an open letter to post christmas sales shoppers
i understand it's very exciting that all of last season's most exciting products are now 30-50% off, but this doesn't mean that common sense and courtesy need fly out the window.
outlined below is a friendly reminder of a few rules you need to follow in order to minimise my homocidal rage.
[1] keep to the left. it's simple enough for you to do on the road, why can't you apply it to a supermarket aisle as well?
[2] further to [1] if you are a large group, say a family with numerous children, or a group of giggling 14 yr olds please realise that when you walk 6 abreast, there is no room for other shoppers who might like to overtake you because you're moving so fucking slowly. i suggest you stagger your group, three groups of two works well, you have someone to listen to your inane chat, but there is also room for me to get the fuck away from you.
[3] if you see something exciting, or have lost your child/boyfriend/mother-in-law and need to stop to investigate, or have to stop and answer your mobile phone, refer to rule [1]. if you stop in the middle of the aisle i will push you out of my way, and you may possibly end up on the floor.
[4] if you decide you no longer want one of the items you have chosen, do not leave it on the floor in the middle of the shop. i understand you don't want to go all the way back to where you got it from originally, putting it on the closest shelf is ok (providing it's not a cold item. you're a fucking cockhead if you leave the ice cream you no longer want on a shelf in the makeup aisle), but if you take the giant teddy bear your daughter has been trailing around and leave it in the middle of the floor, i might possibly take said teddy bear and smother your child with it.
[5] the x items or less on the express registers is not a guide. if it says 12 items or less and you have 14, do not go through this register. and no, 'well there's two of us, 12 items each' is not an acceptable excuse for having 24 items.
[6] please realise you are shopping in the post christmas sales. IT IS A BUSY TIME OF YEAR. if i hear you complaining about the time you have to wait to be served, you will automatically forfeit your place in line.
[7] further to [6] please realise that the 16 yr old on the register is just that. they have no power over how quickly you get served or how many registers are open. if you think there should be more open, speak to the manager (who will most likely tell you they have everyone available on, and dude, it's post christmas sales. of course it's fucking busy)
if you could please endeavour to follow these simple rules, i think it would make everyone's shopping experience that little bit more pleasant.
yours sincerely,
jo
.![:\](https://bluelight.org/xf/BL_Images/Orig_Emoji/wrygrin.gif "wry grin :\")
