur bad opinions on my communication skills.

*shakes head*
 
alright, hate to revive a year old post but somebody closed my thread that was about this. just a little background: i'm not dating a certain girl, she said she was ok with the fact that we were having casual sex, but she seems to want more from oure relationship...

in my last thread someone asked "so she's acctractive enough to have sex with but not for a relationship?" and the answer is yes. i'm very picky when it comes to girls i'm going to date, and like a lot of typical guys, not as picky when it comes to girls i'm just going to have sex with. otherwise no one would have casual sex, they would simply date the first person they felt like screwing, i don't see what's so complicated about that concept.

so regarding the topic of this thread: would this of been an acceptable answer: "i think you're a beautiful person"? the idea here being you're combining "you're a great person" and "you're beautiful."

i, like a lot of guys my age, am somewhat shallow, and would date this girl if she lost say 10-15 pounds (if she lost maybe 35 she would have the flat stomach, picturesque figure). at this point in my life i DO care about the physical attractiveness of any significant other and will do so UNTIL i am IN LOVE with that person. please give input.
 
I really don't understand what kind of input you want when it's clear you have already made your decision. I thought this thread would have enough input for you already of opinions on this topic.

You could also PM me stating why your other thread should be reopened. Although you really don't seem that open to discussion on the matter, and this is a discussion board.
 
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