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Mother in urgent need of help: my son is a heroin addict

simivalley. i am so sorry to hear about your son. reading your post i cant help but think of my heroin addiction and the pain i put my mother through. trust me as addicts we all want a better way of living, he just needs guidance right now from what ever the source is (higher power) just try not to let his actions consume ur emotions and life. you have to live your life. you got no control over what he does, no matter what. take one day at a time and focus on ur own well being, when he feels ready to come around and change, im sure the light will be on for him :-)
 
Something like methadone may help him stable his life somewhat, and there must be afew methadone clincs close to that part of downtown. It might be worth checking out, with his sickness situation he might be able to get his methadone free though medical or the state or something.
 
as a child my self, who did the same thing (although I strayed MUCH MUCH farther from home) all I can say is eventually he will have had enough pain. be ready at all time for him to want change on his own.

and instead of recovery treatment try medical treatment, like methadone.

I'll add more later. Just continue to be his mother. As Is aid, I skiped home and lived on the streets for a good two years using.
 
I think it's very difficult to give advice to such a complicated situation where things have already spiralled so far out of control. I think the other bluelighters here have given some excellent advice and i don't think i can better it but what i will say is:

Try what you haven't tried. If you've tried helping him with money and being gentle then try something else. He's already at rock bottom and living on the streets, try whatever approach you haven't already tried. If you know he WANTS to help but is just too ashamed then try and create an atmosphere where there is no judgement (maybe involved a therapist or rehab nurse of sorts). There are many alternatives if he is prepared to seek help : rehab centres, anti-addiction drugs, cognitive therapy etc...

If the drug is too much for him and he doesn't want the help at all then you can try intervention but he is an adult and according to the law will make his own choices. You can take the horse to the water but you cannot make it drink

If that doesn't work then he's too far down the spiral...

I wish you all the best of luck
 
Thank you all greatly for the replys and words of advice as well as support. I did not have a chance to read the rest of the replys until just now and really appreciate everyones concern and help. There is nothing really new going on with my son or his situation. He called us 2 nights ago and needed his social security number because he is signing up for general relief (something we have here in California where the state gives you money and food stamps every month, kind of like welfare you could say) I am happy and a little upset at the same time over this. While I know the money he will get from the state will be all put in his veins, I am relieved to know that he is atleast getting some legitamite money which he hasnt had to beg, steal, or whore himself for. My plan is to keep a line of communication with my son but to not enable him by giving him money or anything like that. It is up to him what he wants from life, and as much as his dad and I support him emotionally, it is ultimately up to him. He is just so far gone and so horribly addicted. I hope no one ever has to go through what my son is going through right now. For everyone on this message board, please use my sons situation as a learning tool to not fall into this sort of a life. For everyone on here who does struggle with addiction of any sort, please try and get the help you need so you don't end up in a similair place as my son. I dont think anyone on here has fallen as low as my son has seeing as you guys have computers you use and your entire day does not revolve around scoring and using heroin like my son. Just use my sons situation as a warning as to what can happen if you continue to abuse drugs, especially hard drugs such as heroin and crack cocaine. My son was just like many of you at one point, and now look at him, hes one of those people most of you would cross the street to avoid. It just breaks my heart:(
 
Have you decided what you are going to try and do to maybe help him get out of where he is at the moment ?

Maybe consider getting him into a rehab centre at least for a few months. If you grudge the expense you'll always regret it and wonder if you could have done more.
 
At least if you paid money for rehab, ibogaine or other therapy, you would know who wouldn't be using it to score and you would be doing something to help.
 
^he has to want it first tho or its all futile really
simivalley, i agree ppl who rnt too far gone need to learn from stories like ur sons
its unfortunate ur son has to b the one ppl r learning from (if they r)
it breaks my heart to read of stories like this, but know that there is always a glimmer of hope ok?
it doesnt matter how far gone someone can go, plenty do turn their lives around
always hold onto that thought for ur son <3
 
Mantis28h said:
Prayers for your family, I am an addict son, and I wish I didn't have to put my folks though this shit. My family is close to giving up on me.. for me that hurts more than being an addict. Ask him if he is willing to go to rehab, and if he is send him. I'd go if I could afford it, at this point though my folks won't pay so I'm stuck. I'm sorry you are in this position, I wish you the best.
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there are always options. i know out here the salvation army offers a free rehab to people, maybe you can look into something like that where you live.
 
The tragedy behind all this is that nothing can keep him from using but himself. All you can really do is tell him that help is there for him when he decides he wants help. Unfortunately he is either going to hit his bottom (surprised he hasn't yet) or end up dead from this addiction. Maybe since he's so low already he thinks he can never recover from the position and live a full life, the one thing i would do is somehow find (scope out aa or na meetings) someone who was badly addicted to heroin and now has a good amount (3 years plus) of sobriety under their belt to go talk to your son. They'll know what to say.
 
If being a homeless, strung out, prostitute with Hep C and possibly HIV, and breaking your mother's heart is not "hitting bottom," I don't know what is. Death? I've never understood the "rock bottom" concept, but then again, I reject most 12-step ideas as nonsense. If they work for you, great, but they simply never worked for me. Taking responsibility for my actions and deciding I was tired of living a shitty life is what helped me get clean.

simivalley, does your son WANT to get better, because unless and until he does, there is very little anyone else can do for him. Sadly, that is a simple fact of addiction.

Such a sad, touching story. So much sorrow in this world. :(
 
i donated a bunch of stuff to the Union Rescue Mission today and drove through skid row; made me think of your son.

a few months back i saw some guy (obviously homeless) writhing in pain on the metro subway station floor. the thought "i wonder if he's w/ding" crossed through my mind as i walked passed him, high on opiates. i wish i had stopped to ask him if he was ok but i was on my way into work and could not be late. ever since reading this, i've been wondering whether or not that guy may have been your son.
 
I often feel that my sons "rock bottom" is going to be in a 6 feet in the ground in a coffin. therightcoast, your correct when you say my son feels as if hes so low that he cannot recover from this. He has been clinically depressed for most of his life so he is unhappy and miserable when hes sober but also just as unhappy and miserable on drugs, so its hard for him to see living a happy life if that makes any sense. Junctionalfunkie, I feel my son is in the same position as all addicts, half of him wants to quit and the other half wants to keep using. He suffers from other problems and issues along with the drugs which he needs to work on, and I think the real reason he uses is to numb himself so he doesnt have to feel the way he does and wont have to deal with his emotions. I can't really see how he wouldnt want to quit, I mean who would enjoy living a life like that. He is basically nonexistent in society and I cannot see how anyone in that position would not want to better their lives somehow. I just think the addiction is so strong that it takes over everything and he is willing to do anything and will go to any low to keep using.
 
A friend wrote this-

An addicts plea
You can't make me clean

I know it is what you want for me to be and until I want it - I won't be.

You can't love me clean ...because until I learn to love myself. I won't be.

I know you must wonder how can I learn to love myself when I am caught up in a lifestyle of self-hatred and self destruction. I can learn from my own experience ... I can learn from the things that happen to me along the path of my own mistakes. I can learn by being allowed to suffer the consequences of my choices. Life has a funny way of teaching us the lessons we need learn.

I know it devastates you to watch me hurting myself. I know you want to jump in and save me. This helps ease your pain, but I don't think you understand just how damaging it is to me.

You see although I look and sound like your loved one. Me, the person .. is locked away deep down inside my being. What you see before you is a addict ruled and reigned by my addiction. The main focus of a addict is to feed the addiction. Every effort you put forth in the name of helping me *the person* falls prey to my addict giving more power to the addiction to shackel down *the person in me .. a little more each time.
I feed my addiction enough ... please don't help me.

The only way for the person in me to get free is to be free .. to fall as far as I need to go in order to find the strength to fight back and break free.
How can or will I ever be able to get clean.
The same way I gave myself over to my addiction is the same way I can give myself over to my recovery. BY MYSELF

By allowing me to reach 'rock bottom' you move over and allow me to find the my own way back .. It is in the fight to break free that I will find myself .. it is in the fight that I learn to love myself .. the more I love myself the more I will do to better myself.

I am aware that when I use I am playing russian roulette with my life. I know this, but that is a chance we take when we use. The addict in me is willing to take that chance in the name of getting high.
Rock bottom is but a circumstance away. I can't get in if you are blocking the entrance ...

Please for the sake of the person in me .. move out of the way .. and let me fall as far down as I have to in order to reach the bottom .. and pray for me that when I do hit .. that is not with the impact that leaves me for dead (I know that is your greatest fear), but if it comes to that .. be sure to tell my story so that others might learn and live.

Passion, a
Recovering Addict
 
I don't know if I agree with it, but Passion is a recovering user and she's a great writer so I thought I'd put it up. And Simi, keep checking in. I know it hurts. You're not alone.

As someone in recovery, I wanted to add on that feelings comment. I think if we as compulsive users felt our feelings-dealt with our feelings-we wouldn't need to use. The using is a solution, a shitty one, but a solution to avoid or compensate or comfort ourselves instead of dealing with what feels impossible. I'm relearning-or learning now for the first time-how to be honest with myself and with others, to say, "I hurt" when I hurt, to accept love and support, and to feel not like the most important person in the world, or the shittiest person in the world-just to feel like me. It's hard, bloody work and sometimes feels overwhelming, so I can totally understand your son's need to obliterate everything real in his life, to walk around in a fog, to avoid being awake, when being awake hurts so damn bad at first.
 
simivalley13 said:
I often feel that my sons "rock bottom" is going to be in a 6 feet in the ground in a coffin. therightcoast, your correct when you say my son feels as if hes so low that he cannot recover from this. He has been clinically depressed for most of his life so he is unhappy and miserable when hes sober but also just as unhappy and miserable on drugs, so its hard for him to see living a happy life if that makes any sense. Junctionalfunkie, I feel my son is in the same position as all addicts, half of him wants to quit and the other half wants to keep using. He suffers from other problems and issues along with the drugs which he needs to work on, and I think the real reason he uses is to numb himself so he doesnt have to feel the way he does and wont have to deal with his emotions. I can't really see how he wouldnt want to quit, I mean who would enjoy living a life like that. He is basically nonexistent in society and I cannot see how anyone in that position would not want to better their lives somehow. I just think the addiction is so strong that it takes over everything and he is willing to do anything and will go to any low to keep using.
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The idea of a rockbotton has long been given up in rehab. It's not neccessary and isn't 'the one thing that gets you straight.'

Best bet: get him on suboxone or methadone. Probably the latter.

what's his username here? Do you know?
 
It seems like this kid is very very very far down the path - I agree with one of the other users, go to a NA meeting and get a recovering addict (maybe 2 or more years clean) to go and speak to your son.

As simivalley has said it seems he doesn't want to deal with his emotions. Maybe he's also afraid of being judged ?

1) Shop around the recovery groups for someone is who is open to talking about what they have been through and seems like they would really help your son. Maybe a guy would be better instead of a girl ?

2) Get hold of your son and tell him that you have some stuff you want to give him and maybe some money to get along (a bit deceptive i know)

3) Don't make anything seem setup or forced. Maybe start off by putting him in a comfortable environment with something to drink and eat thrown in and then introduce him to the NA member, excuse yourself and get them talking, also i guess remove all family members as they could be making him feel guilty, even indirectly.

Do whatever you need to do to ensure he listens to the other guy...

I doubt that it will be like in Hollywood where he is convinced immediately :) that only happens in the movies, you may need to do this multiple times and IF needed then give him money everytime when he comes privately.
Hopefully he will come because his habit needs to be fed but his brain will listen to the recovering addict ?

The key, if you ask me, is to get him in a non-judgemental environment with someone who knows what he has been through and is still going through :\

I figured i would just give you some more practical advice (step by step) as all the other advice is very arbitrary.

I invite other bluelight members to correct me on any of the above as there are undoubtably other people here with more experience... :)
 
Hammilton said:
The idea of a rockbottom has long been given up in rehab. It's not neccessary and isn't 'the one thing that gets you straight.'

Best bet: get him on suboxone or methadone. Probably the latter.

what's his username here? Do you know?
Click to expand...

I didn't know that. I hope that sinks into this thread/bluelight culture.

I guess it will take a long time for it to sink into society.
 
my mum started grieving for me and i wasnt dead yet...she wish she hadnt gave up on me totaly...but i understand she couldnt have me around when i was like that.

i was very similar to your son by the sounds of it...i got clean at 23 through NA...there is hope....im almost 11months.

all the best.
 
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