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Meth/Amphetamines: Serious Discussion Only

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i want to crawl into a ball today, and just die
nothing in particular wrong but i just want to cry
i hate feeling like this, i thought all that was behind me months ago
here i am again
 
Go to the chemist and get your script love. Its going to help get your mind into normal mode. Wont make you feel either happy nor sad, just give you some sanity to work with.

My lap top is dead so posting from phone. When its working ill tell what happened last night.
 
got it this morn after finally sleeping for about 5 hours. will take one soon when i need to sleep:)
gave me a bloody paxil script even tho i have major issues with SSRI's. i've tried 3 different ones and they made me suicidal. but no, he doesnt listen. grr doctors thinking they know all
 
Doctors WAY overprescribe SSRIs, I'd say try it out though and if you start feeling suicidal, then let your doctor know and tell them to change the meds to something like Welbutrin (not sure what it's called in Australia). At least you've got the benzoes too so that'll help. Congrats on staying off the meth... good on you!
 
Oh yeah, so I decided to go ahead and use adderall for this next school quarter. I really feel like I need it with work and my heavy courseload, but I'll go down to about 5mg per day so that I won't have a chance at getting "high". Hopefully will get a prescription with daily pickup, either way I will definitely be on it but not abusing it. If I do start to abuse it, I think it'll be a good idea to give it to a friend to keep for me. Hopefully this will work out!
 
^^ Yeah hopefully you don't get addicted dude. For your sake ey

I've always wondered how one can do homework on speed/adderall etc?

I can't do it. I get so high that I just focus on smoking more of the shit, and talking shit LOL.

*shrugs*

I find i need to be completely sober and have had plenty of sleep to be able to focus long enough to do assignments etc.
 
my benzos are all gone, there is no way i am trying the paxil. i have tried three different SSRI's and they all made me a terrible mess.
 
claire22 said:
got it this morn after finally sleeping for about 5 hours. will take one soon when i need to sleep:)
gave me a bloody paxil script even tho i have major issues with SSRI's. i've tried 3 different ones and they made me suicidal. but no, he doesnt listen. grr doctors thinking they know all
Click to expand...


Aropax was the only one I had dramas with. SSRIs need to be monitored for that reason, I have no real issue with them.

I think after a couple months off the gear I have had to face what my deal is with taking drugs in the first place and a lot of it is insecurity, self doubt, a lot to do with my marriage and issue I had with the friends we had at the time I started taking drugs.

Didnt have a terrible childhood really, but a very bad 5 years at a boarding school which started my self esteem slide.

Last night I took a seroquel and went off to bed, as usual. Aboutn 4am I get a drunken phone call from that Military guy Alistair who I am friends with. Hes pissed as a fart and wants to come over

Im a bit messed up right now, and dont look the best at 4am at the best of times let alone now, so I said no. He turned up anyway and came nin and said hes an alcoholic drug addict!

I was interested in having him as a friend because as hes in the army and pretty high up and responsible n shit he doesn't do drugs. When quitting. all using friends must go. Period. Unfortunately :(
So hes tanked and pulls out a baggie of speed and sas to have it and starts tickling me at the same time so its actually impossible to snort it anyway. I had a taste and it was that typical anty chemically speed of days of yore, not smokable but real old school speed.

AAAAAHHHHHHHHH. So yeah, I slipped but there was maybe a gram or so, I put it back in its second baggie and the seroquel was still infull effect so I wilted and managed to get Ali into bed and got him to sleep as he was keen as mustard to keep partying.

Woke up about midday and drove him home. As for the rest of the speed, fuck knows where that went, its not here so he must have taken it with.

MEH, feels bad man.


Reminded me of something I kept which I have to give to someone who would have use for it.

Old things, paraphenalia, etc. Its hard to go straight once been a druggie for so long. :(
 
claire22 said:
my benzos are all gone, there is no way i am trying the paxil. i have tried three different SSRI's and they all made me a terrible mess.
Click to expand...

I have not had good results with SSRI's. When I was on Paxil, I had a miserable tiem stopping use. I won't go back on an SSRI, and it doesn't sound like you should either. What is it with doctors wanting to presrcibe them all the time?
 
used again, argh
ah well i did go 11 days or so. thats commendable.
still angry at myself tho
now im high and rambling, fun
 
Well if it's any consolation, I used again at new year.
I thought, bum, back to square 1 - however I found I didn't seem to continue the useage, after new years.
I always feel worse if I beat myself up for falling, I mean, I wouldn't beat up on a kid learning to ride a bike and taking a fall, I would just encourage him to get back on the bike.
I've been back on the bike for a week.
You will be in a position again to say "I havent had speed for X days, soon"

Take care
 
hi everyone.
first, let me say thank you to 3dayrun. what you wrote is exactly what i've felt for so long but have never been able to adequately express in words. it was like reading a summary of my life. it's so nice to be able to see your problems written down.

so anyway. i've been abusing amphetamines for the past 6 years. the first five years were bad, but not awful. i'd go on several day binges and then crash for a while, but if i found myself without any, i'd be able to deal. sure i'd be tired and grumpy, but i could handle it.

i don't know when exactly my using turned into full-blown addiction, but that's where i am now. i can't find meth in my area, so adderall is my poison. i'm prescribed 20mg a day. for the first few years, a 30 day supply would last me the whole month. hell, i'd even give them out to my friends when they asked. now a 30 day supply doesn't last a week, and i'm forced to spend ridiculous amounts of money so that i'll make it until i get my next script. i refuse to be without it. it's not an option for me. i am only able to function when i am on it.

the worst part of all is that i don't mind it. i have absolutely no desire to quit. never do i feel any sort of helplessness or desperation. i accept the fact that i am addicted. and as awful as it may sound... i like it.

sigh.
 
Adderall's my poison of choice, too, Tragic. I really don't mind at this point... I need it to get through school and work because otherwise I think I would fail both. Failing is not an option, so I consciously choose to get (possibly) addicted so I can succeed.

It's better to quit before rock bottom, though! If you find yourself turning to meth or something, then you know you'll have to get it under control.
 
claire22 said:
used again, argh
ah well i did go 11 days or so. thats commendable.
still angry at myself tho
now im high and rambling, fun
Click to expand...

Don't worry Claire, there will be many relapses before you get free entirely. You're already going longer and longer without it, when you do quit, so you are doing well!
 
claire22 said:
used again, argh
ah well i did go 11 days or so. thats commendable.
still angry at myself tho
now im high and rambling, fun
Click to expand...

that's definitely commendable, claire:) it's a radical change from the past and just another small bump in the road. you accepted that you made a mistake so don't let it consume you.

get back on the wagon, girl!:)<3
 
thank you wingnut & steve<3
i had a sleep and now i'm all good. worn off & back to soberness, i'll prob start on the wine soon though
 
^ Don't feel too bad. I replaced cocaine with Xanax for a while, until I started driving into light poles and trying to off meself. Now I just use it occasionally for sleep.

I guess the point is--you'll have to accept sobriety at some point or you'll end up always wrestling with a beastie...
 
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